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Language:
English
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Published:
2024-10-10
Words:
166
Chapters:
1/1
Kudos:
2
Hits:
42

"If Evan touches any of my bois any further I will find a way to break every bone in his textual body"

Summary:

"If Evan touches any of my bois any further I will find a way to break every bone in his textual body," I said.
And then I did.
All my homies hate Evan.

There is absolutely nothing about these 165 words of crack that lives inside the 4th wall or any semblance of sanity.

Evan Garrod appears in the Wistoria prequel light novel.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Rolling to a stop, Evan pushed his face out of the dirt, looked up, and balked. Above him, lifted from the earth as by a force of God, was the entire great Tower Mercedes Caulis.

"WaaaaAAAAA—"

WHAM

The Tower slammed down, crushing him with a deafening crash and a symphony of sickening crunches. Slowly, it lifted. Mercilessly, Evan twitched and groaned.

WHAM

Not yet fully flattened.

WHAM! WHAM!

Not yet pasted.

WHAMWHAMWHAM BAM WHAM

The Tower beat down and twisted, again and again, as if a pestle grinding him into the mortar ground until the writer is satisfied he is not but dust throughout time and space.

The Tower lifts one final time—just checking to be sure. The writer nods, satisfied. "Bitch don't deserve his character design."

And the writer gives the suggestion of the memory of Evan one final grind for posterity, settling the Tower back into its spot.

From that day forth Mercedes Caulis sat three degrees counter clockwise from its original position.

Notes:

A/N: ... On second thought that's not enough.

EXODIA, OBLITERATE!

..................

SEVEN PAGE MUDA!!

... Hmmmmmm... *The writerly narrowing of eyes.*

T E S T I C U L A R • T O R S I O N ! ! !

There. I'm satisfied.
Unless—