Chapter Text
“Do you need help?” Seungmin called from her bed when Minho had been in the bathroom for quite a while without a sign of life while trying on some of Seungmin’s clothes.
“No, it’s just… It either doesn't fit or it looks fucking stupid. Not the clothes, I mean! They’re pretty. Just that… on me, they look stupid.”
Seungmin frowned, already having expected something like that to come out of this. She knew Minho was envious of Seungmin’s body, of her femininity, but Minho had only started her transitioning journey less than a month ago, and Seungmin could still remember how she had felt in the beginning.
“I know it’s hard in the beginning but–”
“I barely understand what you’re saying, wait a second.” The sound of the key turning. “Do not laugh!”
Then the door opened and Seungmin got a look at Minho wearing a pair of her shorts and a cute little top. It wasn't too bad, really. But Seungmin remembered how insecure she had been in the beginning, and then some things she had felt somewhat good in back then were things she would not leave the house in now.
“First of all: you look fine.” Seungmin felt like those genuine words of encouragement were absolutely justified. “And what I was saying was that I know it's hard in the beginning. And you’re not even on oestro or anything. You have a great body, it's just not what these standard clothes are cut out for. You are not the problem, unnie.”
“Thanks, I guess…”
“I mean it,” Seungmin assured, “there will be things you feel awful in that really don't look bad at all, and there will be things you feel good in that look a little silly or will have people mistake you for a dude, but that’s just what happens. Especially in the early phases. And you’re essentially a baby girl.”
Minho laughed. “A baby girl??”
“It’s true!” Seungmin defended herself, a little devilish grin on her face. “You don't have the fashion experience of a twenty-something year old like me~”
“Uh huh, cuz you’re not a babygirl, sure,” Minho grinned and returned to the bathroom to change back into her own clothes. “Thank you for letting me try this. I can’t say I feel good but I don't feel too bad, either. I guess we have pretty different styles, anyway. Even with a model body I don't know if I'd be comfortable in the stuff you wear. No offence.”
“None taken. So… shopping date, yeah?”
+++
Minho had never been a fan of clothes shopping, not online and most definitely not in person. Ordering clothes that didn't quite fit was annoying but she just went with it. Trying on clothes in a store felt awful, proving right then and there that not only the size she ordered didn't fit quite right – nothing did. Now, of course, she wondered if it had all just been dysphoria she didn't realise she was feeling.
So Minho joined Seungmin when she went out to buy clothes.
They had both put on a little bit of makeup, just like two girl friends going shopping would. Seungmin was wearing trousers that stopped just above her knees, with some cute big stars sewn on them, and a wide shirt she had partly tucked into the pants, showing off her belt and pretty waist. It was such a simple outfit but, accessorised with a bit of jewellery, it made her look absolutely Pinterest-worthy.
Minho wore her favourite pair of cargo pants with one of Chan's oversized hoodies. Ideally she would have preferred to put on a balaclava as well, but Seungmin had reminded her that their bank robbery appointment wasn't until next week. So she just added some makeup as well, although more shyly, and tried not to think about how boyish she still looked.
As soon as they stepped into the store, the bright lights, awkward pop music, and hundreds of different clothing items reminded Minho why she usually avoided these places. The women's section covered the second floor, starting with tops and bags, followed by bottoms and some shoes, with the underwear and nightgown section at the very back (which Minho was incredibly grateful for). Being on this floor alone made her feel weird, watched, figured out, and they hadn't even reached the explicitly feminine section. Not that Minho was planning to go there. She already felt like a creep.
“If you see anything you’re interested in just say so,” Seungmin encouraged. “Stores are great to just try stuff on without having to pay for it.”
That made sense. If they had ordered Minho would have had to pick a limited number of options, wait until they arrive, try them on, cry about it, and send them back in defeat.
“What do you think of this?” Seungmin inquired, holding up a wide, cream-coloured cropped shirt. Minho hesitated, humming like she was considering although she had already decided against it.
“What don't you like about it?” Seungmin asked genuinely.
