Chapter Text
Here: First Part
Whoever said time would heal all wounds was a big fucking liar.
Those who said things would always get better eventually were spewing a load of fucking bullshit.
Nothing felt better.
His pain of hurting his lover, even if he convinced himself it was to keep him safe, the guilt of knowing what he had done to him—even if it was all for him—never went away. He hated himself—but knew it was the only way he could keep him from harm.
A year had passed since then—but Sonny Brisko never forgave himself for hurting Alban the way he did when he left him, and probably never will.
When the assignment finally arrived over a month ago, his initial thought was to find Alban—find him, beg for forgiveness, beg for Alban to just punch him for all the pain he knew he caused, beg for Alban to take him back—but he knew he had no face to show him.
More than that…he was actually frightened to see him. He couldn’t stomach the thought of Alban looking at him with hate—or worse, indifference.
Once or twice, he caught himself almost calling him, but would always drop the call before it could go through. He was being stupid, he knew, but he still couldn’t help himself.
He also thought about calling Fulgur or Uki, (Fulgur mostly, because he knew Uki hated him as well now, after a phone call he received from him a while back, where Sonny had to keep up with the lie and confirm that he had indeed left Alban. The purple-haired man called him every name in the book, before screaming at him to never appear before Alban again—that the brunette deserves someone better—someone who wouldn’t hurt him as badly as he did. Sonny listened to him but said nothing, ignoring the searing pain like a knife in his chest at the man’s words. He agreed with Uki after all. When Fulgur took the phone from his lover to talk to Sonny, he was calmer and more level-headed, and somehow, the blond police officer thought the man could see through what he did, although he didn’t say it out loud. His words were cold, as he told Sonny how this affected all of them and they were all cutting him off but he didn’t know what to say. Were his actions in the previous year even justified? Would it be enough to apologize?
He ends up drinking alone in the apartment he used to share with Alban (he kept it, along with every bit of Alban’s memory the younger wasn’t able to take when he cleaned the last time—a spare orange shirt he didn’t notice was tucked in with Sonny’s clothes, his spare key, Alban’s favorite pillow, the only things he had from his lover), unsure where to go from here.
The past year was a blur for Sonny Brisko—his life had no color without Alban—he could only remember moving mechanically to finish the investigation and to bring down the cartel—so he could finally be free and go back home.
Back to Alban…
The girl was partnered with—what’s her fucking name again? He never really bothered to learn, and just called her by the surname—rolled her eyes at him when she found him.
“This is seriously not how you celebrate a job well done.”
“There’s nothing to celebrate” he mutters, taking another swig from this drink “Yeah, we finally brought down the big bad drug cartel…whoopee” his tone was anything but happy.
She stares at him longer, then shakes her head at him “You haven’t reached out to him yet?”( she was the one who witnessed Alban leaving before) as if saying, why the hell not?
Sonny mumbled something incoherently.
“What was that?”
“I–I’m…scared… I’m terrified of learning he’s already moved on…” It was muttered so low that she wouldn’t have heard it if she didn’t ask him to repeat “That he already loves someone else…”
“Well”... It would be harsh of her to say he deserved it for hurting his lover like that, so she held her tongue and simply patted him on the back. She did hope they would be able to reconcile though. “You’ll never know if you don’t try, right?”
Sonny didn’t say anything, so she decided it was best to leave him alone. After all, she only came in to drop some paperwork.
“Good luck Brisko…”
Sonny didn’t respond, even when he heard her leave. His thoughts were on Alban, wondering where he was now, what he was doing, had he moved on already? Did he hate him? Was he happy?
He hoped Alban was happy—even if it hurt that Sonny was no longer the one making him smile.
He deserved that more than anything.
“Alban…”
I miss you.
I love you.
I never stopped loving you.
I’m sorry.
Alban.
.
..
…
….
“A-Alban…?”
Sonny froze in his tracks, not sure if was seeing things. His mind had been stuck on Alban for the whole month and two weeks since he came back from his assignment, and when finally listened to his co-workers to go out to a bar, his mind was playing tricks on him into thinking he was seeing Alban.
It couldn’t be, Alban didn’t like bars. (To be fair, neither did Sonny…their idea of a perfect date was hanging out at home, cuddling, and watching a sappy movie on their couch)...there was no way…right?
But he seemed so real…it was Alban the way he remembered…the same fluffy flaxen hair, his beautifully expressive mismatched eyes (though they appeared to be looking somewhere else at that time), soft, pouty lips…his cute, small ears…perfectly shaped nose…it seemed like Alban…
His Alban…
He was so stunned by the image of Alban that he failed to notice some of the things that were off.
Sonny was walking forward before he could stop himself. It was really Alban—
He needed to–
“Alban, babe! There you are!”
