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Alaria sat on her bed with her legs crossed, allowing the calming waves of her meditation to pull her from reality and push her toward a deeper connection with the Force. While she knew many of her compatriots wouldn’t approve if she told them, the truth was that Alaria had been slacking lately when it came to her meditating. Her worry in recent times over an unexpected, yet very much welcome, addition to her life had been stopping her from gifting her soul true harmony.
Despite her hopes of making today the day she got back into practice, a quiet, reserved knock at her door dispelled the peace Master Alaria had fought so hard for. While she felt some momentary irritation over the knock ruining her concentration, these feelings faded after Alaria used the Force to detect who was on the other side of the door.
After standing up and straightening her dress, Alaria took a moment to breathe to cast away the remnants of her mild annoyance from a moment ago. Xiv rarely came to her master’s room unprompted, which Alaria knew stemmed from the vast number of insecurities that plagued the Mandalorian. Master Alaria was convinced that, more often than not, her apprentice felt like she was committing an unforgivable sin by just taking up space and time that someone else could use. The last thing she wanted to do was reconfirm, even unintentionally, how Xiv saw herself.
Tiny claws of anxiety clung to the Jedi’s shadow and followed her as she walked toward her bedroom door. Despite how many times Alaria had warned herself and how many times her comrades had warned her not to get too attached to the discarded child, the Mirialan couldn’t help but fret over the orphan. Mandalore, her tribe, the Galaxy, and, to a large extent, even the Jedi Order had already abandoned her. Alaria swore that, even if it killed her, she would protect Xiv and make her feel loved. Even if she was teetering on the edge of what was acceptable within the Order, she would continue to risk her purity as a Jedi if it meant Xiv felt loved and important.
Reminding herself of her mission with Xiv helped ease the Jedi’s anxiety and doubts. With the push of a button, the Mirialan opened her bedroom door and looked down to discover why the usually reclusive Xiv had come to her. However, despite the number of possibilities she considered, many of which made her panic, none of them had involved Xiv holding a bag to her chest while she shuffled around and looked at the floor.
“Um, hello, Master,” Xiv said, catching her master’s eye for a moment before she shook and refocused on the ground. “I, um… I really hope that I’m, well… that I’m not interrupting anything.”
There was an intense blush on Xiv’s face as she hugged the bag closer to her chest and did everything she could to hide its contents. Just asking that question had seemingly spent all the bravery Xiv had saved up for this excursion, forcing her to back away to escape the remorse hanging in the air near her master’s door. However, before Xiv could get very far, Alaria cupped her apprentice’s shoulder, knelt, and smiled. While the Padawan’s nerves were still making the girl feel she was going to vomit, the Jedi’s kindness had, at the very least, stopped her from dismissing herself.
“You’re not, do not worry, my dear,” the Mirialan lied to stop her apprentice from destroying herself from the inside out. “Is everything all right? You do not often visit me like this.”
“Sorry.” The Mandalorian shrunk away from her master’s touch and started to look down the hall, the temptation to leave draining her eyes.
“It is fine, Xiv,” Alaria responded, catching her mistake and her apprentice’s reaction quickly enough to pull Xiv away from hopelessness. “I am more than happy to see you. Though, I do have to wonder, does your visit have anything to do with that bag you are holding.”
Due to the magnitude of her blush, the only response Xiv could give her teacher was a nearly imperceptible nod. However, that minuscule gesture was still enough to make Alaria smile and guide her apprentice into her room. The Jedi sat herself down in her office chair and had Xiv take her bed. While the Padawan looked extremely guilty for, in her eyes, stealing her teacher’s bed, the idea of displeasing Alaria by rejecting her offer upset the younger girl even more. Its threat kept Xiv obedient for the time being.
“Do you want to share what is in the bag, Xiv?” The Mirialan smiled and reached over to rub her apprentice’s shoulder. “You do not have to if that is not what you desire. However, regardless of what is in the bag, I will not judge you.”
Once again, Xiv didn’t respond at first. All she did was look at her feet, hug her bag, and shuffle around on her master’s bed. However, when Alaria was preparing to try to push the Mandalorian a little further, the Padawan surprised her master.
“Can you cover your eyes for a moment, Master?” Xiv asked after hopping off the bed and steeling herself enough to look at Alaria.
While confused, the Jedi still smiled and did as Xiv asked. While she was sitting in darkness, she heard quiet ruffles and grunts coming from her apprentice. Alaria resisted her desire to uncover her eyes and look at the Padawan, determined to honor her promise. Still, the Mirialan silently sighed when Xiv alerted her that she could look again.
When Alaria saw Xiv, the Mandalorian managed, once again, to surprise her master. However, this shock had a much more positive origin. In front of Alaria was a little girl, who was still getting used to her feminine identity, wearing a thick, black dress with a large bow attached to the collar in the front, large ruffles along its bottom, and white buttons. Regardless of how nervous she was, Xiv’s overflowing joy brightened the room around her.
“I finally managed to save up enough for a dress,” she said, rubbing her arm while grinning. “I wanted you to be the first one to see me wear it.”
Everything Alaria knew about the Jedi Way demanded that she take a deep breath, calm herself, and contain her emotions, but she just couldn’t at that moment. The vulnerability, joy, and trust that were making Xiv glow at that moment were too much. Alaria couldn’t stop herself from tearing up as she got onto her knees and pulled her apprentice into a hug.
“You look beautiful, dear.” Alaria pulled back and grinned at Xiv, who was now also crying. “The most beautiful little girl I’ve ever seen.”
Alaria accepted that, just this once, it was okay to break the Jedi Code a little bit. She didn’t know how she couldn’t when this moment allowed her and her apprentice to hold onto each other so intimately in several ways. It was worth breaking a few rules for such a rare moment of genuine beauty.