Archive of Our Own ^beta

“How much longer do you think this will take?” Seungkwan asked. His eyes were anxious, his hand loose on the half-sipped iced coffee on the table in front of him, one knee bouncing. 

“I don’t know,” Joshua answered honestly. It was the same thing he’d said two minutes ago, the last time Seungkwan had asked. Seungkwan pinched his bottom lip between his teeth, plush and pink from the aggravation when he released it. “Hey, Kwan-ah.”

Seungkwan looked back at him, his posture completely slumping when he met Joshua’s eyes. 

“I'm sorry, hyung. What were you saying?”

It wasn’t really a surprise, the fact that Seungkwan had fully not been listening to him for the past couple of minutes. 

“Dokyeommie wanted to talk to you, that’s all,” Joshua responded, deciding not to rehash all of it. Seokmin had gone out last night with a few of his Xcalibur castmates, and while walking down the street, had been struck with an incredible deja-vu-like nostalgia for something he and Seungkwan had done together as trainees and wanted to corroborate the memory. He’d been very drunk, and all Joshua had been able to do in response was pull his cell phone from his ear, check the time—yep, it was nearly three a.m.—and ask, groggy and not quite sure he was actually awake, “Then why are you calling me?” 

“You’re seeing Seungkwan tomorrow,” Seokmin slurred back. “You have to tell him, so I don’t forget. Also I love you.”

Joshua decided not to question it.

“I love you too. Goodnight, Dokyeom-ah.” 

Then Joshua hung up, rolled over, and went back to sleep. He had remembered though, so he couldn't really fault Seokmin’s logic there.

Joshua was recording today. He and Vernon were recording 2 Minus 1, and the only other member scheduled to be in the studio was Jihoon—currently vibing along to the backing track behind the booth while Bumzu directed and Vernon sang—but of course, even that drunk, Seokmin had known that Seungkwan would be there.

After how much fun it had been to create Rocket, Joshua had always hoped that he and Vernon doing something together might happen again someday. The idea of collaborating on this upcoming EP had come about after a late night conversation about music, the two of them hanging out and comparing the English music they'd listened to in middle and high school. It had been interesting, able to contrast how Joshua had been in the center of the American zeitgeist while Vernon was outside of it, Joshua laughing hard at Vernon’s reactions whenever he mentioned an artist or song title that Vernon had forgotten. That led to a nostalgia trip for the both of them, making a shared playlist and rediscovering a lot of early 2000s pop and pop punk. After a week, Vernon had come up to him, asking if he wanted to write a song. Joshua agreed.

Since it was Vernon’s idea, he'd let Vernon take the lead, but getting started had been difficult. Vernon wanted something angst-filled and devil-may-care, but Vernon also liked to draw from his own personal experience when writing music and unfortunately, he had a pretty great life. He was handsome, successful, and happily in a committed relationship with Seungkwan, the two of them having celebrated their five hundred day anniversary a few weeks ago. Vernon had a lot of long conversations with Jihoon, Bumzu, and a few other producers before stopping by the Boo-Han house one day while Joshua had been over, Jihoon trailing behind. Their wildly different expressions—high anxiety on Vernon’s face, and clear anger on Jihoon’s—were immediate cause for concern. 

“What?” Jeonghan asked, looking up from his Lego set, but neither answered. Jihoon threw himself on the couch next to Joshua, the action slightly reckless with irritation, the cushions bouncing, while Vernon asked if he could speak to Seungkwan. Seungkwan nodded, also thrown off, the two of them leaving the room. 

“What's going on?” Joshua asked, concerned. 

“Vernon is about to do something really stupid,” Jihoon responded, grimacing. His entire body was tense. “And I can't stop him.”

“You don't mean—” Joshua started, completely aghast, Jeonghan hushing him when Vernon began to speak. The two had gone out into the hallway but, nosy as ever, Jeonghan edged the door open and all of them could hear. 

“Hey baby, you… you know that I love you, right?” Vernon asked. “I love you. I love you so much.”

Seungkwan’s voice was tinged with that patented Vernon-focused baby talk when he responded. 

“Of course. Is everything okay?”

“Well, just…” Vernon was clearly distressed. He spoke anyway. “I think we should break up.”

Seungkwan was back into the living room so fast that the door very nearly hit Jeonghan in the face. Jihoon’s arms were already open and Seungkwan curled into them, sitting in Jihoon’s lap, his own arms wrapped around Jihoon’s neck while Jihoon glared in Vernon’s direction. 

Vernon had been forced to give his explanation to Seungkwan’s back, saying that he didn't mean actually break up, just act like they were separated while working on the song so he could properly get into his feelings and make something good. That because he was with Seungkwan, life always felt like it would be okay, regardless of everything else; being away from Seungkwan was the only thing in the world he could think of that would actually give him the angst he was envisioning. 

“You are so fucking stupid,” Jeonghan remarked from his seat on the floor. There was a sort of almost-wonder on his face. “It's incredible.”

“I just—you're right,” Vernon said. It sounded, as though in being forced to explain the idea out loud, he was realizing how terrible it was. “It is dumb, I—”

“I'll do it,” Seungkwan mumbled into the skin of Jihoon’s neck. All of them turned to him in shock. Joshua’s heart panged when Seungkwan lifted his head and he saw Seungkwan’s tear-damp cheeks—Vernon, at the knowledge that he'd made Seungkwan cry, looked like he'd been punched. He opened his mouth, seemingly to protest, but Seungkwan continued on before he could. “I have two rules, but I'll do it.” 

“What?” Vernon asked, voice quiet, looking almost afraid to contradict him. Seungkwan held up one finger, using the other hand to wipe his face.

“You still have to tell me you love me every single day.”

“Okay.”

Seungkwan held up another finger. 

“It's over the second the song is recorded.” 

“Yes. Of course.” 

Seungkwan nodded to himself. Then he sighed, gathered up a deep inhale, and looked at Vernon again. 

“Okay. Now get out of my house.” 

Like a tail-tucked dog, Vernon left. Seungkwan leaned back against the couch's armrest, Jihoon’s arm still around his waist, letting out another long breath as his eyes fell closed.

“Why did you agree?” Joshua asked, shocked. 

“Honestly, if someone said that to me, I would leave them for real,” Jeonghan said, Jihoon nodding in agreement.

“You guys weren't listening,” Seungkwan said, tapping at his own ear with a finger. “He basically said that he loves me so much that I make his life worth living, and now I have something I can hold over him for the rest of his life. It's kind of perfect. Plus…” He stretched his arms up over his head, his eyes opening, his voice now matter-of-fact. “Hansolie is a pretty quick songwriter, and the make-up sex is going to be amazing.”

Joshua choked out a laugh at that, Jihoon covering his face with his hands, while Jeonghan crawled over to request a high five.

“I raised you well,” he told Seungkwan, his voice proud, and Seungkwan grinned.

The song got written pretty quickly. Vernon was, as predicted, downright miserable, so while the writing process wasn't quite as fun as it had been for Rocket, it was interesting to watch from an outside perspective. 

Seungkwan was adapting to his newly single life by being more social, going out with his posse of admirers so often that even members like Seungcheol and Mingyu got jealous. Vernon did a decent job at keeping the self-inflicted wallowing contained, but it always came out when lyrics were in process; Joshua had to talk Vernon into rewording some of them, so self-referential that it would have been dangerous. Seungkwan seemed to have a sixth sense for when they were working and sent photos of himself to the group chat—like a selfie of he and NCT's Jungwoo, cheek-to-cheek and absolutely beaming—causing Vernon to curse his own stupidity for a solid fifteen minutes and Joshua to burst out laughing. 

Seungkwan was being a bit petty about it—Joshua had a strong memory of Jungwoo trying to kiss Seungkwan at a party a little while back and he was sure Vernon remembered it too—but the shared consensus was that Vernon deserved some pettiness, so they let him be.

But now, on the final day with a successful song created and the fun of messing around having run its course, the recording was almost over and the two of them were counting the seconds. Joshua would have expected nothing less. 

“Alright,” Bumzu said, a definitive note in his voice that had Seungkwan perking up. Bumzu was supposedly just talking to Vernon, but he had more of an audience than that, and the grin on his face showed that he knew it. “Let's run that last section one more time, just to make sure we've got it, and then you'll be done.” 

Vernon nodded. If Joshua didn't know better, he would have thought that the intensity on Vernon’s face and the angle of his eyebrows meant that he was pissed off, so focused that the forcefulness was coming out in his voice. His vocal tone wasn't the right vibe, Joshua pretty sure that nothing from this last take would be used, if he was even being recorded at all; the way Jihoon was laughing made it highly likely that this last run was a joke, but Vernon didn’t seem to notice.

Bumzu didn’t even make it through the “o—” of “okay,” at the end before Seungkwan was bursting in, Vernon pushed up against the wall as Seungkwan kissed him on the mouth. A startled “woah!” left Bumzu's mouth, Jihoon covering the man's eyes with one hand and grabbing him by the arm with the other, leading him from the room. 

“They're not going to stop,” Jihoon warned Joshua, when he noticed that Joshua hadn't gotten up yet. Joshua was debating what to do with Seungkwan’s coffee cup. But Jihoon was right; Vernon had now lifted Seungkwan into his arms, Seungkwan’s legs around his waist, Vernon’s headphones half-askew and his hair an absolute mess.

“I'm right behind you,” Joshua told him, deciding to just leave the cup where it was, littering be damned, and exited behind a still-blind Bumzu. Jihoon let Bumzu go as he closed the door, pulling his phone from his jacket pocket. On the back of the phone case was a sticky note, Jihoon peeling it off to stick it to the door, then taking a picture and sending it to the member group chat. In his own pocket, Joshua’s phone buzzed. On the sticky note, in Jihoon’s messy scrawl: 

BIOHAZARD: DO NOT ENTER FOR THE NEXT 72 HOURS

“Seventy-two?” Bumzu asked, stunned. “Three days? Really?”

Jihoon gave him a long-suffering look. “Better safe than sorry,” he said. 

Bumzu's expression made Joshua burst out laughing, and they made their way towards the building exit. They ended up running into Seokmin—who, somehow, did not look like he'd spent the previous night incredibly inebriated—and when Joshua realized what direction he was headed in, reached out and grabbed his arm. Seokmin gave him a curious look. 

“I wanted to talk to Seungkwan,” he said, pointing to the hallway behind them. “Isn't he down there?”

“Didn't you get my text?” Jihoon asked back. “Don't. For the sake of your own eyeballs.”

Seokmin looked to Joshua for confirmation, who nodded. 

“They’re eating each other,” he reported. Seokmin pursed his lips, brows furrowing—he seemed, unbelievably, to be weighing his options—before deciding to listen to them and turning, the four of them walking out together. 

“Do you even remember calling me last night?” Joshua decided to ask. Seokmin thought for a moment before his face lit up.

“Oh! Yeah!” He laughed, a bashful smile on his face. “Sorry. I had to have woken you up; it must have been late.”

“It’s alright,” Joshua told him, because in truth, it was. He couldn’t help but tease, then, just a bit. “You told me you loved me, so it was worth waking up for.”

Seokmin laughed again, leaning slightly against Joshua, wrapping an arm around Joshua’s bicep and pressing his face into Joshua’s shoulder. Though he did lift his head, his arm stayed tucked around Joshua’s as they made their way outside.

As it turned out, Jihoon and Bumzu had a meeting with some of the people at PRISMFILTER, saying goodbye and taking off in a car Bumzu had ordered. Joshua, meanwhile, was free for the rest of the day, and didn’t quite know what to do with himself.

“Are you busy?” he asked Seokmin, getting a head shake in response. “Want to do something, then? I don’t know what, though.” 

“I could eat,” Seokmin proposed, and Joshua grinned at him. 

Despite looking fine, Seokmin was still feeling the aftereffects of a late night so they decided against eating out somewhere, retreating to Joshua’s apartment and getting food delivered instead. Seokmin talked as they waited for it to arrive, giving Joshua more details about the outing he’d been on and showing the pictures he’d taken. The shots got blurrier and more random the later it got, Joshua laughing at how indicative it was of Seokmin’s sobriety level, the final photo so shaky and close-up that Joshua could just barely make it out: Choi Seoyeon, giving Seokmin a kiss on the cheek, Seokmin’s face bright pink and squished into an open-mouthed laugh. The photo had the current Seokmin going bright pink as well, Joshua handing his phone back to him.

“Looks fun!” he said, genuinely meaning it. It was good, Seokmin hanging out with his friends. Seokmin was newly single, the woman he’d been seeing breaking things off to move to Busan. Apparently it had been relatively casual, and while Seokmin truly didn’t seem that broken up about it, it was still good to see him socializing. 

“Yeah! It was nice. Especially with how busy things are about to get.”

That was true; Seokmin was already waist deep in Xcalibur shows, and the release of Seventeen's next EP was coming at them fast.

“Our Dokyeommie can do it,” Joshua said, meaning every word, ruffling Seokmin’s hair for good measure as he got up to retrieve their food from the front door. 

Towards the end of their meal, Joshua's mother called. It was a surprise, but definitely not an unwelcome one, Joshua putting the phone on speaker and placing it on the table so both of them could talk to her.

“Hi Mom!” Seokmin chirped out first, leaning to rest his temple against Joshua’s shoulder. 

“Ah, Dokyeom-ah?” There was a smile in her voice. “Is Jisoo there too?”

“I'm here Mom,” Joshua said, rubbing lightly at his chest. Talking with her always sent an ache straight through him; he hadn’t been able to see her since January of 2020, when Seventeen had performed in Los Angeles on the North American leg of the Ode to You tour. It was now late 2021, and while that wasn't too terribly long in the grand scheme of things, it was longer than he was used to going without her company, and being away from her during the height of the pandemic had been awful. “What’s going on?” 

This wasn’t a normal time for her to contact him, with how it had to be after midnight in Los Angeles. She sounded okay though, so he tried to keep his apprehension at bay.

“I have some good news!” At these words she actually sounded more than okay, the smile evident in her voice. “I just booked a flight. I’m coming to visit.”

“Wha—seriously?” Joshua couldn’t help the way his voice rose, jostling Seokmin off his shoulder in surprise. He had known that travel restrictions were lightening up, Junhui and Minghao scheduled to leave Korea next month to fulfill some contractual obligations in China, but with how the United States had turned health advisories into a political statement, he hadn’t thought that something like this would be possible. “When?”

“The end of October.” She paused for a moment. “Ah, right. The twenty-seventh. Is that alright?” 

“Of course,” he said instantly, only stopping to think it over afterwards. That was two months away, and maybe a week after the projected release date for their next comeback. It would be busy, horrifically busy, but Joshua didn’t really care. He could still make time for her. He had to. “Any time would be alright.”

“We don’t have to do anything, or go anywhere,” she assured him, her voice gentle. “I just want to see you.” 

“I want to see you too,” he responded. Suddenly and overwhelmingly, he felt a lump grow in his throat. As though able to read his thoughts, Seokmin shifted in close to him again, taking one of Joshua’s hands and slotting their fingers together, covering it with his other hand too and bringing them all close to his chest. Joshua sent him a smile, incredibly grateful, despite the way the contact had his eyes going wet. “I can’t wait.” 

“I can’t wait either!” The bright smile was back, bringing a reflexive one onto Joshua’s face as well, and Seokmin squeezed his hand. “Especially since I’ll get to stay in that house that you promised me. It’ll be so nice.” 

“I—yeah,” Joshua stammered out, ignoring the look of confusion Seokmin gave him. 

“I won’t keep you any longer,” she said, seemingly not noticing his faltering. “And oh, I need to go to bed. But I just had to tell you.” 

“Yeah,” Joshua said again. “Yeah, I’m so excited.”

“Goodnight!” Seokmin called, Joshua’s mother returning the farewell before telling the both of them she loved them and hanging up. 

“House?” Seokmin echoed once the call was over, like Joshua knew he would. “What house? What is she talking about?”

“I…” There wasn’t really an easy way to put this. “I promised I’d buy her a house in Seoul, so she would have somewhere comfortable to stay the next time she was able to visit.”

He had been deep in the bargaining phase of his pandemic-induced homesickness, on a video call with his mother and panicked by the news that his grandmother had gotten sick. He wanted to do anything he could to be a comfort, desperate not to cry before their call ended, as not to worry her. But it wasn’t like he didn’t mean it; he was more than willing to get her a nice place to stay, and it would be safer than paying for a room in a hotel. He just hadn’t exactly done it yet.

“And you never…” Seokmin looked unsure, Joshua nodding to encourage him to continue. “You never bought the house.” 

“No.”

“Ah.” Seokmin was wincing, looking up at him. “I mean—I guess you have a house to buy now, huh hyung?” 

Joshua was unable to help a laugh at that. He didn’t just have to buy a house; it had to be furnished and ready in just two months, on top of all of the upcoming album prep. 

