Work Text:
The living room of the Shinonome household was empty and quiet as Akito made his entrance, locking the door behind him and leaning against the wall in an attempt to stabilize himself. He shut his eyes, trying to ignore the way the world was spinning as he stared at the steps across the room from him, willing himself to walk back up to his room and shut himself away for the rest of his miserable existence.
Fingers dragged over the glass frames of old photographs as he made his way upstairs, dust collecting on the tips, and he blew it off, watching as it fell to the ground. Somehow, the realization that he wasn’t alone didn’t shock him as his eyes landed on his sister, standing right beside her bedroom door. “You were out late,” Ena said, crossing her arms. “Got anything to say for yourself?”
Akito’s mouth was drier than the desert, and his lips parted, but no sound came out. He stared at her like a fish out of water, and she sighed. “Well, you’re pretty damn lucky. Mom and Dad went to bed twenty minutes ago – if you’d gotten home any earlier, you would’ve gotten caught.” The unsaid serves you right lingered in the air around them, and he nearly choked on the words.
“Anyways,” she said, “I’ve got work to do. You should go to sleep. You look dead on your feet.” With that said, she turned around with one sharp pivot, returning to her bedroom and shutting the door behind her. Akito was alone once again. He had the feeling this was going to be pretty common from now on.
Akito retreated to his bedroom, shutting the door behind him as he dropped his school bag on the floor and shrugged off the jackets he was wearing. It didn’t take long for him to change into pajamas, and he pulled out his phone, grabbing his charger from his bedside table, and–
Fuck.
He didn’t expect his eyes to start watering at the picture on his home screen – a photo of him and Toya the night of their first ever win in an event. Akito’s eyes were wide and gleeful, hands outstretched to the sky as if he was holding the world in the palm of his hands, and Toya was staring at him with that same pensive smile he always wore.
Akito was never going to see that smile again.
He bit his lip hard enough that the taste of copper filled his mouth, flinging his phone across the room so he didn’t have to stare at that accursed photo anymore. He grabbed his jacket from where it sat next to him on the bed, covering his face with it to ignore the world around him, and why the fuck did it smell so much like coffee? He didn’t drink that shit, that was Toya’s thing, so why the hell did Akito’s hoodie smell so much like him?
He flicked on the light, trying to get a better look, and – oh. It was Toya’s hoodie.
One of the many that his partner had left at his house after a late night sleepover or an impromptu date or just as a gift for Akito. It still smelled just like him. A mix of the cologne he always wore and the coffee he always drank, and Akito could feel the bile rising in his throat.
Off the jacket went to join his phone in the corner of his room. Akito couldn’t bear to see it anymore, and he rose to his feet, walking as far away as he could possibly get from the pile of items. He grabbed onto the sides of his dresser, trying to let the cooling sensation of the wood bleed into him through his hands as he looked up into the mirror and realized he had just made another horrifically grave mistake.
Taped to the mirror were as many pictures of the BAD DOGS together as Akito could find, arranged in such a manner that there was hardly any open space remaining. Framed pictures of the two of them rested on top of the dresser. Right beside the mirror, pinned to the wall, was his poster of RAD WEEKEND.
Fuck!
He stumbled backwards, legs bumping into the back of his bed as he fell over, hissing as his knee hit the ground. His stomach was rumbling with nausea, and he could feel his face heating up as he knelt close to the ground, head buried in the carpet to ignore any other reminders of everything he’d just ruined.
God, what the fuck had he done? Everything had been completely fine before he’d gone and let Shiraishi and her stupid fucking partner get to his head and now he’d completely destroyed any chance he’d ever have at salvation. There was no recovering from this, not when he’d lost the one thing that made that sort of recovery feel worth it. He was doomed to endlessly fall into this pit of his own creation, free-falling into despair for the rest of his life.
And this time, Toya wasn’t there to pull him out of it.
Akito shakily raised himself to his feet, shoving his way out of his room and into the bathroom. He collapsed in front of the toilet, retching as everything he’d eaten over the last few hours came back up in one disgusting, painful burst of self-immolation. Coughing and spluttering as he pulled away, Akito curled up into a ball against the bathroom walls, burying his head in the space between his torso and his knees. He fucking deserved this. After everything that had happened over the last few weeks, this was only fair.
…He couldn’t just sit there forever. He needed guidance, help – somebody who could help him figure out what to do next. His father was out of the question, as expected, given that he was more focused on tormenting Ena than paying attention to Akito, and their mother was hardly present at all. She didn’t even know who he was, let alone how to navigate the new and terrifying territory he’d suddenly found himself in.
Toya was not an option for obvious reasons. Shiraishi was pissed off at him, and if she was angry, then he could expect Azusawa to be as well. Even if that girl didn’t have a mean bone in her body, it would only be fair.
That left only one option. The one he hadn’t initially even wanted to consider.
Akito picked himself up from the floor, dragging himself across the hall. Taking a deep breath, he knocked on Ena’s bedroom door.
“What the fuck do you want?” she yelled from inside, and he could hear her sigh. “One minute, guys, I’ll be right back.” After a few seconds, the door opened. “Can’t you see I’m in the middle of something?”
