Work Text:
Does Love Bloom on Set? BL Drama’s Lead-Actor, Lee Chan Having a Hearty Dinner with His Co-Actor, Jeon Wonwoo!
Seungkwan swirled the wine glass in his hand. His phone rested heavy on his other hand, emanating a faint light that illuminated his face under the dim light of his living room. Surrounded by all this expensive furniture, a luxurious apartment so expensive that is already catered to his own liking and comfort, Seungkwan still felt a deep, hollow pit in the center of his chest. He tried to brush it off, but the more those words on the headline were seared into the back of his eyelids, the more it grew and expanded in his ribcage.
He sighed, throwing his head back and letting it fall on the comfort of his cozy couch. Enough internet for today, he thought to himself, as he snapped his head up again and opened social media, silently berating himself for not being able to fight the temptation to, once again, scrolled through the timeline of his burner account that nobody knew he had (not even his manager, because it would be understandable if he had used that account to see what people are talking about him instead of what was going on with Lee Chan).
On his phone screen was now a fresh, newly-captured photo of Lee Chan on the red carpet of tonight’s movie awards. Bathed in his expensive designer suit, there he stood alone, smiling his heart-captivating smile that had fans from all over the world screaming in admiration and had reporters along with photographers wouldn’t stop throwing questions and compliments to him, begging for a scrap of attention. His hair was styled tonight, of course. It was a new style, Seungkwan noticed, one that suited him nonetheless. Maybe it was because Chan had one hell of a hairstylist that never missed. Maybe it was because Chan had a face so pretty it would go along well with any kind of new style being experimented on him. Or maybe it was because Seungkwan was being biased since he was no different than those fangirls and fanboys. He considered all three most of the time, but decided to settle only on the first two possibilities, always leaving the third option.
When he swiped to the next picture attached, Seungkwan’s heart sank. There he was, the man that was considered as Chan’s new arm candy, Jeon Wonwoo. They stood side by side, their bodies slightly flushed against each other. Chan had his head turned to face him, laughing at something his co-actor had said. He looked content with the co-actor’s hand on his waist, seemingly to pull him closer so they could feed the photographers more stunt to capture. Seungkwan could already see what the next headlines would be. The words ‘good’, ‘unmatched’, or even ‘lovely’, paired with the word ‘chemistry’. It had always been like that. And it was something that Seungkwan knew and could predict very well after reading (or sometimes only skimming the headline of) countless articles of Chan. It was something that he did because that was the only way that he would be able to see what was going on in Chan’s glamorous, actor life since he never wanted to talk about it with Seungkwan.
And it was always something that Chan would be able to do, strike up a good chemistry with his fellow actors that had worked in the same movie or TV show with him. Four years ago, it was with Jeonghan that he had been talk of the town. The project that they worked together with wasn’t even a movie about same-sex love, it was a thriller TV show and yet, somehow, people who watched it were able to notice the sexual tension that had appeared between Chan’s and Jeonghan’s characters. Seungkwan knew that this was what they called ‘shipping’. He also knew that what people were doing was with their characters, not the actors themselves. But every time a stranger’s tweet would pop up in his timeline, talking about said characters, of course it was going to be Chan’s and Jeonghan’s face that were attached. He always skipped through those kinds of tweets.
Two years ago, it was with Hansol Chwe. They worked together on a cliche movie about some teenage, highschool romance. Chan and Hansol were given the role of the main character’s best friends who was always there. Somehow, some people noticed the building chemistry between these two actors that had made them play their characters so well, they decided to call it a ‘mutual pining’ that had been going on behind the main character’s back while he was so focused on chasing the girl of his dreams. Again, Seungkwan had to scroll past those tweets that brought up Chan and Hansol’s characters to save his own feeble heart.
