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Tatsuya is ten when he gets his mark.
It's not until he wakes up in cold sweat, burning up with the one and most intense fever of his entire life that he feels it.
His brother is washing his face with a cloth, whispering comforting words. Tatsuya doesn’t remember them well, but he remembers the burning ache on his back, marking him like a branding iron. Painful, in a different way than just the dull, wounding, and true pain. But a pain that called for an emotion Tatsuya couldn’t name – almost out of reach. When he explains it to his brother, he looks confused.
"There's nothing on your back Tatsuya." His brother says, smiling. "Sleep. The fever will burn off."
His brother caresses his head, gently lulling him back to sleep.
Tatsuya doesn't ask in the morning. If his brother said there wasn’t anything, then it must be so.
But Tatsuya is ten when he goes into his bathroom after the toughest fever he’s ever experienced, and as he changes, on his back, stands the face of a dragon.
Threatening, but sharp, and beautiful, and most of all, massive.
The creature covers his entire back. From up his shoulder blades down to his lower back. Its black eyes pierce into Tatsuya's and he finally understands.
Tatsuya is ten when he gets a soulmate.
___
His brother tells him he'll eventually find them. Regardless of who they are and how they might perceive him. Or how he might perceive them. In the end, it'll always work out.
That’s how soulmates work, it’s more than a bond, it’s fate. It's the very soul of a person resonating with someone else's – so similar they’re almost one and only. And because of that connection, that iron thread, two people will find each other as soulmates.
He asks his brother if he has a soulmate too. And his brother smiles, nodding. It makes Tatsuya happy, knowing that if his brother can, he can too.
He doesn’t really understand it all, but he likes the idea. Having someone that’s just like you, that understands you, always will, is appealing.
That’s why, when he can, and even can’t, he wonders about the person that’s fated to be his soulmate. He also wonders what a mark that big on him could signify. Does the size represent the importance? Will they take as much space in his life as his mark takes on his back?
Tatsuya wonders, and hopes his soulmate's mark is as big as his.
___
Hideyuki gets his soulmark when Tatsuya’s twelve. He tells Tatsuya and their brother on his way back from school, showing them his arm, even though they can’t see it. He turns it around, overjoyed.
That’s when Tatsuya wonders if Hideyuki’s going to find his soulmate before him. He doesn’t know, and somehow, he doesn’t want to know.
It's a new feeling, one he’d never really known, one he'd never really missed. He doesn’t like the taste of it.
He traces his mark that evening, as he watches his back in the mirror. His arms hugging himself, his hands following the lines, the ink, the skin.
Tatsuya grits his teeth. It’s the first time in his life he ever disliked seeing it.
___
Their brother dies one year later. He gets murdered by his own soulmate.
Tatsuya still hasn't found his. Tatsuya doesn’t know if he wants to find his anymore. Hideyuki can't stop crying.
___
Tatsuya's fourteen when he starts to lash out and beat people up. Too angry to care, too sad to see.
Tatsuya feels the weight, the pride, the strength his brother left behind. Or took with him, because he’s the only one – his brother’s the only Bitou, his brother is the only one that’s known. And he's gone.
He’s Bitou. And there’s Tatsuya.
Tatsuya’s never been in such a shape, never been so mad and full of sorrow at the same time. It’s no longer about his brother, he is dead, anger won’t bring him back. It’s all about him, but Tatsuya hides under an excuse he will too soon forget.
___
Tatsuya’s fourteen and a half when he gets to beat half of the Armament’s leaders.
The clever ones, or the ones that are too scared to do anything, stay back and watch in terror.
It's not until he’s standing on top of an unconscious someone, whom he doesn’t care to name that he steps in. It gets, slightly, better then. He’s not a bad fighter, but it’s not enough. Tatsuya pushes him down to defeat, and easily. He wins, but it doesn't really feel like a victory.
He doesn't care about it anyway, nor the repercussions of his actions. He doesn't care about much of anything anymore.