And Akito froze.
He… didn’t know what to say to her. Ena was more mysterious than anyone else he knew, even though she was his sister; interactions with her were always dangerous. Neither of them ever knew what would end up setting off the other, and neither of them ever felt like finding out. They existed in a strange sort of limbo together, two planets orbiting a cold and unforgiving sun with no regard for anything else in the system.
And God, with the way she was staring at him, he felt like a little kid. “Ena, I threw up,” he whispered, and ignored the way his eyes were starting to sting.
Ena’s eyes widened, and Akito’s heart sank as he realized it wasn’t the good kind of widen – it was the way she looked when she felt like being particularly mean or spiteful, and something in his stomach was starting to shift again. “Are you fucking serious?” she asked, snorting. “It’s a bit of puke. Get over it. Was this really worth bothering me over?”
He didn’t have the energy left to deal with her bullshit, and as her words tore open more wounds across his heart, Akito glared at her, gritting his teeth. “So you just don’t even care then? You don’t want to make sure I’m okay or anything?”
“You never stop annoying me when I’m in the middle of doing important things, and I have had it up to here with your bullshit,” Ena said, shoving him in the chest. “Can’t you see I’m in a bad enough mood already?”
“It’s a fucking voice call, can you be serious for once in your life?” Akito shoved her back, hands shaking as they curled into fists. “I don’t ever ask you for shit and the one time I go to you for help, you call me an asshole. Serves me right for thinking you’d be nice for once.”
“Oh, fuck off,” she said, rolling her eyes. “If you’re so upset, go cry about it to your boyfriend or whatever. You follow him around like a dog, you know that?”
The mention of Toya only served to push him over the edge, and Akito snapped, the world around him growing blurrier and blurrier. “God, you’re such a bitch!” he yelled, and in seconds, the air was sucked out of his lungs.
Ena’s eyes widened again, this time in shock, and she stepped backwards, staring him down with the kind of critical eye he’d only ever seen from their – no, what the fuck? He wasn’t going to go that far. That was messed up, even for him. “What the hell did you just say to me?” she said, her voice scarily low, and the nausea was beginning to overwhelm him.
Why the hell had he said that? Why were they yelling at each other? Why was he yelling at her, what were they even fighting about in the first place? Why had Akito let himself fall this far, that he was screaming at his sister over something that barely even mattered?
It matters to you, something in his brain whispered, but that doesn’t make it right.
Ena’s eyes were brimming with rage, and Akito’s were brimming with tears, and his stomach hurt like a bitch and bile was crawling up his throat and he turned around faster than light, just barely managing to dash back to the bathroom in time for him to hurl again. It didn’t seem like it was ever going to stop. There was nothing he could do.
After a moment, he heard retreating footsteps, and he leaned back from the toilet, resuming his moping in the fetal position. It was fine. He could be alone. After all, given the fact that he’d managed to drive everyone else away, it would only be right. He’d have to be completely by himself from here on out, in singing, schoolwork, friendships, and it was only fair given the magnitude of how deeply he’d fucked up and–
“Akito?”
He looked up, his stomach dropping again as he saw Ena standing in the doorway, holding a glass of water. She sat down beside him, sitting criss-cross on the tile as she handed him the glass. “I got you something to drink,” she said quietly. “You’re probably dehydrated. Drink up.”
Regardless of how uneasy he felt around her, Akito accepted her offering, greedily drinking every last drop of the water. It worked wonders to wash the taste of puke out of his mouth, and he set the glass down on the floor, a ding ringing out through the rest of the room.
“I also grabbed some antacids, too,” she said, setting them down beside him. “I don’t know if that’s the right stuff to take for this, but it’s worth a shot.” She refilled the glass of water in the bathroom sink, handing it to him as he tossed some of the antacid pills into his mouth. “And… you were right. I was being a bitch.”
Her words startled him so much that he nearly choked on the tablet that was going down his throat. Shinonome Ena, accepting blame for something? Simply unheard of.
“Oh, come on, you don’t have to look at me like that,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I just… did some thinking, and realized I’ve been stressing myself out too much lately.” Ena stretched, popping her knuckles and reaching up into the sky. “Long story short, one of my online friends has gotten into some shit recently, and it’s my responsibility to help get her out of it… it’s a pretty thankless job, too.
“It’s been frustrating me a lot lately, but that’s not an excuse for blowing up at you.” She looked away, eyes drifting to the mirror. “So, uh, if there’s anything else you need, just let me know, okay?”
“...Can you stay with me tonight?”
Ena raised an eyebrow. “Seriously?”
“I just – I just feel lost right now. I don’t want to be alone.” What Akito didn’t say was how much it ached to be without his partner. It hurt far too much to put into words.
After a moment, Ena sighed. “Okay, fine,” she said. Akito shut his eyes, listening to the fabric of Ena’s clothes rustling, and she lifted him up, helping him to his feet as he walked back to his bedroom. She sat on the end of his bed as he fell into it, pulling out her phone and scrolling through her Instagram feed.
“Try and get some rest, ‘kay?” she said. “I’ll be here if you need anything.”
And with her assurance, even though it felt like the hardest thing in the world, Akito finally fell asleep.