Work Text:
"Hello there."
A distant voice echoed in the haze of Jisung's half-asleep mind, words muffled by the silky pillows cradling his head. Refusing to move his body more than absolutely necessary, he cracked open his left eye.
His old iPad was still on the bedside table, its cracked screen casting a dim light across the room, and there were no intruders in the apartment, at least as far as he could tell.
"This is Lee from Lee Hikes. Thank you for joining me on another adventure today."
Ah, of course—it was Lee. Jisung remembered queuing up his latest solo hiking vlog earlier that evening, before sleep got the best of him.
Lee Hikes' mountain hiking series was the perfect companion for a good night of sleep: soothing nature sounds accompanied by minimal narration, a much-welcomed escape from the hectic city life. The channel's weekly uploads were always part of Jisung's nighttime routine, but he had caught himself more than enough times tuning in during the day. The host, quiet but mysteriously captivating, played a major part in that.
"Before you go, I'd like to let you know that my tour guide schedule for spring is now open. You can find more information and a sign-up link in the description of this video. All levels are welcome. Let's have a simple life in the mountains! Bye-bye!"
With that final goodbye, the video ended, and YouTube's autoplay prepared the next one in line. Before the countdown could finish, however, Jisung stretched his limbs, reaching out to grab the device. Sitting on the pile of mismatched cushions he called his bed, he rubbed his eyes awake, tapped around the screen and headed to the video's description box, intrigued by what the vlogger had said.
Jisung was aware that Lee organized hiking and camping trips seasonally, some of them posted as vlogs. He had also read very positive feedback from his previous clients, which included reports of life-changing experiences.
Yet, Jisung had never considered himself a candidate for such an adventure.
From a practical standpoint, he was an absolute beginner in everything related to the outdoors, quite scared of bugs of all sizes, and with a severe fear of heights. Not the best combination of traits for someone about to throw themselves blindly onto the mountains, one could easily say.
More than this perfectly acceptable rationale, it was his gut instinct that truly dictated his actions. A well-worn litany reminding him that it was enough to live his life through a screen, through the experiences of other people, as he had always done; that he didn't know what was really out there in the wild, or how dangerous this silly adventure could be. You don't know if this Lee guy would like you as a person, or if he would leave you to the bears instead.
Why take the risk?
Still, on that particular day—whether it was his drowsiness or the appeal of the invitation—the voices in his head fell silent, igniting his courage.
⛰️ Lee Hikes With You! ⛰️
Would you like to spend some time in the mountains, learning new skills and enjoying nature like you've never seen before? I'll take you there! And don't worry: I'll also bring you back to safety.
Send your information in the following link with tentative dates for your visit. We will discuss a program that is adequate to your experience level and travel plans.
Sign-up form: bit.ly/LeeHikesWU
For other questions, please contact: [email protected]
Jisung had no plans to take a vacation anytime soon, but he had accumulated enough paid leave at work that he could afford to take one. He didn't have any hiking gear on him, but he had some savings he could use to cover the costs—maybe not as much as your average 30-something man holding a decent position in a marketing agency, but enough to splurge on an unplanned trip.
The mountains he had admired on video had seemed too distant from his reality, but they stood on the very same crust, on the very same Earth that Jisung belonged to. They were always there, unmoving, hidden somewhere outside his bedroom window, somewhere he couldn't see; waiting for him, inviting him to do something crazy for once.
Lee was inviting him to do something crazy for once.
⛰️
"Nice to meet you, Han Jisung-nim."
The slightly taller, slightly more physically built man extended his hand for a handshake. It was small and rough to the touch, probably from all the time spent outside dealing with rocks and ropes.
"My pleasure, Lee-nim," Jisung said as he returned the gesture. Lee was a very good-looking man on camera, but his real-life presence was far more striking. Jisung made a mental note to not stare too much: he didn't want the guide to feel uncomfortable, especially when his survival was at Lee's will. "It's my first time meeting a celebrity," Jisung embarrassingly let slip instead.
The other chuckled, not seeming to care about the small faux pas. "Please, I am nowhere close to being a celebrity, I'm just a small youtuber. Someone you're used to seeing on your phone, right?" He offered an understanding smile and released his hand from the handshake, casually tucking it into the front pocket of his trekking pants. "How are you feeling today?"
"Good. I slept well, all things considered."
Jisung had just taken the night bus from the city to their current location in the valley, so by all means, he had not slept well. Nevertheless, he had convinced himself that whatever sleep he managed to get overnight was good enough. Lee, who instead went on a shorter 2-hour journey from a nearby town, where he lived full-time, seemed much more rested and prepared for the day ahead.
"Sleeping in the bus is never the best scenario. Don't worry, our hike today shouldn't be too difficult for you. In my understanding you have been exercising regularly, correct?"
"Correct." If asked, Jisung would say he was more of a weight-lifting kind of guy than a cardio aficionado. Still, he diligently followed Lee's suggestion to build up his stamina prior to the trip, introducing inclined treadmill exercises to the workout schedule prepared by his personal trainer.
"Did you bring all of the necessary equipment I requested? Helmet, headlight, ice axe, microspikes? Is there anything you still need to rent around here before we go?"
Small rental shops had conveniently found their way around the bus terminal, ready to aid unprepared hikers. Jisung, however, had been too nervous about this trip to leave things to the last minute. He'd secured all necessary items in advance, and triple-checked his gear before leaving the night before. "I should have everything from that list, yes. I'm also bringing water, rice balls for lunch, snacks and electrolytes, just in case," more suggestions he received from the guide.
"Sounds good. Should we go over our plan?"
Their two-day, one-night hike would take them from their meeting spot at the valley bus terminal, elevation 1409 meters, to Mount Baram, elevation 2510 meters. This route would require approximately 8 hours, with a few scheduled breaks along the way. They would encounter snow as they moved towards the summit, so they would go over self-arrest and other safety techniques once they found themselves on ice.
