Work Text:
After The Storm
The air was cold, and the world stood still as if on pause. She took a deep breath and let go of the rail and closed her eyes; slowly slipping down the slope until she stood below the overpass. Taking another breath, she opened her eyes and observed her surroundings. Broken limbs, power lines, glass, and other debris scattered across the distance. A sharp pain radiated down her leg. She gasped as she ran her palm over it and saw blood and what appeared to be a deep gash. “Addy? Jeb? Praveen?” Their names softly came out from her lips. She was alone, frightened, and began to weep. Was this a nightmare? She prayed so.
In the distance she could see flashing lights and heard a siren approaching. The sirens echoed and sounded muffled. She covered her ears with her palms to try and tune out the ringing. A man stepped out of a police car and rushed to her.
“Are you okay?” He asked.
She shook her head knowing what he was asking and was far from being fine. Her body began to shake.
“Let’s get you to the hospital.”
He helped her into the car. She held her hands in front of her face and realized how pale she was. Shock, she was in shock. Her heart was racing fast, and she felt sick. Words formed on her lips, but she couldn’t speak. Instead of speaking, vomit filled her throat. It burned like acid. She began to cough. As the car began to speed away, she glanced into the distance one final time before everything went black.
Hours later, she opened her eyes at the sound of her mother’s voice.
“Kate…”
Her mother caressed her cheek. It comforted her.
“Mama? Am I dead?”
“No sweetheart.”
She noticed the tears in her mother’s eyes. “Where am I?”
“You’re in the hospital.”
“Did Addy wreck the car? Cause I told Jeb not to let her drive. Is that why I’ve had this weird feeling and I’m here? I mean, it was a nightmare, right? We wrecked before the tornado hit.”
Her mother took a deep breath and held it in.
“Mom?”
“Oh Katie, I’m sorry.”
A searing pain shot down her left thigh. She turned her head and moved the sheet to the side revealing a large bandage covering a large portion of her upper thigh to almost her knee.
“No. I thought it was a nightmare.”
Upon realization it was real, she began to panic and hyperventilating. The beeping of her heart monitor began to get louder, alerting the nurse.
“Kate, take a breath. I’m here.”
“No! No!” She cried out and covered her ears in panic as she heard Jebs voice saying, ‘I’ve got you Kate’. “No no you’re not here and please don’t let me go… I need to… wake up.”
A nurse came rushing into the room and her mother nodded. She injected the IV with diazepam, which would allow her to relax and rest.
Cathy took her daughter’s hand and placed a kiss on it. She felt her phone vibrate and looked down. “Hello?”
“Mrs. Carter?”
“This is she.”
“It’s Javi. I’m afraid there’s been an accident.”
“What kind of accident?”
“I don’t know how to explain but they were in the path and Kate is…” He couldn’t finish.
Cathy wondered where he was while her daughter held on for life. “Kate is in the intensive care unit.”
“Kate’s alive?”
“Yes. Listen we can talk about this later. Are you okay, son?”
“Not really. It was awful. When I lost contact with them, I just knew…”
She could hear him crying and it broke her mama heart. She listened to him breakdown over the line, telling him she would ensure Kate is taken care of.
A week later, Kate sat at the kitchen table sipping on warm tea. Taking slow sips, it relaxed her along with the Xanax. Something about the taste of her mom’s herbal tea. She watched her mother enter the room and toss her work gloves into a basket.
“Are you sure you’re, okay? I heard you crying again last night, and I want you to know I’m here for you. You can talk to me about anything.”
“I’m fine.” She lied. The wind blew the screen door open, and a broom fell to the floor startling her. She screamed and covered her ears. It sounded like thunder crackling.
Cathy touched her shoulder. “I can get you an appointment this afternoon. I figured talking with someone other than me might help.”
“No. I have to face them. I have to live with this.”
“Honey it wasn’t your fault.”
“It was my idea mom. My stupid science project and I got it all wrong.” She broke down. “They’re dead because of me.”
“No, they’re not.”
“Mom I was selfish.” She stood to her feet and hobbled to the counter. Pain radiating from her leg and the stitches pulled.
“Kate no. Don’t think like that.”
“You don’t know what it’s like…watching it take them one by one but leaving you. Why did it do this mom? Why am I still here.”
Cathy remained silent. The last week had been hell for her. One moment she’s on the phone offering them all barbecue dinner and the next she had a daughter who survived a traumatic experience. Her Kate loved life and weather, but the Kate who came out of the storm was different. She was scared. Afraid. If she could, she would take her place. A mother’s love never fades.
“I can’t imagine the pain you are feeling, but I want you to know, you ain’t stupid. You’re my daughter and I will always support you.”
“I hate everything. Why did it not take me?”
Cathy wrapped her arms around her daughter. “Because you are going to finish what you started. It may not be now but someday you will.”
Kate pulled herself away from her arms and grabbed a coffee mug and chucked it across the room where it shattered on the floor. She began to panic and fall apart sliding against the cabinets to the floor in tears. “Throw it away.”
*later*
Cathy’s phone rang. “I’ll take the phone to her.”
Kate looked up as her mother handed her the phone. “Who is it?”
“Take the call sweetie.”
“Hello?”
“Kate?”
“Javi?” She bit her lip.
“Are you okay?”
Why did everyone ask if she was okay? The same answer every time. No. She was far from okay.