And now, it was with Jeon Wonwoo. And it was even worse this time, because it really was a same-sex love TV show about office romance. Chan had been doubtful before when he came to him for advice, Seungkwan remembered it as clear as a day. He seemed excited, yet he was still contemplating it. This is huge, Chan had said, and there were definitely going to be mixed reviews. Seungkwan knew about this a little bit too well. Being a famous singer that was already out with his own sexuality, the industry would always have a portion of people that’d disagree among the other tons of people that’d support him, which he was very grateful for.
"But, do you want to?” Seungkwan had asked him some time ago. Chan was running his fingers on the soft fur of the pillow on the couch, his lower lip jutting out. “It’s not about what people want, Chan. It’s about what you want. Are you comfortable with—”
“Of course, I am!” Chan cried, his eyes widened as he looked at him in disbelief. “Why would I not be comfortable playing a character that is gay? I don’t even have to act.”
“I know that,” Seungkwan sighed. That wasn’t the point that he was trying to get across at all. “What I mean is, are you comfortable with the fact that people are going to assume or even pry about your sexuality and all that? Things like that could possibly happen when you’re playing a queer character.”
Chan sniffled. He knew the horrifying ordeal about being scrutinized under millions of people. Because when you were a public figure, it was obvious that you couldn’t avoid it. Yet something about this was making him even more anxious, because it was something personal. It was something of his and his alone. It wasn’t that Chan was ashamed of his sexuality, not at all. He just hadn’t had the thought of stating what his sexuality was for countless people to comment about and point fingers at.
But seeing the positive feedback that Chan was getting for his new, queer TV series, to say that Seungkwan was thankful was an understatement. He would kiss every stranger who had been complimenting and focusing on Chan’s acting skills, actually. And so far, people have been respectful. They loved him even more. Great acting skills, carved-by-God kind of face, pretty smile, and (even though it made something ugly churned in Seungkwan’s stomach) he should play in more boys’ love dramas!
It was just something that Seungkwan had realized about Chan, way before they both were famous. Before there were cameras ready to snap them once they were on sight, before there were screamings and cryings of people calling out their names, before fame was something that people associated them with. Seungkwan had realized that Chan was so, so easy to love.
Their former classmates back in school would vouch for how friendly, kind, and lovely Chan was. How amazing of a friend Chan had been and still was until today. And they weren’t even exaggerating, because Seungkwan would be ready to fight anyone who would call that a hoax. It was Chan that asked the other to gather some money for a friend who was in need, it was Chan who was always excited about someone’s birthday celebration, it was Chan who would show up at someone’s big day; it was always Chan who was always so, so considerate and patient. It was also Chan who was there beside him during his sleepless nights, be it in person or through phone calls; it was Chan who came to his recital, smile so big it was blinding Seungkwan who was on stage; it was Chan who had attentively listened to Seungkwan’s dream to be a famous singer, jokingly telling Seungkwan that if his dream of being a singer seemed so out of reach, then he wouldn’t know what to consider about his own dream of being a famous, talented actor; it was always Chan who had told him not to give up; it was always Chan who had been there with him through parties and events, coming to his rescue whenever Seungkwan was out of topic or was tongue-tied out of nervousness. It had always been Chan.
Seungkwan scrolled through his timeline again. And he was now faced with something he never thought he would loathe, for now he was looking at a short clip from the drama that consisted of Wonwoo kissing Chan so passionately.
It was also Chan who had come up to him for help when they were teenagers, round eyes and pouting, asking Seungkwan to teach him how to kiss.
“Hyuuung,” Chan whined. Perhaps he was a fool for not noticing the blush that was obvious on Seungkwan’s face. “They told me I have to kiss her for the next episode. I can’t have my unskilled kissing issue to be aired for people to watch!”
“Well, you should have thought about that before you joined the show,” Seungkwan replied, curtly. His rebuttal didn’t make sense, that he knew of, and it wasn’t fair to put the blame on Chan. It was a teenage TV show, kind of like the ones Nickelodeon’s had produced. The kiss shouldn’t even be all that passionate, Seungkwan thought, kissing scenes on TV shows like that would already be content with just an awkward lips to lips press. But, still, Chan wouldn’t think so lowly of it.