Lee had admitted that the route he picked for them was not the easiest or most beginner-friendly in the area: the second half of the hike was marked by steep inclines towards the summit that required quite a lot of stamina for non-experienced climbers. But, in his final decision, he took Jisung's prior physical condition into consideration, and he believed there should be no big issues.
To be honest, Jisung wasn't so confident, but he ultimately decided to trust the other's expertise.
They could have divided the hike into three days, camping at their first stop instead of pressing ahead—in fact, Lee strongly recommended this option, but Jisung couldn't afford the extra night, his vacation much shorter than he wished it would have been thanks to a new project his team had to work on. They would go with the two-day climb plan instead, following a slow and steady rhythm towards the summit.
"If you ever feel like you cannot go on for whatever reason, please let me know immediately. We'll discuss what to do accordingly. And if you have no other questions," Lee pulled a clipboard and a pen from his backpack, offering them to Jisung, "all that's left for you to do is sign this document confirming that you agree with all the rules and recommendations that have been stipulated by your guide. Just a formality."
Jisung stared at the document, the letters dancing in front of his eyes. He had successfully tricked himself into being comfortable with their plan until that moment, but suddenly, the adventure felt too real. Seeing his full name and all the terms he had to agree with, Jisung worried that his training wouldn't be enough, that this entire idea had been too impulsive and irresponsible on his part. This was the moment he would leave his life in the hands of another person, and he had to confirm that he was more than okay with it.
His sudden paralysis wasn't left unnoticed.
"Do you want to talk more about the clauses? Or about the tour as a whole?"
Fairly speaking, Lee was very professional about his business, or at least he had seemed to be. The man had hiked and vlogged more mountains than Jisung could count on his fingers, and had demonstrated a complete understanding of his wishes and concerns until then. Jisung's signature was just part of a formal process, as Lee had said, something that all tour guides had to follow.
It wasn't—it shouldn't be—his death sentence.
"Hey."
Jisung finally noticed that Lee had used his free hand to apply some pressure on his shoulder.
"I know this can be too much," Lee acknowledged. "Why don't you take a look around?"
And Jisung did.
A new flock of hikers and tourists had arrived at the bus stop, their footsteps thumping with excitement for the adventure ahead. The wall clock at the entrance of the bus terminal announced that it was now half past six in the morning, and the mountain range, previously covered by a veil of early morning clouds, stood as tall and majestic as the pictures he had seen in brochures online.
Up high, tones of sky blue served as backdrop for a zig-zag of leftover snow, accumulated over the last winter season. The white mantle was speckled with dark rock, which in turn accentuated the gradient of fresh green leaves coming down the mountains, decorated at the base with spring blossoms. A water stream made itself known to Jisung's ears, inviting him for a visit, and birds he couldn't identify timidly sang him good morning, seemingly aware of his concerns but ever so encouraging.
This wasn't a video playing on his iPad. He was finally there, in flesh and blood. The first step was completed, and if he took a chance on Lee, perhaps he could prove to himself that he was capable of doing more than he had once believed—that he was more than a fish out of water.
"Just my signature, right?"
⛰️
They headed northeast, following the blue-green waters of the river Jisung recognized from earlier. Two hours into their hike, they found their way into the first camping area of the trail, where they would stop by for their first snack break of the day.
Unlike earlier, Jisung felt quite confident, but he knew that it was only temporary—the first stretch of the hike had been smooth and flat, and the difficult parts would come soon. Still, he felt himself calm down enough to enjoy his surroundings, which did not disappoint at all.
Outside a rustic-looking lodge, wooden picnic tables and camping tents colored the otherwise untouched nature. The clearing was lively with many campers having already made the area their home for the day, while others were just passing by, preparing themselves for the next steps in their journeys. Lee asked if Jisung wanted to sit down on one of the free benches he had spotted, to which Jisung gladly agreed.
They stretched their bodies to unwind, targeting the first signs of stiffness in their knees and backs. Jisung offered Lee one of his many chocolate-flavored protein bars, and the guide thanked him for the kind gesture.
Hoping to make up for his earlier self, Jisung uncharacteristically started some small talk. "Lee-nim, may I ask why you picked this route?"
"I usually suggest this one to my clients because it's easy to access by public transportation," Lee replied between bites, his answer as practical and professional as Jisung expected. "But, to be honest, this was my first ever route climbing Mount Baram after I moved to the area. It's nostalgic."
Jisung nodded, making a mental note of the new fact he had just learned. He noticed that, sadly, only a single bite of his protein bar remained, then tucked the plastic wrapper into his backpack, wondering what he should eat next. "Doesn't it get repetitive, though? Following the same route every time someone hires you for a tour?"
"Not really," Lee pondered, "The mountains are like people, ever-changing. There's always something new to learn, something new to experience. You just have to be open to accepting what comes your way."
Jisung nodded.
After a few more snacks and a long, slow sip from his water bottle, Lee glanced at the time and made some notes on his tour guide notebook, marking the end of their break. He seemed satisfied with their performance so far, but it was time to press forward.
"Should we get going?"
They proceeded with a quick inventory check, after which both men got to their feet, throwing their backpacks over their shoulders and heading out of the camping area. As they approached the trailhead, located behind the lodge, Lee continued to carry out his duties, going through the details of the second portion of their day.
"As I explained before, we are going to increase our altitude quickly from now on, so take your time on the climb. It might not seem like it, but we have already covered more than 6 kilometers. Your body will start to feel sore sooner than you think. Listen to it. I'll lead the way, but you determine the pace. Is that ok?"
His clear and gentle instructions helped Jisung take the journey one step at a time, and he was more than thankful that the man hadn't turned out to be irresponsible (or insane) in real life.
"Yes, understood."
"Also, at around 2000 meters we'll definitely start to see snow, and that's when we'll install the microspikes on our boots. Until then, focus on saving your stamina, especially as we climb the ladders."
Ladders?
"Ladders?" Jisung vocalized. The unexpected word evoked frightening images in his mind. He was okay with the average, everyday-life ladder experience, but he had no idea what that would look like on a mountain. "How… tall?"