Tatsuya later finds out the man's name he defeated was Ryuushin.
Not that he cares about it either, but the name does make something ring in his mind. He ignores it, like many other things.
___
Tatsuya's seventeen when he gets beat the shit out of.
Bouya Harumichi hurt his body and mind. By simple, cruel – because they were true, truest they could've ever been – stupid words. And only that, with three punches.
It’s humiliating, and disgustingly sad, but true, again.
Tatsuya has been living in the past, walking along a path that has long changed, long disappeared. One where his brother still walked on, where he thought he could still follow. Where he thought he could lead on.
Tatsuya has won fights, battles, against many people. But he wasn’t winning against a grief so strong he didn’t understand it was grief.
It’s not easy to live through hurt and sorrow. Pain makes you forget. And Tatsuya forgot that the name he wore also was his.
Harumichi told him that without really saying it. He’s blunt, but he’s not that subtle. Tatsuya understood anyway.
Tatsuya’s seventeen when he let go of some ideas.
___
Tatsuya’s also seventeen when he meets him again.
Harumichi has sent a challenge to Rindaman. Tatsuya admires the courage. Not that he wouldn’t do it – he did try to fight Rindaman – he mostly understands what lies beneath.
As the people gather around, a familiar yet unexpected face comes back from his past.
“You.”
“Hey, Ryuushin.” Tatsuya smiles, the name slips out easily, he remembers it the best. “Remember me?”
“You…”
Ryuushin’s comrades butt in then. It surprisingly displeases him, but he lets them. It’s different now, he can handle them.
Hideyuki interferes too, he’s always got a sharp tongue. For the better or the worst. Then it’s Kurotaki, before it’s Suzuran. Tatsuya doesn’t mind, it might get interesting.
Bulldog ends up saving the day, telling everyone to behave. And the bundle of energy has to scatter as everyone leaves.
But Tatsuya doesn’t let go of Ryuushin's eyes as the man walks away. Ryuushin doesn’t let go of his either.
___
Tatsuya’s eighteen and he doesn’t have anything to do.
“Why do you always wear that jacket?” Harumichi asks him, curious, but not that much.
Tatsuya smiles, “It's my favorite.”
“Aren’t you hot?”
“No.”
Harumichi hums softly, shifting his position against the grass.
“I get cold easily.” Tatsuya tells him.
Harumichi smiles, it’s teasing, mocking, but he means well, “Want my jacket?”
Tatsuya can’t help but laugh, “Get lost.”
“Aren’t you bored?”
“Where's your opponent?”
Harumichi flips him off as he turns his back to him. The conversation ends. Tatsuya bids him goodbye while Harumichi responds with a harrumph of his own.
Tatsuya smiles as he goes.
___
Tatsuya’s eighteen and he didn’t ask for anything.
But Harumuchi’s stubbornness is almost endearing. And there’s also no denying in his boredom. He thinks he shouldn’t have told him, but there was a chance Harumichi would have come to him anyway.
So he accepts, despite the fact that Ryuushin does not seem eager to walk by his side. Tatsuya doesn’t blame him, he isn’t either.
Though there is something interesting in the fact that the two of them always end up intertwined in some way. If Tatsuya's there, Ryuushin's close. And considering that they cannot tolerate each other, it’s a funny joke.
Still, he's interested to see how far all of this is gonna go.
It gets to shit fast, especially when Harumichi goes missing, apparently taken out by the Snakes.
He’s not, he’s a little bruised but he's fine. Again, Harumichi’s stubborn, most so. That’s one of his best qualities. So he’s going to get payback. And Tatsuya’ll be sure to be there, he didn’t come here just to watch.
It’s the three of them again, but Tatsuya only has eyes for Ryuushin. They’re similar, in a way, but Tatsuya’s too cocky and Ryuushin’s too serious.
“That’s my brother they’re talking about!”
“And we need to have you in the game! So calm the fuck down asshole!”
Harumichi makes their foreheads meet for the first time and it’s not pleasant.