“That would be a start.”

“Well…” Seokmin let his hand go and began digging in his jacket for his phone, Joshua immediately missing the contact. Thankfully, he leaned his head against Joshua’s shoulder again. “I think… I’m not sure, but I think Youngsook-noona bought a condo recently, and her realtor was really good. Really quick and discreet. Do you want me to get the information for you?” 

“That would be great,” Joshua said, after a moment of simply blinking at him in surprise. It seemed perfect, in truth. “I—wow, Dokyeom-ah. Thank you.”

“Anything for Mom,” Seokmin said, a chat already open to Youngsook-nim (Morgana), his thumbs moving fast as he typed. Joshua reached up again to pet his hair. 

The realtor actually got into contact with him, just a few days later. The group were on break during dance practice, Joshua glad that he was looking at his phone when the call began, because even though he was holding the device, he had his phone on silent and Mingyu, Chan, and Soonyoung were so distracting with the skit they had going on that he likely would have missed it. 

“Hello?” he asked, Wonwoo looking at him in interest. Someone—Jihoon, if Joshua had to guess—made an incredible squawk of a laugh at something Mingyu said and Joshua got to his feet, stuffing a finger into his open ear and trying desperately to make sense of the half-heard response. “I’m so sorry, could you repeat that?” 

“This is Lee Myunghwa,” the woman said. “Realtor. Is this Hong Joshua?” 

“I—yes, it is.” She sounded completely no-nonsense, Joshua already feeling flustered as he stepped out into the hallway. “Hello.” 

“Yes, hello,” she said, Joshua realizing with embarrassment that he’d said that already. “I was called and told to get in contact with you about buying a house. Is that correct?” 

“Yes,” he said again. He’d been given her number in return, but Seokmin hadn’t given him any name or agency, just saying “This is her, hyung!” Joshua now felt woefully unprepared. 

“Do you have any specifications on size and location?” 

“Oh.” In truth, Joshua hadn’t really considered it yet, thinking quickly. “No specific size, but at least two bedrooms, and I would like it to be in Seoul.” Seoul was a big city, he knew, giving his own neighborhood as a point of reference. “Price isn't really an object.”

She waited a moment more for him to continue, but in truth, that was all Joshua really cared about.

“I should be able to satisfy those requirements,” she finally said. “If you think of anything further, don’t hesitate to contact me.”

“Thank you,” Joshua said, a bit stunned now. “And—there is one thing?” 

He figured this might be a given, considering the fact that she doubtlessly knew who she was talking to, but he still wanted to say it. Her silence in response prompted him to continue.

“I just really want all of this to be as discreet as possible. The press and the public cannot find out about this house.” 

“I understand,” Lee Myunghwa said, and at the confidence in her tone, Joshua was inclined to believe her. “I take on a lot of clients like you, Joshua-nim. You have nothing to worry about.”

“Thank you,” Joshua said, truly meaning it, and after a promise to keep in touch, she hung up. Joshua lowered his phone from his ear, only having time for one of the three deep exhales he had planned when the practice room door opened, Seokmin popping his head out.

“You alright?” he asked. “Wonwoo-hyung said you got a phone call and left.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. It was the realtor.”

“Oh!” Seokmin fully stepped into the hallway, excitement splitting into a smile on his face. “Wow! Did you buy the house yet?” 

“No!” Joshua couldn’t help a laugh. “No, I just told her what kind of house I wanted. I still have to visit them and pick one and stuff.” 

Seokmin nodded in understanding. “Could I come?” he asked after a moment. “It seems fun. I’m invested.” 

It didn’t take much thought for Joshua to agree. With everything Seokmin had done for him so far, the request seemed justified. Besides, it would be nice to have some company. 

“Sure, Dokyeom-ah. I’d really like that.” 

The practice room door opened again, Seungcheol’s sweaty face popping out next, Wonwoo appearing under his arm. The open doorway let more of Jihoon’s laughter out into the hallway, Mingyu’s high-pitched giggle right next to it.

“We’re back on,” Seungcheol reported. “Unless you two need a minute?” 

“I need more than a minute,” Wonwoo mumbled, Seokmin immediately latching onto the words, voice bright as he declared he could give Wonwoo the energy of one thousand suns, the power to dance forever, Wonwoo telling him that sounded more like torture as Seokmin slung an arm around his neck.

“I’m ready,” Joshua said, going back in to rejoin practice. 

Over the next two weeks, Lee Myunghwa sent him various real estate listings, Joshua looking at them when he had time and responding with how he felt, what he liked and what he didn't. She seemed to truly understand the limit he had on his free time, trying to put together a list of his top three options, in the hopes that they only had to go touring once. 

Thanks to scheduling, the trip had to be broken up across two separate days, Joshua and Seokmin gearing up to go and visit the first two properties. They covered up as much as they could in baggy clothes and face masks, Seokmin pulling a cap over his bright ginger hair.

“Do you think we'll find it today?” Seokmin asked, clearly excited, but before Joshua could answer properly they'd arrived, attention going immediately to Lee Myunghwa to greet her. 

She dressed as no-nonsense as she spoke, in a crisp pantsuit and red lipstick, letting them into the property. It was the smallest of the three and the tour was quick, Seokmin pointing out everything that was even mildly noteworthy as they walked through. 

“Wow, I just realized that we'll have to decorate, hyung,” Seokmin remarked, the three of them coming to a stop in the middle of what Joshua assumed was the master bedroom. Joshua appreciated the use of “we”, because while he'd known that, seeing the empty rooms and plain blank walls had forced an understanding of how large of a task furnishing an entire house would be, and it was comforting, the idea that Seokmin wanted to help. “Are you good at decorating? I don't really think that I am.”

“Maybe Mingyu could help,” Joshua proposed, and Seokmin laughed a little. “Or Wonwoo. He has a Pinterest account, right?” 

That made Seokmin laugh a little harder, his hand finding Joshua’s shoulder as he did. 

“We could ask Mom,” he suggested. “At least for rooms like the bedroom and the kitchen. Unless…” He sent Joshua a small frown. “Are we—does Mom know? Or is this a secret?”

“I haven't decided,” Joshua confessed. His mother knew that the group had a comeback coming up, and he didn't want to worry her with the news that he was also trying to get this house ready, knowing that she would tell him not to worry about it. “She'll probably figure it out when she gets here, but for now I haven't told her.”

Seokmin nodded in understanding, his hand shifting down around Joshua’s waist as the three of them made their way towards the door. 

Seokmin liked the second house much more, but to Joshua, it seemed too big. There were a surprising number of spare rooms, lofty ceilings and wide hallways. It just seemed like a bit too much space, harder to keep clean and too empty when alone. 

“Wow, I wish our first dorm had been something like this,” Seokmin remarked, glancing around, and Joshua laughed. It always felt a bit surreal, thinking back to their trainee days; it was amazing that they'd survived, all stuffed together into tiny rooms like that, forced to share twin-sized bunk bed mattresses. It definitely wasn't what Joshua had imagined when he'd thought about how he'd be living at twenty-one years old, and at first, it had been more than he was equipped to handle. 

It had hit harder than the rest of the culture shock, truth be told, being so desperately in the closet and thrust so completely into a three bedroom house with twelve other boys his age, all a mess of hormones and seemingly comfortable sharing showers, clothes, and even kisses on the cheek—supposedly, all while being straight. As it turned out, they weren't, but it had been an extremely messy couple of years. 

“That would have been nice,” Joshua agreed, but Seokmin, the one who had proposed the idea in the first place, seemed to have changed his mind. 

“I don't know. It really helped us get closer too, right?” His lips were slightly pouted in thought, looking around the room for a moment before his eyes landed back on Joshua. “And things are so good now. I don't think that I would change any of it.”

“Yah, don't cry,” Joshua teased, and as he hoped he would, Seokmin burst out laughing. 

“I'm not!” he exclaimed, grabbing Joshua’s shoulder with one hand, hitting at his bicep with the other. “You're such a brat, hyung.”

That wasn't the first time Seokmin had called him that and it certainly wouldn't be the last, Joshua caught up in the teasing just enough to jump when Lee Myunghwa appeared in the corner of his eye. 

“Is there anything else on the property that you want to look at?” she asked. Flustered, Joshua shook his head. Seokmin said something about one of the bathrooms and disappeared down the hallway, Lee Myunghwa walking up to him.

“This house is considerably more expensive due to the amount of rooms, but I did want you to know that it was a possibility,” Lee Myunghwa explained. “It’s large, but if you’re planning on living here into the future, it’s a place that you and Dokyeom-ssi could really grow into however you would like.”

Joshua just had to look at her for a moment as he took the words in.

“Me and…?” he trailed off, gesturing vaguely down the hallway that Seokmin had walked down, and she nodded.

“It's closer to the outskirts of Seoul for a similar reason,” she continued. “To make it easier to build a life away from the public eye, now that it's something the two of you are looking into. More privacy, and more of a separation, but more room to make visits from friends and that—” Her veneer seemed to crack, but thankfully not in a way that meant she was disgusted or uncomfortable, simply unsure— “that ‘found family’.”

Two things formed in Joshua’s mind, immediate and crystal clear.

One: Lee Myunghwa assumed that he and Seokmin were together, together together, in a relationship so strong and committed that they were looking to purchase a house. In a way, that did seem like a leap, but with how Seokmin had been the first person to reach out to her, passing along Joshua’s contact information, the two of them coming together to the property viewings, topped off with Joshua’s repeated emphasis on discretion, it wasn't the largest logical leap in the world. 

Two: it was way too late and would be way, way, way too embarrassing to correct her.

“Oh,” he managed out. “Yes. Right.”

It was an assumption that could not and should not be made lightly, and she seemed like a logical person, Joshua forced to reason that something in he and Seokmin’s interactions had convinced her that the assumption was true.

Seokmin’s arm around his waist. Seokmin’s open laugh, calling him a brat with a hand on his shoulder. Seokmin’s wide-eyed concern at “does Mom know?”

Well. At the very least, it was nice to know that Lee Myunghwa wasn't bigoted. 

“My favorite bathroom isn't the one connected to the master bedroom!” Seokmin reported, starting back towards them. Then he began to laugh, his eyes bright. “I totally took a wrong turn back there too, I got lost—”

“I don’t think this is the one,” Joshua interrupted, taking a quick step back when Seokmin tried, in his mirth, to put a hand on his shoulder again. Something about it felt weird now, with how Myunghwa was watching; the lens with which she was seeing them. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah.” Seokmin straightened up, his eyes tracing Joshua’s face for a moment. He’d clearly sensed the shift in Joshua’s demeanor, but knew better than to mention it in front of a stranger. “Let’s go.” 

“We’ll have the viewing for the final property on Thursday afternoon, right?” she asked them both. After confirming nods, she led them out of the house. It wasn’t until they were back at Joshua’s apartment that Seokmin tried to ask him about it. 

“So… you didn’t like the second house,” he said, and while the words were neutral enough, Joshua knew that this would morph into an attempt to talk about how he was feeling and decided to cut to the chase.

“Myunghwa-nim thinks we’re together,” he said.

Seokmin stood there for a moment. 

“She… what?” His head tilted to the side, eyebrows drawn together. “What? Did she tell you that?”

“Pretty much,” Joshua let out a big breath. “She—she thinks that the house is for us. The two of us, to live in together. That we’re…” He had to search for the phrase, too flustered to think. “That we’re ‘settling down’.”

Seokmin blinked. “In Seoul?” he finally asked, and Joshua wasn’t sure why that was the first thing he was questioning. “While we’re still active? Wouldn’t we go to LA?” 

“I…” Joshua shook his head a little. “No, Dokyeom-ah, she talked to me about it like it was obvious, and I didn’t know what to do, so I didn’t correct her. She still thinks that we’re together.” 

“Oh!” Seokmin’s eyes went wide. “Hyung!”

“I know!” Joshua shook his head, pressing his fingertips to his temples. “I just—at first I didn’t realize, and then she was being so kind about it that I couldn’t…” 

He trailed off despairingly, hoping Seokmin wouldn’t be upset. Thankfully, Seokmin just began to laugh. 

“You’re my husband?” he exclaimed. “We’re taking such a big step together! I love you!” 

“Yah, shut up,” Joshua protested, grateful that this was how Seokmin was taking it, shoving at Seokmin’s shoulder. Seokmin just continued to laugh, his body resting against Joshua’s cabinets as he looked Joshua’s way. 

“There isn't very much we can do, since you went along with it,” he said. “We’re only seeing her one more time, right? I can pretend, if that’s okay with hyung.” 

That was almost true—Joshua would probably still have to talk to her when it came to stuff like finalizing the purchase—and it was an option. An admittedly bizarre option, but an option nonetheless.

“Really? It wouldn't…” Joshua was unsure where he was going with the question, trailing off, and Seokmin nodded. 

“I think it's fine,” he confirmed. “I am helping you with the house. Even if she told anyone—which I don't think she would—you can just tell the truth. It's a house for your mom, which sounds way more reasonable anyway.”

That, too, was true. They could just fake it for a couple more hours, and since she’d drawn the conclusion from simply watching them interact, they probably didn’t even have to fake it that hard. It didn't do a whole lot to quell the strange feeling in Joshua’s stomach at the idea, but he wasn't seeing many other viable, minimally humiliating options.

“Okay,” he said. His voice was slow and Seokmin seemed to sense his unease, grinning at him again. 

“Come on, hyung! It won't be hard to be my husband. It'll be easy, because you love me so much, right?” 

He batted his eyelashes in such an over-the-top, dollish way that a laugh burst from Joshua’s mouth.

“Okay!” he said again, and at that, Seokmin beamed. “Yeah, okay. Thank you, Dokyeom-ah.” He reached over, petting Seokmin’s hair, letting his hand rest on Seokmin’s nape. “Sorry about all of this.”

Seokmin just shrugged the thanks off, picking up his phone and opening up a food delivery app.

“Wanna eat something before practice? Oh, practice. The members are going to think this is hilarious.”

The only member Joshua really ended up talking about it to was Jihoon, and it didn't really even happen on purpose. He was asked to come to the studio to re-record some lines and ended up staying and hanging out, stopped by Jihoon asking about the house-buying process on his way out the door in a tone that suggested he wanted some company. 

Jihoon used to covet privacy when he was working, but after the forced loneliness of lockdown, he had begun allowing—and sometimes preferring—having someone in the studio with him. It could range anywhere from chatting casually to working on their own projects, separate but together; a cat that might not want to be petted, but still wanted to hang out in the same room. It was a nice feeling, Joshua always indulging him when he had the time to, pulling up a chair and sitting down to watch Jihoon work.

“How's the house-hunting?” Jihoon asked, without moving his eyes from his computer screen. “Need any help?”

The offer made Joshua laugh. 

“You don't have time to help me,” he pointed out, not accusatory, just factual, and Jihoon laughed too. 

“I can tell Mingyu to help,” he reminded Joshua. 

“Oh? Really?” 

Jihoon gave a single nod back, his ears rapidly going pink. Mingyu, over the past few months, had gone from passively doting on Jihoon to actively courting him, something everyone in the group had noticed but no one had really commented on. From what Joshua heard from others, no outright declarations of feelings on either side had happened yet, but it seemed to simply be a matter of time. 

“It's alright, I don't want to cut into the schedule he's on to cook for you,” Joshua said, Jihoon flushing further. “Kyeommie has been a great help. Actually…” He paused, and in the silence Jihoon looked up at him, Joshua feeling prompted to continue. “He's so involved that the realtor thinks that it's his house too.”

“His house too?” Jihoon clicked the mouse a few times. “Like, roommates?”

“Not…” Joshua’s tone had Jihoon stopping and glancing his way. “Not exactly.”

It took Jihoon a moment. 

“Oh,” he finally said. Then, “Really?” 

“Yeah.” Joshua did everything he could not to squirm. Despite the assurances that it would be fine, the insistence that it would be easy, and the knowledge that Lee Myunghwa wouldn't say anything, he still hadn't been able to shake his uneasiness about pretending to be with Seokmin. Jihoon frowned at him.

“What?” 

“We decided that pretending would be easier than trying to explain, so…” 

Jihoon blinked once. Twice. “Hyung.” 

“It’s fine,” Joshua said quickly. “We’re only going to meet with her one more time for like thirty minutes, so it just seemed easier.”

“And Dokyeommie agreed to this?” Jihoon asked.

“It was his idea,” Joshua confessed and that, thankfully, seemed to loosen Jihoon up, exhaling in amusement as he pinched the tip of his thumb between his teeth. 

“Of course it was.” He turned back to his computer screen. “That doesn’t make it a good idea, you know.” 

“I know,” Joshua said, laughing a bit. He knew that it was weird and disingenuous, but when he ignored all of that, something about it was exciting, too. 

