Chapter Text
You had left your old life behind. There was no time to dwell over the past or drown in nostalgia. Ave Mujica should be your one and only priority now, especially with your next live coming up soon. Yet everything BUT that is what's on your mind right now.
It was a regular summer day. Haneoka High school was in full swing with students all over the school grounds. Even so the loud chatter and laughter of the environment couldn’t stop you from being completely lost in thought.
And it just so happened that you’d catch a glimpse of the source of all your problems. Takamatsu Tomori. You two were band mates once and that’s all you should be. You left and made your own band, and so did she so there shouldn’t be a problem right? You're living your own life and so is she, so why is she still completely stuck in your mind.
“ah Sa-”
Before she could even finish her you ran off into the other direction. What was it about her that you wanted to avoid so badly? You were both in better places without each other, so why does your heart hurt every time you think of her. Every time you remember her. Every time you remember how it was, not how it is.
Before you realized it you were back in your class, back where you started. You took a deep breath and tried to recollect yourself before walking into class. Tried is a understatement however, everyone else who was still in class could see that you were really upset over something.
“Are you okay Saki-chan?” Your daze was broken upon hearing your childhood friend call out for you. “You’ve been in your world all day now.”
“I’m okay it’s nothing.”
Your friend looks a bit displeased with that answer. “You know you shouldn’t lie to your friends Saki-chan.”
“I’m completely fine, I'm just thinking of our upcoming live.”
“Lies, if you were you’d call everyone else, not just me.”
You can’t think of a comeback in time and now Uika is standing right in front of you. “The last time you looked this lost was when...”
“When what?” You ask in a slightly more aggressive tone.
“When you had just left CRYCHIC.”
Your heart sank the second those words were uttered.
“Tell me, and i mean tell me with honesty here. Are you still thinking about them? About Taki, Soyo and Tomori-chan?”
You could feel your lips tremble as you try and find the courage to answer. You left that life behind. You made a decision for your own sake and left them behind. You knew what you were doing and never looked back. Nothing can change those facts and you know it.
“That’s in the past. My focus is on Ave Mujica now.”
“There’s nothing wrong with thinking about the past y’know.”
Now you felt as if you were on the verge on the tears.
“Hm, I don’t know what you called me over for. But i think more than anything you need some alone time right now.
Uika turns away from you, you try and stop her but nothing comes out of your mouth.
“I’ll let the others know that you’re busy, don’t try and perform tomorrow before finishing whatever's on your mind okay.”
Uika gives you a faint smile and walks away.
Now clouded with anger and even slight sadness, you storm off into your own direction. Did Uika hit the right buttons? How did she know you were thinking about CRYCHIC and Tomori?
You kept walking faster and faster, more lost in thought until you finally make it to your house. You walk in without greeting anyone and head up to your room. You lock the door and fall to the ground.
What was it about CRYCHIC that was bothering her so much, or more exactly, what was it about Tomori that was bothering so much?
The cries of cicadas fill the silence of the night. You were lying on the floor of your room, still in your school uniform, covering your eyes trying to stop the tears that you can’t remember when they poured out at first.
You left CRYCHIC on your own accord. You know this. You’ve been repeating this to yourself all day now. They’d never understand why you left. Can YOU even remember why you left? You know it was the right decision, so why can’t you help but think about what would’ve happened if you stayed?
Would CRYCHIC be as popular as bands like Afterglow or Roselia now? Would you be a different person now? Or maybe the biggest question of them all, would you and Tomori still be friends?
You never meant to alienate Tomori. You left her and CRYCHIC, that’s it. Yet every time you catch nothing but a glimpse of her you turn your face. You ignore her as much as you can. You never meant to be rude to your friend who YOU invited to join CRYCHIC in the first place, so why? Why? WHy? WHY?
Why are you avoiding her? Why are you still thinking about her? Why are you still thinking about the what-if’s?
Your eyes begin to water up again. You try and wipe your eyes with your hands. As you do your phone vibrates.
You pick it up and see a notification from the live house RiNG official account. The account is hyping up tomorrows show. The post proudly proclaims that various bands will be performing for the audience. A lot of popular bands you recognize were listed, Poppin’ Party, Afterglow, Pastel Palletes, Roselia, Hello Happy World, Raise a Suilen, Morfonica and then... MyGO!. The picture under the post showed all the vocalists of the aforementioned bands, and almost as if it were a cruel twist of fate, you saw Tomori next to Poppin’ Party’s very own Kasumi Toyama up front and center.
