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Lucy stands in the parking lot, momentarily stunned at what just happened. Her heart is racing a mile a minute and she feels like she could be sick.
That’s why I’m walking away.
I’m sorry.
Her empty pleas went unheard, as the one man who she trusted with her heart and her soul walked away from her. The only man she has ever loved, and it wasn’t just a temporary love, it was head over heels in love with him.
Walked away from them.
She tries to move but her feet are stuck to the ground and she thinks if she moves she will fall over.
She finally does move, and she climbs into her car. Her eyes full of tears. She doesn’t want to go home, she doesn’t want to go to the place where Tim left her the first time. And then again.
She knows what she wants, she wants to call Tim and scream at him. Curse him out and ask him, why why would he do this?
She finds herself driving towards his house, in his neighborhood and up his street. She finally gets to his house. And his truck is parked in the driveway, it’s crooked like he couldn’t bother parking it right.
She takes a deep breath, and gets out of her car and walks up to the front step. She doesn’t know what she is going to say.
She doesn’t even know why she’s doing this.
He left her.
He broke up with her.
Why is she chasing him?
Why does she care when he shattered her heart?
She shakes her head, because it doesn’t make sense. None of it makes sense, Tim shutting her out, Ray, none of it.
She bangs on the door, and she doesn’t care if she looks crazy. There’s no answer and she bangs again.
“God damnit Tim!” She yells and she knows he’s in there. She knows he can hear her, “Just open the fucking door.”
There’s still no answer and Lucy lets out a frustrated breath. And digs for his house key. She finds it and then inserts it but the door is already unlocked.
Which is weird.
Tim was a freak when it came to locking his door, he even made sure her door was locked at all times.
“Tim?” She calls out. “Why is your door unlocked?” There’s no answer, and Lucy steps inside the dark house.
It’s silent and dark, and Lucy gets an uneasy feeling. “Tim?” She calls out again. She steps further into the house. And goes into the living room, Tim is passed out on the couch a arm over his face.
Lucy’s heart clenches as she looks at him, he looks exhausted, and haunted. He looks like a broken man who doesn’t know what to do.
And she loves him even more.
She shouldn’t be here, Tim doesn’t want her here but—
She goes over and shakes his shoulders. He stirs but doesn’t wake up. “Tim!” She hisses. He stirs again and opens one eye and then another. A look of surprise crossing his face.
“Lucy?” He says his voice rough. “What are you doing here?”
“Your door was unlocked.” She says stiffly.
“That doesn’t answer my question.” He says sitting up. Lucy doesn’t say anything just stares at him and then it all comes tumbling out.
“You really think I’m just going to let you walk away?” She asks. “Do you really think I’m going to let you give me some cliche reason as to why you broke up with me? I’m n-not going to just let you do that Tim.”
Tim sighs, his eyes downcast as he pushes himself up off the sofa and comes to stand in front of Lucy. “I don’t know what you want me to say Lucy.” He says and he’s tired. She can tell the last few days have caught up with him. It usually takes him a few hours to actually crash.
“I want you to tell me why.” She says. “Why did you throw our entire relationship away like it didn’t matter. Did I really mean that little to you?”
Tim’s face twists up, and he shakes his head. “No.” He says. “You mean everything to me Lucy.” He says. “This was n-never about you.”
“Don’t.” She says. “Don’t you dare say it was you not me.” Tim ducks his head down, and shakes his head.
“I messed up Lucy. I lied. I put my self interest before my team. I hurt you so many times. Ho-how do you want to be with a man like me?”
Lucy steps forward, and she narrows her eyes at Tim. “Because I love you.” She says. “Because I want to help you in anyway I can. Because I know who you are.”
Tim’s face twists up again, and this time she sees tears pouring out of his eyes. And she never has seen Tim actually cry. She’s seen him with tears in his eyes, telling her the Tim tests didn’t make him like his father, begging her to understand that.
She has seen him emotional and sad but she has never seen him cry.
Her heart breaks as she watches him, and she doesn’t quite know what to say. She just wants this nightmare to be over and to be back in Tim’s arms.
“Tim.” She mutters and he looks up at her, he looks utterly broken and confused. “I just want to help you. Let me help you.”
“You are incredible.” Tim says his voice hitching over the words. “So, so, so incredible.” Lucy opens her mouth to retort and tell him he’s incredible. But Tim continues his voice getting more twisted up as he talks. More wrecked and emotional.
“You have always been there for me. Always at my six.” He says. He wipes a tear from his cheek. “I said I would always be there for you and I haven’t been Lucy.”
“Tim—”
“You should just give up on me.” He says and Lucy reels back. “I’m not worth it. I’m not worth anything.”
Lucy feels anger wash over her, and she steps closer to him because there’s only one reason she will walk out on him. It will hurt like hell to do so but—
“Tell me you don’t love me Tim. Tell me you don’t love anymore and that’s the only way I will give up on you.” She says and she knows she sounds angry.
Tim steps forward too, his eyes still full of tears as he takes her in and then falls down to his knees. “I can’t do that.” He says looking up at her. “I can’t tell you that because I’m so in love with you. I am so sorry for everything, shutting you out, walking away. I just can’t understand how you don’t hate me.”
Lucy falls to her knees too, and pulls Tim into her arms. She presses a kiss to the top of his head, and then pulls back.
