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As he's walking back to his house after a late hour practice, Kageyama suddenly feels it. A weird sensation is building inside of him, filling his entire body with a peaceful warmth.
And it's not just the rush and satisfaction of volleyball. He knows what that feels like, a good game, a nice serve, a perfect set. He's been playing for most of his life.
No, this is something else.
He hasn't felt like this in a long time. It's somehow nostalgic, faintly reminds him of late afternoons spent practicing with his grandpa.
He's happy, he realizes.
Kageyama stops, looks around. And then he starts smiling. It's awkward at first, and he feels like a madman, just standing there, grinning at the empty road. He's been told too many times that his smile is creepy and scary, but he does it anyway.
This must have been going on for a while. Happiness doesn't just appear out of nowhere. It gathers itself slowly, quietly cracking the walls of isolation he has built over the years. And then it breaks the dam, overflowing and covering everything in its way.
He hasn't completely come to terms with it yet. Some nights he still wakes up frantic, the sound of a ball dropping echoing through his mind. He tries to calm himself down, thinking of his current team, the warmth and appreciation they have shown him, not just as a teammate, but as a person too.
Sometimes it's a bit difficult for him to truly believe it, and he shows up to practice already expecting some sort of rejection. But when he enters the gym each day they all greet him with a smile. Even Tsukishima, in his usual sarcastic way.
And then there's Hinata.
Kageyama has never had a friend before, at least not someone quite like him. Hinata is the sun, blinding the world with his brightness. He could have anyone as his friend, and he does collect them, as easily as he jumps around the court.
But out of everyone, he's chosen Kageyama.
He still doesn't understand why. He's awkward and boring and mean, and he has no redeemable qualities except for being a great setter.
At first he thought that was the reason Hinata had started following him around, to get better at volleyball. But it wasn't that.
Sure, he talks an awful lot about volleyball, and he's always making Kageyama set to him, even when it starts getting dark outside and everyone else has left the gym. Kageyama doesn't mind: he loves volleyball, and their dream of getting to Nationals is getting closer every day.
But it doesn't stop there. Hinata starts telling Kageyama all about his life, his school grades (they suck just like his), his little sister Natsu, his ambitions for the future.
"I want to get right to the top. I'll find you there, and I'll beat you, Kageyama. Just wait for it." It almost blinds him, the determined look that lights up on his face.
Kageyama can't help but believe him.
Hinata starts asking questions, too. Talking about himself is awkward, and Kageyama stumbles upon his words like a little child. But every time he looks down on his face, Hinata is listening. And he genuinely seems to be interested in what he says, staring at him in a way that always leaves Kageyama flustered.
He has tried to let him know, that he is not worth the time. He should stay away from him, for Kageyama will never be a good friend. He's always known that.
So he had started being mean on purpose. He's not proud of it, but it's the only way. Nothing good ever comes out from leading someone on. He's doing Hinata a favor.
But still Hinata looks for him. He seats next to him on the bus, leaning into Kageyama's side when his eyelids close. He walks around school with him, making fun of Kageyama's usual frown and talking nonstop about volleyball practice.
He even invites him to his house one time.
And by the way in which he looks at him, Kageyama knows he can't say no this time. They watch a forgettable movie and start snoring before it ends, but when Kageyama gets home, he feels all giddy inside.
He still thinks about it: it's one of his fondest memories. Not that he'll ever tell him that.
Sometimes they fight. It's inevitable when they play such a high tension sport. It's ugly and mean, and they end up not talking for a week. But every time they make up and it all goes back to normal.
He doesn't understand why Hinata is so ready to forgive him.
Will it last? Or is this happiness going to disappear, when he inevitably alienates the team with his horrible behavior?
He knows he doesn't deserve it, the generous way in which everyone on the team has accepted him. One day they will be done with him, Hinata will find another friend, who's nicer and funnier and better in every way.
And Kageyama will end up alone. Again.
It's a selfish thought, he knows it. But he's not ready to let go of this yet.
So he tries. He tries so hard to open up, to show that he cares. He tries to fit into the team, with his awkward small talk and weird smiles. He even manages to crack a few jokes that make everyone laugh. He feels the upperclassmen's silent encouragement when he does, and that alone fills him with bliss.
He doesn't shy away from Hinata's friendship. He eats lunch with him, starts responding to his ridiculous text messages and even gruffly ruffles his orange hair, instead of berating him for his mistakes of the court. They start hanging out together, going to the cinema or to Hinata's house.
One day they go to the park. Hinata takes him by the arm and drops him in the freezing snow, laughing when Kageyama tries to catch him too. They end up fighting on the ground, both completely wet from rolling around in the snow. Kageyama will be sick for a week after this, but in this moment the only think he cares about is Hinata's red cheeks and the way in which he smiles at him.
It's the closest to true happiness he's ever been.
He'll never be good at this, he knows it. It doesn't come to him as naturally as it does for others. He can only hope for a miracle. Maybe things won't change. Maybe he can hold onto this happiness, if only for a little while.
When Kageyama goes home that night, he curls up in his blanket and dreams of bright smiles and flaming orange hair.