“Urgh,” Chan grumbled, flopping facedown on Seungkwan’s bed, unmoving. He looked so lifeless and dejected that it made Seungkwan feel bad.
“Get up,” Seungkwan said, lightly patting Chan’s butt.
“Don’t wanna,” his response was muffled by the pillow. But before Seungkwan could say anything further, Chan shot up and peeled himself off of Seungkwan’s bed, heading for the door.
“Wha— Where are you going?” Seungkwan chased him and reached for his wrist, keeping him in place.
“It’s embarrassing enough to ask you to teach me how to kiss, hyung,” Chan muttered, trying to break free from his grasp. “It’s even more embarrassing to have you rejecting me.”
“You— Oh, God,” Seungkwan couldn’t help the smile that was fighting their way to his face. He tugged on Chan’s wrist once again. “Come here.”
“I wanna go home,” Chan sulked.
“Come here, Jungchan,” Seungkwan told him once again, patiently. Something warm enveloped his chest when Chan finally gave in, climbing back into his bed and sat cross-legged in front of him. Seungkwan took a deep breath, scooted closer, and put both of his hands on the sides of Chan’s jaw. He didn’t miss the slight widening of the younger’s eyes when he did so. “So, to kiss…”
Shut up shut up shut up, Seungkwan scolded his now wildly beating heart. Chan was looking up at him expectantly, his plump lips slightly parted.
“You have to, uh,” Seungkwan leaned forward, and Chan’s breath hitched. “You have to tilt your head a bit”—he tilted his head, his nose brushing softly against Chan’s—“so your nose won’t bump the other’s.”
“M-mhm,” Chan swallowed, trying so hard to relax his stiffening body.
“You know we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, you know?” Seungkwan paused, face still dangerously close to Chan’s. “I mean, you don’t have to do this with me. You could experiment on how to kiss with the co-actress later, like they’ll take multiple shots until they find the perfect one? And by then you would probably grasp the ways of kissing someone?”
“Hyung,” Chan said, a little bit breathlessly. His hand moved to hold Seungkwan’s arm, and only then his body relaxed. “Shut up.”
So, Seungkwan did shut himself up by slotting his lips against Chan’s. He took his lower lip and gave it a light suckle, and felt like his heart just jumped out of his ribcage when Chan did the same to his upper lip. He could feel Chan trying to figure it out now, judging by how the experimental first suckle he gave was a little bit strong, but then softening by the second one. Seungkwan held himself still, letting Chan innocently sucked on his upper lip, trying to find his own footing. And while Chan was still suckling on his upper lip, Seungkwan slowly guided him, giving him an example by repeatedly doing that to Chan’s lower lip that was now captured between his own lips. Chan followed, although a bit clumsily, but Seungkwan could feel that he was starting to understand.
When it felt like it had been a full minute, Seungkwan pulled away. There was a brief sound of wet smack as they parted their lips, and Chan’s flushed face was the first thing that came to his sight once Seungkwan opened his eyes.
“Okay…?” Seungkwan prompted, trying to search Chan’s eyes that were darting back and forth, everywhere but his face. “How was it?”
Chan stammered. His slicked with spit lips kept opening and closing, trying to get the words out of his mouth. Seungkwan’s palms were still cradling his face, and Chan only managed to blurt out an awkward “Um.”
Seungkwan was very much aware of how the skin beneath Chan’s lower lip was still damp from the kissing. He hadn’t been able to get it out of his mind ever since.
“I, um,” Chan tried again, this time shifting closer. He lightly squeezed Seungkwan’s arm that was still in his hold, the subtle glint in his eyes were clear that he was asking for more. “Can I… One more? But, but this time, I want your, um, this,” he held up his forefinger and touched Seungkwan’s lower lip.
“Yeah,” Seungkwan replied, dumbfounded. “Yeah, sure.”