“I could never hate you Tim. Be mad and frustrated at you? Yes. Absolutely. But hate you? Never.” She says. “And give up on you? That’s not even an option. I love you.” She presses a kiss to his lips and tastes his tears, and it just reminds her Tim is human too. He has this tough exterior, and shuts people out but he’s still human. He still feels things, and breaking down like this is not easy for him.
Tim looks up at her, and cups her face bringing her fore head to his. “I don’t deserve you.” He mutters. “Not even a little bit.”
“That should be my decision.” She says. “I should be the one to decide what I deserve not you.” Tim closes his eyes, and lets out a breath.
“I’m sorry.” He mutters. “I’m so broken.” Lucy shakes her head, and sits up a little more. She keeps her forehead against his, because it’s what is holding her up right now.
“Everyone is a little broken Tim. Even me.” She says. “But that doesn’t make you—you. You get up and fight no matter how hard it is. I know you feel like you are drowning, and it feels helpless but just let me in. Or let someone in.”
Tim doesn’t say anything, but he does cling onto her harder. “I’m so sorry Lucy. I’m so sorry. I love you so much.”
Lucy is silent as she takes Tim in, she’s not sure what this will mean for them. She wants him, but only if he is going to try. And not just give up on them, only if he wants it too.
“You are everything Lucy.” He says softly. “Everything good, and everything I have ever wanted.” Lucy blinks up at him, putting a hand on his cheek.
“And you Tim Bradford.” She says picking up his hand and placing a kiss on it. “Are a good man and so, so loved.”
She pulls him into a hug after that, rubbing her hand up and down his back. She tangles her fingers in his short hair. They don’t talk for a few minutes, she just holds Tim and she knows it’s what he needs. She knows this isn’t easy for him. It’s not easy for her either, but she is willing to make this work—again.
Eventually Tim does get up, and he pulls Lucy with him. He pulls her into his chest, and she feels the world stop spinning as he presses a kiss to her forehead.
“Lucy,” he mutters his voice still broken. “What are we going to do?” She thinks about that for a minute and then she pulls back and takes Tim by the hand and leads him to his bedroom. She sits him down on the edge, and steps between his legs and puts her hand on his shoulders.
“I will help you through this Tim.” She says softly. “In whatever capacity you want me to. If you want to take a break—from us.” She gulps at the words because she can’t even fathom them.
Tim shakes his head, but Lucy continues. “Whatever you need Tim, I will be there.” She says. “Just tell me. What do you need? What do you want?”
Tim swallows, his eyes focusing on hers. There’s a boyish look in his face like the one he had when he first asked her out. But this one looks lost and broken but also determined. “You.” He says softly. “I need you Lucy.”
“You got me.” She says and his eyes light up a little. “What else do you need Tim?” He takes a minute to answer. His hands find her hips, and he rubs circles on them and then his head falls forward and lands on her chest.
“Sleep.” He mutters. Lucy chuckles and lets him stay like that for a minute before she is pulling his head up.
“Okay,” She says. And she lets him go, and takes a step back. She watches him closely, as if he’s going to fall over and then she steps back further. “Let’s sleep.” Tim gets up and strips himself of his clothes. She watches him, as he gets into bed shirtless and with only his boxers on.
“A-are you going to stay?” He asks almost nervously. She stares at him, and looks at his clothes on the ground.
“Only if you want me to.” She replies
“I do.” He says quickly, almost firmly. “I’m sorry Lucy. I can’t take back what I said. And it might have broken us. But I need you.”
Lucy steps forward and takes his face into her hands. And maybe he had broken what they had, maybe it was going to take some time to get it back to where it was and to repair their hearts but—
“It’s broken now Tim,” she says. “But we can fix it.” Tim swallows hard, and stands up pressing a kiss to her forehead.
“Okay.” He mutters. Lucy knows they have loads to talk about, they need to fix their relationship and heal themselves. It would take time, but they could do it.
Lucy slips off her shirt, and picks up Tim’s discarded on a slides it over her head. She kicks off her leggings and goes over to his dresser where she knows he has her clothes stored. She pulls out her pajama shorts and slips them on before she’s getting into bed with Tim. She curls around him, and for once she’s the big spoon but she knows it’s what he needs.
She puts her hand over his heart, and lays her head against his back. And for the first time in days, Lucy is wrapped around the man she loves. The man her heart belongs to no matter what.
She doesn’t know what tomorrow would bring, she doesn’t know what was going to happen. But—
She kisses Tim’s back, feels him suck in a breath and she knows he needs this as much as she does.
They would get through this storm together, the would push through and fight every demon that came their way.
They would.
They would.
“Thank you for not giving up on me.” He mutters. “Thank you for bringing me to my senses.” Lucy doesn’t answer right away. Her lips are pressed against his back, his skin warm and familiar.
How many times has she whispered her love into his skin? How many times has she scratched up his back as he pressed her into the mattress. Or up against the wall in the shower?
She thinks of the restless nights, she has had recently without Tim next to her. How worried she was.
She is still worried about him, about the state he is in but at least she can feel him. At least he is here with her.
“I will never give up on you Tim.” She says softly but firmly. “That’s not an option for me baby.”
“God,” he mutters and his voice sounds wrecked again. “I love you.”
Lucy presses a kiss to his back again, and then rests her cheek on it. “Get some sleep Tim.” She mutters. “I will be here when you wake up.” She feels him settle back down, and his breathing even out.
And oh how she loves him and she will never give up on him.
***
So don't give up on me