“It's cute, just… I'll probably look like some American gymbro from the 80s, or AHS season nine or something. Same thing.”
Seungmin chuckled, but Minho didn’t take it personally. She then looked at the top, then at Minho again, tilting her head. “I don’t know, though. I think it’d be fine. Don’t you wanna–”
“Hello dear customer,” a voice appeared behind them with a sentence Minho didn't think sales assistants actually used, but maybe times had changed since she last visited such a store. “Can I help you with anything?”
They turned to the person speaking to them and Seungmin just– hugged them?
“Byul! You work here? I had no idea!” Seungmin smiled her big, colon capital D smile and pulled Minho closer to her to introduce them: “Byul, this is Minho, my new bestie. Minho, this is Moonbyul.”
Minho didn't remember Seungmin ever talking about a Moonbyul, but maybe she just wasn’t listening when she had. So Minho just waved shyly, too insecure about her voice to really say anything, even though Moonbyul violently triggered her queer radar – although in what fashion was a bit of a mystery.
Moonbyul was short, shorter than Chan, with long hair and yet a rather tomboyish look. Or they were just a short dude with long hair. It was hard to tell, really. Not that it mattered.
“Actually,” Seungmin started, looking at Moonbyul, “she wants to try on some new clothes – a bit of a makeover, but nothing too drastic.”
“Oh great! I'm sure I can help you with that.” Moonbyul’s look actually gave Minho some hope. She had a certain androgyny to her, even with the long hair and makeup, and Minho felt jealousy spark inside her again. The outfit looked nice on Moonbyul, sure, but Moonbyul was short and skinny while Minho wasn't super tall but certainly tall for a woman, and way, way too broad. Maybe she should try and lose some weight. That's what women did anyway, right? Go on diets and do lots of cardio trying to get that nice model body. Minho wanted to slap herself for that thought, immediately realising its sexist nature. And yet…
“Do you have anything specific you like or dislike?” Moonbyul asked, making Minho’s throat feel a little dry. She really had to talk now, didn’t she?
“I, uhm,” she tried to keep her voice somewhat light, “I don’t really know. I don't think I'm ready for dresses or tight clothes. I don't really have the… body… for most stuff here.” Was that too obvious? Did she realise Minho was trans? Did she know Seungmin was? How long had they known each other?
“Is the outfit you’re wearing something you’re comfortable in?”
Minho nodded.
“Okay, so something wide and flowy. Covering up, mh? That’s alright, we can totally work with that. What do you want out of this makeover, though?”
Great, more questions. Minho had kind of hoped she could just come along and help Seungmin pick out clothes. She hadn’t expected becoming the centre of attention like this. Had Seungmin planned this and was just pretending she had no idea? They seemed close enough for her to actually know Moonbyul worked here. But then again, Minho didn't know where most of her friends worked, either. Especially those she hadn’t seen in a while.
“I like your look,” Minho admitted to Moonbyul.
“So something tomboyish, yeah? Androgynous?”
Minho nodded again. She loved Seungmin’s look, too, but as they had figured out a few days before, it just didn’t work on her. Not yet. Maybe.
“Okay, how about this: Since you’re coming from a rather masc-style starting point, we’ll go rather fem in the beginning and then try to find a good level between that. How do you feel about that? You can of course always say no to whatever I show you.”
That seemed like a logical approach. Although Minho was a bit intimidated by whatever “fem” meant in Moonbyul’s eyes. But she could always reject trying something on if she really didn't want to. And nobody had to see, just Minho in the dressing room. Maybe this could work.
“Okay, we can try that.”
“Hey, do you want me to stick around or can I go look at stuff?” Seungmin asked hesitantly, like she herself wasn’t quite sure what she’d rather do.
“You can go.” One person trying to give her advice was more than enough, and Minho trusted Moonbyul's taste.
They started, as Minho had feared, with a dress. It wasn't too bad, not one of the tight sitting gowns that would make her feel boxy and fat while also making her feel flat – which she was, of course, but not in the cute skinny way Seungmin was still kind of flat.