Lee didn't seem to catch his nervousness immediately and continued walking as he explained, "Some of the walls here have ladders or steps to help climbers. Nothing too technical, so don't worry about that."
Shit. That wasn't quite enough for comfort. "Um… Would this be the right moment to…" he struggled to find his words, "reiterate? That I'm a little bit afraid of heights?"
Lee chortled, breaking away from his guide persona for the first time. "Of all moments, you decided that halfway into the hike you personally requested and paid for would be the best moment to disclose that information?"
Jisung froze completely. He was sure he had written that piece of information very explicitly in his sign-up sheet, afraid of the consequences otherwise, but now Lee didn't seem to have taken it into consideration. He was really, exceptionally, fucked.
"I thought I… I'm sorry, I—," he regurgitated words he had wished to keep safely inside, "I don't really feel any fear watching your videos, and I watch them all the time! So I imagined that bringing myself up the mountain little by little with you would be okay and I submitted the form, but if you think it wouldn't—" Sweat accumulated on his palms, making him feel more visible than ever. "I'm sorry, we can go back now, it's not too bad since we're still close to the terminal, right? And I'll pay you for whatever extra cost you'll have because of this, and—"
"Jisung-nim."
Lee was much closer than what Jisung remembered him being, perhaps closer than what would be considered proper for a guide, but Jisung didn't mind. His thoughts were already spiraling for another reason anyway.
"It's ok."
His calm and unaffected tone allowed Jisung to breathe a bit better, a bit deeper. Lee lowered his head to match their heights, studying Jisung's face intently. "I understand. I have acrophobia as well."
The sudden confession managed to successfully recalibrate Jisung's thought process into curiosity. He pried into Lee's eyes as he said "You do?"
"Yes." Lee stepped back, his ears now a noticeable shade of red, his mouth almost shaping a smile that wasn't allowed to be there. "Well, I don't really struggle with it much now, but I don't like to stay close to the edge of a cliff when I'm up high. I like to feel safe, and I choose my routes with that objective. So you don't need to worry."
Still, this man had made a career out of doing something that ultimately scares him. Jisung wasn't a big fan of his own career, too stressful and too demanding for his taste, but at least he wasn't forced to look outside the window of the 14th floor every time he went to work. He struggled to understand, prompting him to ask more. "Then why do you choose to… feel fear?"
"Because fear makes us find a way to stay alive." Lee shrugged at his own words, maybe too poetic for his taste. "Or something like that."
"I was going through a very stressful burnout at work, maybe 6 or 7 years ago? Before YouTube, before I started hiking as a hobby. To be honest, back then I didn't know what to do with myself anymore. Waking up, showering, cleaning, going to work—every task in my list felt like another push into complete numbness. I hadn't felt anything in so long that I forced myself to feel fear for once, and I knew just what would trigger it."
He continued, "I hiked the highest mountain I knew of in my reach, extremely unprepared physically and mentally. It was very irresponsible on my part, and I'll never recommend anyone to do the same, but somehow I pushed through and reached the summit. There, I placed myself closer and closer to the cliff, forcing myself to look down, and I was terrified. Then it clicked—I felt something. I felt that I wanted to live, that I needed to walk back a few steps and get back to safety. I felt that I had control again, that I was definitely not dead yet."
"I went back a couple of times, and it didn't get any easier, but no one could take away the accomplishment of reaching the summit away from me, not even myself," Lee snorted. "With time, my focus changed; rather than hiking to feel fear, I was accepting my fears to be able to hike, to be able to be with nature. To be at peace. YouTube came later, and the rest is history."
Lee's ears had been red from before, but now the back of his neck was a burning volcano. He seemed to notice as well, covering the evidence with his hand. "Sorry, that was a bit too personal. You don't have to say anything. Should we get going?"
With a nod from Jisung, they finally faced the trailhead that started it all, the air heavy between them. Jisung wanted to say something, something encouraging or just something nice, but there was nothing he could or should say as an outsider. He might have some sort of parasocial relationship with the guy, watching his vlogs all the time, but for all purposes they just met today. He was even asked to not say anything, for goodness' sake.
Maybe noticing another of Jisung's inner turmoils, Lee broke the silence between them.
"One of the reasons I chose your application was because I related to it so much. If I can make you enjoy this trip and become more comfortable with your fears, my job here will be done."
Jisung nodded again, a small thank you on his lips and a tingling burn on his cheeks. He knew that Lee was speaking from his professional, client-first mentality as a guide, but he couldn't help but wonder if the man could actually see through him, through the fears he hadn't yet admitted.
⛰️
If asked, Jisung would have to admit with shame that the ladders were not that big of a deal. Yes, he was scared, but he was being watched and guided through the whole process, which he was thankful for. It made his earlier breakdown seem silly in retrospect, but he didn't want to bring that up, and Lee seemed to respect his silent wishes.
As the incline became steeper, the sound of their footsteps was followed only by the sound of their breaths—Jisung's much heavier in comparison. He knew he was slowing Lee down, but he was afraid that forcing himself to climb any faster would lead to early exhaustion, just as the guide had clearly warned him against. Their early morning start had given them some time advantage, but his overnight bus ride didn't feel like such a smart decision anymore.
"Jisung-nim, be quiet."
Jisung stopped breathing, unaware of what noises coming out of him could possibly be bothering the other so much. Then, he finally noticed the reason for the warning: Lee was pointing at a group of snow monkeys crossing the woods not too far from them. If they had noticed the presence of the humans, they didn't seem to care too much.
Before he could react and grab his own camera, Jisung noticed the shutter of Lee's phone going off, his position placing Jisung in frame together with two of the monkeys. He frowned in confusion, pouting his lips as a form of non-verbal communication.
"I thought you might want to take a photo with them," Lee mouthed, finishing with a smirk on his face.
Walking became even more of a hurdle once they arrived on ice. Microspikes now installed on his boots, Jisung struggled to keep his balance, clumsily maneuvering his ice axe to support himself. He had never used, or more accurately, he had never held an ice axe before, making this another first in an already eventful day. Lee had given him a short instruction course earlier, slipping purposefully and showcasing how to drive the pick into snow to hold oneself in place instead of dangerously sliding down the mountain—Jisung's attempts had been less graceful, but still successful.