He leaned in again, this time capturing Chan’s upper lip between his lips. He tried so hard not to shudder when he felt his bottom lip was now engulfed by the heat of Chan’s mouth. It was dizzying. It was everything he’d ever wanted to and now his thumb was caressing Chan’s cheek unconsciously. Chan sighed into the kiss, once again taking Seungkwan’s lower lip and sucking on it.
With all of his senses that were slowly detangling themselves, Seungkwan noticed how Chan’s hands had snaked themselves toward his shoulders. They ended up circling around his neck, pulling him closer. It was cute, honestly. Chan was so cute with how passionately he kissed, how he was still a little bit clumsy but was also so very eager to improve and be better.
Alarm bells were now ringing on his head, telling him to snap out of it because Chan kept pulling him closer and closer and closer, and he’d been so caught up into the kiss that he’d just realized that Chan was now back on sucking his upper lip. Seungkwan didn’t notice when they’d switched, but he would give him a ten for how much of a pro he already seemed like. The hands on Chan’s jaw were blocking him to pull Seungkwan close to him, so Seungkwan immediately removed it and put it on his waist.
Chan pulled away with a plop, seemingly out of breath. From this proximity, Seungkwan breathed in Chan’s hot breath. With their noses still brushing against each other’s, Seungkwan heard a faint chuckle that was coming from his best friend. He pulled his hands that were on Chan’s waist, along with himself. He let Chan’s palm rest on his shoulder, though.
“Kissing is just. That. Like that,” Seungkwan said, blinking his eyes. It was confusing him. The Chan in front of him was glowing, he had a little daze to his eyes right after they’d kissed. And he was smiling. And he looked beautiful. He looked so, so beautiful and Seungkwan had to make sure that it was probably just the trick of the light.
“Thank you, hyung,” Chan preened for whatever reason. He squeezed Seungkwan’s shoulder encouragingly as he asked him, “Was I good? Was it great?”
Seungkwan tried to play it cool despite the erratic beating of his heart. “You were okay. Whatever. Good luck on the set.”
When he opened the door to his apartment, Chan was leaning on the side of the door frame. He was still in his designer suit that he’d wear to the movie awards, though his hair was a bit messy now, not as slick as when he’d just arrived at the red carpet. Seungkwan didn’t notice that much of a difference, though. Chan was still stunning, still so breath-taking. It was easily proven with how his breath had lodged in his throat at the sight of him here.
“Hi,” Chan said, grinning. The curl of his lips was so pretty that Seungkwan had to blink it away. “I came here as soon as it was over.”
On his right hand was an expensive wine and on his left was a trophy. Seungkwan averted his gaze back to Chan’s face. He widened the door and ushered him to come in. “Thought you were going to the after party or something.”
Chan shook his head as he stepped inside. Seungkwan forgot when was the last time he came over. Chan could get so busy with shooting and practicing sometimes until he hadn’t had the time in his hands to visit Seungkwan for months. Sometimes, late at night when Chan couldn’t sleep and Seungkwan was still racking his brains off to write some lyrics, they would video call each other. Just seeing Seungkwan’s face was enough, Chan would smile as he dazedly stared his phone screen. And the flow in writing his lyrics would magically feel so easy once he’d taken a good look at Chan’s bare, tired face. Seungkwan never told anyone how the lyrics of the songs would come out as romantic ones mostly.
“Want to celebrate with you,” Chan said as he plopped on the couch. He let out a gasp when he noticed what channel Seungkwan was watching. “Oh! Were you watching me, hyung?”
Seungkwan grunted, closing the door behind him. “I was watching the whole award.”
Lie. As soon as Chan had his time on the red carpet and it was time for other actors and actresses, Seungkwan used the time to scroll on social media to see what the others were saying about Chan. To see more of the photos snapped of him.
Chan put the wine bottle and his trophy on the table. He looked over his shoulder and waited for Seungkwan to join him, a smile never leaving his face.