The other vocalists were smiling, beaming with confidence, showing that they are veterans in the music industry and were ready to show you why they were so popular. And then there was Tomori. She looked lost, the only one of the vocalists who wasn’t smiling. Yet she didn’t look out of place. While looking lost, she also looked firm. She was waving to the reader, almost inviting them to come and listen to her. Her band of lost girls. She looked like even though she was lost, taken a back by being next to these legendary vocalists, she belonged there. She had faced her own challenges and made it all the way here, and both she and MyGO! are more than ready to prove that they deserve to be here.
You stare at the picture for a bit more. Your band will also be performing at that gig. When you swiped to see the next picture, you saw a photo shoot you and your band did. The picture showed you and your 4 band mates, wearing your live costumes and hiding behind masks. The caption explained that a new band on the rise would be performing their second gig, Ave Mujica.
You should be proud right? Seeing your band be uttered under the same breath as these legendary bands. But that’s not how you saw it. Your mind was fixated on that swipe between the main vocalists and your bands. You understand why Ave Mujica was separated from them, Ave Mujica was still new on the scenes meanwhile the others had done a few performances before. It made complete sense. So why was it bothering you? Was it because it felt like they were indirectly separating Ave Mujica from the other bands? Was it because you felt like they were underestimating Ave Mujica, almost as if they’re saying that Ave Mujica isn’t of the same quality of the other bands therefore on a different slide? Or was it because that small swipe separated you and Tomori? To you it felt as if the gods themselves were driving a line between you and your ex-band mate. As if ever since you left CRYCHIC behind, the universe itself was separating you and Tomori further and further apart.
But why was that bothering you? Out of all things, why are you so fixated on Tomori? She was just one person in your life. She was the weirdo of Haneoka, the one everyone gossips about in lunch time. Why was SHE the one who kept popping up in your thoughts?
You had your own band, and in your opinion your band was better than MyGO! anyways! Unlike them, Ave Mujica wasn’t lost. It had a direction, a common goal everyone was working towards. You were content with your life, with your band, with yourself. And yet Tomori still pierced your skin like a thorn on a rose.
You clearly weren’t jealous of MyGO!. You weren’t rushing to replace one of the members of Ave Mujica with Tomori. So what was it? What was it about Tomori that was driving you completely insane?
In the caption of the post were links to the YouTube Channels of all the bands who will be performing. Trying to find the answer to what was bothering you, you clicked the MyGO! link. The YouTube channel was the same as any other band. Upfront were some of their songs. You’d never taken time to listen to them, probably cause you were so busy avoiding Tomori, Taki and Soyo. One of your tears fell on your phone screen, clicking on the music video to “Mayoiuta”.
Before you could close the window the guitar started to kick in, followed by the drums, and then the bass, and then finally the voices of all the members. A short break from the vocals, followed by Tomori’s voice.
In the middle of the intersection, mixed among the busy crowd
I'm the only one who seems to be drifting aimlessly
The popular songs never sing about me
Please, don't laugh at me from within that billboard screen
Tomori’s voice was soft, almost as if she was on the verge of tears just by starting the song.
Today's another day of swallowing my feelings without voicing them
Filling my drafts up to the brim
Ah, and like that, I get through the night, thousands of times
As the song continued, both her singing and the lyrics grew more intense. It was a song about feeling lost in the world. Telling the story of how she doesn’t fit in this world, lost without clear direction and purpose. They weren’t complex lines, but with her voice and your knowledge on how Tomori’s been living, they feel impactful.
They're for my sake, that's all, that's all they ever were
The words that just happened to overflow, spilling out of me as they searched for an exit
If they reach your heart and fill in its cracks even a little
Then although I'm just me, I'll scream that I'm right here
The song of a lost star
As the ref kicked in you could feel yourself tearing up again. Tomori sang as if she’s been abandoned by the world, reaching out to whoever could hear her. And that’s when it finally clicked for you. The reason why Tomori was on your mind all day.
You felt guilty for hurting her.
The only reason why Tomori formed MyGO! was because you left CRYCHIC first. YOU were the reason why you and Tomori were separated in the RiNG post. YOU were the reason why Tomori wrote this song. YOU were the reason why Tomori felt like this in the first place.
You longed to reconcile with your childhood friend even though you pushed her away.
You longed to get along with the person who you made feel as if they were the fault that CRYCHIC disbanded.
You longed to be with Tomori again, and yet you were the one who hurt her.
The long silence of the night was broken by a scream of sadness.
Part 1, End.