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My dearest, Kaveh
It has been months since you've passed.
While the days seems to drag on infinitely longer without you here, I try my best to keep my head above water.
Even in death, you are my guide, my light in the darkness, my anchor upon shore.
In my every moment of everyday, there isn't a single one where I haven't not thought of you, where I have not missed you.
Your key in my pocket a constant reminder of you.
Despite all this, I'm writing you this letter to let you know, I'm doing well. I know it was one of your worries that you've shared with me before, that you being older than me, that you will pass on before me most likely. I will be honest, when you shared those thoughts with me I chuckled.
It didn't seem real.
As the sun has shone it's rays of light down on the land of Sumeru for thousands and thousands of years, it didn't seem real, didn't seem possible that the light in my arms could be snuffed out.
But as I've learned, time is not forgiving.
Not forgiving on our bodies and our souls, and there comes a time when we return to the land, to the heart of this world.
At your funeral, in the field and scenery you had discribed to me in detail where you would like to rest, I thought that maybe your soul had already found peace here.
The flowers around your grave stood tall and vibrant, the trees bending as if bowing to your soul. All seeking out that snuffed light that may just still be burning under all that soil.
I wondered if they all knew just how bright you shined in life.
I spent days with you, and I felt you with me too.
I returned to our now empty home.
How empty our home feels with you no longer here, the walls and decor have lost their color to me.
But every now and then, I find you again.
A hair clip under my pillow, a piece of jewelry in my desk, a paint brush laying under the divan.
Every piece I find I leave undisturbed, to find it once more in time. The small pieces of color in my life that bring me joy.
I'm rambling.
I wanted to write to you, to tell you that I am doing well. That your Junior, your lover, your other half, is doing ok.
I am sorry I didn't write to you sooner, I have been struggling to put my pen to paper since your passing.
My mind kept going back to when I found you, resting in our bed, me by your side writing the final details on a note to send to tighnari and cyno. How I ache over the fact I didn't hear your last breath over the sound of my pen on the paper. How I didn't notice you go still.
Though, I gain confidence and peace knowing that you went in peace, you were warm in bed, next to me in the dead of night.
I'm glad I was able to kiss you goodnight one last time.
I won't go too much into the details of your passing and about what happened after.
I am in good health, and while it pains me a bit to say, I will not be joining you too soon, my dear.
I have been preparing well for when I will though, as your passing made me realize the amount of paperwork death entails, and how much we put it off.
It wasn't just me wanting to be naive and blind to what the future holds, hm?
Your will was a bit of a surprise I will say, always so selfless you are. Left the details of your burial for me to remember which you rambled about in-between the sheets of our bed, but wrote in great detail in your will what charities you'd like your wealth to be distributed to.
Deaya gave me her tearful thanks at your funeral, I'm sure any orphan in the dessert will never go hungry again.
Speaking of, the amount of visitors at your funeral surprised me, not that I ever doubted how loved you were.
I saw crowds, families, most likely the entirety of Sumeru showed up at some point during your funeral, to weep and say thanks to your grave, during the first three days I was there at least.
I met people I'd never had, or would've because of you, heard stories I never knew, stories of you.
I never cry, you know that, but I probably cried enough to rival the tears you've split in your life.
Your light and grace have touched many, many hearts. Even if you never built your masterpieces, I think you still would have been remembered for the rest of time.
Your love and kindness are etched on every heart of this city, this nation and more. Your heart will be forever held in your masterpieces, the buildings and palaces you've built.
And I hope that in history, I will be remembered not as the grand sage, not as the scribe, but as your faithful, loving husband.
I miss you, I miss you more than the sun in the morning on these cold nights in our empty bed.
I miss you more than greenery that comes with spring, the spotless sky and joy of summer.
I miss you more than the swift breeze and cold rain of autumn, the soft snow and peace that comes with winter.
I miss you.
As time waits for no one, I hope you can wait for me, my love.
I love you, I will see you again,
your dearest, Alhaitham.