“Hyung, come here,” Chan patted the empty spot beside him. “I bought this on my way home. Manager hyung helped me pick this out because I didn’t really understand which brand was good. But, Wonwoo hyung recommended me this, so. Let’s try it!”
Seungkwan sat beside him, resting his back against the couch. The couch didn’t feel that comfortable, now that Chan had mentioned the said arm candy right in Seungkwan’s very own humble abode. “I thought you would want to celebrate with the rest of the cast and staff.”
Chan shrugged. He tilted his head at the sight of a used glass of wine, but decided to take it anyway. He opened the wine bottle and poured a bit of it, offering it to Seungkwan. “Mmm. I don’t know. I’ve spent the past few months with them all the time. I miss you.”
He said it so nonchalantly like it wouldn’t catch Seungkwan off guard. But the jealousy (Seungkwan hated to admit it, even) had festered and he wouldn’t let Chan off so easily. He took the glass of wine from Chan and took a sip.
“Are you not going to, I don’t know, celebrate with your co-actor?” Seungkwan avoided the stare Chan was now giving him. “What was his name? Jeon Wonwoo?”
“No,” Chan leveled him with a curious stare. “We’ve made plans sometimes later, though. Dinner or something,” he casually threw the fact for Seungkwan to chew and choke on. “He’s been so nice to me during the whole shooting process, so. It only makes sense if I return the favor.”
“Didn’t you two just have dinner, like, a few days ago?”
Now, Chan really looked at him. He had his full attention. Sometimes, Seungkwan reveled in it, being the only person that Chan was looking at and focusing on. Ever the most attentive guy, Seungkwan would think of him. This time, though, not so much. He was afraid he’d let so much slip out of him.
“Oh, that was trending, wasn’t it?” Chan laughed. Seungkwan didn’t understand him. “You’re pretty updated about my acting life, hyung.”
“Yeah, well,” Seungkwan sulked, taking another sip. “You never talked about it when you’re with me. I had to get my own sources.”
Instead of responding, Chan softly smiled. He scooted closer until the sides of their bodies were pressed against each other, and Chan rested his head on the slope of Seungkwan’s shoulder. He was snuggling onto him like a cat would do, and Seungkwan always let him. After a few minutes filled with silence, only a faint hum from the TV that was now playing something else—none of them were paying attention and was more focused on watching their reflection on the screen whenever the TV was showing something dark-colored—, Chan looked up at him and reached out his hand toward the glass of wine that was in still Seungkwan’s hold. He covered Seungkwan’s hand with his small one, held it there, and brought the wine glass near to his lips so he could take a sip.
“Why are you so interested in my acting life, hyung?” Chan slurred, letting go of Seungkwan’s hand and snuggled closer again. “I thought I’ve made it clear that I don’t really like talking to you about it.”
“Yeah, but here you are, celebrating your win with me. Is it so weird if I would eventually bring up questions and topics about your work?” He defended himself. He slung his available arm around Chan’s shoulder and stroked his hair as he said so, though. A way to let Chan know that he wasn’t upset or anything, just genuinely curious.
“Mm, I guess so,” he purred. “What else do you want to ask me about?”
“Wuh—” Seungkwan caught himself.
Chan tilted his head up, looking at him, prompting him to continue.
“Uh. I don’t know. Nevermind,” he shook his head. “I’m just glad you have a good relationship with your co-actor.”
“Of course I have. We wouldn’t be able to produce something so good out of shitty chemistry.”
“Yeah, just. Are you—” Seungkwan gulped. Better be out with it now or never. “—Is there something going on between you and Jeon Wonwoo?”
Chan, out of nowhere, gasped like he had just been shot. Seungkwan jumped in his seat, didn’t have the time to stop him as Chan slipped out of his hold and faced him. “See!”
“What!”
“See!” Chan yelled again. “This is exactly why I don’t want you to be nosy about my acting life, hyung!”
“Nosy? I’m not— Why, though?!” Seungkwan put the glass of wine down on the table, trying to level Chan who was currently freaking out. “It’s like. Chan, I’m sorry, but I felt like you’re constantly trying to put me out of your bubble and it fucking sucks.”
