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Tobias had forgotten how much he hated grocery stores.
The lights, the constant noises, confusing aisles, and especially interacting with everybody– he hadn’t liked it even before his life was literally thrown into a war, but after so long being in his bird’s body he had to get used to it all over again.
It was hell.
He ended up speed-walking out of the store, head ducked down and avoiding eye contact. Sorry Ax, Cinnabons will have to wait, he thought.
Part of him did wonder how he managed to hold himself together in battle, where the noises and feelings were infinitely worse than an average grocery store, but he tucked that thought away for another day. He just needed to get some snacks.
He ended up at a convenience store instead. He doubted they would have Cinnabon, but they were so much better than grocery stores. They were quieter, smaller, and the people there didn’t seem to care about anything. Perfect, in his opinion.
He was trying to choose which Little Debbie’s snack to introduce Ax to next (Ax might actually go feral over honey buns) when he heard it. Around the next aisle, two middle-aged people were talking to each other. And one of them mentioned his name. Well, his old name.
“Didn’t they take in their niece? I wonder what happened to her.”
“I thought they said she ran away after some bullshit identity crisis or something. She was one of them weirdos wanting them to call her a he.”
The conversation continued, but Tobias grabbed some snacks and tuned them out. He ducked his head down, pulled his hood up, and prayed no one would recognize him. Luckily they didn't, and he grabbed his bag of food and bolted.
He ran around the store to a corner he used to hide from bullies in (it was surprisingly effective). He kept one hand around the plastic bag and sat down against the wall, trying to take deep breaths. It was hard to believe anyone still talked about him, even if it was with the wrong gender. People had barely noticed him before, except for the few times he had tried bringing up his gender to them, and even that was pushed away and ignored. Because it was easier to ignore someone who fit outside the status quo than it was to acknowledge and accept them.
It had been years since he had met the Animorphs that fateful night, years since he had become a nothlit, years since he had regained the ability to morph but still had to spend the rest of his life mainly as a hawk– and no one cared. He had disappeared without a trace, and hadn’t seen a single sign that people were looking for him. No missing persons reports, no search parties, no CPS workers roaming around.
Being a bird wasn’t always great, but his old life wasn’t either. Either way, he ended up with a pit of loneliness in his chest. Normally the hawk brain sort of… covered that up. Or he had Ax to talk to (even if the alien didn’t quite understand). But now that he was thinking about it, just how little his old family had cared that he left without a trace… “lonely” was the only word for it.
He couldn’t help but laugh bitterly. He was seeing double versions of himself and both had issues.
The boy so alone nobody bothered looking for him.
The hawk with the mind of a boy who didn’t belong.
The boy fighting an invisible battle with himself.
The hawk fighting an invisible battle… with an alien race of slugs.
Lonely as a boy who nobody noticed, lonely as a bird with the mind of a boy that nobody noticed.
He eventually got the snacks back to the woods outside Cassie’s barn. Ax did, in fact, go feral over the honey buns.
<BUNZAH>