Joshua had come out to the entire group about being gay only a year and a half ago. The announcement was met with an outpouring of support—and a complete lack of surprise, but that wasn’t unexpected; Joshua knew that the members had their suspicions, with things they were bound to have seen him do or heard him say on particularly drunk and messy nights. The delay in telling them wasn’t the group’s fault either, with how extremely accepting Seventeen were of just about anything, many members already out in their own way—Vernon found a disregard of his bisexuality to be roughly as offensive as insulting his mother, Junhui didn't use labels and didn't want to, Jeonghan was growing more and more “queer” in every single sense of the word with no sign of slowing down—hell, Seungcheol had been calling himself bi since before they debuted—but Joshua had needed the time. He'd needed the space. He'd needed the virtual sessions with a Korean-American therapist. 

As it turned out, despite all the good parts he still cherished and the things he still believed in, a heavily catholicized American upbringing had done a number on him where sexuality was concerned. After years and years of unpacking, soul-searching, and reaffirming, this random realtor was the first person since being out that was genuinely seeing him for who he was.

Fans often said things and made jokes, but Myunghwa wasn’t a fan. Joshua wasn’t putting on a persona when talking to her; a persona that often encouraged cutesy interactions with his fellow members. He was being seen not as an object, or an idol, but as a fellow human being. He was being seen upon introduction, for likely the very first time in his life, as a gay man. It felt… It just felt so different. It was the most authentically Joshua had been seen by a stranger in a long time, if ever, and Myunghwa’s reaction to the situation was a clear signal that it was fine. Borderline normal. Strangely, it was almost aspirational, because the idea of actually finding a loving life partner and settling down was something that he had always thought was painfully out of reach, but she'd seen it as so plausible that she hadn't even questioned it. Not only was it possible, but he was being allowed to step into the role and play it like it was real.

“Let me know when you’re ready to be teased about it,” Jihoon said, picking up his phone. The consideration was nice, despite his cautious tone. Joshua couldn't really blame him for that, though. 

“Maybe when it’s over,” Joshua told him. Jihoon made a small hum of a noise, though Joshua couldn’t tell if that was in acknowledgement or if Jihoon was just engrossed in what he was looking at; his phone screen was open to a chat with “Minggu”, scrolling with one thumb through various cutesy sticker options. He tapped on a little white dancing cat, Joshua watching it appear in their conversation about post-work plans. 

“Let me know when Seokmin is ready to joke about it too,” he said, heart-reacting something Mingyu said about noodles. “You’re gonna be his first, you know.” 

“Ah, don’t say it like that,” Joshua protested, and Jihoon exhaled in amusement, which turned into a full laugh when he looked over and saw the embarrassment on Joshua’s face. 

Seokmin had, in the winter of the previous year, told the group that he was bisexual. It had been similarly met with excitement and celebration, Seokmin the final member to be added to their queer group chat—a group chat that then became completely redundant, because it now had the same reach as their member-only group chat had, Soonyoung insisting on keeping it around as a place where they could talk about “gay stuff”. There was more surprise for him than there had been for Joshua, Joshua himself well and truly shocked. For the most part, between the two of them, they didn’t really talk about it.

Jihoon quirked an eyebrow at him, the amusement on his face all but gone, and Joshua felt distinctly watched, the back of his neck going hot. 

“It’s fine,” he said again, because it didn’t matter what Jihoon’s unasked question was; Joshua was fine. This was going to be fine. “I mean like—you know—a little weird. But it’s fine.” 

His eyes caught on Jihoon’s phone screen as he cast around for a way to change the subject, noticing that Mingyu’s last message was a question of if Joshua was still in the Universe Factory, or if it was okay for him to come over.

“Tell him to come,” he said, nodding to the message thread and thankfully, that was enough of a distraction; Jihoon went pink in record time. “I’ll go.” 

“I… Okay,” Jihoon said, the words weak, Joshua able to fully laugh as he moved to stand. 

“Is something going to happen?” he had to ask. The blush on Jihoon’s face was incredibly bright, even for someone as easily red-faced as Jihoon. 

“I don’t think so,” Jihoon said, though he was refusing to look up from his screen as he sent another sticker of the same little white cat, now making a hand-heart with its paws. “Not… Not yet, I think.”  

“Yet?” Joshua echoed. “So… soon?” 

If possible, Jihoon flushed even further, putting his phone down to run both hands fast through his hair. 

“Mingyu’s not really the pining type,” he finally mumbled. “And I… I’m not nervous anymore, so… I’m ready to just…” He made a sort of nonsense hand gesture, his phone pinging again. “To let it happen. You know, when it happens.” 

“Let me know,” Joshua said, letting himself grin. “I’ll throw you a party.” 

Jihoon shoved his face into his hands. “Not you and Hoshi,” he complained, seeming downright tortured by the offered affections, Joshua still laughing as he left the room. 

Joshua and Seokmin left dance practice early on Thursday to visit the final house, cleaning up the best they could in the bathroom on their way out, Joshua washing his face, putting on a mask, and pulling a ball cap over his sweaty hair. He was doing everything in his power to tell himself that he wasn’t nervous, which would work a lot better if Seokmin would stop anxiously bouncing his leg in the car seat next to him. The house was tucked back into a small neighborhood, and when the car rolled to a stop in front of it Myunghwa was already there, in a different pantsuit but the same red lipstick. Seokmin looked at him across the backseat. 

“Alright!” He beamed, happy and bright. “You ready?” 

There were a number of things Joshua wanted to say—mainly “Ready for what?”, also just a resounding “no”—but all he managed back was a nod. Seokmin nodded back.

“Let’s go.”

They got out of the car. Joshua rounded the vehicle, unable to help a small sound of surprise when Seokmin reached out and took his hand. He didn’t protest though, the two of them walking up to Myunghwa together, exchanging pleasantries and entering the house. 

It seemed nice. It seemed, in truth, like a happy medium, a Goldilocks sort of place; it was bigger than the first house they’d looked at but not as big as the second, was closer to Joshua’s own apartment than the second but more inconspicuous than the first, and even the price was in the middle.

Seokmin was as enthusiastic as always, but the lens on his observations had shifted; the house, now, was theirs. That shelf would be a cute spot to have little houseplants. This second guest bedroom was where Jeonghannie-hyung could grow old. That corner would be a perfect place for their guitars. He was cuddled close, often resting his weight against Joshua’s body when they came to a stop to look around each new room. And, in a way, he was right. 

In another life, in a different context, that corner would be a perfect place for their guitars, cute and acoustic, side by side. This house would be a good place to settle down, a decent amount of room for two people, with enough spare rooms to accommodate visitors. The idea was suddenly so conceivable, and the fact that it was a complete lie made it difficult for Joshua to focus on Myunghwa’s tour, his chest feeling tighter with every step he took. 

“Oh!” They entered the master bedroom, Seokmin bringing their entwined hands up to his chest, looking around. “Oh, this room is so nice.” He gestured to the far wall with his free hand. “We could put the bed there.” 

The bed. Joshua felt his face burn, struggling back a nod. Seokmin—Seokmin was not being subtle. He was smiling with an affection that Joshua figured had to be coming from his Xcalibur acting classes, his voice kind with a touch of honey-sweetness, and Joshua didn’t… he didn't know why Seokmin was doing this. He’d thought that since the assumption of them as a couple had been made without anything additional being done on their part, they wouldn’t really have to do much. The usual skinship, the usual tones of voice and conversation; a pet name or two at most. Instead, Seokmin was playing it up almost to the point of parody. The longer it went on in front of Myunghwa, the more and more cornered Joshua began to feel. 

“Hey babe, look at this!” Seokmin hurried in front of Myunghwa to enter the next spare bedroom. “You could do pottery in here. That big window is so nice; it lets in so much natural light.” He smiled, so sincere that Joshua felt his brain stutter. “It makes you look so handsome.” 

Joshua smiled back, his media training taking over, the action so reflexive that he didn’t register it until it had already happened. This… It was parody. It was a joke. It was a show, was fanservice, and all at once, Joshua felt sick. He just couldn’t stomach the confrontation of it, chatting about wall paint and storage space in a fantasy that it was clear wasn’t for him. 

“I like this one,” Joshua told Myunghwa once the tour was over. She had a skeptical expression on her face, seemingly able to tell he was off-kilter. “Really, I do. The size feels right. I like the kitchen.” 

“I like it too,” Seokmin piped up from behind him, jogging down the hallway to catch up to them. “The neighborhood seems nice and quiet as well. Ah, I’m just…” His smile was so wide that his teeth were dazzling, almost seeming to radiate joy. “I’m so excited!” 

“Ah, calm down,” Joshua tried, flustered, but Seokmin just looped his arms around him in a back hug, his hands sliding high up Joshua’s chest. Joshua could almost hear it, how the fans would scream. “We haven’t decided anything.” 

“I can continue to look, if these three options weren’t exactly what you were looking for,” Myunghwa said. “Or, if you really do like this property, we can begin the steps to move forwards with an offer. I’ll give you a few days to think it over; contact me on Monday with how you’d like to proceed.” 

Joshua was pretty positive that this was the house he wanted to go with, but he was willing to wait a few days to appear normal about it. He used his phone to call a ride, desperate to get out of there, his chest stinging. Thankfully, it only took a few minutes, the two of them thanking Myunghwa and, like last time, returning together to Joshua’s apartment.

“Did you really like that house, hyung?” Seokmin asked. He still seemed just as excited as he had at the viewing. “Are you going to buy it right now?” 

“I’ll sleep on it,” Joshua said, getting a drink from his fridge as an excuse to hide behind his refrigerator door. He wanted Seokmin to leave. “But yeah, I think it’s the best one.” 

“Awesome.” Then, Seokmin laughed. “Was I a good fake husband? I really tried my best.” 

That felt like an understatement, Joshua unable to help a laugh back.

“Yeah! You, uh… You really tried hard, Dokyeom-ah. I…” He shook his head. “I guess we should have talked about it. I wasn’t ready, I think?” 

“Ready?” Seokmin asked back, clearly puzzled. “You said you were ready, hyung.” 

“Yeah, but—” Joshua sighed, putting his Coca Cola down on the counter. “She already thought we were together, right? So you didn’t need to do all of that, you know? I just wasn’t expecting it.” 

“Oh.” Seokmin shrugged. “It was fun though, right?” 

“Fun?” Joshua echoed, flabbergasted now. Mimicking gay domesticity to the point of mockery, narrating a detailed tour of a future that Joshua was never going to have, turning his first ever authentic experience into fanservice for a woman that hadn’t asked for it—that had been fun for Seokmin? “No. I didn’t have fun. I didn’t—I didn’t think it was funny.”

Seokmin drew in on himself, looking at Joshua for a moment. “What did I do?” he asked, and that just cemented how much Seokmin didn’t get it. 

Seokmin called himself bisexual, but he’d never been in a queer relationship, only seemed to genuinely express attraction to, flirt with, or kiss other men when drunk, and even since coming out, had only dated women. Joshua hadn’t been privy to Seokmin’s inner thoughts, sure, but it seemed to have only taken a few months and negligible inner turmoil for Seokmin to go from a strong ally to a member of the club. For Joshua, who had struggled for years—and, on those dark nights in high school, truly felt like it was a battle that would cost him everything—it just seemed so quick. So easy. It didn’t feel fair. 

“It’s fine,” Joshua said, shaking his head again. “It’s—never mind.” 

“It’s what, hyung?” Seokmin frowned at him. “What? If I did something wrong, I want to know.” 

“Just…” Joshua was already regretting this entire conversation, wishing he’d brushed it off and laughed along; the look on Seokmin’s face told Joshua that he wasn’t going to let this go. “For you, being gay is talking about Jaehyun in the group chat and kissing Soonyoung at karaoke and that’s fine, but it’s my life. I’m actually gay, and you just spent thirty minutes turning it into a joke in front of a stranger. It didn’t feel good, that’s all.” 

Seokmin stood there, just staring at him, for a long moment. He opened his mouth. Closed it. Took a step back.

“Actually gay?” he finally repeated. “Actually?”

“Seokmin—”

“No.” Seokmin’s voice was short, and Joshua’s own mouth snapped closed. “I came out to you months ago, and you just—what, you just never believed me?” 

“That’s not what this is about,” Joshua tried, stumbling into silence when Seokmin, again, parted his lips to speak. It didn't end up happening, pursing them tightly instead when his chin began to tremble. 

“You—hyung, I…” 

He didn’t finish his sentence. Before Joshua could say or do anything else, Seokmin turned on his heel and completely left the apartment, the door slamming closed behind him.

It was clear to everyone, the second they got to work the next day, that something was wrong. Seokmin wore his emotions both on his sleeve and all over his face, his avoidance of Joshua so obvious that he might as well have slapped him first. The entire group was shooting them glances, but Joshua had the idea that Seungcheol must have said something, because aside from a few gentle questions from Soonyoung that were easy to brush off, nobody was saying anything. Since it wasn’t enough to completely derail work, the leaders were giving them the space to work through it on their own.

And that would have been nice, except for the fact that Joshua had absolutely no idea what to say. 

He knew that he was the one that had fucked up. He was even sorry about it, but he knew that just saying sorry wouldn’t be enough. He would have to explain himself, properly explain himself and his feelings, and every attempt to put his feelings into words left him nauseated. 

“Alright.” It was three days after they’d viewed the third house, Joshua just having hit “send” on the message to Myunghwa confirming that it was the house he wanted to buy, when Jeonghan entered his living room. Seungkwan came in behind him, seemingly less brazen but no less determined to invade Joshua’s space unannounced. “What did you do?” 

“What?” Joshua asked back. Jeonghan came to a stop in front of where he was sitting on the couch, looking down, his arms crossed. He had a plastic knife in one hand and his phone in the other, his clawed fingers curled around each.

“You had a fight with Dokyeommie-hyung, right?” Seungkwan asked, and Joshua felt a defensive kick in his gut, pursing his lips. 

“Talk,” Jeonghan said. Joshua frowned at him.

“You’re not a leader,” he reminded Jeonghan, who simply stood there for a second, one eyebrow raised.

“No, but I’m contractually obligated to kill anyone who makes Seokmin cry. You're lucky I'm even giving you the chance to explain.” He pointed the knife at Joshua. “Don’t make me use this.” 

“Wait, cry?” Joshua asked, getting up from the couch himself. “He’s crying?” 

Seungkwan nodded. “Woozi-hyung is with him right now,” he explained. A whole Vocal Unit intervention, then. “He’s… he’s upset.” 

“Fuck,” Joshua murmured, sitting back down. “Should—should I go talk to him?” 

“You can.” Jeonghan wasn’t moving from his place in front of Joshua. “But you’re going to tell me what happened first, so I can be sure that you won’t make this any worse than it already is.” 

That… that was fair. Joshua let out a breath. 

“Do you want to sit down?” he asked. Seungkwan came over to the couch, but Jeonghan’s mouth remained a hard line. “I already know I need to apologize, if that helps.” 

It seemed to, Jeonghan’s posture softening, sitting on Joshua’s other side as Joshua began to explain. He told them what happened with Myunghwa, their agreement on what to do, and how Seokmin had acted. 

“I just didn’t like it,” he finally said. “The way he exaggerated it. Treating me so differently because we were supposed to be a gay couple. I just… We didn’t have to perform, you know? We could have just been us, but he wanted to make it into a joke.”

They were both silent for a moment, Seungkwan’s lips pursed, Jeonghan playing with a loose thread on the hem of his shirt with his fingertips.

“Hyung?” Seungkwan spoke first, quiet, looking over at him. “Why do you think that Dokyeom-hyung was making it into a joke?” 

“Because…” The question was unexpected, Joshua faltering, and Jeonghan looked at him too. “I mean, wasn’t he? It was fanservice, and that stuff is always a joke.”

“But—” Jeonghan started.

“He talked about the bed,” Joshua insisted, and Jeonghan huffed out a breath. 

“Okay.” He gave Joshua a look, and when Joshua didn't cut him off again, continued. “Maybe that was a little too far. But did he, I don't know, start with ‘this is going to be so funny’ when you guys got out of the car?”

“No, but—”

“Did he do anything that was, I don't know, too exaggerated?”

“He kept calling me handsome.”

“He really does think you're handsome,” Seungkwan interjected, which didn't help things, the same discomfort kicking up in Joshua’s stomach again.

“Kwan-ah—”

“Why are you actually upset?” Jeonghan asked, and the words left Joshua’s mouth before he'd fully thought them through. 

“Because having him there, pointing out every single thing that was so great about the new house, was just pointing out every single thing that I'm never going to have, and I just had to stand there and smile when it was all just—just fake.” 

The admittance hung in the air as soon as it was past his lips and Joshua didn't want to see the expressions on either of their faces, leaning forwards, putting his weight on his elbows and bracing them on his knees. He rubbed at his face with one hand and Seungkwan reached forwards, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

“I didn't know you wanted… all of that stuff,” he said, and Joshua sighed.