So Minho tried on the dress in the confines of the changing room. She couldn't reach the zipper at the back, and even if she could, she doubted it could be zipped up without topping at the seems. It was long enough to cover her thighs, which helped Minho hate her reflection a little less, but she still just looked like a guy in a dress.
“I'll be right back, I just need to help another customer real quick!” Moonbyul informed her, and Minho felt a little bad taking up her time when she probably wasn't going to buy anything anyway. But then again, Moonbyul didn't get paid on commission but for assisting potential customers, making them feel good so they would come back.
Minho carefully got out of the first dress and changed into another. It was tighter than the first, shorter, but there were holes at the waist, clearly meant to create the illusion of a different body shape. Maybe this had potential. She would just need a bigger size. If there was one.
“I'm back,” Moonbyul's voice appeared, “you good in there?”
Back in her own clothes, Minho opened the door and stepped outside. “They're really tight,” Minho hummed almost shamefully. “I like that it covers my legs but… I don't know.”
“Alrighty. Do you want a larger size?”
“For this one, maybe. I couldn't even get in...” Minho held out the second dress. Moonbyul took both and led Minho back to the dress section, putting the first dress back in its place and exchanging the second for a different size. Minho tried not to look at what the tag said.
“How do you feel about this?” Moonbyul smiled as she pointed to a fusion of a dress and dungarees.
“It's cute.”
They had to wait for a bit until a dressing room for free, and Moonbyul, whether as part of her job as an assistant or as Seungmin’s friend, started some small talk.
“So you’re Seungmin’s bestie, huh?” There was a sort of goofy spark in her smirk. Minho liked it.
“I guess,” Minho hummed, thinking about the shift her relationship to Seungmin had gone through. “We've been getting a lot closer recently.”
“So is it an ‘opposites attract’ type thing or are you also a little menace?”
Minho laughed, way too deep for her liking. She would have to work on that. Seungmin’s laugh was so nice and clear, although Minho had heard that oestro didn’t really change the voice much. Did she train it? Was it because she was a singer and she therefore just had better control over her voice?
“You think Seungmin is a menace? Please.”
“Okay, I see how it is~”
Someone stepped out of the third dressing room and Minho slipped inside. Moonbyul seemed nice enough. Although her idea of a menace was quite adorable.
Minho tried on the dress, still not able to put it on by herself, although she now started to question whether this was a two person job all along. As expected the dress did show off more of her thighs than she would like, but it also made her look a little less boxy. Still, her legs were gigantic, and not in the way she would appreciate on other women. But she didn't so much just look like a guy in a dress anymore, and more like a manly-ish gymrat-woman in a dress. That was a step forward. Kind of. People liked strong women, apparently. Chan definitely did. That thought calmed Minho a little. And still, she felt like the look made it even more obvious that she was just an act, a fraud, a guy in a dress, trying too hard to present feminine.
She searched for her phone in her bag and snapped a few awful pictures she would never show to anyone else.
After moving the photos to a secure folder, she changed into the dungaree dress. She really needed some fishnets or tights or something, maybe they would hide the clear definition of her muscles at least a little. She tried not to think about it too much, tried to keep in mind that many people – herself included – actually preferred thick, strong thighs over thin ones, but there was just something so wrong, so manly about her thighs.
“I got another combo I think might suit you,” Moonbyul chimed in, “it’s quite… different. Don't be discouraged if it doesn't look good, but maybe give it a try!”
Not wanting to take off the dress and put on her clothes just to take them off again and put on whatever else Moonbyul had found, Minho skipped the part of putting on her clothes and just peeked out of the cabin still in the dungaree dress.
“It’s a two-piece, very flowy; I like suggesting fits like these for people who prefer hiding their bodies a little.”
Different was certainly a word to describe what Minho was now wearing. The top had big poofy sleeves and the skirt was wide as well, with a weak attempt of a petticoat sewn into it. It certainly gave Minho a nice illusion of a waist, even though her stomach still peaked out awkwardly. The skirt still showed her legs, but with how wide the skirt was, her thighs didn’t look too meaty anymore. Maybe this wasn’t too bad. Minho took some more pictures and changed back into her clothes.