“Oh, my God,” Chan groaned, throwing his arms in the air. “Oh, my fucking God.”
“I always keep you updated on my singer life. What song, what contract I signed, what drama I’m going to sing for. All of that stuff!”
“Well, yeah! Because you’re a singer, hyung. You don’t go around kissing people when you sing, do you? You don’t have people shipping you with other singers, do you?”
Wrong. Seungkwan did go through that whole being shipped with when he was having a collaboration with a solo singer named Lee Seokmin. And since neither he nor Chan himself never brought it up about how he was being shipped with his co-actors, Seungkwan thought it wasn’t important to bring the thing about him and Seokmin up, either.
“I did, actually. With that guy named Seokmin?”
Chan’s face fell and Seungkwan regretted choosing to bring it up now.
“Only the being shipped with part! Not the kissing part, no.”
“Ughhhh,” Chan groaned, frustratedly wiping his face with his hands. Seungkwan had a really brief flash of reminder of how similar Chan was to an otter. “Shut up. I don’t want to hear that.”
“What— Why?”
“I don’t want to hear that!” Chan sulked, scooting away from him. He hugged a fluffy pillow and guarded his chest with it. “I don’t want to hear about this whole shipping stuff thing. There’s a reason I’m chronically offline and there’s also a reason why I don’t want you to go around the internet googling stuff about me. I don’t like it. I don’t want to know what people think about who would look good beside you and all that. I don’t!”
“Look, Chan. Calm down,” Seungkwan was the one who scooted closer now, carefully as if Chan was an animal that would bolt the second he felt a threat. “I’m— I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin your night. I’m, fuck, I’m sorry. Look, let’s just drink the wine again, alright? I want to celebrate with you. I’m thankful you want to celebrate with me.”
With his face still turned away from Seungkwan, Chan sniffled. “I always want to celebrate with you, dumbass.”
“But,” Seungkwan tried. “What is the reason?” When Chan shot him a glare, he stuttered. “You mentioned something about a reason just now.”
“You really want to know?” Chan leveled him with a stare, challenging him. Although it didn’t look as scary and as intimidating as Chan would probably hope it to be, Seungkwan still gulped. He nodded. “In my head, separating you from my acting life as Lee Chan and putting you in a different bubble is a good thing.”
“Yeah?” Seungkwan said, a little bit breathlessly. He tried to reach out for Chan’s hands, and held it in his gentle hold when the younger one let him. “May I ask why? I’m not blaming you, Chan. I’m just— I’m getting a different idea here. So, help me out.”
In his hands, Chan balled his fists. Bracing himself for something, Seungkwan noticed. For what, he didn’t know. Yet.
“I don’t want you to get the idea of me jumbled with the actor me.”
Seungkwan let that sink in, although he still didn’t get it. Chan probably knew, because he huffed an exasperated sigh.
“I want to be your Jungchan. Always,” Chan uttered, and though his body was now facing toward Seungkwan, he still wouldn’t meet his eyes. “I don’t want you to give a shit about what people say about Lee Chan the Actor, especially on the dating life part. I don’t want hyung to give a shit about who I look good with. I don’t want hyung to think that I have something going on with my co-actors, because that’s not me. I will never, ever have something with my co-actors. I will always be the Jungchan that likes you and only you, so God forbid you think of me like that and I hope it will never have to occur again. And I, too, don’t want to—”
“You like me?”
“—know who you look good with according to other people who only, like, judge from one or two videos; one or two interactions. I don’t want to know that. I don’t, because I know it will mess with my head. I don’t, because I know I will get jealous. But when I think of you as someone that I’ve always known and someone who’s always knew me from we were teenagers, that gives me comfort and—”
“Jungchan, you like me?”