“I didn't either,” he admitted. “I don't even know that I actually do. And I definitely don't want it right now, but…” 

In truth, Joshua didn't often do a whole lot of planning when it came to the future. He'd been completely aimless before joining Pledis aside from “find some way to help Mom”, and the entire rest of his life had been so past his wildest dreams that trying to predict or plan just didn’t feel realistic. He didn’t have a five year plan; the himself from five years ago couldn’t have ever dreamed up where he was now, let alone plan for it. Having no clear picture of what he wanted to make possible for himself had kept him from confronting the impossible things too, only to spend thirty straight minutes being punched in the gut with it. 

“I don’t know. It upset me, but Dokyeom was fine. Because he’s going to be fine. He can settle down and have a family—he’s expected to do it eventually, even though we’re idols. I can’t. Not in the same way.” 

Saying the truth of it had Joshua feeling sick to his stomach, sixteen all over again and so weighed down by the unfairness of the world he'd been given that he almost wanted to cry. Jeonghan’s voice was soft and impossibly gentle. 

“I know, Shua-yah. But that’s not his fault.” 

Joshua took another big breath, Seungkwan’s hand going from his shoulder to his back and rubbing in wide, slow circles. 

“I know,” he finally said. It wasn't Seokmin’s fault. Joshua had lashed out. He needed to apologize. “I know. I’ll go talk to him.” 

After a hug from Seungkwan and a reminder to be good from Jeonghan, Joshua slipped slides on his feet and a beanie on his head and was out the door. 

It was a quick ride to Seokmin’s apartment, and when Joshua got there, Jihoon had already left. Seokmin didn’t look surprised to see him either, making Joshua think that there was some coordination going on behind his back, but he didn’t really care. His attention was fully on Seokmin’s puffy eyes and pink nose, guilt sitting heavy in his throat. 

“Hey,” he said, Seokmin simply nodding back and stepping away to let him in. Joshua slipped his shoes off and then they were just standing there together, completely quiet. Seokmin’s head was angled down, refusing to meet Joshua’s eyes. “Hey, I'm really… I'm really, really sorry.” 

Seokmin finally looked up at him, making a small, aborted sort of noise before stepping in and pulling Joshua into a hug. Joshua took the contact gratefully, hugging back, holding Seokmin close. He could hear Seokmin’s breath, feel Seokmin’s heartbeat, regret over his actions crashing over him even harder over how tightly Seokmin was hugging him. It filled him with the proper need to explain, moving to pull back, swaying slightly on the spot when the hug was finally broken. 

“Can we talk?” Joshua asked. After a slow exhale, Seokmin agreed. 

“I’ve got some snacks in my room,” he said, starting off towards his bedroom. Joshua was more than willing to follow him, entering to find that this was clearly where Jihoon had been consoling Seokmin earlier, a half-drunk coffee on the bedside table with bags of Seokmin’s favorite snacks and used tissues strewn across the bedspread. Seokmin did a quick cursory clean before sitting down, Joshua sitting across from him, accepting the chip bag offered to him and opening it, despite not really feeling hungry. They sat in silence for a moment, then Seokmin spoke.

“I’m going to let you go first, hyung.” 

“Ah.” Joshua couldn’t help a slight, awkward laugh. “Alright, yeah. Mostly, I… I’m sorry. I expressed myself really poorly. Most of it was my own fault, my own problems. I had a lot of things…”

He gestured up towards his head, but was quickly coming to realize that he wasn't making much sense, stopping for a breath before starting again, trying to be straightforward. 

“I was uncomfortable by how you suddenly acted so differently with me, just because we were supposed to be a couple. I know that you weren’t, but to me it felt like you were, I don’t know, turning it into something silly.” He looked down into the bag and shook the chips around, the food rustling. “I was sensitive, so that hurt my feelings. I didn't really mean what I said.” 

Seokmin was quiet as he took that in, nodding a little. Then, as Joshua watched, a small smile quirked his lips.

“What?” Joshua asked, equally confused and relieved, and the expression grew. 

“I just—it’s funny,” Seokmin finally said, picking up his own little chip bag. “I think we had exact opposite feelings.”

“Opposite?” Joshua echoed, still perplexed, and Seokmin nodded.

“I was really excited, hyung. I know we were pretending but I really liked the thought of it, the thought that we could be doing that, buying a house together like that. Being able to live like that.” He averted his eyes to pick up his coffee, but didn’t drink any of it. “I let myself get too carried away I guess, huh?” 

Seungkwan’s question of his assumption of Seokmin’s behavior was making more and more sense, the more Joshua thought about it. Of course Seokmin, of all people, was pure in his enthusiasm, in his joy, and in his compliments. He wasn’t feigning any of it, that much evidenced by how his smiling tone had continued even after they’d come back to Joshua’s place. Had he even felt that strange, almost-excitement that Joshua had?

“We might have had the exact same feelings, actually,” Joshua told him, and to that Seokmin fully tilted his head in confusion. “I just got upset instead, because it is great, but it wasn’t real.” 

Seokmin took those words in for a moment, nodding. 

“Sorry,” he said, and Joshua shook his head.

“My fault,” he insisted. “Not yours.” 

The air felt thick, the silence stuffy. Seokmin took a long and noisy sip through his straw to cut the air, his expression relaxing into a cute smile.

“Hyung, if it was so great, does that mean that you really wanna be my husband?” he asked, way too sweet, Joshua laughing and reaching into the chip bag for the first time, tossing a few of the puffed corn snacks at Seokmin. Seokmin let out a squeak of a laugh and tried to shield his face, Joshua laughing back. 

“Oh, shut up.”

Seokmin picked the snacks up from the sheets and popped them into his mouth, thanking Joshua through crunches, laughing again at the exaggerated disgust in Joshua’s expression. 

“I told Myunghwa-nim I wanted the third house,” Joshua said, Seokmin perking up immediately.

“Really? Wow!”

“Yeah.” Joshua smiled. “Payments will happen soon, then…” He sighed. “Furniture.”

Seokmin was grinning, cooing at Joshua’s exasperation. Joshua felt more than justified, though; they were about to really ramp up recording content for the upcoming EP, and he had no idea how he was supposed to fit interior design into his schedule too. 

“You could hire a designer,” Seokmin proposed. That was true; that would be the easiest route, but the designer would have to be someone that Joshua felt he could trust with the house’s location, and he couldn’t help the strange, paranoid itch in the back of his mind, the desire to keep his mom safe. “Or you could order the stuff online! That’s always fun. When can we go get measurements of the rooms?”

“Myunghwa-nim actually sent me a floor plan,” Joshua said, pulling out his own phone, yet again relieved by Seokmin’s use of the word “we”. “It has all of the measurements on it. Want to see?” 

Seokmin nodded enthusiastically, scooting close. They zoomed in on every part of the page, deciding what each room needed and the color schemes they wanted for each one, pulling up a furniture retail website on Seokmin’s tablet. There were pages upon pages of couches, chairs, and bedframes, the two of them triple-checking length and width dimensions before adding pieces to their cart. There was plenty of giggling, a few heated debates causing more snack food to fly, sinking further and further into Seokmin’s bed sheets as they talked. The resulting amount of chip crumbs was negligible enough for Joshua to get comfortable, incredibly cozy with heavy eyelids by the time Seokmin finally hit “place order”. 

He didn’t fully remember falling asleep, but it must have happened pretty fast; when he woke the next morning, he was in the previous day's clothes and on top of the bedsheets. Seokmin was lying next to him, curled close. He was beautiful, his hair tousled with a slight pout to his lips, relaxed and sleep-soft. 

Joshua felt it even stronger than he had the night before, an incredible bolt of gratefulness that he’d been able to apologize, that Seokmin had accepted his words, yet again sharing his space and his time. He was grateful for this, because this—in bed, shared warmth seeping through their clothes, the only sound the soft, rhythmic whoosh of Seokmin’s low-set ceiling fan and their slow, tandem breaths—felt nice, felt right, Joshua wrapping an arm around Seokmin and closing his eyes again. 

They’d already started pre-recording content for Attacca by the time the furniture they'd ordered began arriving. There were a handful of variety appearances, an interview for Rolling Stone, and an open mic performance of 2 Minus 1 for Genius that Joshua had to juggle, his phone on him constantly, able to schedule the various delivery services to arrive during the short times in the day where he could dash over to the house to bring the things inside. He and Seokmin had, for some horrible reason, decided that they wanted to paint a handful of the bedroom and living room walls—it had seemed nice at the time!—so Joshua didn’t want to unbox or assemble anything yet, just shoving it all into what he hoped were the proper rooms before leaving again.

There were so many things that he’d forgotten about, all coming to him in short bursts; he needed a silverware organizer. Toilet paper holders. Shower curtain rods. He made short lists throughout the day, scrolling through websites at night when he finally crashed into bed and purchasing the items. By the time their first free day finally rolled around, there were so many boxes inside of the house that Joshua was beginning to feel both literally and figuratively in over his head.

Thankfully, their free day was a day that all of the members had agreed to come over, see the new place and help paint the walls. Joshua got there early with rolls of masking tape and a stack of drop cloths, ready to get the place prepped. Chan, Seokmin, Vernon, and Seungkwan arrived next, all four of them laden down with food and drinks, Joshua scarfing down kimbap gratefully and grabbing one of the coffees, directing the newcomers on what to do and getting back to work. By the time the bulk of the group arrived, it was time to properly start painting. 

They were doing solid colored rooms, no patterns or accent walls, Joshua yet again directing members to various rooms and making them all watch a “how to paint walls” video on YouTube at least once before letting them get started. Once they were all set he went into the kitchen and pressed his hands to his face, rubbing at his forehead with his fingertips. 

“Ah, calm down honey,” Seokmin said, approaching behind him and massaging his shoulders. “I hate to see my husband so stressed.” 

Joshua exhaled in amusement, closing his eyes and leaning back against Seokmin’s chest. 

“Do you think we’ll be able to finish it all today?” he asked. He was too close to look at Seokmin’s face, but felt him nod after a few moments of contemplation.

“We’ve got a lot of people here, and the paint dries fast, right? It should be fine.” He rubbed at Joshua’s biceps with both hands, bending slightly to hook his chin over Joshua's shoulder. “Actually, I think the only people not here yet are—”

“Sorry we’re late!” 

As if in conjunction with Seokmin’s thoughts, Mingyu and Jihoon came in. They’d clearly overslept, Jihoon incredibly bleary as they stumbled down the hallway together, his eyes more closed than open and being led by the arms Mingyu had around his waist. They hadn’t set any time to arrive today, so being “late” was all perspective, but Seungkwan still stuck his head out of the yellow room he was painting with Minghao and Wonwoo and clicked his tongue.

“Didn’t even have the decency to bring food,” he chastised, Jihoon mumbling something completely indecipherable as they passed him.

“Hyung was up late,” Mingyu explained needlessly, stepping up to Joshua. He rested his chin on Jihoon’s shoulder, bent near double, and Joshua was struck immediately with how similar he and Seokmin’s own physical contact was to theirs, lifting up off Seokmin in response. “What can we help with?” 

“There’s one more bedroom that needs to be painted, if that’s something you want to do,” Joshua told them. He’d planned on tackling it with Seokmin, but if they painted it instead, maybe he could get a head start on unpacking the kitchen. Jihoon nodded.

“Whatever you need,” he said, and Joshua led them back into the house. It was the smallest bedroom, supposed to be light blue, already prepped with tape, drop cloths covering the floor. He got out the brushes and rollers, opening and mixing the cans of paint, showing them the YouTube video he’d made the others watch. 

“Doesn't seem too hard,” Mingyu said, reaching over to pick up the paint roller leaning against the wall. “Sorry again, hyung.” 

“You get to order dinner,” Joshua told him, the protesting yelp he got in response making Jihoon laugh, dashing out the door before Mingyu could respond. Seokmin was still in the kitchen when he returned, his phone in his hand. 

“Hey,” he said, Seokmin smiling when he looked up. “Want to unpack the kitchen with me?”

Seokmin beamed, the nod he gave in response much more enthusiastic than Joshua felt the request warranted, and they got to work. Organizing from scratch wasn’t easy, Joshua trying the best he could to model the placement of the dishes after his mom’s kitchen, knowing that he wasn’t getting it quite right. There was a small voice in the back of his mind saying that his mother was likely to reorganize the whole thing once she arrived anyway, so he tried not to stress about it too much. 

Being in the kitchen with Seokmin was nice. He was in a good mood and it was obvious, belting out any song that popped into his head, often holding whatever utensil he had in his hand like a microphone and pointing it in Joshua’s direction for the occasional line or adlib. Joshua didn’t know many of the songs Seokmin was singing—not well enough to sing along, at least—and it soon became a game of coming up with the funniest thing he could think of, just to make Seokmin laugh. Sometimes it worked a little too well, Seokmin rendered too weak-kneed in mirth to do anything but giggle, even taking Joshua out of commission by clinging or amusing him in return, but Joshua didn't mind. All of the boxes strewn around them were made less daunting by the laughter ringing through the kitchen, the natural light from the uncovered windows putting a shine in Seokmin’s eyes.  

After a few hours, things began to calm down. Joshua was turned again into a delegator as Chan, Seungcheol, and Junhui emerged from their assigned room, declaring themselves finished, a large lilac splotch on the back of Seungcheol’s shirt. Seokmin didn’t stop singing but things calmed down, taking a few ballad requests from Seungcheol as he carefully stacked plates and bowls on the proper shelves. Joshua hopped up onto the counter, sitting close to be able to listen to him. 

The yellow room finished next, and when Jeonghan, Soonyoung, and Vernon trailed out of the bedroom that they’d just painted a refreshing mint green, it became startlingly clear that food would be needed, and soon, before the mood dipped. Joshua pulled out his phone and went around, collecting up everyone’s orders and telling them to rest. He’d never truly intended on making Mingyu order anything, the food being used as a thanks for everyone’s help, making his way down to the blue bedroom, both to ask what Mingyu and Jihoon wanted and so he could check on their progress. 

English R&B was playing through a phone speaker on the floor, Joshua peeking through the doorway. Mingyu and Jihoon had been surprisingly efficient; the last wall was in the process of being colored blue, Mingyu holding the smaller paintbrush to take care of the corners and baseboards, Jihoon making wide up-and-down sweeps with the roller. 

“And… We’re… Done!” Mingyu declared, the last white strip of wall painted over. Jihoon frowned, taking a few steps back to assess their handiwork.

“It might need a second coat,” he remarked, a light laugh leaving his lips when Mingyu pouted at him. “What, don’t you want it to look nice for Mom?”

“I do,” Mingyu said with a sigh, pulling up the bottom of his shirt to wipe at his face. It left a streak of light blue on his forehead, Jihoon’s smile going wider as he picked up the wet washcloth Joshua had given them—good for cleaning up latex paint in the case of emergencies, according to the homemaking article Joshua had read—and beckoning him down. Mingyu bent easily.

“Ah, I was being so careful,” he complained, when he felt Jihoon wipe at his skin. 

“You were being careful,” Jihoon acknowledged. “From all the times we've had to paint stuff in our career, this is the best you've looked afterwards. Especially that first time.” 

Mingyu began to laugh, seemingly aware of what Jihoon was referring to almost instantly, but it took Joshua a few moments to remember: one of the very first 17TV episodes, a live-streaming show that Seventeen had participated in as trainees, when the group had been given paintbrushes and large canvases and set free. Joshua hadn’t officially joined Seventeen yet, but he had been a trainee and vividly remembered seeing them in the hallway of the Pledis building after the episode, covered in paint and being shepherded to the bathrooms to clean up, wondering what had happened to them and what on earth he had gotten himself into. Mingyu had probably been the messiest one, thick layers of paint all over his clothes and his skin and his hair.

“How come you never get messy?” Mingyu asked, sounding almost indignant about it. Jihoon smiled and rolled his eyes, but before he could react further Mingyu used one hand to grab the paint roller sponge, getting his palm absolutely covered in pastel blue, and planting it on Jihoon’s chest. Jihoon looked at him in shock for just a moment before dipping the washcloth in the tray of wet paint and flinging it at him.

“Ah—” Joshua started, trying to interject because Jihoon had very much just gotten a blue splatter on the ceiling, but neither of them heard him. Thankfully, the fight didn't last too long or get too rowdy; Jihoon had gotten a streak of paint across his face from Mingyu’s flailing paint brush and decided to tug Mingyu down and kiss his cheek to spread it. The kiss had been quick and chaste, but the print of it stuck well to Mingyu’s skin, baby blue standing out against the tan; a tan that was quickly going pink, Mingyu still ducked down and comically frozen while Jihoon turned bright, bright red. Then the paint roller clattered to the floor, Jihoon swept up in Mingyu’s arms and kissed soundly on the mouth. 

