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Alucard looked at himself in his mirror. The way his eyes looked sunken, and the way his cheekbones protruded sharply from his pale face. His hair fell in loose coils down his shoulders, his back. He felt as if his irises had lost their glow.
It was over. Again. And he found himself now in the home of the young lady Maria. She had provided endless hospitality in taking him in—she gave him his own room, clean clothes, and unlimited access to food and bathing supplies. His room was well-furnished with a modestly sized bed, a wardrobe, a nightstand, a vanity, and a small desk. Alucard still didn’t quite understand why she had received him so graciously, but he was thankful nonetheless.
It had been only days since he defeated his father, and most of his time was spent asleep, trying to recover. Maria often checked on him, and he could tell she worried. He struggled to drag himself out of bed, and so far, he had only managed to wake as early as late afternoon. Today was similar. He felt dead, and as he stared at himself, he thought he appeared that way, too. He found himself in a sort of stasis as he watched his reflection. His eyes traced the form of his nose, the lines of his mouth, the way his fangs peeked out ever so slightly when he parted his lips. The dhampir’s gaze drifted again to his own eyes. He felt lost in them. They were devoid of life, of emotion. How could they be otherwise? After everything he’s been through, everything he’s had to do. 300 years of sleep was not enough, it seemed. He was exhausted. He felt like he was simply going through the motions at this point. See a monster, strike it down, see a monster, strike it down, take a defensive stance, dodge the arrows, take some hits, drink a potion, strike it down, dodge, lay in a coffin, defense, strike it down…
Alucard blinked. His eyes were tired. He was tired. He looked at his bed in the mirror, behind him, piled with blankets and disrupted sheets. He moved to turn around, to crawl back into his bed, when he heard a knock at his door. He sighed.
“Um, Alucard?” said a voice. The lady’s.
He didn’t want to speak. He hadn’t spoken very much since that day. Instead, he looked down at himself to make sure he looked somewhat decent—a half-unbuttoned night shirt, loose trousers, and stockings. Messy hair. Sunken eyes. This will suffice. He opened the door a crack.
“Oh, uh,” Maria looked startled. Perhaps she was expecting a verbal response. “Hello. I was just coming by to check on you. Do you want something to eat? I know it’s a little late in the day, but I made lunch…Perhaps it is more like dinner…Hm, something in between, I suppose.” Alucard watched her. “Anyway! That is not important. I made food. Come have some, will you?”
The dhampir looked hesitant. Maria tried to discreetly look past him, to gauge if his bedroom was suitable for him. The man before her was a hero! He deserved the best treatment—better than she was able to provide, unfortunately, but she was doing her very best. She couldn’t handle the thought of this man having to go back to sleep in a coffin after risking his life to do something no one should have to do—kill his own father. His family. Maria shuddered. Alucard looked so cold, but surely he must be hurting.
“All right,” Alucard said quietly, almost a whisper. “Thank you.”
Maria’s eyes lit up. “Very good! Please, follow me to the kitchen.”
Alucard took a step back behind his barely open door. “I should get dressed first.” He turned to close his door, but Maria reached for his wrist.
“Wait!” she said. “It’s okay, please. Feel free to just wear whatever is comfortable. Don’t push yourself too hard.”
The dhampir looked down at his clothes once more. He suddenly felt overwhelmed, taking a shaky breath. His lip quivered slightly. Don’t break. Not now…Not now.
Maria’s expression was written with concern, and her heart broke for her new guest. Alucard nodded silently. Together, they sat at the dining table, where Maria had prepared some fish and bread. She noticed the dhampir’s slow, cautious movements. The way he eyed an end table, and the glances he gave towards her flickering candles. He seemed paranoid. The huntress reached across the table to put her hand on his arm. His gaze jerked towards her, and she gave a soft smile.
“You can relax, Alucard,” she said gently. “You’re safe here. Nothing is going to hurt you.”
“Thank you,” Alucard tried to say, but it came out mostly as broken whispers.
***
The two ate in mostly silence. If he admitted it to himself, Alucard had been very hungry, but with very little of an appetite. He appreciated the lady encouraging him to eat. After they were finished, he was ready to go back to his room. He felt drained from just this small interaction, however grateful he was. He disliked this feeling, but he didn’t know how to resolve it other than going back to sleep.
“Are you going back to bed, Alucard?” Maria asked, noticing his blank stare as he was lost in thought.
“If that is all right,” he replied.
“Of course! Please, get all the rest you need to recover.”
Alucard bowed his head. “Thank you.” He stood and began to leave the table.
“May I follow you to your room?” Maria asked suddenly. “I would just like to check on everything, make sure you have fresh clothing and sheets.”
“Y-Yes, that is all right.” He seemed reluctant, but was not going to deny his host access to her own home.
Maria smiled, and picked up a stack of cloths that she had prepared nearby. They crossed the foyer to Alucard’s room, and he led the way, opening the door and stepping aside for her.
Maria didn’t know what to expect, but her heart fluttered as she stepped into his bedroom and took it all in. It smelled like roses and subtle herbs—like him. His longsword was carefully leaned into a corner against the wall, with his shield nearby. Her eyes lingered on the shield—it was beautiful. The wolf design shone in polished silver, extruded from a deep red plate with gold embellishments. She wanted to touch it, to try and pick it up just to see if she could. She grew excited at the thought that the owner of these weapons was now living with her, and she was taking care of him—she was housing a hero. A beautiful man, not to mention…
Alucard cleared his throat and looked away, noticing Maria staring at him. She blushed and quickly averted her gaze, moving towards his bed.
“I’ll just leave these here for you. Let me know if you need anything else, okay?”
“I will,” Alucard said, trying to find his voice. “Thank you very much. I greatly appreciate your hospitality.”
Maria’s blush deepened. “It is my pleasure. It’s the least I can do.”
It looked like Alucard wanted to smile, but he couldn’t bring himself to. Maria smiled back at him anyway. She turned to leave, so he could have the solitude she thought he wanted, but something caught her eye. She saw the vanity, with his cloak draped over a corner of it, but in the mirror, she could see the dhampir’s reflection.
“Wait…You have a reflection?” Maria asked, very intrigued.
“Um…Yes,” Alucard replied, with a hint of amusement in his tone.
“But, how? I thought vampires don’t have reflections.”
Alucard almost smirked, his fangs flashing briefly. “I am only half-vampire, if you recall.”
Maria giggled, embarrassed but excited that she could see a hint of his smile. “Well, yes, but…you just look so much like a vampire. And you have many vampiric abilities, so I guess I just assumed you didn’t have a reflection.”
“Sometimes I wish that was the case,” he muttered, his expression falling again.
“What? Why on earth would you say that?”
“I just…” Alucard took a breath. “When I see myself, I see too much of my mother, and I mourn her all over again. When I focus on the other parts, I see too much of my father…and I mourn him, too. I hate him. But I also…I love him.” The dhampir kept his gaze away from Maria. “I hate that he made me do this. I hate the blood flowing through my veins. That is why I went to sleep for three centuries. And I hate that…that I am this thing.” He gestured at himself. “This thing I am sought to destroy. This part of my father, that still lives on in this world. I do not want it here. I wish I could just destroy it, too.”
Maria’s eyes widened. “Oh…Oh, Alucard.”
“My apologies, I…I should not have said anything.”
Without hesitation, Maria suddenly leaned in and hugged him. The dhampir stiffened, his hands hovering by his sides. Her grip on him tightened, and he relaxed, letting his hands rest over her in a light embrace in return.
After a moment, she straightened and looked up at him. “I’m so sorry you feel that way, Alucard. It isn’t right, and you don’t deserve that. I can’t say I understand how you feel, because I don’t—I don’t think anyone could. But I can say, that no matter what, you belong here in this world. I will guide you, and help you fit in. And if you ever, ever have doubts…just talk to me. I will be here.”
Alucard looked at her, at a loss for words.
“It’s okay,” Maria said. “You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know.”
“Thank…thank you,” he said. That’s all he felt he could say, for now. “Thank you greatly.”
“Of course,” the huntress smiled. “I will leave you to your rest now. Tomorrow will be a better day.”