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He tiptoes pink panther style through the woods, Ollie at his heels, as they look for their ultimate goal. The riptide pirates have visited every island but this, and he’s searched each and every one and come back fruitless; so this one must have it.
“Earl, what are we looking for again?” Ollie says.
“Sh! It might hear you and run off. We’re lookin’ for the rarest fruit you ever did see!”
“A fruit? Earl, I don't think they can run away.”
“They will with that attitude! Now quit your whitterin’ and help me look.”
They do look, for a longer time than usual. So long, in fact, they’re joined by a robotic third friend.
“Earl, Oliver. I do believe you’ve been a’looking for this here fruit for a long time. The captains are worryin’ you died.”
“Shut the fuck up!” the old halfling replies, “I’ve nearly got it!” he says as he sneaks up on a.. Bush? Its leaves blend into all the others, incredibly unremarkable. But Earl sneaks up on the unsentiant plant anyway, and pounces like a cat much too nimble for his age into the shrubs. This sudden movement is echoed widely by a yelp from Ollie, and various “heh!”s and “oh shit”s from the bush.
His… valiant battle concludes, tumbling out of the shrubbery with his dirty white shirt stained with blood and dirt. But he smiles, not with force as he once did, but with pure glee; as he clutches it. The object is sunshiney yellow against his hands, littered with little brown pieces; shooting from the top is a leafy green stem, pointy to the touch. And a horrible realisation dawns over Oliver, and an even more horrible realisation that he’ll have to tell Earl.
“Earl, that's a pineapple with some dirt on it.” he whimpers out quickly, cowering behind the still present Alphonze, who is not as frightened.
“You’ve gotta be fuckin’ shittin’ me. Why the fuck did it put up so much of a fight then?”
“Maybe you fought it more than it fought you, Earl.” Alphonze chimes in merrily.
“Well, i’ve searched every island high and low for this fucking fruit, and it’s not on any of them.”
“Maybe someone else saw it! I’m sure they’d know!” Ollie suggests, tugging on Earl's hand to get him to walk.
“Fine, fine…” he grumbles to himself, walking with the boy.
The albatross comes into view, figures run around on its deck playing some game or other. But when one spots the trio emerging from the forest clearing, the rest stop their games and lean wide over the rails, waiting for them to get home.
“Where the fuck did you go for so long? You took Ollie with you too? Did you even find the fruit this time?” the voice could be no one’s by Jays, scolding him the same way she tells off Chip or Gill when they do something dumb.
“Not this time, Miss Jay!” Ollie speaks for him, so that they stay civil, “But we did wonder if any of you had seen it? It’s unlike anything you've ever seen before, and we think there’s only one.”
“Weird things that there’s only one of… hmm.. I haven’t seen anything, but let’s see if anyone else has.”
“Like this?” Gillion says, holding a strange sphere of sorts, colour a sort of putrid yellow-green, an odd protrusion coming from the top, ending in a stem and a leaf.
“I found this months ago, it smells sweet enough but it hasn’t rotted or anything, never found another one.”
“You’re fuckin’ with me, right? You’ve had this on the ship for months and never thought to give it to the fruit man?? This is fuckin’ it, man. I’m gonna make some otherworldly juice, just you wait.”
In about an hour, there is a small pitcher on the Riptide Pirates kitchen table, a seed planted in a pot (to stop extinction), and a fulfilled Old Man Earl.