“What’s taking—?” 

Seokmin was starting down the hallway, Joshua rushing at him with rapid, desperate headshakes, clamping a hand over Seokmin’s mouth. Seokmin’s exhale of surprise was hot against Joshua’s palm, his eyes wide. 

“Mmph?” he asked, quiet this time, Joshua pressing a finger to his lips in a “shh!” motion and leading Seokmin to the doorway, releasing him and pointing into the room. Jihoon and Mingyu were still kissing, Jihoon’s hands tight in Mingyu’s paint-stained shirt, Seokmin’s eyes and mouth opening so comically wide that his eyeballs looked in danger of popping out. 

The couple in the room parted with panting breath, looking at each other, Mingyu’s forehead dropping to lean against Jihoon’s own. Jihoon had a large blue handprint on the side of his neck. 

“That paint tastes awful,” Mingyu finally said, but he was smiling, and Jihoon was too.

“That’s why I kissed your cheek, you idiot,” he responded, doing nothing to pull away when Mingyu tilted his chin to kiss him again anyway.

“Hoshi!” Seokmin yelled, so loud that Joshua, Jihoon, and Mingyu all jumped. “It’s happening! It’s happening! And Myungho owes me twenty thousand won!” 

Jihoon groaned, shoving his tomato-red face into Mingyu’s shirt, and Mingyu began to laugh. 

Work was abandoned for the rest of the day, Soonyoung instead using the gathering place to throw the new couple an impromptu party. Alcohol was bought, Seungkwan left for fifteen minutes just to come back with a handful of toy microphones for karaoke, and despite threatening to leave whenever he got teased about his feelings, Jihoon truly seemed to be having fun the entire time. 

“Well,” Jeonghan said, walking over to where Joshua was leaning against the kitchen counter and leaning next to him. “This got interesting.” 

“Yeah.” There was still an overwhelming amount of work to do, but in truth, Joshua was more than happy to watch Jun and Seokmin belt their hearts out to Still by DAY6 instead of doing more unpacking. It was nice, having this empty, boxed up place being full of food, friends, and love. It felt like he was starting it all off on the right foot, getting him excited about finishing it, about having his mother here. Making him realize that he’d really, truly accomplished something that he’d always wanted; he was providing for his mom. He was taking care of her. He’d been the “man” of the house for as long as he could remember—not that it had ever meant anything concrete, especially while he was living at home, too young and clueless to really contribute—and while he’d done what he could to make things as comfortable as possible for his family over the years, the distance had made it hard for those effects to be realized. This was a house he was standing in, was putting together with his own two hands, and the want to have her in it with him was a deep and desperate ache. 

“Hyung!” Seokmin called out. He wasn’t too drunk, but he wasn’t completely sober either, evident by the easy smile on his face, the way he seemed to melt when Joshua’s eyes found his. “Come on! Come sing with me!” 

He held an arm out. Joshua glanced towards Jeonghan, who just grinned, tilting his chin to gesture Joshua over.

“Go on,” he prompted. Smiling, Joshua went. 

Despite the fun they’d had, Joshua spent his free time the following day cleaning up as best he could, touching up the spots that needed it before putting all of the paint supplies away, pulling back painters tape and picking up drop cloths. He scooted all of the furniture boxes into their proper rooms, standing in the living room with his hands on his hips when he’d finished. This felt… It felt better, felt actionable, deciding he would try to tackle one room at a time. Since the kitchen had already been started it was the first one he wanted to finish, Seokmin agreeing the next day to join him to complete unboxing the kitchen. They got everything moved into cabinets and drawers, then used the included instruction pages to fully construct a kitchen table and four whole chairs. It took them hours, but once they were done the room finally looked properly put together, so much free space opening up when the boxes were cleared away that Seokmin jumped to his feet and did a celebratory dance across the uncovered floor, so impromptu and ridiculous that Joshua’s laughter started to turn to tears. 

“Dance with me!” Seokmin shimmied over, reaching towards him again. “There’s so much room! Come dance!” 

Again, Joshua found himself unable to deny Seokmin, letting himself be pulled to his feet by the hand. There wasn’t even any music, the dancing nothing more than excited wiggling, Joshua’s body limp with laughter as Seokmin dragged him around, their fingers tangled clumsily. 

“Hold on, hold on, Myungho taught me this move,” Seokmin said, and then they were doing the world’s clumsiest—and likely, most inaccurate—tango, stepping around and trying not to tread on each other. Joshua had the feeling that Minghao would be absolutely appalled by Seokmin attributing this mess of limbs to him, but it was so fun that it didn’t matter, held tight in each other’s arms, sliding around the wooden floor on socked feet. 

Soon they were laughing so hard that Seokmin let out a short, gasping snort, just to redouble in giggles when he heard himself. The sound of it filled Joshua with such a rush of unabashed affection that he gathered Seokmin up and dipped him, Seokmin letting out a small yelp of a sound when he realized that Joshua was supporting his body completely. Their eyes met and Seokmin went pink, his shoulders curling in, unexpectedly bashful. The moment hung there, suspended in the weightlessness of Seokmin’s body before Seokmin was the one to break it, letting his head fully fall back, exposing the column of his throat to Joshua. The blush had traveled far enough to darken the skin there too, and for one wild moment Joshua considered letting his chin tilt, pressing his lips to Seokmin’s neck, just to see how deep that blush could go.

“Ah hyung, let me up,” Seokmin said, lifting his head again. His smile was wide, warm and happy in Joshua’s arms. “I’m gonna pass out.” 

Joshua hauled him back up, Seokmin stumbling completely against him, Joshua pulling him into a hug and holding onto him as he stabilized himself.

“Thanks for all your help,” he said, and Seokmin hummed lightly, his arms lifting to hug Joshua back.

“Of course, hyung. It was fun, anyways.” 

“Yeah.” Fun. It had been, thanks to Seokmin. “C’mon. Let’s go home.”

He took Seokmin’s hand, and they left.

Seokmin decided that he wanted to help Joshua with the preparation of the house as much as he could, and the next time they went over to build furniture and organize, Seokmin beat him there. He couldn’t get into the house until Joshua arrived but claimed that he didn’t mind waiting, rushing up to the car the second Joshua got there with excitement all over his face.

“Hyung!” The exclamation was hushed, Seokmin reaching for him before Joshua’s car door was even fully open. “Hyung, hyung! Come look!”

“Look at what?” Joshua asked back, absolutely flabbergasted, getting shushed as Seokmin dragged him along. They went over to the side of the house, Seokmin crouching, pulling Joshua with him, and pointing. 

“There, hyung!” 

It took a moment, but finally, Joshua saw it: a small, cream-colored cat. It was sitting all the way towards the back corner of the property, adult in shape but tiny in stature, its fur very nearly white with darker orange on its paws, nose, and ears, the color turning into orange tabby stripes up its tail. It was licking its paw and grooming behind one ear, completely unaware of them, its eyes opening to reveal a startling blue. 

“A stray cat!” Seokmin’s enthusiastic stage-whisper went a bit louder but, thankfully, didn’t startle the animal. “It doesn’t have a collar on or anything!” 

The lack of a collar didn’t necessarily mean “stray”, but Joshua still knew that Seokmin was right. The kitty looked a bit too scruffy and bony to truly have a home, despite its sweet face.

“You’re allergic,” Joshua pointed out, wondering if Seokmin was trying to imply some kind of animal rescue. Seokmin pouted at him. 

“But hyung, it’s October!” he exclaimed. “It’ll get so cold soon. What will the poor kitty do?” 

“It looks like a full grown cat,” Joshua said. “I bet it’s survived the winter before.” 

He moved to stand, and that finally caught the cat’s attention, freezing mid-lick as it spotted them with its little pink tongue poking out, its icy eyes wide. Still crouching, Seokmin made to extend his hand, but the moment his arm moved the cat was gone, darting around the corner and down the street. Seokmin frowned. 

“C’mon.” Joshua reached down, hauling Seokmin to his feet as well. “We have a bed frame to build.” 

Technically, it was more than just a bed frame. They were going to try to get the entire master bedroom set up today, deeming it the most important room aside from the kitchen. That meant putting together a bed frame, dresser, and side table, throwing down a rug, and hanging window curtains, as well as organizing the attached bathroom. They were already getting started horrendously late, the sun setting down the street, and Joshua was worried about how long this might take, making a quiet promise to himself to send Seokmin home if it got too late. 

There was no singing this time—or, at least, as little singing as could be expected when Seokmin was involved—taking the time to talk instead, about the upcoming EP and prepping for their online shows, Power of Love rehearsals that were going to overlap horribly with promotions. Seokmin told a few Xcalibur set stories and Joshua found it envious, this unique, special experience that Seokmin was able to have. 

“I’m proud of you,” he told Seokmin. He was sure he’d said it before, but saying it again wouldn’t hurt. “It’s really cool, you know, that you’re able to do this. It’s really impressive.”

The words had Seokmin beaming, his eyes going bright. 

“Aw, really?”

“Yah, don’t fish for compliments,” Joshua chastised, tossing an extra wooden dowel pin from the dresser at him, Seokmin laughing as it landed in his lap. “You know that you’re cool.” 

“Oh, hyung thinks I’m cool?” Seokmin asked, his voice even more teasing. Unfortunately, Joshua was out of dowels. “You could always act again too, you know. We need more actors in this group, anyway. It can’t just be me and Junnie.” He frowned in thought, clearly cycling through the members in his head. Then, “Mingyu doesn’t count.” 

Joshua burst out laughing at that, thinking that if Mingyu’s experience didn’t count then his own probably didn’t either. Not that Joshua particularly thought he wanted to be an actor; his single stint on a TV show had been mediocre at best, and the consequential years of teasing he’d endured from the members had not made the experience feel very worth it.

“I don’t think that I really want to act,” he said. “But… I don’t know. It’s cool that you have something… different.” 

“Feeling unfulfilled?” Seokmin asked, his voice soft. 

“I don’t know,” Joshua answered, after a quiet moment of thought. Then, not wanting to be unfair to the turmoil he’d just been through, “Maybe.” 

Seokmin hummed, but it didn’t sound dismissive. 

“I think I am too, a little bit.” 

Seokmin got downright affronted when midnight came and Joshua attempted to get him to go home. The refusal was strong and absolute, shaking his head and belting out one of the power ballads from the Xcalibur set list to prove that he still had energy, getting louder any time Joshua tried to talk over him. It took a great number of whacks with a giant piece of styrofoam to get him to stop, Joshua chasing him through the house with it, and since they only had the bed frame left to complete, Joshua didn’t try to fight further. Unfortunately, the instructions were so vague—or they were so deliriously sleepy—that it took them a full hour and a half to properly get it done. 

“Do you regret helping me yet?” Joshua asked. He was going for cheeky, but he was too tired for it to really stick. He was actually grateful that Seokmin had insisted on lending his help; he was sure that the furniture would not have gotten put together otherwise.

“No.” Seokmin pouted at him, clearly attempting at petulant but equally exhausted, the next words falling off into a yawn. “Not even for a second.” 

 Together, they hauled the big mattress onto the frame. Joshua wanted to collapse onto it, to just sleep there, but it felt strange; the bed wasn’t made, no sheets on it, and more than that, it was his mom’s. 

“Yay!” Seokmin said, and while his voice was bright, the way he threw his arms into the air was so lackluster that Joshua began to laugh. Seokmin laughed too and the mirth had their bodies weak, leaning against each other, Seokmin taking him up into his arms.

“C’mon,” he said, when Joshua’s confusion had him not quite cooperating with whatever position Seokmin was attempting to manhandle him into. “C’mon, we need to celebrate.” 

It wasn’t until then that Joshua realized that this was a sway, and they were yet again dancing. Seokmin had an arm around his waist, pulling him in snug, and it was nice to be held, to be wrapped up by a strong bicep and resting against a firm chest, warm and distinctly male and just so right that Joshua felt it in his body, bone-deep and good. He rested in, closing his eyes and pressing his nose into Seokmin’s neck, his voice soft.

“Thank you,” he said. Seokmin hummed again, equal parts acknowledging the gratitude and brushing it aside, and Joshua felt the vibration throughout his entire body. It mixed with everything else, turning who he was resting against from a vaguely male form to very distinctly Seokmin, but Joshua found he didn’t mind. It was nice, still nice, the extra comfort of the familiarity letting him wrap his arms around Seokmin in return. The last time he’d held Seokmin appeared in his mind, the bright lights in the dark kitchen illuminating the pink flush of Seokmin’s face, their eyes locked on each other. This time the movement was much, much smaller, so Joshua did let his lips press against Seokmin’s skin, against the steady thrum of his pulse. 

Seokmin, in turn, kissed his head.

“Let’s go,” he said, Joshua nodding in agreement. Once he’d crawled into his own bed he opened up his phone, his eyes just barely open, adding dry cat food to his online order next to the hand soap already in his cart before clicking ‘buy’. He was asleep before the confirmation page fully loaded, screen still bright in his hand.

The performance set was pretty cool. The floor had been made to look like a road, the design going up the wall to create an interesting Looney Tunes-esque optical illusion. An entire car sat up against the back wall, road signs crossing overhead, the scaffolding rigged to rain firework style sparkles down on them during the second half of the performance. It was one of the first proper performances of Rock with You that they were scheduled to do, set to air on MTV, with live vocals and full choreography. All they'd done so far was a pyrotechnic-free blocking run, but it was shaping up to go really well, and Joshua was excited about it.

“Ah, clear the set!” Seungcheol called out to the group, seemingly having gotten a direction from a staff member, waving his arm in a wide arc to get everyone’s attention. “They want to do equipment tests.” 

Everyone shuffled off quickly, pressing to the sides of the room in an attempt to get out of the way. Joshua just barely felt a presence behind him before hands ran lightly up from his hips to his ribs, palms down and fingers spread. Joshua recognized the action as the choreography from the start of the song and responded in kind, placing his palms on top of the hands, realizing that the slender fingers were Seokmin’s when they tangled with his own.

“Hey,” he greeted, and instead of responding in kind or moving their arms to an outstretched position, the next move in the choreography, Seokmin pulled him in snug, hugging Joshua’s back against his chest.

“Who do you do this move with?” he asked. 

“It’s Myungho in the original,” Joshua told him. “Seungkwan now, though.” 

“Ah, Seungkwannie hugs,” Seokmin sing-songed wistfully. “Myungho hugs. Some of the best, how lucky.” 

“Hey, what about my hugs?” Joshua asked, letting mock offense seep in, turning in Seokmin’s arms. He knew how close Seokmin was bound to be, but was still unprepared for it, embarrassed by the way his breath caught slightly. Seokmin looked—he looked incredible, dressed in light-washed jeans that hugged his thighs in a way that was downright unfair, his skin a bright, glowing tan that the makeup artists would sometimes allow for their western audience, his jacket partially unzipped and shirt partially unbuttoned to show off a white tank top that was teasingly sheer in that classic way that only white tank tops could be. He looked good, really good; it was one of those days where everyone was styled well and it was clearly being felt, Seungcheol walking with a spring in his step, Hansol sitting and downright staring at Seungkwan, who was standing in front of him and fussing with the chains that had gotten tangled around his neck, not at all seeming to mind that Hansol’s fingertips had slipped up inside a few of the rips on the front of his jeans.

Seokmin gave Joshua one of those exaggerated wide-eyed looks in response to his teasing, clearly trying to fight back laughter. 

“Of course my husband’s hugs are my favorite!” he exclaimed. He held one hand up between their bodies, pinky finger in the air, but whether he was showing off the group ring or making a promise, Joshua didn’t know. Joshua crooked their fingers together anyway. “Actually, I wish that we had some choreography together. You get to do so many things! A hug with Seungkwannie and then the lift with Jeonghannie-hyung. I should have at least gotten to do the ‘baby hold on’ part with you.” 

“Oh?” Joshua asked. “You don’t like Jeonghan’s voice? Are you trying to take his lines?”

Despite the way he was clearly teasing, Seokmin immediately flustered up.

“Of course I like it!” he said, frowning when Joshua laughed so hard he was leaning forwards into Seokmin. He dropped their hands in his pouting, though their pinky fingers stayed interlocked. “Just…” His voice was a grumble. “Woozi-hyung does it with Mingyu. It’s not fair.” 

“Woozi doesn’t make calls when it comes to line distribution,” Joshua said, a fact that all of them knew. Seokmin wasn’t in the mood to concede. 

“I bet he did something,” he said, the last word a conspiratorial whisper, eyes shooting to where the couple were standing. Jihoon’s ears were pink and his face was grumpy, standing there while Mingyu cooed about how sexy he looked with his hair slicked back. “I bet Seungkwannie would agree with me. I mean, it’s romantic, right? How am I supposed to charm my husband if I can’t even sing with him?” 

