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“You don’t truly love someone until they’ve hurt you and you still think of them as the greatest person in the world. Love is the most violent act.”
It’s late evening when his doorbell rang. Wonwoo glanced at his desktop clock. 10.34 . There is only one person who frequents his place at this time. He prepared his heart.
Min
Hyung you’re home, right?
His phone lit up with the message. Wonwoo took the phone and walked out of his room to open the front door.
Roses. Those were the first thing he registered. Then a soaked Mingyu, slightly shivering in the hallway. Wonwoo glanced at the sky behind the taller man and noticed the rainstorm raging. Huh, it’s been raining that hard?
“Hyung… Can I come in?” Mingyu said meekly, glancing at him with his puppy eyes. The wet pathetic dog look definitely working for him.
Wonwoo only sighed and shifted slightly, letting the door fall open to let Mingyu in. Towel, warm bath, ramyun , he thought to himself. His body moved on autopilot to provide those things to Mingyu, this occurrence being a semi-frequent thing lately. The younger man stood silently in the entryway, still clutching to his bouquet of roses.
“I’ve prepared a warm bath for you. Go take it. I’ll cook ramyun in the meantime,” Wonwoo broke the silence as he toweled off Mingyu’s hair after being gone for a few minutes.
The taller man only nodded with a castaway look on his face. Wonwoo never prodded when this happens. He’s not sure if it’s to give Mingyu space or to save himself from more heartbreak. He’s already tattered all over the place after all. Yet he still rubbed the head in front of him gently, the wetness of Mingyu’s hair seeping into the towel and onto the palm of his hands.
“Can I put the flowers on the table hyung?” Mingyu uttered after a while, still looking down at his feet. You can do anything you want and I’ll let you. Haven’t I done that all this time?
“Yeah, I don’t mind,” he answered instead, moving to put the damp towel away and start on the ramyun. Mingyu put down the roses on his coffee table and trudged down the hallway to his bathroom. Wonwoo ignored the roses, like he did each time.
This has been happening a lot lately. This being Mingyu coming to him looking all sorts of dejected, clutching his choice of romantic item of the day. This being Wonwoo accommodating him, while pretending the pain under his ribs, at the softest parts of him, was not there. Wonwoo would be lying if he said he didn’t want to know what happened, but his curiosity was far outweighed by his self perseverance. So much for protecting myself . He smiled ruefully at the boiling ramyun.
____
“Is Mingyu hyung fighting with his girlfriend again?” Seungkwan asked Wonwoo on their weekly brunch date.
“I think so,” He answered, shrugging his shoulders. A picture of nonchalance. He’s been told that his emotions are hard to read and he hoped that’s the case this time too.
“Hmmm…he didn’t tell you anything? Doesn’t he always go to you if something happens, hyung?” This time Seokmin questioned, unknowingly twisting the knife lodged between his ribs deeper.
Wonwoo took a bite of his food. “He just hangs around in silence, crashes the couch and leaves after cooking breakfast. I assume he doesn’t want to talk about it yet,” he explained.
Seungkwan and Seokmin hummed, deeming it enough explanation for the moment before moving on to another conversation topic. Wonwoo didn’t tell them what happened in between those moments. He’s selfish enough to want to keep it for himself.
____
“Are you done?” Wonwoo asked as he set the table for a single serving of ramyun, hearing Mingyu’s assigned house slippers shuffle closer to the kitchen.
Mingyu stayed silent, so he chanced a glance at the younger man. The sight always catches him off guard each time. Mingyu looked comfortable cradled in Wonwoo’s oversized jumper and sweats, hair fluffy and cheeks rosy from the warm bath. He looked like all of Wonwoo’s greatest desires, all down to his downturned lips and clumsy fingers currently fumbling the chopsticks.
“Don’t rush, Mingyu- ya . It’s all for you,” He said, wishing the fondness he’s feeling didn’t bleed into his words.
His cheeks got even rosier, as Mingyu bashfully looked down at the ramyun and started eating. Wonwoo wanted to brush his thumbs on them, find out if they’re warm under his skin. He ignored this thought and sat on his living room couch instead, giving Mingyu the space he assumed the taller man wanted.