"Be careful where you step," Lee warned from across a frozen stream he had just crossed. "You never know what's hidden under ice and snow. Follow my footsteps, okay?"
Lee didn't seem to need the support of his own ice axe as much as Jisung, a clear display of his experience, especially in this area that he seemed so familiar with. His legs looked quite strong as well, which probably helped with his balance, or something like that. Not that Jisung had paid close attention on purpose, but he couldn't help but notice the obvious, walking behind the guide all day.
As they continued to climb, the dense canopy of trees that had previously surrounded them became thinner, leaving them more exposed to the environment. This also meant that it was now possible to see how far up they really were, the first scenic views of nearby towns and mountains at their disposal. Lee kept a close eye on Jisung, advising him to keep his focus on the ridgeline of the mountain instead.
He tried his best.
It wasn't long before Mount Baram's camping grounds came into view. Located right by the summit, the area was surprisingly flat and wide, unlike the trail that took hikers up there. The mountain lodge where they would spend the night was the first thing Jisung noticed from afar, its burgundy-colored walls and roof creating a striking contrast against the blue sky and the rocky terrain. In front of it, camping tents of vibrant colors were fixed to the rock like confetti, spaced at random distances. They reminded Jisung of how popular this area was, even if many times during the day he and Lee had found themselves alone in the trail.
They headed to the structure, their path surrounded on both sides by short bushes of vegetation that Jisung wasn't familiar with. In fact, everything about this place was unfamiliar to him, even his own lungs, struggling to breathe at high altitude. Every inch of his body ached, the last stretch of the hike having taken all the energy he had carefully saved in the morning.
He knew they were very close to the finish line, but he simply couldn't allow himself to relax and make a mistake—the only thing that mattered was taking the next step. Just a little bit longer, just a little bit longer, he repeated to himself, oblivious that he had already made it.
"Jisung-nim, we're here."
Those simple words seemed to lift an unmeasurably heavy weight from Jisung's shoulders in a second. For the first time in hours, he allowed himself to look up and around, to feel the wind cold and sharp on his ears, to soak in everything around him, without guilt or fear.
That's when he finally noticed the zig-zag of snowy mountain peaks that he had seen from the bus terminal in the morning. This time, however, he was facing them directly, eye to eye, two warriors bowing in respect to each other. As far as he could see, he was surrounded by giant mountains he didn't know the name of, each with their own summits, each with their own challenges; he acknowledged all of them, one by one. He wanted to find the right words to describe everything, to write it down for future generations, but nothing in his life had prepared him for this moment.
Jisung removed his helmet, the habitual motion of running his fingers through his bangs kicking in.
"So… I did it?"
Lee, removing his own, gave him the final confirmation. He patted Jisung's back lightly. "Is it scary? Being here?"
"Kinda?" Jisung grazed his own nape, his hand pricked by the hair on the back of his neck. "But it also feels… good. To be here, to see this view—thank you." A gush of different emotions ran through Jisung's body faster than he could name them, washing away the physical and emotional pain he had endured. Tears formed around his eyes, maybe because of the wind, maybe because he needed to let them go. "Thank you so much."
"Hey, you don't have to thank me." Lee stepped back to take a better look at Jisung, fixing his disheveled hair in the process. His professional attitude had kicked in again. "That's what you hired me for, right?"
"Yes, but… I don't think I would have done this if not for you." He had nothing to dry his tears with, so he just let them roll as they pleased. "I—I don't usually do this, you know, the coming-out-of-my-shell thing. I go to work, get things done, go home, rest. Rinse and repeat. Having a routine is easier because I know all the steps I need to take. This—hiking this mountain, I had no clue of what I was doing. I was scared to my bones in a way I didn't even acknowledge. I'm still scared, in a way. But your voice walked me through it, just like it did months ago when your vlog convinced me to sign up for this."
He took a deep breath and slowed down, still getting used to the reduced oxygen. Lee listened quietly, acknowledging that Jisung needed that moment. "I always watch your videos when they come out, and you always seem to be on top of it all. Not just… physically, on top of the mountains, but in general, so calm and prepared for everything, even when you're visiting a completely new place. I wanted that for myself, this confidence you show, but the best I could do was ask you to guide me up a mountain instead."
Jisung continued, "I'm very glad I did, though. To be honest, I don't know if I even recognize myself right now," he chuckled, sniffling softly. "Han Jisung, the adventurer… but I'm ok with being him today."
"I'm proud of you", Lee finally replied, giving Jisung another pat on his back, but this time resting his hand there, holding Jisung in place. "I really am, Jisung-nim. But I'm not perfect, you know—what you've watched is an edited version of what really happened in real life. Sometimes I panic. Sometimes I plan things that don't work out and I have to either adapt or give up. And sometimes I do give up, but those days never end up on YouTube, because there isn't any footage."
In contrast to Jisung, overwhelmed and blurting out whatever popped into his head, Lee chose his words carefully. "I have concerns, and I have many, many fears, but I'm not as strong as you to admit them upfront, to wear them on your sleeve. I don't think you're less deserving of this achievement today because you asked for help, but exactly because you knew that you needed it, and you asked for it. Just enjoy this moment, hold it close to your heart."
It was weird. This day had been the first time Lee had ever seen or spoken to Jisung in real life, but he seemed to have a Jisung encyclopedia ready at his disposal at any moment. Maybe he had shared too much, maybe their email exchange had given the other enough information to come up with pretty empty answers that Jisung would dearly hang on to, but this didn't seem to be the case. Lee was very serious in his expression, in his tone, in his gaze, in his words. And it should be terrifying that he seems to know so much about Jisung in so little time, but instead, Jisung felt… welcomed? At home?
"Hmm…" Lee broke their awkward silence. "Would you like a commemorative photo? Or… Actually, I'm planning to release a compilation vlog at the end of the season with all the tour participants, if you'd like to be in it?"