“Kate? Are you there?”
“I’m sorry Javi.” She hung up the phone and gave it back to her mother.
“You are stronger than you know. I’ve always believed in you Kate and you are going to be okay baby.”
*
“Kate Carter, you have some nerve showing up here. You’re the reason my daughter is dead. You selfish bitch. You are not welcome here!” Addy’s father approached her.
“No…I came to…” Words formed but she couldn’t speak them. A quick slap to the face and she turned staring at him. The moment she looked into his eyes she could see the hurt, the pain, the anger, and everything she had caused him. She wasn’t welcome. Addy was her best friend, and this is how she gets treated while trying to pay her respects. Once again, she felt guilt take over.
“Leave. Now.” He pointed towards the door where she came in. Without another word, she simply nodded and walked away.
*
Standing in the bathroom splashing her face with cold water, all she wanted was to wake up from this never-ending nightmare. She ran a palm over the fogged mirror revealing the redness of her tear-stained eyes. Looking back at her was the face of a monster. This one had killed her best friends. With all the anger and hurt she balled her fist and slammed it into the glass mirror immediately shattering it to the floor. Staring at her fist and watching blood drip from her knuckles, she began to laugh. She felt no pain. Suddenly she had become numb.
Cathy rushed to the bathroom and opened the door. “First my favorite coffee mug and now the mirror?”
“I’m sorry mama.” She cried. “I’m a monster.”
“Stop believing that nonsense garbage. I’m going to grab a broom and let’s get this cleaned up.”
*
Cathy stared at the morning paper and tossed it aside then rubbed her eyes. She had had enough of the gossip. All it took was reading the title of ‘Tornado chase experiment gone wrong. 3 students dead.’ to make her nauseous. The media was cruel, and she wished she could get her hands on the reporter responsible for this. Kate didn’t deserve the negative attention. It was a freak accident which could’ve happened to anyone. Tornadoes don’t choose their victims. One can’t predict how fast they can grow. She knew her daughter and she would’ve never put them in harm’s way had she known the size of it. They made the decision to go with her that day. The sound of something falling down the stairs startled her. She stood up and rushed over in fear it was Kate. Instead, she found her daughter standing there with a suitcase in hand.
“Kate? Are you going somewhere?”
Her eyes were red from tears. “I’m sorry mama I can’t stay here.”
“Why do you think that? Sweetheart you are my daughter and always welcome home.”
“I know but it hurts.”
“It’s been three weeks baby. You will heal in time.”
“I’m not talking about my leg.” She raised her voice.
Cathy had a confused look on her face. “What hurts?”
“Everything. Don’t you see… I am a joke around here. I saw the paper mom and I just can’t be here anymore.”
Cathy wrapped her arms around her daughter in a tight embrace and kissed her head. “You and I both know the truth.”
Both women were crying.
“I know.” Kate wiped her face.
“Where will you go?”
“Away from here.”
Cathy took a deep breath. “You are an adult, and I can’t stop you. As long as you call me and let me know you are safe.”
“I can’t make a promise we both know I won’t keep.”
“I love you, Katie.”
She stood in the doorway and mumbled, “I wish it had taken me instead of them.” Then Kate walked out the door, got in her car, and sped off down the dirt road. Where would she go? Honestly, she hadn’t thought about it but knew anywhere far from Oklahoma would be better than home.
She drove all night from 6pm until she reached Gulf Shores, Alabama. Looking at the rays as the sun rose, she thought about what her future held. She kicked her shoes off and put her toes in the cold sand. It was a soft texture and she smiled. Going a bit further she stood where the water hit her feet. It was chilly. The sunrise made the water glisten. She stepped back and sat down. Grabbing a handful of sand, she began to focus on the feel of it in her hands. Grounding is what the therapist had called it. “Coarse…” Taking a deep breath she focused as she inhaled and exhaled. Thinking to herself out loud, “this is better than therapy”. She leaned back and closed her eyes trying to focus on better days ahead of her. An annoying flock of seagulls distracted her from her meditation.
“Damn birds.”
She thought about finding a place there near the coast, however, hurricanes were not her specialty and still involved the possibility of getting caught in the midst of a tornado outbreak. After three days of debating where to go, she finally decided the furthest possible place that lacked tornadic activity. New York City.
…Just take one step, closer
Put one foot in front of the other
You’ll get through this
Just follow the light in the darkness
You’re gonna be okay…
5 years later in New York…
Occasionally while at work she would watch a few live streams of Oklahoma chases, always making sure her mother was safe. One afternoon she sees on the news a tornado outbreak in Oklahoma. There was a livestream of a group of chasers who called themselves ‘Tornado Wranglers’. She rolled her eyes and mouthed “amateurs”.
Two days later she was informed she had a visitor. She started thinking, who would be visiting me at work and here in New York of all places? Yes, her mother had been trying to call and she had been avoiding all things home, but surely, she wouldn’t come all this way just to…
“Hi I’m Kate…”
And that’s when she saw him.
“Hi Kate.”
Standing there it was like seeing a ghost. Her friend Javi was there except with a haircut. She had been ignoring him and her mother for years now. Becoming detached from everything that reminded her of the past trauma.
And before she knew it, he had convinced her to come back to Oklahoma for a week to help his team gather data.
It was like ripping the band aid off.