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As he was brushing his teeth, Ethan’s phone dinged.
Tomorrow morning? I want to hear what you’ve been working on. I’ll shoot you a message when I leave the house.
Yes, Ethan texted back. I’ll be home. Let’s catch up.
Thomas had been away from Rome for two weeks - some gigs, fashion shows, day trips and dinner dates with Lavinia.
Ethan had been mostly home. He had a new project he was working on, for a movie.
He had made good progress today.
At 1am, when Ethan was deep asleep, his phone went off. Ethan pulled himself from sleep and picked up groggily.
“‘lo.”
“Hey, Eth. I’m not calling too late, am I?”
“No,” Ethan replied, trying to sound awake - to be awake. “What’s up?”
“Nothing really. Dove is off to her voice lesson.”
“Mmmm.”
“Things have been going great here. I’m really happy. Today I’ve been…”
Ethan was hovering on the verge of sleep, his eyes drifting shut in the dark room. Damiano’s words about his solo album painted themselves in and out of his awareness in something that was half a dream.
“Eth, are you still there?”
Ethan startled back into awareness. “Yes,” he reassured Damiano, a moment too late. “I’m happy for you.”
“Thank you. You know, I thought I would miss you guys terribly. But I’m okay? I am really ready for this.”
“Good.”
“You’ll have to tell me about the music you’re writing. But I gotta go now. I’m feeling inspired.”
“Okay,” Ethan said softly. “I hope you write something good. Good night, Damià.”
“Good night.”
Damiano hung up. Ethan took a deep breath as he rolled over, and let it slip away in a sigh. He left his phone on the mattress next to him.
His ringtone startled him awake again at 2am.
“It’s not working, I can’t write. But that’s okay. I’m having a glass of wine by myself. I’m enjoying it.”
“Mmmm,” Ethan hummed softly, after a moment.
There was a long silence on the other side.
“You okay?” Ethan finally enquired softly.
“Maybe I… do actually miss you guys.”
Ethan closed his eyes. “I know you do.”
He wasn’t sure if Damiano had even heard him.
“It’s just that I need to do this, you know? To show the world that I am so much more than the side they see of me in Maneskin.”
Ethan tried to keep his sigh inaudible. “I know.”
“It’s important to me,” Damiano added, his voice quiet.
“Yeah.”
There was just breathing on the other side of the line for a few moments.
“Ethan, I’ve been thinking about something. Do you feel like I ever led you on?”
Ethan’s groggy mind tried to wrap his head around that question. He hoisted himself up on one elbow. “Huh?”
“Things happened between us… that one time. I never really asked what that meant to you, or if you were expecting anything from me… that I wasn’t aware of.”
Ethan was silent for a long moment. “You are thinking too much. Let it go, Damià.”
“If I hurt you, I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t hurt me.”
“Okay.”
Another silence.
“It’s late there. I should hang up. You’re probably about to go to sleep.”
“Yeah. Yeah, in a bit.”
“Yeah. So, good night. Sleep well.”
“Good night, Damià.”
When his phone went dark, Ethan let himself fall heavily onto his back, releasing a soft “huh” as the air was expelled from his lungs.
The conversation drifted through his mind as he slowly felt himself fall back asleep.
He felt like he’d only been asleep for a blink when his phone rang again. He picked up blindly, then startled upright when a loud booming music came through his phone speaker.
“Ethan!! You still up?” came Victoria’s excited voice.
“Oh, uhm - yeah. What’s up?”
“I can’t hear you! I just finished my set. Wait, let me go all the way outside.” There were voices, rustling, the music dropping in volume. “So I just thought of going on a trip to Sardegna. Do you wanna come? Like, a girls’ trip with a bunch of us. And you, if you want. Please? I miss you.”
Ethan blinked. “Ah… sure. Sure. When?”
“After my last gig, in two weeks?”
“Yeah, I think that works.”
“Awesome! I tried to call Thomas too but he’s not picking up. I guess he’s sleeping?”
“Probably,” Ethan agreed.
“We really have to catch up. But now is not a good time. I just wanted to hear your voice. Love you, Ethan! Good night!”
“I love you too,” Ethan replied. “Have fun.”
Abruptly, his bedroom was silent again.
He let himself fall back onto the bed once more and stared into the darkness. He was well and truly awake now. After a few minutes, he got up to use the bathroom and get a glass of water, then settled back into bed.
His phone went off. Ethan sat up and turned on the light.
“Victoria just called,” Damiano said. “She wants to go on a girls’ trip, with just girls, but then also you and me, and Thomas?” He sounded somewhere between amused and exasperated. “She said you are going.”
Ethan nodded slowly, even though Damiano couldn’t see it. “Yeah. I’m going.”
“I don’t think I’ll have time. I’m very busy here.”
“Mmmm.” Ethan bit the inside of his lip. “You also… don’t really enjoy those types of trips.”
“No.” Damiano was silent for a while, then added pensively, “Right.”
“It is weird for all of us. Being apart,” Ethan said softly.
“Weird. But good, right? We are more than just the band.”
“It is good to explore new sides of ourselves,” Ethan concurred.
It sounded so true. It was true.
“Yeah. Look, I’m gonna go pick up Dove. I’ll talk to you later, okay? Good night.”
“Good night.”
After that, Ethan was awake for a long while. When he finally fell back asleep, he did not wake up again until the doorbell rang.
He sat up, feeling disoriented. It was light outside. He checked his phone and saw that Thomas had texted an hour ago. He padded over to his buzzer. “Hey. Come on up.”
He quickly put on a pair of sweatpants, ran a comb through his hair, then went back to the front door of his apartment to let Thomas in.
Thomas studied him as he walked in. “Hey. Did I wake you up?”
“It’s okay. Can’t stay in bed all day.”
Thomas narrowed his eyes a little and shook his head at Ethan. “You don’t actually have to pick up, you know that right? They will survive one night without you.”
Ethan chuckled awkwardly. “Ah, it’s okay. It’s hardly every night.”
“Whatever you say.”
So maybe Ethan mentioned the midnight calls too often.
It’s just that they were important to him. It was hard to explain.
“I’ll make coffee?”
“Sounds good.” Thomas followed Ethan to the kitchen. “So I assume Victoria called you about that trip? I guess we are now officially girls.”
A smile played on Ethan’s lips as he filled up the water tank of the coffee machine. “Can you make it? I think… Damiano will come too.”
That wasn’t what Damiano had said. But there were many things lately that took Damiano a while to say.
“Oh. You think? Well in that case.” Thomas shrugged. “You think we could convince her to just invite the three of us and leave out the other girls?”
“Yeah, I think that’s what she wants.”
“Huh?” Thomas sent Ethan a confused glance. “No, that’s not what she texted me.”
Ethan smiled. “No. We will see.”
Thomas stared at him for a moment, puzzled. “Uh. Okay. Well. It would be fun. Good. To be together. Even if just for a few days.”
“Yeah,” Ethan agreed. “It is strange, being apart for so long.”
“Yeah, but important. To explore new things for ourselves.”
Sometimes, Ethan thought, all of them sounded like a broken record.
“Of course,” he agreed out loud. “Come on.”
Ethan took Thomas to his music room to let him hear the track he had been working on.
When Thomas picked up Ethan’s guitar, jamming along, something in Ethan’s heart eased. He found his way to his keyboard.
Thomas smiled at him and said, “Let’s start again.”