“Shut up,” Joshua said, exhaling in amusement, hitting Seokmin’s chest with his free hand as Seokmin laughed too. His fist stayed there, resting against Seokmin’s chest. “I guess you’ll just have to charm me during Imperfect Love instead then, right?” 

Seokmin looked at him for a moment, taking those words in. Then he opened his mouth, inhaling, and Joshua just knew that he was about to start belting out the opening notes of the ballad, raising his hand and clapping it over Seokmin’s mouth with wide eyes. They stood like that, frozen, before breaking down into giggles at the exact same time.

“I was about to annoy everybody,” Seokmin wheezed, as though unable to believe himself, Joshua gasping in an attempt to breathe. “I seriously was. I almost did it.”

“You annoy me every single day,” Seungkwan cut in, walking up. He was fiddling with one of his in-ears, the fingers on his other hand interlocked with Hansol’s, who was trailing behind him and staring at the back of his head with an intensity that would have been alarming, if not for how used to it the group had become. “C’mon you weird hyungs, it's time to reset. I think we’re doing it for real this time.” 

Pulling themselves together was a herculean task, still giggling as they walked back towards the set. They kept their pinkies entwined, arms stretching further and further as they made their way to their starter places.

“Hey, wait,” Joshua said, right as they were about to let go. “House later?” 

Seokmin nodded quickly, Joshua giving his finger a thankful squeeze with his own before letting go.

They traveled home together from work, ordering food and chowing down before getting to tackling one of the guest rooms, building another bed frame, setting up a desk, and hanging another set of curtains. The sheets and comforter sets that Joshua had ordered had arrived in the mail, the two of them making up the beds as a final touch. It had taken less time than the previous bedroom, but the busy day left them exhausted anyway. 

“Want to spend the night?” Joshua offered, after watching a bleary Seokmin sit heavily on the mattress and pull out his phone to order a ride back to his apartment. 

“Ah thanks, but I can’t.” Seokmin didn’t even look up. “I have an early schedule tomorrow, and I don’t want to cause any trouble for manager-hyung. You should, though!” He patted the mattress next to him. “You need to see what it’s like here at night. Make sure there aren’t any ghosts.” 

“Oh, thanks,” Joshua remarked, his dry tone making Seokmin laugh. It was a good idea though, Joshua resolving to do just that, Seokmin demanding that Joshua tell him everything about the experience as he walked out the door.  

On paper, it was nice. The neighborhood was peaceful and quiet, the mattress soft, blankets cozy, and the house ghost free. In truth though, it felt a little lonely, Joshua laying on his back on the empty bed and wishing Seokmin was there.

They started going to the house almost every single day after their schedules to get things done. “Checking for ghosts” turned into Joshua spending most nights there, and things like “testing the stove” and “trial run of the television” became “making dinner” and “watching TV”. Joshua began putting cat food out for the stray kitty, seeing it more and more often as a result, though it always slunk away if Joshua got too close. The bowl Joshua put out for it was always empty in the morning, though.

Joshua stocked the guest room with a few spare outfits and pairs of pajamas, putting new toothbrushes in each of the bathroom drawers and soap in the showers. The house was becoming a home, little by little, truly beginning to feel like a place that could be lived in. It didn’t necessarily feel like his house, Joshua still more excited than anything for his mother to stay there; the place was hers, and he saw it that way. But he also couldn’t help but see it as belonging to Seokmin, just a little bit.

Seokmin didn’t sleep over the way Joshua did, and it was always a little strange when he went home and Joshua was left alone for the night. While it wasn’t Seokmin’s house in any sense of the word, all the work he’d done and time he’d spent had the space feeling better, more right, when he was in it too. It was a place that he and Seokmin existed in together, were supposed to be in together, and despite all the time they already spent by each other’s sides, despite how freeing moving from the dorm had originally been, Joshua found he liked the house a little less when Seokmin wasn’t there with him, chattering about work, cooking at the stove, singing to fill the silences, or dealing out the cheesiest compliments that Joshua had ever heard, just to get a laugh.

“Can I feed Sulan tonight?” Seokmin called out. Joshua, deep in the cabinet under the sink in the master bathroom, trying to organize the cleaning supplies, paused in confusion.

“You… what?” he asked. He didn’t get a response—not one that he was able to hear, anyway—extricating himself and getting to his feet, wiping the palms of his hands on his jeans as he entered the living room. Seokmin was standing by the front door, all organized and ready to go back to his apartment. The door was even open, but the stray kitty was sitting there, looking up at them.

“Oh!” 

“I think Sulan is hungry,” Seokmin explained. “You have food, right?” 

“Did… Sulan? Did you name the neighborhood stray cat ‘poached egg’?” 

“That’s what he looks like!” Seokmin insisted. “His body is all white, and then it looks like the rest of him got dipped in an egg yolk.” 

Joshua looked down at the kitty, who meowed plaintively. 

“I guess,” Joshua allotted. If nothing else, it did sound kind of cute. “Yeah, the food is in the pantry. I’ll get it.” 

Sulan was still there when Joshua returned with the bowl of food, sniffing hesitantly at Seokmin’s outstretched hand. 

“He usually runs from me,” Joshua said, and sure enough, Sulan seemed to go on high alert when he reappeared, shrinking back from Seokmin as well. His eyes were trained on the food though, allowing Joshua to walk up and place it down. Then he began to eat, and Seokmin cooed.

“Look at him!” 

It wasn’t very coo-worthy, in Joshua’s opinion; Sulan was scarfing the dry kibble down at light speed, even flinging some of it in his haste. “Oh, he’s so cute.” 

“Maybe I should feed him more,” Joshua mused, before catching the sideways grin Seokmin was giving him. “We are not going to own a cat.”

“But—”

“You’re allergic!” Joshua insisted, and Seokmin pouted so exaggeratedly that his chin scrunched up. “Come here, come wash your hands before you go.” 

Seokmin immediately became resistant to the idea for absolutely no reason, Joshua walking him over to the sink, turning on the water, then standing behind him and moving his hands under the water, washing his hands for him like a toddler. 

“It’s not good for you,” he insisted. “I’m just trying to protect you, you know.” 

He could tell without looking that Seokmin was still frowning, though when he spoke, his voice was quieter and less petulant than expected.

“Maybe I don’t want to be protected,” he said. “Maybe I want to have a cat.” 

“You can’t,” Joshua told him. “It would be bad for you, alright? Plus, we’re too busy for pets.” 

“Not that bad,” Seokmin countered. His body was resting against Joshua’s, his head tilting back against Joshua’s shoulder. “And I’m sure we could make time. We could find a way to do something. Coups-hyung has a pet, doesn’t he? Mingyu has a pet.”

“Coups-hyung has a therapy dog, and Mingyu’s dog stays with his family.”

Seokmin didn’t seem to have a response for that, Joshua handing him a dish towel before turning him around. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay?” he asked. The sun had been down for hours, and he knew Seokmin didn’t have an individual schedule tomorrow. Seokmin, though, wasn’t looking at him, his eyes down on his hands as he dried them. “I have an extra set of pajamas.”

“Thanks hyung, but it’s alright. I already called a car.” 

He didn’t look at Joshua as he hung the towel back up, and when they went to the front door again, Sulan was gone and the bowl was empty. The car arrived only a minute later, and something about it all just felt strange, Joshua needing to put in a conscious effort to keep himself from reaching out to stop Seokmin, to try asking him again, forcing himself to just wave him goodbye. He sat down on the front step and looked down the empty street for a while, apparently quiet and still enough for Sulan to reappear. He stalked forward silently and sat, still out of reach but watching Joshua, who couldn’t help but feel something almost accusatory in the ice-blue eyes.

“It’s not you,” he told the cat. “It’s me.”

Sulan just blinked back at him. 

Attacca was being released in four days, Joshua’s mom was arriving in two days, and the house still wasn't done.

It was almost done. It was so close to done that Joshua knew it could be finished in just one day, if they had the time. Unfortunately, time was the single thing they didn't have, but they were still so near the finish line that he was determined to do it, and thankfully Seokmin was determined to do it with him. They split the work up across the two days that they had: day one was for finishing the final guest room, building a desk and a chair, and day two was for hanging all of the already purchased and framed art onto all of the already marked walls, an impulsive decision that Joshua had made one evening when he was at the house alone and realized just how empty all of the walls looked. Both jobs seemed incredibly easy, things that they’d done before or shouldn’t take very much time, so Joshua didn’t mind too much when they weren’t able to arrive at the house until three in the morning. It was one desk and one chair; he and Seokmin could build something like that in their sleep.

Quite honestly, that was about what they did, and it wasn’t as easy as the phrase made it out to be. Joshua genuinely could not tell if the holes in the chair were actually a little misaligned, or if he was just going cross-eyed. He wasn’t sure if the desk actually hadn’t come with enough screws, or if Seokmin had just misplaced a few somewhere in the building process. But they had some extra screws for the desk from the other pieces of furniture they’d made over the past few weeks, and were still able to push the chair legs enough into the proper place to screw them in, so they did get the job done, slumping down onto the floor side by side when they were finished.

“We need to get up,” Joshua mumbled, after a solid five minutes of silence where he was half-sure that he’d dozed off, and was half-sure that Seokmin was dozing off next to him. Sure enough, Seokmin made a drowsy but relatively coherent sound on his left. “Come on, Seokmin-ah. I have extra pajamas and an extra toothbrush you can use.”  

Seokmin made another noise, but didn’t move until Joshua properly tugged on him, accepting the sleep clothes and toothbrush without argument and disappearing into one of the bathrooms. It took him a good ten minutes to reappear, the pajamas hanging on him loosely, his face bare and cheeks just a bit pink from being washed, his eyes half open, his hair—previously dyed ginger for the Rock with You music video, now back to its natural black—ruffled up cutely. He shuffled directly towards the bed that Joshua had begun seeing as “his” and got right in, getting all settled before making grabby hands in Joshua’s direction. So Joshua got in bed too. 

The bed was big enough for both of them, but not so big that they weren’t touching from shoulder to hip, and Seokmin curled in as close as he could, warm and soft but pliant enough in his exhaustion to mold himself against the natural contours of Joshua’s body. His movements were relaxed, slow and drowsy, his eyes already closed as he nestled his head into the crook of Joshua’s neck.

“Goodnight hyung,” Seokmin murmured, his voice quiet in Joshua’s ear. “I love you.” 

That wasn’t an unusual sentiment to hear from anyone, and especially not from Seokmin. Declarations of love were common, always coming at the end of phone calls or when parting ways from schedules, and definitely when paired with “goodnight”. Joshua’s mouth opened automatically to respond, just for the air in his lungs to choke when one of Seokmin’s arms came to rest—seemingly thoughtlessly—across his waist. 

It wasn’t discomfort or dislike of the action that had Joshua’s mind stuttering. This… It was what Joshua had wanted, wasn’t it? Seokmin here with him, in this house with him, this bed with him. He’d known that it would be close like this, none of that a surprise, but he hadn’t accounted for how much he would like it, how right it would feel to be held like this. 

He didn’t end up able to untangle those thoughts and respond before sleep took him, but Seokmin didn’t seem to notice, his breath already slow and steady in Joshua’s ear. 

The last day should have been the easiest. The house was more or less finished, the final touches nothing but aesthetic, with the holes they needed to drill already marked and the hooks and nails already set out, perched—a bit precariously, but still—on the picture frames that needed to be hung. Joshua was even able to arrive at the house at a more reasonable time, pulling the last of the leftovers from the fridge and getting out a pan to heat all of it up on the stove so they could eat once Seokmin arrived. 

Joshua had decided to do what he could to excuse away yesterday’s confusing feelings as exhaustion. It wasn't like it was the first time he'd felt something for one of his fellow members. He was attracted to kind and attractive men, and for better or for worse, the group was full of them. It was open knowledge that all thirteen of them were a little bit in love with each other anyway, and when he'd finally confessed to having a crush on Seungcheol as a trainee, everyone had nodded sagely, with Wonwoo putting a hand on Joshua’s shoulder and telling him that the phenomenon was simply a right of passage, and that he didn't need to worry about it. 

He'd had thoughts like this about Seokmin before, and it wasn't surprising that they were resurfacing now, with them spending so much time together. He hadn't dated anyone in a while thanks to the pandemic, and he'd been incredibly tired last night. All in all, a completely plausible, understandably excusable, one time thing. 

Then Seokmin burst in through the front door, sing-songing “Honey, I'm home!” and absolutely lighting up when he met Joshua’s eyes, and Joshua's chest clenched so tightly he felt like he'd been winded. 

“Sulan let me pet him!” Seokmin exclaimed happily, while Joshua blinked a few times. “I walked up really slowly, and talked really calmly, and he let me pet him!” 

“That's great,” Joshua said, genuinely meaning it, but also immediately directing Seokmin to the kitchen sink. Seokmin washed his hands without complaint.”Do you think I could pet him too?” 

“Probably, if you tried,” Seokmin said, his voice contemplative. “He was so soft, hyung. But he is skinny, I think we definitely need to feed him more.” Seokmin began drying his hands, seeming to then notice that Joshua was at the stove. “A cute pet and a home cooked meal? Domestic bliss!” He wrapped Joshua up in a hug from behind, hooking his chin over Joshua’s shoulder, a tinge of cuteness in his voice. “Whatcha making?” 

“Your favorite,” Joshua said with a laugh, leaning into the contact, simply because he could. “Reheated leftovers.” 

Seokmin laughed back, Joshua able to see him puckering up his lips exaggeratedly out of the corner of his eye and leaning in towards his cheek. He let out an undignified sort of shout and tried to lean away, but Seokmin’s hold on him made it difficult, both of them bursting into giggles as they squirmed around in the middle of the kitchen floor. Finally though, Seokmin’s lips made a loud smack of a sound as he left an air kiss just above Joshua’s cheek. 

“Hey!” Joshua exclaimed, the lack of effort appalling after all the wrestling, the mock offense so loud and clear in his voice that Seokmin immediately began laughing again, full and loud. “You can’t even kiss your husband on the cheek? What is this marriage coming to?”

“Yah, hyung—”

“My grandmother was right, I did get married too young—”

“Hyung!” Seokmin was laughing so hard that his hold on Joshua’s waist was likely the only thing keeping him standing, the hug going tighter, and Joshua began to laugh as well, though he valiantly tried to continue.

“You kissed Myungho on the music video set but you won’t kiss me, you love him more, I just know it—” 

Soft lips pressed insistently into his cheek, shutting him up immediately.

“There,” Seokmin said, his voice still light with laughter. He kissed Joshua’s cheek again, slower and infinitely sweeter this time, gentle and amused. “There. There’s no one but you, I promise.” 

He sounded… He sounded sincere, Joshua turning in his arms. There was a strange sort of openness on his face that Joshua couldn’t read, his heart skipping a beat before thumping double-time. He couldn’t tell if he was still playing the underappreciated spouse or not when he said, “Don’t—don't say it if you don’t mean it.” 

Because he wanted Seokmin to mean it, he realized. He wanted it to be real, for Seokmin to kiss him and mean it. 

Seokmin’s amusement had all but faded.

“I do,” he said. 

Joshua leaned in, and kissed him on the mouth. 

There was only a split-second of surprise before Seokmin began kissing him back, really and truly kissing him back, stepping up and pulling him in and holding him close. Seokmin kissed the way he sang, full and sweet in a way that took Joshua’s breath away, added the instant their lips touched to Joshua’s ever-growing list of things that felt good, felt right, felt perfect, when they were with Seokmin. 

One of Seokmin’s hands slid to Joshua’s lower back, tilting his entire body closer, and Joshua couldn't help the small sound that left his mouth as Seokmin’s lips coaxed his own apart, deepening the kiss, the brush of his tongue very nearly making Joshua’s knees buckle. 

Then the very distinct smell of something burning entered Joshua’s consciousness and oh, right, fuck, there was food on the stove, because he'd been preparing dinner, because they had to finish setting up this house, his mom’s house, a place for her to live, not somewhere for Joshua to play house and pretend that Seokmin would want to kiss him—

He lurched back, turning away, covering his mouth with a hand. 

“Hyung?” Seokmin asked, voice soft with concern, and something about the sound of it had Joshua’s stomach clenching so tightly that for a moment, he couldn’t breathe. Seokmin’s palm was still touching his lower back.

“The—food—” Joshua was too scrambled to speak, standing in the kitchen for just a moment more before fight or flight took over, lurching further away from Seokmin. “I’m sorry, I can’t—” 

He all but ran for the door, shoving his feet into his shoes and tugging his jacket on.

“Hyung—!” 

