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The warmth of your embrace is always so warm. I feel so safe with you. But little did I know that I all would come crashing down on us sooner or later. For our love was unnatural, forbidden even. I was Human, you an angel, my Guardian angel. I knew we could never be, but I was foolish and young and so much you are not. You were centuries old and wise, even wiser than I in my 24 years of miserable life. I wanted to be with you for the rest of my feeble life. But we can never be together in that way. It is heavily frowned upon in your world. You live far out of my reach, but at least I can feel your warm embrace before, well, before I cannot bare this world anymore. I wish you could save me from the demons that lurk in my head, you cannot though.
I cannot have you, as selfish as that sounds its true. We are too different, never meant to be together. I wish I could have you, But I can't. I stay awake hoping to see you again, for you have been reassigned to another. You have been through my highest highs and lowest lows, my stressful moments, the times I made choices that made me suffer more. Now, my choice to love you has punished us both. I wish to be held in your arms as I cry one last time. I cannot bare this world any longer, so I wish to depart. My heart has long decayed, and my body is soon to follow. It has turned a deep black abyss in my chest too far gone to be recovered, or so i thought, little did i know then that my story has just started.
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It all started when I was 15.
I was about to be hit by a truck, but then he saved me.
He had the most gorgeous blue eyes i had ever seen. He wore a white robe with a red cloth tied around his waist. His hair was a deep chocolate brown. He grabbed me out of the road, and that is when i saw them. The most magnificent pair of pure white wings, they shined in the sunlight as he asked me if i was alright. I said i was ok and asked who he was. He told me that he was my guardian angel. I didn't believe him for a second, because angels don't exist right? At least not for someone like me. Someone who was abandoned by the very people that brought her into this world. I looked up at him with my dull green eyes and he flinched at their lifelessness. I asked him why he saved me. He told me that it was his duty to guide me through life and to keep me safe. Again, i asked him why, why would he do that for a nobody like me? A nobody that was living on the streets like a stray dog. He looked at me with the saddest eyes, but what i found in them was not pity, but understanding. Understanding of how i came to be in this situation, understanding that i was not sympathy or pity that i needed. It was love. He knew i had never felt such a thing. He knew, me. Not the me that i let others see, but the me i kept hidden, the me i cried myself to sleep with.
That was the moment I fell in love with him.
He continued to stay by my side as a shield, my shield. He would hold me in those warm arms at night and lull me to sleep. I would sink into his warm embrace, content with the love he gave me. Those nights i felt so safe.
On the day of my 20th birthday i was able to get my first stable job and with that came a better place to live. So that night we celebrated by laying in my new comfy bed, him holding me in his arms like always. We fell asleep like that.
The next morning i made breakfast for the both of us. It was eggs, waffles, bacon. He loved waffles. He loved them almost as much as he loved me.
As the world continued to kick me while i was down, he lifted me up into his arms. He lived up to the title of Guardian angel. I found that every other month as i was sleeping he and all of the other angles would meet in heaven to update each other of their charge's lives. He, unfortunately, did not have good news on how my life went. I don't know what happens during those meetings, but what i do know is that he came back looking upset. I thought it was because everyone else had good news about their charge, but i was very wrong. As his distress grew after every meeting i knew i had to ask him what was weighing him down. What he told me was, devastating. he told me that if we continued to act on our feelings he would be reassigned and i would never see him again.
We did not know that this was not a warning. It was a statement that meant he was being found someone to be reassigned to.
When that happened, we were going through the motions of life. Me, cooking dinner, and him, trying to keep me from burning myself. That was when another angel came to inform him of them switching charges.
It broke my heart beyond repair and i went into a downward spiral. I started getting mixed up in the wrong crowds and consuming enough alcohol to kill an elephant. With this my life got so much worse. I missed him even more, the new angel was trying his hardest to get me to stop, while i became numb to the world, and going back to my old self-destructive methods. I was not ok, I'm still not ok, but I'm getting better.
One night while i was cooking dinner for me and the other occupant of my home, i had a moment of remembrance of how me him used to be, how he would hover over my shoulder while i cooked and made sure i was safe and happy.
The next time i saw him was when i was finally going to leave this world. I was running the blade across my neck. The new angel was trying to save me but i would not let him. I knew that if i put enough intent into my words that the angel would have to respect my wishes and let me do it. I was about to be swallowed by the beautiful black abyss that was death, but then he showed up. He tried to stop the bleeding, but to no avail. I told him to just let me die and finally be at peace. He was crying so much as i looked at him with a peaceful expression. I felt bad for leaving him with so much grief. There was no turning back though, and i was done trying to live.
The next thing i knew i was on the stairs to heaven, though i was not their because i had died, no. I was there with him and the other angel. He was pleading with God to save my life. God could only shake his head and say how there was nothing he could do; my body was too far gone for it to support my soul it wouldn't heal fast enough. He was begging God asking him if there was another way for me to live. God said there was a way to completely restore my body and put my soul back in it, but it came at a hefty price. He said he would do anything to save me. I was drifting off at this point and there were black dots in my vision.
God told him of the conditions, and he agreed. I did not hear nor understand what they were until after. He placed me on the ground and took a step back. God restored my body and put my wavering life back inside. I opened my eyes and looked at my love, there were tears in both of our eyes. I got up and ran to him, but when i got there he collapsed. I collected him into my arms and asked him what was wrong with him. God told me that he had traded his life for mine. Which meant i would take his place as a guardian angel and he would cees to exist. I started to cry. I clutched his lifeless body in my arms. As he started to dissolve into dust with tears in my eyes i told him the very thing i had been wanting to for so long.
"I love you"