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Being a king of an incredibly upside down world is not easy, especially when your wife is a megalomaniac who really likes beheading people on a whim. However, the most annoying thing by far is his kingly robes. Many people assume that he has a battalion of servants to wait on him at any given moment, but that couldn’t be less true. Really, everytime his beloved was wronged just a smidgen by a handmaid she would decapitate the poor girl.
However, as per request the royal costumer was to not be killed (something about being a sentient strawberry who grew legs and arms one day and how their species are endangered, he doesn’t know). After his wife killed the last of his dressing crew and the royal costumer fully took over his morning routine he felt like every morning was either a very fast quick change (as if he was being timed to music or something) or hours of standing still as they poked and prodded at him.
This morning was a bit different though, because when he woke up and searched over the agenda his head butler handed him something that seemed deeply wrong. Wonderland had a habit of repetition yes, but the Trial of the Heartless Alice had happened yesterday he’d thought. In fact, he knew. For all his royal blustering he really couldn’t fight, and his past lives as dentists, sad gay men, and stupid servants didn’t help. She had beat their asses, and returned to wherever she had come from, clawing her way out of her own personal hell like a cat, hissing and scratching the entire way.
As he made his way out of his bed chambers, and down to the dressing chambers where his clothing awaited he pondered the situation. It wasn’t unheard of to have prophetic dreams, and wake up with deja vu but yesterday had felt all too real for it to just be a dream. Sighing into a yawn he knocked thrice on the door, and waited. The door was flung open with vigor as the costumer gave him the dirtiest glare known to man.
“Your robes are an absolute mess your majesty, and unless you remember the brawl you apparently got into I recommend to up my pay, and give me a good explanation.” They snarled, jamming their finger into his chest as they advanced on him.
“I apologize, but I never got into a ‘brawl’, I had a strange dream last night but thats the most violent thing I’ve encountered in months!” He replied, pushing past them to get a better look at the very aptly described mess that was his robes.
“Was it the type of dream that would cause you to break in and damage your very expensive velvet robes?” They yelled, pacing aggressively around the robes.
“Look, I’m not sure, all I know is that I was moderating a trial of a very heartless girl and she tore up the entire courtroom.”
The costumer stopped their angry pacing at that.
“That’s odd, I think I dreamt the same thing, did it happen that the girl's name was Alice? Did she mutiny with the help of the White Rabbit, the Herald of the court?” The costumer asked, tone switching abruptly.
“Yes, that’s it. But, how did you know that?” He said, more mystified than before.
“Call me mad, but I think we may have time traveled.” They said, voice low.
“What.”
“You heard me, it would make sense because your court outfit has been sufficiently ruined, just as it would’ve been at about 16:30 today.” They said, explained. “And, it would make sense that it was only you and I because my favorite cloak was covered in soot stains this morning, like it had been burned or something, but no other jury outfits have been ruined.”
“So, what do we do about it? It’s not like the two of us could exactly change the events that’ll happen in t-minus 8 hours. My love has made it very difficult for me to get a say in her trials.” He said.
“Well, maybe if Alice can escape Wonderland, we could follow her.” They suggested.
“Maybe, that is probably the best idea as of right now. Also, pray tell, what’s your name? I don’t think I caught it.”
“Oh my-, nevermind, my name is Kili Loje, but I also go by Fraise. Now, let's see what we can whip up before this mad trial.”
6 hours had flown past in a second, but at least during that second a more sufficient plan had been made. The general idea was simple: the King would sneak away at some point during the Queen's angry fit and after meeting with Kili Loje they would stay on the outskirts of the court area and wait for the troublesome trio to flee the scene, at which they would follow.
It wasn’t the best but it's what they had. Between the angry grumblings of Kili Loje and the nervous jitters of the King it was the best compromise they could find.
The court assembly was as lively as ever, that is to say only very lively when they could rag on Alice. The King was very aware that he was a lot more spacey due to the nerves of betraying his love but his royal training was keeping him afloat in the riotous arena. By the time the Duchess came marching over, spitting about a pig he had snuck away, tucking himself against the back Gallery seats as he crab scuttled through the verbal battlefield.
Panting hard and very red, he emerged from a small door that only the Dormouse ever really used and spotted his treasonous companion not at all suspiciously climbing into a bush. Scurrying over he tucked himself amongst the leaves as well, and exchanged a plethora of glances with them as they waited for their ticket to leave.
After what felt like hours a raggedy trio came running out of the room, laughing and crying. The cat disappeared almost immediately but Alice and the White Rabbit stayed, collapsing into a puddle as a hole in the sky seemed to transport them to somewhere else. Scrambling out of the hedge the duo ran after them as fast as they could.
He was going to be honest, his back hurt like hell and he didn’t really want to wake up, but someone was shaking him, and distantly he could hear voices. One of which cut through like a knife. Sitting up rapidly he looked around, and noticed his companion laying next to him in a very odd looking room. It was small and had a lot of clutter, and as he looked around he became aware of the person leant over Kili Loje. They were wearing all black and had a headset on.
Looking over to him, they gave them a concerned look.
“Are you okay man? You were out for like a solid hour. Are you sure you can perform tonight?”
They said, tilting their head.
“Uh.” He said, a real dignified reply. Suddenly a whole ton of memories flooded him and all he remembered was hitting the floor again.