Whatever Seokmin was trying to say was shut out as Joshua stepped outside, tears already stinging his eyes, panic roaring in his ears. Sulan was there, meowing up at him, but Joshua pushed past the animal as he made his way down the dark street, shoving his hands deep into his jacket pockets, unable to feel anything but the ghost of Seokmin’s lips on his. 

Joshua woke early in the morning from a video call from his mother. She was one of the two contacts that overrode the “Do Not Disturb” that he’d set his phone to after leaving, the ringing catching him so off guard that for a moment, all he could do was stare at the screen. But then he realized what the call must mean; it was from his mother, she was in Korea, she was here, and he scrambled to answer it.

He winced at his own messy face before the call properly connected, her face filling the screen instead. He was able to tell that she was standing in the living room, beaming at him. 

“Hi, Mom.” 

He wouldn’t actually be able to see her in person for two weeks, required quarantine before they were allowed to meet, and while seeing her like this wasn’t too different than how he’d been able to contact her thus far, knowing that she was close by did soothe the ache in his chest a little. 

“Oh, did I wake you?” she asked, frowning, and he nodded, rubbing at his face.

“Yeah, but it’s…” He had some notifications but none of them were from Seungcheol, the other person that overrode “Do Not Disturb” on his phone, so he figured he was okay for now. “It’s alright. I’m glad you made it. How was the flight?” 

“Long! I slept most of the time.” The smile reappeared on her face, looking around herself. “Oh Jisoo, this place is so lovely! You never sent me any pictures, so I didn’t know. Though…” She smiled a bit. “One of the beds is unmade, and there is a pan in the sink.” 

“Oh.” Joshua rubbed at his face again. “Yeah, I… I’ve been staying a little bit, sometimes. It’s been busy, with the upcoming release and everything. Sorry.” 

She shook the apology off, but then he remembered the picture frames, the completely abandoned job from last night. 

“Sorry about the art,” he said. “I meant to hang it, but…” 

“The art?” she asked him. “This?” 

She flipped her camera, Joshua able to see the two prints he’d picked for the living room walls, hanging up where he’d meant for them to go. His mind went blank with surprise, going to his notifications and actually reading them. He had two missed calls from Seokmin, as well as a number of texts. The first one had been sent maybe ten minutes after he’d left.

Good news! The fire alarm in the house works… ha ha

Then, fifteen minutes after that was a video, Seokmin out in the dark front yard, Sulan bumping the triangle of his forehead into Seokmin’s hand and purring so loudly that it was picked up by the phone. He’s so sweet, hyung. I’m sure you could pet him^^

An hour after that: I’m sorry, hyung.

Two hours later, and after both of his phone calls: The house is all ready for Mom. I’m worried about you. I’m really sorry, and I hope you’re okay. Please call me?

Then, finally, another full hour after that: Goodnight.

Joshua let his phone fall flat against his bedspread, covering his face with his hands.

“Jisoo?” his mom asked. He’d all but forgotten that she was there, and had undoubtedly just watched his face. Her own expression was one of concern. “Is everything okay?” 

“I…” The idea of telling her what had happened immediately had him feeling choked. He’d managed to avoid having any tears actually fall the previous night, and didn’t want to start crying now. “Dokyeom was there with me. He actually—you should know, he actually helped a lot, one of his co-stars knew this realtor, and then he helped a lot with furnishing and decorating. He gave the cutest name to the stray cat—if you could feed him, there’s cat food in the pantry—and he did so much. I really couldn’t have done it without him. Having him there really…” He thought of the long nights, the stress, the busy schedules. “It really made it all worth it.” 

He paused and she nodded patiently, her face expectant, like she knew that he wasn’t finished talking but was going to let him get to where he was going on his own time.

“We spent the whole month getting the house ready, and we didn’t actually finish everything until last night. He came over to help again, and… I kissed him, Mom.” 

Joshua felt unable to look at her for a moment, but then the silence stretched, and when he did look back it was clear by the expression on her face that she didn’t find this as momentous as he did. 

“Is that something to worry so much about?” she finally asked, sitting down on the couch. Her tone was hesitant; concerned, rather than dismissive. “I've seen you kiss Jeonghannie on TV.” 

While she was just talking about the Paper Kiss Game, she also had a point; he had kissed some of the other members before, during drinking games or for dares.

“It wasn’t like that,” he finally said. His next thought was terrifying, but it was a thought he'd been having since last night, so consistent that he felt unable to continue without confronting it. Saying it out loud was hard, and Joshua knew that if he were talking to anyone else, he might not have been able to get it past his lips. But thankfully, talking to his mom was different. She had always worked hard to make sure that home was a safe place for all of his thoughts and feelings. It wasn’t something he'd been conscious of until he was fifteen and realized that he had somewhere to turn when he didn't know how to make sense of his place in the world, and she'd done it so well that he was still able to feel it, even after the shared “home” between the two of them was no longer a physical place; even now, when he was at the age where, according to everyone else, he was supposed to have it all figured out by now. 

His mother's face was gentle as she looked at him. 

“What is it, sweetheart?”

As soon as Joshua’s mouth formed the words, he knew that they were true. 

“I think I love him.”

She was equally quiet for a moment, taking the statement in fully with a nod.

“Does he know?” she asked. As soon as he shook his head, he knew what her next words would be. “Then I think you should tell him.” 

Joshua knew she was right. At the very least, he knew that he needed to say something to Seokmin, the unfairness of running off the way he had hitting him hard now that he wasn't so panicked. He needed to apologize, needed to talk to Seokmin, needed to make sure he was okay.

“You seem to have free time now, so you should go,” his mother said. “I can call you later, and I'll see you soon.” 

“See you soon” was a phrase Joshua was used to hearing, but it was actually true this time. She was so clearly right that he didn't even try to argue.

“Okay. I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, hon.” 

He couldn't bear to be the one to hang up first, so after a moment of looking over him, a smile on her face, she pressed “End Call”.

It took a good ten minutes to properly get out of bed, but once Joshua was up he was moving, getting dressed and making his way to Seokmin’s apartment. Years of practice in turning unsure anxiety into energy was the main force keeping his hands from shaking, though usually this was a skill he applied to things like performances and variety show appearances. Despite these newfound—slowly building, clearly there, god, he was such an idiot— feelings, all he truly needed to do was talk to Seokmin. Check in, apologize, make sure he was okay. 

That conceptually simple task got exponentially harder when Joshua arrived to find half of the group already at Seokmin’s apartment. Leader line, Vocal Unit, and, perplexingly, Mingyu—though Mingyu seemed very single-minded in his job of cooking in Seokmin’s kitchen—were in living room, all looking at him when he walked in.

Before he could say anything, both Seungcheol and Jeonghan were on their feet, walking over. Joshua braced himself, but instead of any berating or anger or Jeonghan actually stabbing him with a knife this time, they both just looked concerned, Seungcheol resting a hand on his upper arm. 

“Are you okay?” Jeonghan asked.

“What?” It was so unexpected that Joshua was knocked off-kilter, unsure of how to respond. “I thought you would be mad.”

“You're my best friend,” Jeonghan said, his voice simple. “This feels… something is different. I want to make sure you're okay.” 

Joshua didn't know if Jeonghan was referring to member conflict or Joshua’s past romantic interests, but either way, he was right. As he’d grown, Joshua had learned the hard lesson that it was always better to face things head-on; running like he had was out of character, was something that he hadn’t allowed himself to use as a response for years now. Of course Jeonghan had realized it, had seen it as the full-on anxiety that it was, a true indicator that something was wrong. 

“It is different,” he admitted. “I… I really like him, Han. I think…” He swallowed, feeling Seungcheol give his shoulder a quick squeeze. “I need to talk to him.”

Jeonghan looked at Seungcheol. Seungcheol met his gaze, the two of them having an entire conversation that Joshua couldn’t decipher before Jeonghan turned back to him. 

“Seokminnie is in his room,” he said, tilting his head towards Seokmin’s closed bedroom door. “He’s talking to Myungho right now, so you might have to knock.”

Joshua nodded, his stomach clenching at the knowledge that Seokmin was both so close and so far; right there, but only accessible if Joshua walked forwards himself. He didn’t realize that his expression was betraying his feelings until Seungcheol squeezed his shoulder again, giving him a patented S.Coups scrunch-faced look of support before releasing him again. Joshua didn’t love that so many members were there to watch him walk up, but there wasn’t much he could do about that, Soonyoung reaching out and catching his arm as he passed the couch.

“Hey, I know…” He paused in thought for a moment. “I care about you guys, of course, so whatever you need, but the timing…” 

Joshua realized what he was struggling with, working hard not to wince. 

“I know, the comeback,” he said. This was, arguably, the worst time to have any sort of interpersonal conflict, and he hated how stressful it must be. “Don’t worry, I’ll…” He realized that he had no idea what he could promise Soonyoung, if anything at all. “I understand.” 

Then the only thing left to do was knock on Seokmin’s door, hitting his knuckles lightly against the wood.

The small murmuring he’d been able to hear stopped abruptly, but when Seokmin didn’t speak, Joshua decided to do so instead.

“Dokyeom-ah? It… It’s me.” 

Silence stretched again. Then the door was pulled open with no warning, Seokmin standing there in a tank-top and drawstring shorts, hair unstyled and face bare and oh, Joshua wanted to kiss him again. 

“Hi,” Seokmin said, his voice soft. 

“Can, um…” Joshua looked over his shoulder and of course, everyone was watching them. “Can I come in?” 

After a moment, Seokmin stepped back to let him inside. Joshua closed the door behind himself and stood there, unsure of what to do with his body, and Seokmin sat down on the bed. 

“I’m going to let you go first, hyung,” he said. 

“Ah, right. Okay.” Joshua swallowed. “I—I’m sorry, first. For leaving like that. Thank you so much for finishing everything, Mom arrived today and she loves it. I—” 

“Why did you kiss me?” Seokmin asked, cutting him off. The question didn’t seem to have him any kind of embarrassed, his expression simple as he met Joshua’s eyes. “Because hyung, I… I’m so confused. We pretend to be a couple, but then you don't believe that I'm not straight, then you want me to kiss your cheek, and—”

“I do believe you, Seokmin,” Joshua said quickly, needing that to be known, his harsh words from a few months ago going sour in his mouth. They hadn’t talked about that since it had happened, so Joshua had been hoping against hope that it was behind them. “I didn't—I promise, I didn't mean that. It was an unfair thing to say, and it came from a bad place, and I didn’t mean it. I'm sorry.” 

Seokmin looked at him for a long moment, seemingly taking that in before nodding. His next words came out more rehearsed, like he'd worked through them with Minghao just moments before Joshua arrived.

“Your dismissal of my sexuality hurt me so much because I’ve been in love with you for the past year.” 

Joshua heard him, but it didn’t sink in. It didn’t feel real. 

“You… what?” 

“I get that me coming out was unexpected, and maybe confusing at first, but I was okay with that because I was surprised and confused too, you know? Like… Some of the things the hyungs would talk about were things I didn’t feel, so I thought it wasn't me, and then some of it was stuff I thought that everybody felt, but apparently… Apparently wanting to kiss your friend just because he’s beautiful isn’t a ‘stupid straight people thing, hyung’.” Those last words had an affectation on them that Joshua recognized easily as Seungkwan. “But you know… you know what Jeonghannie-hyung says.”

Jeonghan came out relatively early into the group’s career, and his position as the shoulder to lean on and open ear had led to self-exploration questions from everyone. One of his common answers was almost an in-joke by now, the words coming to Joshua easily.

“Everybody is different,” he said quietly, and Seokmin nodded. “You really—you really thought that wanting to kiss your male friends was a straight thing?”

“I mean, I wanted to kiss the female ones too, and I'm a physical person, so I… I don't know. I argued with Coups-hyung about it once, and he just…” Seokmin’s voice faded into a laugh, his shoulders relaxing, “and he said ‘yeah, and I'm bi, Dokyeom-ah’. And I just said ‘oh’.”

“Oh,” Joshua echoed, smiling back when Seokmin met his eyes. “I mean, yeah.”

“Ah, hush,” Seokmin complained, and the little glimmer of playfulness had Joshua relaxing too, just a little bit. “Myungho said that I was struggling because I wanted to be what I thought was ‘good’ and ‘normal’, and had internalized some bad things. It was hard, realizing he was right, but he was right.”

Joshua nodded in understanding. That was a feeling he knew well, a feeling that still stung sometimes. A feeling that, thanks to the reaction to queerness where they lived, he wasn't sure he would ever be able to fully get rid of. 

“You talked to a lot of the members,” Joshua remarked. He didn't mean it as any kind of disappointment, simply surprised that he hadn’t known, but Seokmin seemed to take it that way regardless, ducking his head in what seemed like embarrassment. 

“You, um—well, you were part of it,” he admitted. “I don't know how well you remember, but… that Pink Sweats song that we collaborated on last year? All of those lyrics… Every single one of those lyrics struck something in me. For me, they were all about you.” 

Joshua did remember. The song was achingly romantic, that much obvious even if Seokmin hadn’t taken the time to figure out the English parts; the two of them alone had had lines in Korean about affection, about companionship, about love at first sight turning into forever. It was sinking in now, what Seokmin had said. That he had meant it. That Seokmin loved him.

“Can I sit down?” Joshua asked, his throat incredibly dry. Seokmin nodded, Joshua not truly realizing how weak his knees had gone until he sunk down onto the bed, letting out a breath. 

“I kissed you because I wanted to,” he confessed. “You'd said that I was the only one, and I wanted to be. I have feelings for you too.” 

Sitting so close to him on the bedspread, Joshua was able to hear the exact moment that Seokmin’s breath caught. Seokmin was looking at him, and when Joshua looked back, saw a mix of disbelief, hope, and confused hesitancy, the final one taking over as he tilted his head slightly. 

“But I—I kissed you back, so why did you…?” 

“I think…” Joshua let himself lean forwards, rubbing at his face with his hands. This didn’t paint him in the best light, but he knew he needed to be honest with Seokmin. “I’ve been afraid, I think. Afraid of how much I want this, because it—I don’t know, it feels impossible, doesn’t it? Being able to…” 

Joshua trailed off, a little too tangled up to properly articulate what he was trying to say. He wanted to be with Seokmin, and he wanted it to last, but he had no idea what that might look like. 

His first real relationship with a classmate from LA had fizzled out due to distance, despite all of the valiant promises of forever that they’d made to each other when Joshua had first left the country. Every relationship he’d had since had a full shroud of secrecy over it, an unwillingness to commit that, thanks to the nature of the circumstances around them, Joshua felt unable to blame the other person for, no matter how it made him feel. Sometimes it led to him being dropped without warning, ghosted completely, or being treated like a stranger in public, and he couldn’t say that he’d been perfect either, breaking things off once or twice just on the cusp of something real, because he wasn't ready to be out yet but the idea of hiding a connection that important from the other Seventeen members was too suffocating to stomach. He hadn’t seriously tried dating anyone since coming out, and yet again felt like he was being thrust into something that was being played as a real possibility, with him as the only one that knew the truth.

“Being able to… to date?” Seokmin finally guessed, when Joshua had been silent for some time. “I don’t think that it does. We’ve both done it. Seungkwan and Vernon have been together for years now, and Key-hyung and Minho-hyung—”

“None of them are us, though,” Joshua had to say. He knew, logically, that his experience wasn't all that uncommon. There were plenty of people whose identities directly conflicted with how they were raised, who faced discomfort due to public pressure, whose most authentic sides had to stay hidden for the sake of job security or general safety. He knew that his inner turmoil wasn't new, that even Seokmin, someone who he'd been envious of for a seemingly effortless transition, had been swamped in his own stress and confusion. He knew that he wasn’t necessarily unique, but he couldn’t shake the idea that maybe, in some awful way, thanks to some awful quality, he was. “None of them are me.”

Seokmin was quiet for a moment before nodding, turning himself fully towards Joshua on the bed and taking his hand. 

“Do you really feel like this would be impossible?” he asked. His voice was soft, but the question didn’t feel persuasive in any way. He wasn’t trying to sway him, just genuinely asking, Joshua wetting his lips with his tongue.

“I don’t want it to be,” he said. “I want—I want you, and I want to try, and I will, but—” 

Before the self-sabotaging thought could leave his mouth, Seokmin leaned in and kissed him. It was so unexpected that Joshua didn’t even have the time to kiss back before Seokmin was pulling away, feeling his cheeks flare pink. 

“That’s all I need to hear,” Seokmin told him. His voice was simple, and he was smiling; he sounded sure.

“What?” Joshua asked, and his expression must have been amusing because Seokmin’s smile grew full, laughing a bit.

“A promise of effort from Joshua Hong?” he asked back. “That’s the best promise I could ask for, and the best person to get it from. I believe you, hyung. I trust you.” 