"I would love to, but—"
Jisung's stomach chose that moment to let everyone around them know of how hungry he was.
Lee burst out laughing. "We can do that later. Let's settle down first."
⛰️
The mountain lodge was a rustic accommodation, providing their guests with light meals and floor mattresses arranged in a dormitory layout for a simple but comfortable overnight stay. There was no room for luxury up there, not even running water. A composting toilet was available, but Jisung's well-deserved shower would have to wait until the next day. At least he wasn't in it alone.
Lee went inside first to check them in while Jisung arranged their bags and shoes on the pine storage racks by the entrance. His eyes were still too puffy from crying earlier, his face still too warm from… something. Maybe it was from crying in front of Lee, embarrassment finally kicking in, but he didn't want to admit that.
"Sorry, can you come inside? They need your ID," Lee asked from the other room. Jisung gave himself some soft slaps on the face to get it together. He grabbed his wallet from his bag and headed to the sliding door that separated the rooms.
"Ah, so this is Han Jisung-nim," the old lady at the front desk said excitedly when he came in, the wrinkles around her eyes hiding tales of the mountains that Jisung wished to know more about. Maybe he could ask her another time. "Welcome to Baram Hut. Minho-ssi was telling me just now, this is your first time in this area, right?"
The name Minho caught him off guard, but no one else around them at the time, so there was only one person she could be talking about. He gave a slight bow as he passed her his ID. "Ah—yes, I'm Han Jisung, nice to meet you. This is my first time here, thank you for having me in your lodge."
"Oh, dear, no need to be so formal! We're in the middle of nowhere together, so please make yourself at home." She wrote down Jisung's information, fixing her glasses multiple times in the process. "Minho-ssi, I'm so glad to see you again. Would you like me to give you two a tour, or can you guide Jisung-nim yourself?"
Lee seemed to like the lodge owner very much, his expression warm and relaxed, completely different from when Jisung was struggling to survive on the trail. "Don't worry, sajang-nim, I can show him around. I know you're busy with dinner right now. Thank you for having us."
"It's my pleasure, child. I reserved a little cubicle for the two of you. It's small but you won't need much space, right?" She tried to wink, but both of her eyes closed in the process. "Now you two lovebirds go enjoy the rest of your day, and come back here for dinner, okay?"
Jisung felt a bit lost in the conversation, an intruder in this mountaineering world, but he offered the best smile he could conjure to thank the owner for her warm reception. He did notice, however, that Lee's ears were suddenly very red again, and as they left the reception and headed to the dormitory room, he asked, "Is everything ok?"
Lee, however, seemed to be malfunctioning. "Um… Everything is fine. We have dinner at—at 6, after the sunset, yes. We can rest for a few minutes and go outside again, for pictures. And… The sunset is really pretty here, if it's not clouded, so I strongly recommend we check it out. Yeah. That's it."
"I'd love to, but…" What was that proverb again, curiosity killed the cat? "What was sajang-nim saying about the cubicle?"
With his eyes shot open, Lee rushed to answer. "Nothing. Please do not worry. I may—I may have passed the impression that we're together, but I'll talk to her later and fix this mess. It is entirely my fault. I'm very sorry."
Jisung was puzzled. "But we came here together, no?"
"Not like that, I mean… Together. As in, dating," Lee surrendered.
Jisung laughed out loud. "How?"
"I don't know, I—" Red tint spread from Lee's ears to his neck and, this time, also to his cheeks. It was all very interesting to see. "I said I was bringing 'someone special' with me, because it's your first ever hike, but—I guess I didn't choose my words well." This all seemed to stress Lee out a lot, as indicated by the deep lines crossing his forehead. "As your guide, I sincerely apologize."
"No, please, don't—This is hilarious." Jisung had just overcome one of the most exhausting days in his life, followed by an emotional breakdown at the top of a mountain. In the grand scheme of things, a silly and inconsequential mistake by his guide was just that: a silly and inconsequential mistake. "Please don't get stressed about this, I don't mind."
"Yet, it is my responsibility to make sure that you're comfortable and—"
"Your name is Lee Minho?" Jisung changed the topic, afraid that the other might continue to apologize for nothing.
Lee stopped, confused. "Yes? You didn't know?"
Jisung didn't know. "You usually just refer to yourself as Lee, and—"
"You call yourself my fan, watching all of my videos, and yet you didn't know my real name?" And just like that, funny Lee was back. Jisung liked this version of him much better.
He rolled his eyes to feign annoyance. "Maybe, but with that name one would expect a movie star or something…"
"Are you calling me ugly? After staring at my face the entire day?"
They stopped in their tracks, uncertain of how to proceed. Their banter had been fun and easy whenever they allowed themselves to engage, but now the air suddenly felt too charged to continue.
Had he really?
They stared at each other, silently debating who would give in and speak first. Lee volunteered. "I'm sorry. Again. Let's—Let me show you around."
⛰️
The dormitory was, well, a dormitory. About a dozen mattresses were laid down two by two in small cubicles, reminiscent of capsule hotels; on the left and right walls, the cubicles were distributed in two levels, with the top ones accessible by (short) ladders. Each cubicle had a curtain on its entrance for privacy, and inside the cubicle itself another curtain could be set up to separate the two mattresses. The narrow corridor that connected the two sides of the room led to a window where Jisung could see not only the camping area they had passed by, but also the rest of the plateau where the lodge stood, as well as the mountain range in the distance.
"Sajang-nim told me we're staying in number 8… That should be one of the last ones."
Indeed, they were allocated the last cubicle on the right, bottom level. Their mattresses were set up side-by-side, and the curtain between them had been retracted before their arrival, whether that was part of the entire 'lovebirds' fiasco or not. Two thick blankets were also provided, but little else could be found in the space they would call home for the day. Despite that, the uneven wooden plank walls gave the space a cozy atmosphere, and they had access to a private window, natural light making the area seem a bit more spacious than it really was.
"Do you… Have a preference?"
