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He hated him. Hated his naivety. Hated the way the boy would cheer for him even after everything. Jamil hated the way Kalim looked past his flaws, accepting them no matter what. He hated the way the blond boy had continued crawling into his bed after nightmares even after all these years, hated the way he could hear his own heartbeat speeding up, hated the way he couldn't help but wrap the boy in a hug. He hated how much he loved to nose into the boys hair, how much he loved how Kalim's head rested on his chest. He hated how much he had hurt him. Hated the fact he could never bring himself to apologize sincerely outside of whispers Kalim would never hear. He hated the fact he loved the merchants son. Jamil hated how Kalim seemed to know almost all of the things he hated, except for a few. He hated how he loved every exhale and the way he could hear every drowsy mumble floating up to his ears from under his chin. He hated how the cheery boy's smile always melted him. He hated how the *only* time he could hold Kalim without revealing himself was when the boy had a nightmare, how every night a part of him couldn't help but wish a nightmare would come for the boy. He hated how selfish he was. He hated how his confessions would only ever fall on deaf ears, the boy lost in a deep sleep. Jamil hated loving, yet his heart had long ago decided to stop listening to his commands. Jamil hated every moment of loving Kalim, but in the end, love him he did.