Chapter Text
He wasn't sure what to do with the demon child.
He stared at the child in the cage, the boy who was utterly exhausted by his chores that he had put him through, the demon that was trying to paint his skin with stripes and trying to break free from its confines, and he did not know what to do.
The child had been found on their doorstep, in a trash bag. They were an orphanage, so it made sense that a child would be given to them, although perhaps the manner of being given was rather odd. But they had still taken the boy in, regardless of the straining funds. It was their duty as an orphanage to raise children, and when one was given to them, they would take them.
But this–!
The tiger stood, a snarling beast. Yellow eyes glaring and maw snarling at him. It would try to ram into the cage if it wasn't without energy, so it instead curled around itself and glared at him with those evil eyes.
What was he to do?
He could not kill the child. That was simply something that he would not stoop to. But if the tiger continued to try and hurt everyone, continued to try and eat every food that the orphanage did not provide them, then the orphanage would be without stock in the winter.
It did not help that the child was also without a name still.
They hadn't the time to give one to him by the time the beast had been revealed.
The tiger continued to glare, and a thought struck him.
It wasn't attacking him. It wasn't patrolling about. It wasn't trying to harm him.
Was it tired? Did wearing the boy out wear the tiger out? Was that the key?
Could they keep the tiger in check by wearing the boy down?
It was a cruel thing, but keeping everyone else safe was the goal here. How else would they survive if they did not do such a thing?
He turned, showing his back, and walked up the stairs, one at a time, waiting for a noise. A growl. A snarl.
Nothing.
He opened and closed the door to the basement, and sighed as he locked it. He looked out the window, taking in the full moon and pondering.
Walking forward, he went to his office and found the file that they had been creating for the boy.
They had a plan for the boy, but now for a name. . .
He stared down at the blanks, before sighing.
There was only one option, and everyone in the orphanage knew that.
The headmaster very carefully filled in his own last name, as any orphan who did not have a family name would be given his. Nakajima was carefully filled in the blank, and he turned to the other one, pondering it.
He carefully filled in the jinmeiyō kanji for Atsushi.
He hoped and prayed that this would predict the boy's path.
Kindness, honesty. Please, let this be so.
The way forward would be tough, especially with the plan that the headmaster had in mind. But if the boy came out stronger on the other side, then it would be for the best. If the boy actually learned the kindness and honesty that his name denoted, then he could say that he did something good at last.
“Please, allow this to work.” He muttered, staring at the bright, glowing moon outside his window. He did not pray to the gods anymore, they did not save him in the war, so he did not trust them. But he would try to do his best by the children under his care, in the only way he knew how.
Teaching them the only way he knows, he hopes that one day, maybe one day, they'll see the path that he laid down for them.
But for now, he needed to create the schedule that the boy, his boy, would be following. The schedule that would tire the tiger out enough to ensure it would harm no one or nothing in the place that he had created as a place for others to grow and learn.
~~~~~~~~~~
Zheng didn't know what to do.
No, no no wait.
That wasn't his name anymore.
His name was Atsushi now, right? That's why he was being forced to scrub the kitchen floor with a brush right now, because he had put Zheng on his paper and not Atsushi.
He scrubbed at the floor sullenly, thinking of how he got here. He honestly didn't remember, which was weird. Even for a five year old, his memory was pretty good. He could remember that he had already taken care of the two year olds here and the three year olds and told the four year olds that the sweeping was their job today, but took care of it since they were so small.
He should have been able to go to bed by now!
Frustrated tears started to well up in his eyes, and he really really wanted to let them fall.
Zhe– Atsushi huffed, pulling his raw and cramping hand away from the scrub brush and pressing it to his eyes. He wasn't allowed to cry. No one was allowed to cry here, not unless they were in services.
The windows here were creepy. He hated them with a passion. They always threw the light off, and made everything purple and red, like blood and bruises. Like Atsushi's body.
The tears quelled but still lingering, Atsushi returned to scrubbing.
Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. The water was muddied so now he had to put more water on the brush, then back at it again.
Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth.
Atsushi was just simply exhausted. Everyone else was allowed to sleep! Why couldn't he!? Why wasn't he allowed to sleep!? He had taken care of the two year olds and the three year olds and supervised the four year olds, just like the headmaster had told him to! He had done all his chores, he had followed the list.
But the list was always growing longer and longer each time he came back to it, it seemed. He could never finish all his tasks, and what he didn't finish was added to the next day's tasks.
Atsushi reached up and pulled at his hair. It was sticky, some of the two year olds had spilled their juice into it on purpose. Trying to color it anything but the silver color it was. Or maybe they had just been two year olds doing what two year olds do. Atsushi wouldn't know, he didn't remember being a two year old.
Now it was a sticky purple, and he just wanted to wash it.
But he wasn't allowed to do that right now, because he still has tasks to do.
Atsushi wanted to cry tears of frustration. But he wasn't allowed to cry. Not now, not ever. It wasn't something that he could do.
But no one was here. . . .
Tears started to drip down his cheeks. They added to the water that he scrubbed at floor.
Maybe it would help clean the kitchen floor more, if he put more tears into the water.
~~~~~~~~~~
Atsushi is now eleven, and he is hiding away in the library for a scant few minutes to simply breathe.
He couldn't take it anymore, he just needed a few moments to himself. Not taking care of children, not cleaning, not making food for others, not ensuring that the kids weren't dying. Wasn't that the job of an adult?
But no, Atsushi shouldn't be selfish either, because this is how he's useful. He actually gets to eat because he gets points by taking care of the children and cleaning the orphanage’s many rooms.
Atsushi shouldn't be selfish, and wish for less work. He couldn't stop now, he needed to keep going.
But he just needed a few minutes. Just a few minutes. Just a few minutes to himself where he wasn't a caretaker or wasn't a cleaner or wasn't a cook. He just needed these scant few seconds that he snatched to breathe and be himself.
Not a mask. Not something that he pretended to be for the children or for the adults. