Chapter Text
fear
/fir/
noun
an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.
When you think about fear you think about your heart racing, your heart in your stomach, accelerated breaths, maybe even a little sweaty. Fear is temporary, something that can go away, something that'll go away, but it won't stay away forever.
When I was in 6th grader, I decided that I wanted to go back to dance, we sat and watched the team and I signed up.
Fear was walking into that studio for the first time, not as an observer but as a "dancer" as a part of an organazation, a example of art, a team? Something I'm used to being apart of but could never understand.
I'd generally consider myself "calm" but walking into that building preparing for my first performance I was scared, granted I'd never preformed before, but I was just another "dancer", so who'd notice, who'd care enough to comfort me? I'm strong so why do I need comfort? That's what I told myself, that what I'll always tell myself. It's okay though, it may slightly hurt inside but I love dance so much that I was complacent, happy, id even argue that I was satisfied.
Walking onto the floor for the first time was euphoric, the fear was gone thank God but something new settled over me, not just complacency but understanding of what I committed myself to, and desire coursed my veins like it never had.
The music started and I gave it my all, It wasn't perfect, I knew it wouldn't be that it'd never be, but it was good enough for them so it was good enough for me, pride coursed my veins. Does that make me passionate, or ambition less? I could've done more, but you can always do more, enough will never truly be enough because humans will never be satisfied. However, for now I was happy, proud and full of passion.
Three weeks before that I had witnessed my first ever dance competition, the energy in there was something I'd never felt, watching the way they were family the way everyone supported each other, I knew that I wanted that, but did I truly grasp the amount of work it took to get that?