For a while all that filled the space were the sound of eating utensils clacking and the splatter of the rain on his living room window. Mingyu is loud most of the time, his extreme extraversion lending him the charm and energy to be the center of attention, the life of the party. Wonwoo had always admired that part of him, had always looked on from the sidelines, wondering how it feels to have the full attention of someone so alive. But this Mingyu, the silent one, with his hair down and back slouched, Wonwoo liked the most. It’s because you’re selfish. It’s because you think only you got to see him like this . Wonwoo didn’t deny those thoughts, he knew both of them were right, after all. Arin gets to see him like this t- He sighed, chasing those painful thoughts away. He still got a Mingyu to take care of for the night.
The younger man had finished eating in the meantime, washing his dishes even though Wonwoo always told him to let it be. “I don’t want to be more of a bother, hyung.” What a funny thing to say, that.
When Mingyu finally emerged from the kitchen, Wonwoo had settled at the far end of the couch, legs drawn up to keep himself warm. One look at Mingyu though, and he put down his legs, silently eager for what’s next.
This was also a thing. Mingyu would crawl up the sofa, filling up the space Wonwoo didn’t occupy with his warm body. Filling up the space on top of Wonwoo’s thighs, head settling down, hair fanning out. He looked beautiful in the low light. Wonwoo itched to kiss him. Bare his heart open, all worn out and heavy. He settled on running his fingers through Mingyu’s soft tresses instead. Mingyu sighed, visibly melting like putty under his very gaze. The tender part under Wonwoo’s ribs pulsed achingly at the sight.
“Hyung,”
“What is it, Min?” He couldn’t help the nickname.
Mingyu hesitated for a long time. Wonwoo didn’t mind the wait. He’s been waiting for a long time for him.
“I broke up with Arin,” Mingyu finally settled on.
Wonwoo didn’t flinch, didn’t stop caressing his hair. His pathetic heart did, however. He settled on a hum.
“We… We've been having troubles. She said she thought I would be more… caring. Less selfish,” Mingyu explained, sighing.
“I think she wanted me to take care of her. She said she saw how I take care of the people around me, and wanted to be one of them, too. That’s why she dated me,” He continued on, sounding more and more choked up.
Wonwoo’s heart broke with the sound.
“I just… I just want to be taken care of too. Once in a while. Is that wrong , hyung ?” He questioned, sobbing by the end of his sentence.
Mingyu turned and hid his face in Wonwoo’s sweater. He let him, fingers never stopping on his hair, only turning gentler in their work.
I’ll take care of you as much as you want. All the time, if you’ll let me.
“Min, look at me now,” Wonwoo said after a while, cradling Mingyu’s face between his hands. His thumbs brushed off the tears staining the younger’s cheeks. Mingyu looked up at him with a torn up expression, eyes brimming with fresh tears. Wonwoo’s heart turned into shards of glass at the sight.
“Am I wrong, hyung?” Mingyu asked once again, looking at him with such fragility that Wonwoo couldn’t deny him his truth anymore. He would rip his bleeding heart out, if only to soothe Mingyu’s worry.
“No. You take such good care of everyone, Min. There are others who would kill for the chance,” He paused.
“I’d kill for the chance.”
It’s all out now. His heart in the palm of Mingyu’s warm hands. Mingyu was still looking at him, mouth slightly open from the confession. His cheeks warming up under Wonwoo’s hand. So that’s how it feels, to touch the pink of his cheeks, to be the reason for it .
Unable to hold himself back, he leaned down and kissed Mingyu’s forehead, at the place where hair meets skin. This was all he’s brave enough to take, in what might be his last moment seeing the love of his life. He’d let Mingyu run away if he wanted to. He’d be his friend if Mingyu decided that’s all they could be. He’d do anything, take anything Mingyu was willing to give him.
“Can we take it slow for now, hyung?” Mingyu inquired hesitantly. Still unaware of the lengths Wonwoo would go for him.
“Whatever you want, Min.”