“—I don’t want to lump you in my acting life because you’re someone that is so important and precious to me, Seungkwan hyung. You deserve a place in a different bubble because of that. You will always be placed in my personal bubble, because you’re someone who makes me feel seen and appreciated and loved, even before I was famous and appeared on TV and had people screaming over my name—”
“I love you.”
“—and,” Chan stopped himself, his eyes wide. This time, he stared back at Seungkwan. “What?”
“I love you,” Seungkwan repeated, squeezing Chan’s hands in his. “I’ve always been in love with you ever since we were younger.”
“What…” Chan breathed, his eyes wild and unfocused. “Hyung— What?”
“I’m sorry,” he gave Chan’s hands one last squeeze before his fingers roamed Chan’s fingers, trying to find a hold as he was preparing himself for the emotions that were about to flood out of him. “I’m sorry. I thought— I thought you were trying to, like, erase me from your acting life. No, I mean. I didn’t know that that’s what you have in mind. It makes sense now. I’m sorry, I was too fucking dumb to realize—”
“You love me,” Chan tested each word, tasting each of its syllables in his tongue. “You love me.”
“Yeah, I love you,” Seungkwan confirmed, parroting his statement. “I love you so much that I want every piece of you all to myself, Chan. Be it Lee Chan the Actor or the annoying Lee Jungchan that has always lived and occupied the back of my mind. I want all of you. I’m sorry I sometimes looked at a photo of you with your co-actors and noticed the hand that lingered on your waist and wished it was me so bad. I guess this is what people called jealousy? It sucks, I tell you.”
“That’s literally what I felt just now when you said that about you and Seokmin,” Chan whined, ever the cutest.
“I know, I know. But that’s what people are saying, right? Seokmin and I are good colleagues. I have no feelings for him or whatsoever.”
“I know! That’s why. I don’t want you to go around thinking that I have something going on with my co-actors, because those assumptions came from other people. And I can’t control people’s opinions, so unless you hear it from me directly then all those rumors don’t count, hyung.”
“I do want to hear from you directly,” Seungkwan nodded, a little bit too quickly.
“Ugh,” Chan grumbled, weakly slamming their jointed hands on the fluffy pillow. “I’ve told you I don’t have anything going on with Jeon Wonwoo hyung or any of my previous co-actors at all.”
“No, not that,” he shook his head, this time intertwining their fingers together as he held them tight. “I want to hear from you directly. That you only have eyes for me ever since we were younger.”
“Hyuuung,” Chan blushed, leaning forward so he could hide his face on Seungkwan’s shoulder.
“No, no,” Seungkwan pulled away, grinning foolishly when the sight of a sulking Chan swam to his vision again. “Tell me.”
“Seungkwan hyung,” he started. “My annoying, pain-in-the-ass Seungkwan hyung.”
Seungkwan couldn’t help but to grin even wider; he felt the muscles on his cheeks were starting to cramp.
“I want you to always see me as your Jungchan. Not Lee Chan the Actor, even though you are now allowed, only if you yourself can separate me from him. I will and want to always be your Jungchan that not only likes you, but loves you, too,” he took a deep breath. Seungkwan gave him a reassuring kiss on the back of his hand. “I— Oh, my God. Are we really doing this now? I genuinely came here to celebrate and drink wine with you and I—”
“Jungchan,” Seungkwan cut him with a fond smile. “Shut up.”
That seemed to strike something in Chan, for his face lit up like he just remembered something. “Hyung,” he called out to him. “I haven’t told you something. From back then. This was already a long time ago but I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind and I even yearn for another ever since.”
“What?”
“My– my first kiss. Remember?” Chan pressed his lips, self-conscious. Seungkwan nodded, encouraging him to continue as if he himself wasn’t reminded of that just an hour ago. As if he himself didn’t also yearn for another ever since. “You know I really could rehearse the kissing scene with my co-actress at that time, couldn’t I?”