Tatsuya thinks Ryuushin is too uptight, too lean, too angry for something where he shouldn't be. Tatsuya knows a fight is not a game, but it’s not a solemn oath either.
It’s more like political warfare.
Tatsuya knows it doesn't matter as much as he makes it to be, but it feels important to him, somehow.
That's what makes the conversation difficult. Two ideas can coexist, two stubborn men less.
Harumichi doesn’t seem to understand why the both of them have difficultly working together. Tatsuya thinks he’s too carefree. He also thinks he’s not enough.
But they try, because it’s the only way but also the most efficient. Tatsuya is no liar when he says that Ryuushin is strong, if not terribly annoying.
Still, Tatsuya slows down his pace. And Ryuushin adapts easily.
Tatsuya starts to tolerate his presence. Slightly.
___
Harumichi gets them shelter. After threatening one guy, but still. They get a place to rest.
Tatsuya borrows the shower, unapologetic, like all of them. He doesn't care much, he’s tired, and he’s cold.
What he does care about is Ryuushin entering the bathroom without knocking, making his way in as if it was nothing.
Tatsuya glares, there isn’t much he can do, since he’s not going to start a fight in such a closed space. Not that he doubts he wouldn’t win, it’d just be bothersome. And he certainly would get hurt in the way.
So he glares. When Ryuushin catches his eyes, funnily enough, he glares back. It gives Tatsuya a sense of pride, knowing that the man will always answer his taunt, nevermind the subtlety of it.
When Harumichi enters the small bathroom it gets more than bothersome then.
Tatsuya let it go, focusing on his own. He lets the two grumble and bicker as he leads himself to bed.
Ryuushin keeps staring at him in the evening. Tatsuya doesn't know why, but he’s not one to enjoy it.
“What?” The tone is dry, close to irritated.
"I didn't know you were tattooed." Ryuushin tells him as he sips on his drink. Not much caring, but slightly curious.
Tatsuya blinks and looks at him with confusion, "I'm not tattooed."
Ryuushin raises a brow, "With that big ass dragon on your back? Sure."
Tatsuya feels all the hairs of his body simultaneously rise. Bile threatens to escape and ruin the floor, the environment, and himself.
He had forgotten about that idea long ago.
He doesn't feel his eyes going wide, he doesn't see the way Ryuushin’s frown suddenly turns to understanding. He doesn't see it because he slams his fists onto the table, breaking the wood, leaving cracks and shards everywhere – he runs away. He walks away in absolute fury in a town he doesn't know, in a town he'll never know. Just like many other things.
Ryuushin doesn't ask, nor does he look at him anymore. Tatsuya doesn't blame him. The both of them being soulmates is one of god’s best games of chess. Tatsuya can't even insult him, he doesn't believe in god.
It’s all so absurd he doesn’t know whether he should laugh or cry, if any of those would actually help.
Tatsuya doesn’t have any answers, but he’s not going to search for them.
Some things are better left unknown.
___
They find a way to contact the Snakes, taunt them to a fight.
Tatsuya keeps his back covered. Nothing changes. But it stings sometimes, he knows why. He won't bother.
Still, somehow, it gets harder when Ryuushin tells the opponent he's not a man that can be beaten that easily.
Tatsuya doesn't understand the praise. He doesn't understand where it comes from. He doesn't understand the deep feeling in his gut that comes with it.
Most of all, Tatsuya doesn't understand why he doesn’t hate it.
___
Tatsuya watches Ryuushin from the corner of his eyes. He tries not to make it too obvious that he’s sneaking glances.
He doesn't want to know more about their supposed shared destiny, he finds it all excruciating and wearing.
He doesn't belong to anyone. He isn’t anyone’s soulmate, he isn’t anyone’s life or anything like that. He’s free to choose whoever he wants to be with, soulmate or not.
He’s not property. He doesn't want to be.
But he’s afraid. Deep down, where he denies it. He’s afraid he doesn’t have a choice. He’s afraid the mark on his back is more of a brand than a bond.