“That was… fine,” Minho admitted as she gave the outfits back. Maybe one day she would get back to something like that. Not for the public to see, probably, but just to feel pretty at home.
“Great! Wanna try some more androgynous fits now?”
Minho nodded and once again followed Moonbyul around like an obedient puppy. Was this what Chan felt like when he was being a good boy, listening to Minho so nicely?
“Okay, so I was thinking: high-waisted jeans, a crop top if you’re comfortable with that, topped with an open jacket. That way you got some skin showing but you’re still covering up most of it.”
Minho started wondering what Moonbyul was doing in this random clothing chain store. Her eye and knowledge for fashion deserved better payment than whatever she got working here.
“Sounds good. Hey, can I ask something maybe personal?”
“Shoot.”
“Okay, just… How long have you known Seungmin? And how?"
“Oh, we’ve known each other for years.” Moonbyul looked at some jeans, not in the way customers do, but in a way where she saw right away if they were the ones she was looking for, and eventually picked a pair. “We weren't ever super close, we just run in different circles I guess, but we'd hang out sometimes because I was leading like, a self-help group for queer people in highschool.” She walked over to the crop tops and picked a cream coloured one, then continued on to the jackets.
“And that’s where you two met?”
“Yeah! She was super shy back then – like a kicked puppy, you have no idea. Poor little thing... But she grew up so nicely, didn't she?” Maybe that's why Moonbyul considered Seungmin a menace now. “Oh and in case you’re curious: I’m not trans, I’m a lesbian. But I don't mind when people use male terms and pronouns for me. Makes it easier to act as my girlfriends boyfriend when we need to appear straight, y’know?”
“Oh, yeah. I guess.” With all three items collected they walked back to the dressing rooms once more, and Minho got to go in right away. For what felt like the tenth time that day, she took off her shoes, her pants, hoodie and shirt, and put on Moonbyul’s suggestion.
It looked nice. The croptop alone had been a bit of a challenge, her stomach and lack of a waist being in the way again, but as soon as she put on the jacket as well, it actually looked pretty good. Even on her. Minho took a couple pictures and sent one to Chan.
“I think I like this.” After taking another look at the mirror, Minho opened the door and presented herself to Moonbyul and Seungmin who had just shown up at almost scary-good timing.
“Yeah, you look nice!” The assistant smiled and clapped her hands. Seungmin agreed and encouraged Minho to make a little turn, showing them the whole 360 of the outfit.
“Hot. Good job, Byul!” Seungmin praised and Minho went to change into her own clothes again. She took a hesitant look at the price tags, and while the crop top and jeans were definitely in her budget range, the coat would bring it quite a bit beyond that. She probably had a coat at home somewhere, or could borrow something from one of their friends if she was ever going to go out in that fit.
“Thanks, I’m good at my job, aren’t I?” Moonbyul grinned. “Did you find anything?”
“Yeah! Not quite what I was looking for but it’s good enough. Do you want to look at more stuff?”
Minho shook her head. “If I have to change clothes one more time today I think I’ll go insane.” They both thanked Moonbyul for her time and advice and went to pay for the clothes Seungmin had found.
“How do you feel?” Seungmin asked softly as they left the store.
“I’m fine. Thank you.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, actually. The stuff I tried on first was a bit… depressing, but it’s alright. The last outfit was cool, I guess.”
“It was! You looked really nice.”
Minho hummed. “I don't pass at all looking like this, do I?”
“I do think people would have to look twice. They might then assume you’re a guy, but you’re still new to this, unnie. It only gets easier, believe me.”
Minho always appreciated her honesty. That was something she definitely had in common with Jeongin. And it wasn’t like Chan would straight up lie to her, but pup would try too hard not to hurt Minho’s feelings. She took out her phone and smiled at the notification from Chan, praising her outfit with black heart emojis.