Considering what had transpired earlier, this question seemed quite loaded, but Jisung decided to stick to the most obvious explanation, which in this context meant Lee was asking him about which mattress he wanted to sleep on for the night.
"Not really… I'm fine either way," Jisung finally replied.
"Me too, so…" Lee pondered shortly. "I'll take the right mattress, if that is ok? And I'll set up the curtain for later."
Jisung interrupted him. "Actually, can we keep it as it is? I—the other cubicles look a bit suffocating, with the curtain down." He wasn't necessarily against dividing their space, but any extra volume of air he could get overnight seemed like a great deal. "If you don't mind."
Lee complied, no questions asked.
They removed their outer jackets to let them air for a moment while they rested their feet from the long journey. Other hikers had since joined them in the room, each finding their own place to rest, but no one spoke loudly, maybe because that's what mountains do to people. You feel so little and insignificant in this vastness that you lower your voice as to not bother the gods that govern this world.
Even though Jisung had blisters on his feet that he would love to tender to as soon as possible, sunset was approaching them, and they had to head out again. Jackets back on, they greeted the owner again on their way out, Jisung self-conscious at the thought that she still believed they were a couple. Well, Lee was going to deal with it later.
A large group of hikers gathered outside, some whom Jisung recognized from the lodge, others that seemed to have brought their own camping tents. They all faced west, admiring the sun who made its daily descent through a layer of thin clouds. There were so many colors in the sky, so many tones of red and pink and purple coming through, that Jisung thought he might have teletransported into a pretty postcard sold in a small bookstore—only this was much, much prettier than any photo could be.
Lee chimed in. "It's beautiful, right?"
"Beautiful doesn't really describe it," Jisung replied, "although I don't really know a better word to use."
"Not everything needs to be described in detail," Lee clarified, "admiration is often intuitive, after all."
Dinner was served immediately after the sunset, a portion of grilled fish served with local vegetables, rice and soup; nothing to write home about, but delicious nonetheless, especially after an exhausting day. They shared a table with two other hikers, a (real) couple in their fifties who planned to hike to another summit the following morning. Jisung envied their stamina, his being completely depleted. Lee could probably do the same as them if he wished—he didn't look any more tired than he did hours ago, his experience once again speaking for itself.
The wife of the couple, an energetic woman who had introduced herself as Mikyung, asked, "So, where are you two from?"
"I live in Yellow Wood, about two hours from the bus terminal," Lee answered, leaving Jisung to answer from himself.
"And I came from the capital. I'm just spending a couple of days in the area."
Mikyung seemed concerned at their answers. "So you don't live together? Isn't it hard?"
It took one, maybe two seconds for her question to make sense in Jisung's worn out brain, but when he looked to his side, Lee was already in his now characteristic bright red color, eyes wide and mouth half-open. At this point, his nickname should be Magikarp.
Jisung offered to solve the situation himself. "We just met today. He was my guide hiking up the mountain."
"Oooh," Mikyung seemed satisfied with the answer, her husband and her exchanging glances here and there. "You two just click so well that I thought maybe—maybe there was something else going on. My apologies."
They had spent at most fifteen minutes together talking over dinner, but somehow this person, who he had never met in his life and would probably never meet again, had already speculated Lee and him had something else going on. He wondered what it was about them that had led to these situations ever since they arrived at the lodge, and this time Lee wasn't even at fault: he'd given perfectly normal answers to all questions he'd been asked, at least in Jisung's point of view.
Maybe they just clicked well.
As they prepared to go to bed, Jisung couldn't stop thinking about Lee getting embarrassed over another misunderstanding during dinner. It was awkward for him as well, of course, and Jisung preferred things to not be taken in that direction if possible, but it wasn't that big of a deal. Lee, however, was flustered everytime the topic came up, his body not able to contain his internal turmoil, and Jisung started to think that there might be something lying under his guise of a nonchalant guide. Nevertheless, Lee had been able to talk to the lodge owner, who profusely apologized for her misunderstanding, and they were no longer a couple in her eyes.
Back in the dormitory, Lee took the right mattress as previously decided, and Jisung crawled in to lie on the left one. The cubicle was tall enough that they could sit comfortably inside to relax, but after a warm meal, Jisung didn't want to spend any more time awake, and neither did Lee, who remained pensive for the rest of the day.
They were asleep even before the lights were turned off.
⛰️
"Doong-ah, stop."
A distant voice echoed in the haze of Jisung's half-asleep mind, words muffled by the thick blanket he had pulled over his head to protect himself from the frigid night. Refusing to move his body more than absolutely necessary, he cracked open his left eye.
This was not his room, the room he was so comfortable with, but instead a small cubicle in a dormitory inside a rustic lodge at the top of a mountain he had hiked the day before with a stranger, who now lied by his side.
Great.
Since when had he become the type of person who invites danger into his life? Yes, he had managed to hike up the mountain by some miracle, but everything that goes up has to come down, and it wouldn't be long before his penance would restart: they were supposed to wake up at half past three, and according to his wristwatch, it had just turned three in the morning.
"Doong-ah, I said stop," Lee muttered beside him, to no one in particular.
Great.
He had less than thirty minutes to convince himself that everything would be ok, that he wouldn't perish in the dreadful descent that awaited him; meanwhile, his guide was busy speaking in his sleep. Speaking was maybe an exaggeration—he was half-mumbling, half-grunting, calling out to a certain Doong that Jisung wasn't familiar with. It would have been comical if not for his growing restlessness.
Reluctant, Jisung sat cross-legged on his mattress, trying to decide what to do next. If Lee continued to talk in his sleep, he would probably wake up the other patrons; yet, this was the first Jisung had ever encountered someone who sleep talks, so he didn't know if waking him up would be ok, or how to do it safely.
He approached the other anyway, crawling carefully. Lee's shoulders and back were partly exposed beneath the blanket; his face turned away and out of Jisung's line of sight, who waited to see what would happen next.
Lee didn't move or speak for another minute or two, the rise and fall of his breathing steady. Jisung was about to give up and go back to his personal misery when he heard something else.