He’s afraid he’ll end up like his brother. Dead, killed by a supposed lover. Tatsuya isn't his brother, but he still lives up to his name. He still remembers, he still holds him dearly inside. And he’s still little, when it comes to him.
But there’s a deep want inside of him. A loneliness that burns like snow on bruised skin.
Tatsuya understands that he longed for a friend, before anything.
___
Ryuushin finds him. However he does.
He removes his jacket and his shirt, leaving himself bare in front of Tatsuya.
There’s something different in the approach. Different in the idea, but the same in the meaning. Ryuushin wants to talk, that’s why he’s here. But this time he’ll push.
Ryuushin's mark is relatively smaller, but it's brighter. The white tiger that lays in the middle of his chest almost shines on his tanned skin. Tatsuya presses his lips together, he doesn't dare look up at the man in front of him.
"I wouldn't have known."
Tatsuya can agree with that. He closes his eyes, ashamed, somehow.
"I wouldn't have liked to have known."
No you wouldn't have, Tatsuya exhales. His jaw hurts, he doesn't care.
"I know."
Tatsuya cringes, "Right."
Ryuushin pushes his chin up, "What do you want?"
“How would I know?”
“I know what I want.” Ryuushin tells him. Tatsuya understands it all too fast, faster than he’d thought. He doesn’t know if he wants the same thing. But he had always wished for it until it became something that had disgusted him. To be fated to the hand of someone else, and whatever fate that may be. Belonging to someone else than himself, Tatsuya had despised it as much as he idolized it.
Ryuushin’s hand travels down to his neck, he doesn’t squeeze, not quite, “So?”
Tatsuya sniffs, “So what?”
“How about we try?”
“No.”
Ryuushin goes down, fingertips sliding along the veins of his neck to the bones of his chest, “You’re a shit liar.”
Tatsuya tries to grab an inexistant lapel, he ends up on the neck instead, “Don’t bullshit me.”
“You think I’m kidding? Open your eyes dimwit!” Ryuushin grabs his sides with both hands, and as surprising, or as infuriating as it is, it grounds Tatsuya.
“Why do you always tag along?” Tatsuya asks, as if he doesn't know the answers.
“Because you always get in my way.”
“Who’s responsible for that huh?”
“And why do you think?”
“Because you’re my soulmate.” Tatsuya says the words naturally. He does not enjoy saying them though. Ryuushin’s frown relaxes slightly, but it’s not relief, nor is it pity.
“Do you want to be?”
Tatsuya huffs, brow creased, growing irritated, “You think I can’t choose?”
“You aren’t right now.”
“Don't you fucking dare."
Ryuushin’s hands slide lower, on his hips, surprisingly warm, he doesn’t look up when he talks, “Can I have you or not?”
When Ryuushin does look up, his frown is back on his face. Tatsuya looks down, and for a moment, he thinks he should outright refuse, no matter what harm it might cost him. He doesn’t need a soulmate, nor does Ryuushin.
But the man in front of him, the hands, the words, and even the name, keep telling him otherwise. Tatsuya doesn’t care, but he does feel.
“I don’t know.”
It’s not the answer he expects to come out of his mouth, but it’s not wrong in itself. Ryuushin tilts his head, “Why?”
“I– I’m not–... No.”
Ryuushin stares at him for a moment, “Why?”
Tatsuya grits his teeth, smiling bitterly, “Don't you hate me? Don't I hate you?”
Ryuushin frowns, the pressure of his hands slightly falters, “What kind of question is that?”
“I’m your soulmate.”
Ryuushin doesn’t nod. Tatsuya continues, “I’m in your hands. I belong. You hold my fate however I want it, or not.”
Ryuushin glowers then, subtle, but angry, bemused, “You talk like you’re my fucking dog.”
Tatsuya jolts and grabs his neck, “Mind your fucking words.”
“Choose yours better then.” Ryuushin grabs his shoulder. “I don't own you.”