“Oh,” Joshua murmured, and Seokmin laughed again. He supposed though, that Seokmin had a point; how hard he would just try was a known thing amongst the members, something he’d even been commended for publicly from people like Soonyoung and Seungcheol, but it was something he simply couldn’t help. The people he loved deserved the best from him, plain and simple. It was a care that burned bright, a fire that couldn’t be ignored, and he felt the core of it spark in his chest when Seokmin squeezed his hand. The panic he’d felt the night before may have been legitimate, and his fears could be well-founded, but that didn’t make them predetermined. It didn’t make them true. “Well, I… I…” 

The blush was making it hard to speak and Seokmin burst into full giggles then, falling forwards towards Joshua’s lap.  His chin tilted before he’d fully straightened himself back up again, looking up under his eyelashes to meet Joshua’s gaze. Joshua wanted to kiss him so badly that it ached.

“Yeah, hyung?”

“I mean it.” 

“I know.” Seokmin’s amusement had turned his cheeks pink too. “And I do too. I… We’re about to be busy, so I want to take things slow, but I like you a lot, hyung. I want to be with you.”

“I like you a lot too,” Joshua responded, and though it was all a bit juvenile, the romantic context they were in had words feeling freeing when met with Seokmin’s smile. They simply looked at each other for a moment, Joshua unable not to grin at the way Seokmin went more and more pink, a slight fidget starting in his posture, his fingers twitching where they were entwined with Joshua’s own. “What?”

“I—” Seokmin cut himself off, blushing red. “I really want to kiss you, hyung.” 

The words were quick and tinged with an unintentional sort of cuteness that went straight to Joshua’s chest. Though veiled in confession, it was a request, and wasn’t part of the promise he’d just made the ability to indulge Seokmin in the things he’d wanted?

Joshua moved in just a bit closer, reaching out, relishing in the way he could so completely cup Seokmin’s cheek in his hand.

“You can,” he said. Holding on tight, Seokmin did.

Attacca, their tenth EP, with the title track Rock with You, was released.

The promotion period was always a tough time, the schedules grueling, the performances exhausting, with dieting and the concern of sickness a constant on everyone's minds. Sleep was always just a little too scarce, and despite their lines being covered and their holes being filled in the choreography, it still felt wrong to have Junhui and Minghao gone.

But at the same time it was, in a way, what they all lived for. Dancing, singing, being onstage; coming together and working hard to present something, to put their energy out into the world in the hopes that it had a positive impact. The gratifying release of their past few months of work was always incredible, and while reception to all of the tracks was kind, Joshua found himself partial to what people had to say for 2 Minus 1, despite it only being released digitally as a bonus track. 

Another positive was that, well… Seokmin was there. 

Seokmin had just finished up his Xcalibur shows, so he was undoubtedly the most drained out of anyone. And, in truth, not too much about their relationship had changed yet; just as Seokmin had predicted, time constraints had things moving slow, but Joshua didn't mind. It was all in the details, the little moments, a full smile or genuine compliment or quick squeeze of the hand. It was invigorating in a way Joshua hadn't expected, and it was fun; the wild giggling that left Seokmin’s mouth as he dragged Joshua into an—embarrassingly well known, but still—broom closet at Music Bank to kiss him stupid had that day's performance going down as one of his happiest moments in recent memory, despite the way their horrible latex pants squeaked whenever their legs brushed, kisses breaking down into fits of laughter each time. 

“Remember when we spent the night at Mom's house?” Seokmin asked. They were in the back of their manager's car and his words were so drowsy he was very nearly slurring them, holding Joshua’s hand, his head resting against Joshua’s shoulder. The day had been a long one, the sun down, the car dark and quiet. Joshua gave an affirmative hum. “Can we do that again? I miss Sulan.”

“Not yet,” Joshua told him. While he'd been talking to her almost every day, the two week quarantine period wasn't over for another few days. “You can come to my apartment though, if you'd like.”

“Oh. I do like,” Seokmin mumbled out, Joshua laughing a little before asking the manager to skip Seokmin’s place. He gave Seokmin a pair of his pajamas, brushing their teeth and washing their faces side by side before getting into bed, trading lazy kisses and sweet words until Seokmin dozed off, his face pressed into Joshua’s chest. 

Joshua looped an arm around Seokmin’s waist and looked up at the ceiling, affection swelling so far and wide throughout his entire body that he didn't know if he wanted to laugh or cry. It brought him back to the reconciliation he'd had with Seokmin after he'd first purchased the house, when he'd fallen asleep in Seokmin’s bed. He'd woken up just like this, Seokmin in his arms, and wondered if that was when all of this truly started, the way it had felt so good to have Seokmin so close. So right, being together like this. 

Joshua began to cry the moment his mother wrapped her arms around him. He’d just barely stepped over the threshold, Seokmin in tow, Seokmin closing the door behind them while his mom rushed up. And while he had fully expected it to happen, he hadn’t expected it to be so immediate. For a moment all she did was hold him, but when he managed out an “I was so worried—” she shushed him gently and petted his hair, the small sound watery; she was crying too.

Before long they realized that Seokmin was also in tears, Joshua’s mom letting out an endearment that was nothing more than a choked sort of laugh, spotting him over Joshua’s shoulder beckoning him into the hug too. Joshua was surrounded then, hugged on both sides by both of them, caught in the middle and choking back more tears and so, so happy. 

She’d cooked for them, and after they managed proper greetings, she ushered them into the kitchen. Joshua washed up, noticing with amusement that she had rearranged some things, just as predicted. He set the table for them while Seokmin washed his hands too, then they settled down to eat.

“Now,” she began, pulling the lid off of the pot placed in the middle of the table, delicious steam immediately rising to waft around them, “a little bird told me that this house didn’t even exist two months ago.” 

She fixed Joshua with a reprimanding look. He grinned back, sheepish, while Seokmin laughed. Then she laughed too. 

“Tell me everything.” 

So they did. They ate and talked and talked and ate, Seokmin starting things off with the phone call, with her announcing her visit and him discovering that Joshua had promised a house that he hadn’t even started looking for. They told her about Myunghwa, about pretending to be a couple, about the long hours of furniture construction and interior decoration. 

“And I can promise that there are absolutely no ghosts,” Joshua said. “I made sure.” 

He’d meant it as a joke, but instead of laughing at him, she simply smiled. 

“I’m glad this place was comfortable for you,” she said. She turned to Seokmin. “Did you stay over too?”

Joshua felt himself flush a bit at his mother asking if he and his boyfriend had sleepovers, but Seokmin didn’t seem any kind of phased. 

“I’ve done it twice,” he answered, catching Joshua by surprise. “Once on a late night with hyung, and then I slept here before you arrived, but I left pretty early.”

“You slept here?” Joshua couldn’t help but ask. 

“I…” Seokmin rubbed at the back of his neck. “I thought you might come back.” 

“Oh.” The but you didn’t went unsaid. Seokmin didn’t seem accusatory, didn’t seem like he wanted to make it a thing or had held anything against him over the past two weeks, but Joshua still felt bad. “I…” 

“Can I tell him?” his mom asked, a small smile on his lips. Joshua wasn’t sure what she meant, unsure of how to answer, but she turned to Seokmin before he could and spoke again. “He thinks you gave that stray cat the cutest name ever.”

Seokmin looked over at him in surprise, Joshua feeling himself burn pink.

“I didn’t say ever,” he tried, just for his mom to continue.

“Well, he also said that he couldn’t have done this without you.” 

That—that was indisputable so Joshua didn’t try to dispute it, just covering his face with his hands. 

“He knows that,” he muttered, and Seokmin laughed a little, the sound bashful but sweet.

“And,” his mom took a sip of her wine, now looking very pleased with herself about her red-faced son, “he says that you made the whole experience worth it.” 

Seokmin was the only one that truly knew the depth of that statement. All of the extra house work had made this promotion period one of the hardest he’d ever had, but he still meant it. Not only had it been worth it, but he would gladly do it all again. 

Sure enough, when Joshua peeked through his fingers, Seokmin was looking at him with a sort of surprised adoration. His mom was beaming, and Joshua couldn’t believe her. He’d never been both out and dating someone while around her, so he hadn’t known how she would react. Apparently, she was a tease.

“Go ahead,” she said arily. “I'll look away.”

She turned in her chair, so Seokmin leaned in and pressed a light kiss to Joshua’s lips.

By the time the meal was over, the sun had fully set. They decided to feed Sulan together, because while Joshua’s mom had been putting out food for him, she claimed to have never actually seen him herself. Seokmin was convinced that he could get Sulan to come out of hiding, rattling the dry food bowl and calling his name. 

Sure enough, after just a few seconds, the pretty cat trotted out. His mother gasped and Joshua smiled, Seokmin cooing softly as he set the bowl down. 

“We're back!” he said, and Sulan meowed, moving a bit faster and settling himself in front of the bowl. He scarfed up all the food as usual, and when he was finished he decided to stay, walking up to where Seokmin was crouched and rubbing against his leg. 

“He remembers!” Seokmin looked touched, the whisper loud in excitement, and Sulan tolerated some petting before flopping completely onto his side, rolling back and forth on the ground, stretching, purring all the while. 

“Ah, he’s cute,” Joshua’s mother said. She and Joshua had sat down in front of the house to watch the two of them, huddled close against the November chill. 

“Yeah,” Joshua agreed with a nod. “The cat is pretty cute too.” 

That made her laugh, Seokmin turning towards them, beaming as he gestured Joshua over.

“Want to try petting him, hyung?” 

Joshua nodded, getting to his feet. Sulan went back on alert when he approached, sitting himself upright, but he didn’t run away, watching with his ice-blue eyes as Joshua crouched and extended a hand. 

A slow lean forward. A tentative sniff. Then Sulan bumped his forehead against Joshua’s knuckles, a purr starting up, running the side of his body against Joshua’s hand.

“See!” Seokmin said, Joshua unable to help a smile as he ran a hand along the cat’s back. His fur was short, but fluffy and bunny-soft. Sulan seemed enthused by the attention, circling Joshua, rubbing his sides against him, becoming insistent when it had been too long since the last proper petting and nudging at Joshua’s hand. He was so, so sweet, and Seokmin’s smile had gone sweet too. “I knew he would like you, hyung.”

Sulan rubbed his cheek against Joshua’s hand as if in agreement, purring all the while. Joshua’s mother got up from where she was sitting, claiming to be too cold to stay out any longer, kissing them both on the head and wishing them a good night. 

And it was cold, the wind having kicked up a bit, the two of them retreating back towards the door to go inside. Surprisingly, Sulan followed after them both, meowing up at them when they stopped in front of the door. Joshua knew what Seokmin was going to say the second he opened his mouth, cutting to the chase. 

“We can’t let him in the house.”

“But hyung!” Seokmin already sounded congested and the tip of his nose pink, though that could be either the cold or the allergies; Seokmin would undoubtedly argue cold, if asked. “It’s freezing out here! What if it starts snowing and he’s left outside? What is he going to do?” 

Seokmin’s puppy-dog eyes were absolutely criminal.

“Fine, but only if it snows,” Joshua said, because he knew it wasn't going to. It was only November tenth, way too early in the year for the first snowfall. Seokmin didn't look completely satisfied with that answer but then, as if in direct response, a single snowflake fluttered down and landed in Seokmin’s dark hair. All Joshua could do was stare at it, dumbfounded, and Seokmin tilted his head. 

“What?”

“Nothing,” Joshua tried, but it was no use; snow began to properly fall as soon as the word left his mouth, Seokmin laughing in delight and looking up at the sky. Joy was dancing in his eyes as he looked back at Joshua and at their feet, Sulan meowed again. 

“Hyung, you just said…”

“Fine!” Joshua exclaimed, Seokmin falling against him in laughter as he pushed the door open. Sulan let himself in easily, hopping up onto the couch like he belonged there and beginning to give himself a bath. “But if he has fleas, or—” 

“Honey,” Seokmin interrupted, his voice soothing, wrapping his arms around Joshua’s neck. “Just be happy, alright? Don’t worry. Look how comfy he is.” 

Sulan did look exceptionally comfy. Joshua exhaled, resting his weight on the doorframe and letting Seokmin lean against him, the two of them watching the snow fall. 

“It really is early for snow,” Seokmin mused. It was just a dusting, nothing heavy, but still a surprise. “And we get to watch it together.” He looked to Joshua’s face. “You know what that means, right?” 

Joshua nodded. “We’re both going to get dandruff in five years.” 

Seokmin blinked. Blinked again. Then he laughed so hard that his body went weak, Joshua sure that the arms around his neck were the only thing keeping him upright. 

“What?” he asked Seokmin, completely lost, just for the question to be gasped back at him. “Is that not what it means?” 

“No!” Seokmin was looking at him with such adoration that Joshua felt a bit stunned.

“But Jeonghan told me…” Joshua started defensively, just to trail off when he realized, unbelievably—perfectly believably, actually, because of course—that he'd been tricked. Again. Seokmin leaned in, delighted, pressing a giggle-filled kiss to Joshua’s mouth. 

“That's not what it means at all. Like, not even a little. Oh, hyung.” 

Seokmin explained it then, about making wishes on the first snowfall, about how it was good luck for couples to watch it together, how it was an indicator of a long and happy love. Seokmin had been very clearly trying to have a romantic moment with him and Joshua winced, embarrassed, pressing his forehead into Seokmin’s.

“I am going to kill Jeonghan,” he said, and Seokmin began to laugh again, just barely reigning it in when Joshua tilted his chin up to kiss him. 

Joshua didn’t think that he would ever tire of this, of what it felt like to hold a warm and happy Seokmin in his arms. The kisses deepened and slowed, Seokmin fully pressed against him, sliding his hands under the sweater Joshua was wearing to touch the soft t-shirt underneath. It felt so good, being kissed like this, touched like this, Seokmin’s fingertips digging in just a bit as Joshua lowered his head to press a few kisses to Seokmin’s neck. 

“Hey, hyung?” Seokmin murmured. He sounded a bit breathless. “I’m getting a little cold.” 

Seokmin’s hands on him weren’t cold, his lips weren’t cold, but they were still standing by the open doorway and it was snowing properly now, some of the white flurry tumbling in just to melt on impact with the floor. Joshua felt the same way under Seokmin’s hands. 

“Want to go to bed?” he asked, Seokmin nodding, letting himself be led down the hall by the hand. They brushed teeth and washed up first, Seokmin closing the door behind himself when they entered the bedroom and pulling Joshua in, kissing him again. Joshua let himself get a little greedy, pressing Seokmin’s back against the wood and resting his hands on Seokmin’s waist, spreading his thumbs against the muscles of Seokmin’s stomach. A small sound left Seokmin’s mouth at the touch, his own fingers curling in the fabric of Joshua’s shirt where they rested on his shoulders. It was an intoxicating sound, Seokmin coaxing Joshua’s lips apart further to kiss him harder, his hands sliding down Joshua’s arms, pausing for a moment to squeeze at his biceps before yet again finding the hem of his shirt, slipping all the way under this time and touching his skin.

“I thought you wanted to go to bed?” Joshua asked, pulling back just far enough to look at Seokmin’s face, an eyebrow raised. Seokmin nodded a little, kissing him again.

“I’m helping you get changed into your pajamas,” he insisted, and that made Joshua laugh, but he stood back and let Seokmin pull his shirt off, the clothing falling to the floor as they made their way together towards the bed. 

It was the first time since properly getting together that they had both the time and the space, trading languid kisses, opening up under each other’s exploring hands, the simmering heat in Joshua’s stomach kicking up a notch at every new sound he managed to draw out of Seokmin. They had to be quiet, both very aware of how Joshua’s mother was down the hall, occasional whispered hushing turning into small fits of giggling before being smothered completely by affection, pressing closer and closer.

Jihoon’s remark of you're gonna be his first did push to the front of Joshua’s mind, but Seokmin was anything but hesitant. Instead, Joshua couldn't recall a time where he'd felt more wanted, more sure that he and his partner were on the same page; Seokmin was responsive in a way that was toe-curling, asking for and giving back in equal measure, holding tight and murmuring Joshua’s name into his sweaty skin like a prayer. 

They laid in bed for a few minutes before finally pulling their pajamas on, Seokmin insisting on buttoning Joshua’s top to make good on his statement that he was simply helping Joshua change. It was as silly as it was sweet, Joshua wrapping an arm around Seokmin to tug him down onto the mattress, holding him close. It was almost surreal, how good he felt, the bone-deep contentment with where he was and who he had around him. 

“Do you think it can get better than this?” he finally had to ask. Seokmin hummed thoughtfully, lifting one of Joshua’s hands with both of his and trying to line up their fingers.

“Of course it can,” he finally said. He slotted his fingers between Joshua’s own, looking up to his face, his voice simple. “I think, now that I'm here with you like this, all it can do is get better.” 

That felt pretty impossible to argue against, Joshua unable to help but smile into the goodnight kiss Seokmin gave him, laying back at letting his eyes close.