"Eunsoo-ya, he doesn't mean it."
Another name. Jisung had no idea who these people were—if they were people at all—but Lee's voice had been louder this time, startling him. He placed a firm hand on Lee's shoulder, holding it tight, hoping that the human contact would either wake him up or calm him down. Ironically, the warmth and rhythm of Lee's body had the unintended effect of soothing him as well.
At half past three, Lee's alarm rang, and Jisung pulled back from the touch before he could wake up.
⛰️
"Who's Doong?"
Something caught in Lee's throat, leaving him out of breath for a few seconds. "How do you even know that name?"
Jisung shrugged, apologetic. "I heard you calling for a Doong this morning, so I wanted to ask."
They had moved from the dormitory into the dining room, accompanied by other early birds who had similarly planned to have breakfast before the sunrise. The meal itself wasn't much different from the one they had the night before: grilled fish, rolled omelet, pickled vegetables, once again accompanied by rice and soup; still simple, still fulfilling. Jisung thoughtlessly played around with his last piece of omelet, rolling it from left to right, before he finally picked it up with his chopsticks—the exhaustion from the previous day rendered the familiar motion much more challenging than it should be. He'd been awake for almost an hour, and the early rush of adrenaline that had run through him had since made room for fatigued limbs and heavy eyelids.
"Shit." Lee forced his eyes shut and knitted his brows, making a pained expression. Inhaling deeply through his nose, he let out a short but heavy exhale, as if releasing a wave of negative energy in a single breath. "Okay. Did I talk for a long time?"
"Not really," Jisung replied, hiding the fact that he had actively tried to make him stop.
"Doongie's my cat, we live together," Lee answered, resigned. He took a sip of his tea, taking his time in a clear attempt to regain his composure. "I also take care of another two, Soonie and Dori. I'm always worried about them when I travel, that must have been why," he rationalized. "I arranged an automatic feeder at home so I can go on short trips like this, but when I have to be away for many days, I hire a cat nanny instead. That doesn't happen often, though—they don't like to be away from me."
"I see." Jisung couldn't help but wonder if sleep talking to his cats was a frequent occurrence during Lee's tours, if other clients had had the same experience as him. The reviews mentioned nothing of the sort. "Do you also live with someone named Eunsoo?"
Lee's eyes widened in panic as he sat frozen for a second, mouth slightly open. "How do you—Did I talk about Eunsoo?"
"You were talking to them in your sleep, yes," Jisung hesitantly disclosed. He hadn't planned to start his day with what now seemed like an interrogation.
Another deep inhale, another short but heavy exhale. "Eunsoo's my wife. I mean, my ex-wife," Lee confessed, massaging his temple.
Fuck. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry into your private life—" Or so he believed, but it wasn't the first time he had done so—albeit unwillingly—and he felt his skin flush with embarrassment at the realization. "I swear I didn't want to pay attention to what you were saying, but I was afraid that you might wake up the others, and in trying to control the situation I ended up… hearing everything."
"Don't worry. It's not your fault," Lee reassured him. "I haven't had an episode like this in a while, which is honestly why I am kind of surprised, but I'm not blaming you, or accusing you of anything. In fact, I should be the one apologizing for disturbing your sleep." He wiped his mouth clean with a sigh and, having finished his meal, checked the wall clock to make sure they still had time before the sunrise before he continued, "Do you remember anything else I said?"
"You were asking Doongie to stop," this part was very clear in Jisung's memories, it being the reason for his early awakening, "but after that, you told your ex-wife something I don't remember anymore."
"Must have been an old memory. Doongie was a tiny kitten when we brought him home, and he was very feisty, too much energy for Eunsoo to handle. Soonie had always been very calm, so when it was just the three of us, it was easy; Doongie required more patience. He's much better now, though. Dori came in later, after she left."
Unexpectedly, Lee let out a soft laugh. "Sorry. It's funny how she came back to my memories today, and here, of all places. I moved to Yellow Wood after we divorced, so I never had the chance to invite her to visit Mount Baram with me. Not that she would have agreed—she supported me in her own way, but this outdoorsy life was never for her. Her career needed her to be in the city, and that's where she belongs."
"You know, one day I received a comment from her on a vlog. She said she was happy to see that I'm finally enjoying my life. I'm not going to lie, it was bittersweet, seeing her name and the profile picture she used in all of her accounts, but I was relieved to know we both found closure in our own ways. The divorce wasn't complicated, and it truly was the best option for both of us, but isn't it sad to be away from the person you thought you'd be with for the rest of your life?"
In Lee's world, Jisung was nothing but a passing observer—he had never met Eunsoo, and he probably never would—but it was still hard to digest what they went through, not knowing whether he was even allowed to. "You really don't need to explain yourself in detail, I don't want to—"
"You worry too much. I swear it's okay, Jisung-nim."
Still, Lee ended the topic there.
"Shall we head outside? It won't be long until the sun rises."
Jisung nodded, taking one last sip of his cup of coffee and rising from his seat.
"By the way," he whispered as they moved towards the storage area by the entrance, greeting the lodge owner on their way, "You can just call me Jisung-ssi, or just Jisung. I know that, technically, I hired you to guide me, but you don't have to be so formal all the time."
It was the bare minimum Jisung could offer after hearing about Lee's past. He was going to add that, technically, they also slept together, but there were too many innuendos in that statement for this early in the morning. Why did innuendos keep popping into his head? "And I'm younger than you, right?"
Lee confirmed with a quick nod. "So… Do you want to call me hyung?"
He wasn't ready for that jump yet. "That might be too much."
"Understood." Lee cleared his throat. "Jisung-ssi."
"Lee-nim."
"I think you mean Minho-ssi," Lee grinned, correcting him.
"Minho-ssi."
"Much better."
They packed quickly, putting on their jackets to protect themselves against the biting chill of the early morning and taking only a few essentials—phones and cameras included—as they knew they would soon return for check-out. The proper summit of Mount Baram was just a five-minute walk away from the lodge, and when asked if he wanted to head up there instead, Jisung gladly agreed.