“The mark says otherwise!”
“It’s not about ownership, you idiot!” Ryuushin pushes further, Tatsuya’s forced to take a step back. “It’s a promise!”
Tatsuya punches him then. He hears a distinct crack. He broke Ryuushin’s nose.
Tatsuya’s chest is heaving, his throat burns.
Ryuushin doesn’t retaliate. He only holds his nose in a hand, looking down at the blood spilling out of his nostrils.
“Is this all you’ve got?” He asks him. It’s mean. This, this is more familiar to Tatsuya. He feels better, almost relieved. That anger he knows, that anger he recognizes, that anger he understands.
But Ryuushin’s kindness is foreign, terrifying.
“You want me to break your jaw?” Tatsuya smiles, but it’s wrong, it feels wrong. It snaps and upsets something deep in his chest. Tatsuya despises the feeling.
Ryuushin shakes his head slightly, “Fucking idiot.” He says as he grabs his clothes, slowly putting them back on.
His nose stopped bleeding. Tatsuya wishes it hadn’t.
Ryuushin sends him a look he doesn’t understand. Tatsuya seethes, “What.”
Ryuushin huffs softly, then smiles, “There’s a dragon on your back Tatsuya.”
His smile is fond, kind, loving.
Tatsuya falls from a building.
His hands shake, his vision blurs, his skull explodes into a million pieces.
Ryuushin leaves him wide eyed, petrified and full of anger.
___
Tatsuya scrubs his back roughly in the shower, emptying the bottle of soap. His skin burns when he’s done.
He doesn't look in the mirror as he exits.
Tatsuya doesn’t know if he forgot to neatly wipe his face or if he’s crying.
He doesn't care. He doesn't ask. He doesn’t look.
Tatsuya's back is freezing when he goes to bed.
___
He doesn't see Ryuushin for a while. Hideyuki loses to King Joe. They're moving town. He recently visited his brother’s grave in years. He can’t stop thinking about words he desperately wants to forget. A lot of things are happening.
And Tatsuya’s mind’s too clogged up to think about the things that will inadvertently happen.
That’s why he doesn’t say anything as he comes face to face with Ryuushin as he loads the last of his boxes in the moving truck.
“I’ve heard.” Ryuushin starts. Tatsuya frowns, “What do you want?”
His voice sounds small. He can’t decipher if it’s real or not. He shouldn't have to.
Ryuushin's chest rises and falls slowly, he exhales softly, “Which town?”
“Next town.”
Ryuushin walks closer, his steps are calculated, Tatsuya doesn't see it, “Which one?”
Tatsuya frowns, he almost grimaces, “Next tow–”
Ryuushin extends his hand and Tatsuya takes a step back. Ryuushin frowns and clenches his hand, he looks more than displeased.
He reaches for Tatsuya again. Tatsuya doesn't fall back, but his expression is all about the same.
“Which one?”
“Next t…” Tatsuya starts but stops, looking down at the box he’s holding. He doesn’t want to look at the hand that’s holding his wrist so gently.
Ryuushin tugs, pulling him forward, Tatsuya resists.
“Don’t push me away.”
“There’s nothing on my back.”
Ryuushin narrows his eyes, slightly, “Show me.”
Tatsuya looks at Ryuushin with a look of utter defiance. Ryuushin tightens his grip, his fingers are long, “Show me.”
Tatsuya grits his teeth, “There’s nothing on my back.”
Ryuushin suddenly grabs his shirt, the box falls from Tatsuya’s hands as he intercepts Ryuushin’s arms. The both of them blocking each other. Ryuushin leans in, and his eyes are of a dark brown, but soulful, “Have you looked?”
“No.” The answer is fast. Terrible, but real.
“Why?”
“There’s no–”
“You haven't looked!”
“I don’t need to!"
Ryuushin grabs his arms, getting closer, “I want to.”
“You don’t own me.” Tatsuya says. He instantly regrets it.
“Yeah, I love you.”