And just like that, Sonny Brisko once again froze in his tracks, his blood running cold.
What ?
Unable to move, he watched as a dark blue-haired man approached Alban, grinning widely as he scooped the smaller male from behind, earning a surprised yelp from the brunette.
Sonny resisted the urge to close his eyes. God, it sounds like Alban too…
When he spoke, he was convinced that it was Alban. His Alban.
Well, obviously not his anymore…
“Moony!” he watched as Alban smiled, relaxing into the arms of the man who wasted no time wrapping around his frame possessively.
“You didn’t get snatched by any crazies, right?” Moony’s piercing golden eyes looked around, though he never caught sight of Sonny more than a few feet away.He leaned closer to whisper into the brunette’s ear, who went red and shook his head. The chuckle from the taller man felt stabs to Sonny’s heart.
Someone was holding Alban so close…
He wanted to see red. He wanted nothing more than to run up to them and snatch HIS Alban away from whoever the hell Moony was. Wanted to take him by force and keep him by his side where he should be.
Where he was always meant to be.
But Sonny forced his thoughts away. He knew he had no right to think that way. Alban had moved on. And who was he kidding? With the way Sonny had hurt him, of course, he had to move on.
He had no one to blame for this happening but himself.
He had finished his assignment, and gained recognition…a medal, and a promotion… but lost the one thing that mattered the most.
He had lost Alban.
Blinking back unshed tears, Sonny wanted to leave the bar right then and there…to drink until he could be numb back at home…wanted to drown himself in alcohol to maybe somehow forget what he saw tonight…maybe he could delude himself into thinking Alban was still waiting for him…
That he still loved him…
That they could still be together…
But for some reason, he couldn’t leave. He wanted to talk to Alban…even if he knew it wasn’t rational…wanted to hear from himself that Alban has really moved on.
He knew it was stupid.
He couldn’t help it.
Knowing Alban, he knew the man wouldn’t be able to handle the smoke, lights, and overall environment of a bar and would eventually need to go out and breathe some fresh air. Sonny waited for that chance, hoping he would be alone when he does
He had to wait half an hour, but eventually, fate still favored Sonny, and he finally saw Alban going out to breathe. Alone.
He watched him for a bit, several emotions flooding his veins…sadness, regret…anger at himself…longing…love…pain….
Alban closed his eyes for a bit to relax, as Sonny resisted the urge to kiss his eyelids, something he always used to do whenever he was overwhelmed.
He wanted to hug him, but knew he had to respect Alban’s space… his steps were quiet, but his heart was heavy when he eventually approached his former lover
“Alban…”
Alban’s eyes instantly snapped open, when he found Sonny standing there, his green and gray eyes widened in disbelief, face pale. “Wha—” he couldn’t even finish his sentence. The look on his face shows he wondered if he was hallucinating or not
“I’m here,” he said quietly. Unsure how to proceed. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to suddenly show up. He could see a swirl of emotions flashing on Alban’s face “Hey”
Confusion, anger, disbelief— Sonny looked down before he could see the ‘anger’ settle in.
“What…how…” Alban was shaking his head. “Why? Why now…?” He whispered the last part.
“Alban, I…”
“No” the brunette muttered firmly, as Sonny flinched at his tone. “You don’t get to do this to me, Sonny” his voice then cracked. “Leave, please”
“I…please, give me a chance to explain…” to beg for forgiveness…
“There’s nothing to explain,” he dismissed. “You made your choice”
“Alban—” When Sonny moved to try and hold his hand, Alban visibly reacted. And if he wasn’t so surprised at his sudden reaction, the blond male would have noticed how his pupils slightly shook. But he was so stunned and hurt at how the younger one rejected him “I–I’m sorry…” he managed to mutter.
Alban seemed surprised himself as well. For a split second, it felt like he wanted to say something, but they both stopped when there was a familiar voice calling from inside
“Alban! Babe, are you done getting some fresh air?”
“Alban…” Dignity be damned, Sonny wanted to beg him right then and there to ditch that bastard inside and come back to Sonny.
Alban instantly reacted, moving to go back inside “I…I have to go…”
“Alban…”
“No, I have to go back to Moony. I have to go back” he mumbles it like a mantra, and suddenly, it doesn’t look right at all to Sonny.
“Alban?”
“Move, Sonny. I have to go back” but Sonny was suddenly in front of him, like some wall preventing him from going back to his current lover.
“Hey—” but to Sonny’s surprise, Alban finds the strength to push past him and run back into the bar, where he hears the dark blue-haired man cooing at him yet again.
Sonny stood there, trying to focus on what just happened.
And convincing himself he wasn’t seeing bruises when Alban was pushing him away.
What the hell is going on..?