When they reached the summit plateau, it was already bustling with hikers, as expected given the number they had seen the day before; nevertheless, the area was spacious enough for everyone to savor the moment in relative privacy.
"Life is full of breathtaking moments," Lee—Minho began once they had found a spot for themselves at a safe distance from the edge of the mountain. He fixed his tripod on the rocky ground for a timelapse, something he briefly mentioned he could add to a future vlog. "But few come close to this."
Jisung glanced at him, relaxed and in his element. The sunrise cast a rainbow-like glow across the landscape, serving as the perfect backdrop for his silhouette, tracing his sharp features: his tall nose, his defined cheekbones, his full lips, his long eyelashes. His guide was undeniably a beautiful man, especially in the low light, like this; so much so that Jisung was sure his teenage self would have either hated him or fallen hopelessly in love.
Yet, this same man carried more pain than Jisung could have ever imagined from the internet persona he knew—a serious burnout episode at work, followed by (or preceded by, he wasn't sure) a divorce, its wounds apparently still raw. There was probably much more that he didn't know; after all, he hadn't shared even a tenth of his own struggles himself. Curiosity lingered, but he knew it wasn't his place to ask further. He simply appreciated being deemed worthy of listening.
"I think I should apologize—again," Minho interrupted Jisung's thoughts as if reading them, "for oversharing earlier. And yesterday. It wasn't my intention to make you uncomfortable."
"I wasn't—you didn't," a small lie, "but thank you for trusting me enough to share. I appreciate it." Hoping to lighten the mood, Jisung jokingly placed his hand on his heart and continued, "I swear I won't say anything online to tarnish your reputation."
Minho burst out laughing, the unrestrained high-pitched sound echoing sweetly in Jisung's ears. "You're funny. I like how honest you are. Maybe that's why I keep talking, because you listen."
"It would be impolite not to," Jisung grinned shyly in response. "Do you always talk about yourself to your clients?"
"No, no—absolutely not. I've had many clients share their lives with me, telling me about their work, what inspired them to contact me for a tour, what they like about my channel. I usually listen well and ask a few questions, but that's it. I'm not here to make friends, right? My job is to ensure everyone is safe."
Jisung brushed aside the implication that he was special, that he knew more than the average client. "I think you're a great guide. I mean it."
"Thank you," Minho replied bashfully, "but at times I try too hard to fulfill this role, and like yesterday and today, I end up getting too distracted, leading to awkward situations that could have been avoided."
"What is distracting you?"
As the sun broke free from the horizon, casting soft pinks and warm oranges across the sky, Jisung noticed how the colors matched the flush creeping across Minho's cheeks. "Nothing much," he replied.
Jisung left it at that.
They returned to the lodge as the sky transformed into its usual light blue, signaling that the countdown to the descent had begun. On their way back, Jisung scrolled through his camera roll to check if his photos and videos had turned out well.
He couldn't help but notice that, in many of them, Minho was front and center.
⛰️
"Did you pick up your lunch boxes, boys?"
"We just did," Minho eagerly showed her the two delicately packed lunch boxes they had just collected from the lodge kitchen, a token of appreciation for their patronage. "Sajang-nim, thank you so much for everything. We'll be heading down soon."
"It was my pleasure to have you here, Minho-ssi, you should come back more often. You know how tired I am of only dealing with old people all the time, I miss your pretty face," she replied enthusiastically, giving Minho little taps on his upper arm—in response, he rolled his eyes melodramatically, but reassured her he wouldn't take so long to return next time. Neither seemed to mind the events of the previous night. "And you too, Han Jisung-nim. You're always welcome in our little home away from home."
"Thank you, Sajang-nim. I'll definitely be back."
He could have said it only as a polite gesture, something one would offer to an older person to show respect even if there was no intention to return, but Jisung felt there was truth in his words—that he might return, not because he was leaving with regrets, but because he knew there was so much more to explore.
Minho caught the implication of his words and nodded with a proud, approving smile.
"Are you ready to go?" he asked once they had moved outside. It was still early, but the atmosphere around the lodge was completely different—the warmth of the morning sun reminded everyone that there was no more time to rest and reflect. Hikers of all shapes and sizes hurriedly gathered their belongings to either challenge another mountain or head down to the valley, like them.
Jisung nodded, placing the helmet on his head and fastening the strap beneath.
"We'll be taking a slightly different path today, but again, nothing you should worry about—at this point, you're a professional at this, right?"
Jisung snorted. "Of course not," he had barely survived the day before, "but I trust you to take me down safely."
"What has gotten into you to start speaking such pretty words, Jisung-ssi?" Minho teased him, a satisfied grin spreading across his face at the compliment. "If I remember correctly, yesterday you couldn't stop blabbering at the thought of a ladder."
"I don't know," Jisung shrugged. He'd rather not be remembered for those embarrassing moments, but he knew that one day he would also look back and laugh at everything. "Someone told me yesterday that people are like the mountains, ever-changing. I guess I'm proof of that."
"I see. Maybe it's time for me to change as well," Minho added.
Jisung saw this as the perfect opportunity to jab back at him. "Less oversharing, perhaps?"
"Actually, maybe more oversharing," he suggested, "as long as you're willing to listen."
⛰️
"Jisung-ah, can you check my viewfinder to see if I'm in focus?"
"Give me a second," Jisung yells back, stressed at all of the instructions he is dealing with. "I'm just one man doing five different things at once! You know how terrible I am at multitasking!"
"Sorry, baby." Minho sounds genuinely apologetic, which improves Jisung's mood, but only by a very small amount.
"You say you're sorry, but I never signed up to be your cameraman, your sound guy, your photographer, your editor and your porter!" Amid his whining, Jisung does check the viewfinder, and since Minho seems to be in focus, he gives the other a thumbs up. "As far as I remember, I only said yes to being your boyfriend!"
To his dismay, Minho seems to enjoy his distress a little bit too much, as he always did.
"And I think you're doing a great job at that."