Tatsuya inhales sharply, Ryuushin gets closer.
“Show me.” His hands slither under Tatsuya’s armpits to rest on his back. Tatsuya shouldn’t, he’s learnt not to lower his defenses, not to trust too easily – but Tatsuya leans on him, with almost all his weight. Because despite it all, he doesn't know Ryuushin, he doesn't know him.
Tatsuya had known Ryuushin's actions, reactions and behaviors. But he hadn't known his touch, beliefs and words. He hadn't known him.
He knows it’s not ideal, it’s never going to be. It’ll take time, Ryuushin doesn't know him either. They’re similar – soulmates. But it’s difficult to accept you're bound to share a life with someone you always saw as a menace.
Tatsuya has long, so long waited for someone that could understand him. That could see him. That could love him. That he let go of the idea far too easily.
Tatsuya’s too flustered to even mourn something he could have had long ago. It’s all so absurd, but he doesn't want to laugh.
Because Ryuushin wants it, wants him. Despite the fact that they clashed for so long.
Tatsuya inhales and exhales loudly, hoarse, agitated. Ryuushin walks closer, pushes further, until Tatsuya's head is buried into his neck.
Ryuushin puts his cheek against him, resting on top of his head, “Which town?”
Tatsuya swallows, “Tokyo.”
Ryuushin’s hands burn his back with a tender warmth. Dull, simple, but kind. Ryuushin's arms are firm, holding Tatsuya’s with an intimate closeness. He does not intend to let go.
Tatsuya cries.
___
Tatsuya finally registers that he has liked Ryuushin for a while. Confusing his affection for irritation, superiority, and anger.
Ryuushin’s name had been the first clue, but not the reason. He remembers the day he saw him again, and maybe that's nothing, but that's something, for that matters.
Tatsuya thinks he has a lot of things to remember, to learn, and to forget.
___
Ryuushin’s squatting beside the door, cigarette in hand. Tatsuya watches him for a moment.
"What are you doing?"
"Your brother wouldn't let me in."
Tatsuya frowns. He doesn't think Hideyuki knows. It doesn't matter anyway.
Tatsuya sits down beside him, “Why do you like me?” He asks.
He still doesn’t know Ryuushin. Ryuushin still doesn't know him.
Ryuushin pauses for a second, letting the ashes of his cigarette fall at his feet, “You’re strong.”
“Wow. That’s all?”
Ryuushin stares, “Do you think it is?”
“Don’t do that.”
Ryuushin smiles a little, “No it’s not.”
Tatsuya feels like he shouldn’t ask. That maybe he’s wrong, that maybe they're not soulmates. That it doesn't matter. That it shouldn’t.
Tatsuya doesn’t know if the love he has is real or not. If it’s just because they’re soulmates, if it’s just because they're fated to be.
He wants to know if that still would have happened if they weren’t. He wants to know if he still can have it nevermind the fate they share.
Ryuushin touches his cheek, “You’re thoughtful. It’s not always good.” Tatsuya frowns, Ryuushin smiles a little more. “But you’re tactical, a lot more cool tempered than me. I like that, I like your voice.”
Ryuushin’s fingers push lightly on his cheek, “I like that you know how to handle yourself. I know you can handle me too. I've disliked the fact that you could roam around and do whatever you please. I think I needed to know where you were. I wanted to see you every time I could. I didn’t understand it wasn’t anger, or vigilance, but something kinder.”
Tatsuya looks down a little, it reminds him of old thoughts, old memories, old wants. He stands up to stretch and nod.
Ryuushin follows, “I understood that I loved you the moment you beat that guy's ass in the restaurant.” A hand settles on Tatsuya’s hip. “I thought you hated me when you ran.”
Tatsuya narrows his eyes, looking at the hand on his hip, “I’ve been alone for a long time.”
Tatsuya tells him because he knows it’s useless to lie. Ryuushin can see. But it’s still hard to admit the things he had always wanted never happened until he never thought he’d have them – or wanted anymore – were at arm's length.