“I know,” Seungkwan tutted. “I literally told you that.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Chan said, a little bit breathlessly from the excitement of knowing that Seungkwan did remember. “I, um. I would rather have my first kiss done with you. And, uh. And to kiss you again and again until I felt like it was perfect and I was able—such a shame we only did it twice, though. But, um, anyway. I— I didn’t want to kiss some other girl because, hyung, why would I when I could and only wanted to kiss you?”
He’s so cute. Chan was so cute and Seungkwan felt his heart clenched at the sight of him like this. Partly unabashed, partly blushing right to the tip of his ears. Chan was so cute and Seungkwan was dying to kiss him again.
“You sly, little minx,” Seungkwan pulled one of his hands away just to boop him on the nose. Chan cutely scrunched his nose at that.
“Seungkwan hyung,” Chan tried once again. He nuzzled onto Seungkwan’s palm that was now holding his cheek, cupping it gently. “I love you. Always have been ever since we were younger.”
“I love you, Jungchan,” Seungkwan echoed, tons of fireworks exploding in his chest. “Always have been ever since we were younger.”
Chan grumbled shyly, this time succeeding in burying his face on Seungkwan’s shoulder. Seungkwan’s whole body vibrated with laughter. “This is soooo embarrassing, hyung. I was supposed to only drink wine with you tonight with the hope that you would be tipsy enough to kiss me again and continue to yearn for you for the rest of my life!”
“You’re a loser, you know that?” Seungkwan then wrapped his hands around Chan’s waist and manhandled him so he could place Chan on his lap. If Chan accidentally let out a cute, strangled noise from the back of his throat upon the manhandling, Seungkwan pretended like he didn’t hear it. It was adorable enough to see his flushed face.
“You’re much more of a loser than me. Getting jealous with my co-workers, my God.”
“You’re not going to let me live, are you?” Seungkwan hummed contentedly when Chan giggled, nodding his head. “Jungchan-ah, can I…” He searched his eyes for permission. “Can hyung kiss you?”
“You should kiss me,” Chan huffed, tugging at the collar of Seungkwan’s shirt. “You can’t sprung this conversation on me and not kiss me after. That would be so evil of you—”
“Yeah, yeah. Shut up,” Seungkwan pulled Chan gently by the chin as he slotted their lips together in a passionate kiss. He kissed Chan like he was trying to erase every single trace that his co-worker had left on set. Not just Wonwoo’s, but Hansol’s and Jeonghan’s and the actress from back then and even some other supporting actors and actresses that had touched even an inch of Chan’s skin with their lips.
Jungchan or Lee Chan, Seungkwan hoped that it was okay for him to feel a bit greedy of him.
“Hyung,” Chan whined right into his mouth, and Seungkwan was already pulling him again into another kiss. He could feel Chan’s thighs trapping his own thighs, could also feel how Chan’s small hands stumbled across his body before settling them, intertwined between his back with his arm slung around Seungkwan’s shoulders.
“I love you,” he breathed in, giving Chan another wet kiss after he said it out loud. “I love you, I love you, I love you, Jungchan-ah,” another peck was given on both corners of Chan’s lips. “I could kiss you forever.”
“Want that, hyung,” he slurred, already drunk from the kiss. “Kiss me forever, Seungkwan hyung, please. You’ve had me for your whole life and I will forever be yours for the rest of your life.”
And it ached his heart so bad to see Chan begged that he had to pull him into another intoxicating kiss, TV and the bottle of wine forgotten. It was okay. They could get back to it later. Right now, Seungkwan felt like he had conquered the world under his fingertips, his very own fingertips that would never leave Chan’s delicate skin untouched.
For now, they didn’t need words to describe and box them into something else. The famous Lee Chan the Actor nor the famous Boo Seungkwan the Singer, none of them mattered now. Not when Chan melted and moaned so sweetly into his touch, not when Seungkwan groaned and sighed once he was enveloped in the heat of Chan’s body wrapping him everywhere. Slipping inside and colliding into one where they fitted each other perfectly, always had been, had always been only Jungchan and Seungkwan, two innocent boys holding hands with a dream so big and a love so overwhelming for each other.