Ryuushin’s other hand slides down onto his neck, thumb on his pulse, “I’ve never felt the urge to touch someone like I've had for you.”
Tatsuya huffs, fighting a smile, “Interesting.”
Ryuushin leans in, putting his forehead against his, “You.”
“You’re too warm.” Tatsuya closes his eyes. “It burns when you touch my back.”
Tatsuya feels him frown, “Does it hurt?”
“No.” Tatsuya answers. “I’m often cold. It’s a lot, but it’s warm.”
Ryuushin wets his lips a little, “Are you always cold?”
“My back. Often.”
Ryuushin’s hand comes to rest on his nape, two fingers inside his shirt, “Tatsuya.”
“Hmm.”
“My chest hurts when I'm not close to you.”
Tatsuya opens his eyes, “What?”
“It freezes. My chest gets cold.”
“On the…?”
“Yes.”
Tatsuya gapes, suddenly afraid, “Fuck.”
He squats back down abruptly, holding his neck in his hands, “Fuck.”
Ryuushin goes down, kneels, “Tatsuya.”
Tatsuya looks at him, brow creased. Ryuushin reaches for his face, holding it up, “I need you to focus for a moment.”
“You’re cold.” Tatsuya rasps.
“When you’re not near.”
“Shit.” He understands. Tatsuya finally understands. “Shit, shit, shit.”
“Tatsuya.” Ryuushin holds his face with two hands then, a little forcefully, but not hurtful. “Listen to me.”
Tatsuya presses his lips in a thin line, nodding twice. Ryuushin pushes his nose against his cheek, “When you’re not near.”
He puts Tatsuya's hand on his hip, “Now–”
“Fuck.” Tatsuya whispers. Ryuushin leads his hand under his shirt, “Now, I’m warm.”
Ryuushin’s hands slip under Tatsuya’s shirt, on his lower back, they’ll go up, “I wanna see.”
Tatsuya lets his head fall down onto Ryuushin’s shoulder as his free hand stands on his thigh.
He feels like he's betraying everything he’s ever said or felt before. Years of his life wasted for an idea he thought was real.
“Touch it.”
Ryuushin brushes a hand on his spine, “I wanna see it.”
“Fuck off.” Tatsuya shakes his head, exhaling. “Give me a second.”
Ryuushin’s fingertips dance softly on his back as an answer.
Tatsuya breathes slowly, “Did you ever feel like you did not want to meet me?”
“No.” Ryuushin leans in. “But I felt like I lost you once. I got so cold I couldn’t even open my eyes.”
“What?”
“I thought I was gonna die.”
“Are you serious?”
“I was thirteen.”
Tatsuya frowns. He remembers then, the day he lost his wish. He closes his eyes, frowning deeply. His lip bleeds.
Ryuushin wipes it with his thumb, “I thought I'd never get the chance to love you.”
Tatsuya pushes his palms against his eyes, “I thought I'd be stuck with a soulmate. Whether I liked them or not, I'd be stuck.”
Ryuushin removes Tatsuya's hands from his face, taking them in his. He kisses his cheek then, a gentle press, “You thought you’d lose your freedom?”
“Or that I'd die.” Tatsuya states simply. Ryuushin grimaces slightly.
“What changed?”
Tatsuya sighs, “I liked– I like walking with you. More than I'd ever wanted to admit.”
“Forward?”
“Beside.”
Ryuushin kisses him again, “I want to see.”
Tatsuya removes his jacket, and his shirt.
___
Tatsuya dislikes hospitals. It reminds him of old wounds and unpleasant memories he long trapped in the depths of his mind.
He dislikes hospitals but it’s his fault he broke his arm. It’s his fault he couldn’t step down knowing he had already lost.
Ryuushin visits him almost everyday. He always stays as long as he can and comes back the day after.
He often doesn't say much, just watching Tatsuya doing whatever he can with an arm in a cast. Tatsuya doesn’t ask for help, he could, but he doesn't want to.
If Ryuushin’s not there he wants to be able to do it anyway.
Ryuushin’s always there.
“When are you getting out?”
“Fuck if I know.”
Ryuushin leans back in his chair a little more, humming softly, “Does it still hurt?”
“No.” Tatsuya sighs. “No, it doesn't.”
“That’s good.”
“I’m bored.”
“Sure.”
Tatsuya looks at him for a moment. And Ryuushin’s undeniably handsome. His skin is smooth, a little rugged but still soft. The edges of his face are sharp, but they bestow him a particular beauty. Tatsuya reaches to take a strand of his hair between his fingers, gently fiddling with it. A little silky.
Ryuushin snorts. Tatsuya frowns, “What.”
“Are you jealous?”
Tatsuya blinks, looking up, “Of what? Your fucking hair?”
“I haven’t said anything.”
Tatsuya grimaces, “No.”
Tatsuya’s not jealous, he likes the length of his own hair. But he has always liked the fact that Ryuushin had long hair. It suits him.
“Alright.”
Ryuushin doesn’t look away from his face, strangely intense. He gets up from his chair and sits on the bed. Tatsuya doesn’t move, observing him. Waiting for what he’s going to do. He’s learning.
Ryuushin grabs his chin and leans in slowly, kissing the corner of Tatsuya’s mouth, “Can I touch you?”
“You always do.”
Ryuushin smiles a little, Tatsuya wishes his arm wasn’t broken.
“Can I?”
“Let me heal.” Tatsuya says, half-serious. There’s still something deeply rooted in his soul, it’s hard to get rid of a fear that has long made you live.
Ryuushin kisses the other corner of his mouth, “When?”
“How long can you wait?” Tatsuya asks. He knows Ryuushin won't have to wait long. He knows his question is useless. He still asks.
“If I waited eighteen years, I can wait eighteen more.”
Tatsuya can’t help but smile, “Eighteen?”
“Eighteen years or so.”
Tatsuya huffs, putting his forehead on Ryuushin’s shoulder, “Not that much.”
“How long?”
Tatsuya kisses his shoulder, “You’ll know.”
Ryuushin smiles, with a little bit of teeth. He nods as he pushes Tatsuya back into the sheets and climbs on top of him.
___
Tatsuya’s still eighteen when he decides what he wants to do.
He finds a boxing gym to go to. He looks it all up and signs in.
He trains, earnestly. It’s interesting, and he’s good at it. It helps him think, and he gets a purpose and a wish.
Tatsuya knows what he wants, so when he meets him on that road, he’s happy.
Ryuushin just smiles, walking forward but falling through his steps for the meeting.
___
Tatsuya finds him after practice, in the changing room. He drags him outside, in the alley where nobody’s stands because the gym’s bin there. Ryuushin holds his hand tight.
Tatsuya pushes him against the wall and kisses him. Wide, wet, and open. Ryuushin pushes back into him. Flush, close, full, and hard.
Tatsuya kisses him until he has to gasp for air. Ryuushin grabs at his hips, thighs, shoulders, arms, back. Everywhere.
Tatsuya kisses him as he slides his hands under his shirt, touching his stomach, going up to his chest.
He doesn't see it but he feels the rush of warmth when he presses his hands flat on Ryuushin’s pectorals.
Ryuushin inhales shakily and pushes his pelvis against him. Tatsuya hisses silently, pushing back.
Tatsuya kisses his neck, collarbones, shoulders, everywhere he can reach. Ryuushin's hands stand on his nape, tight, but tender.
Tatsuya is out of breath, sweating, and tired when he puts his head on Ryuushin’s shoulder. Ryuushin’s arms are around his back, his hands slowly caressing it.
“Are you cold?” Tatsuya asks him then. But he knows the answer.
Ryuushin shakes his head, “No. Does it burn?”
Tatsuya closes his eyes, it’s all done. It’s all right.
“No.”
Ryuushin holds him. His hands are warm.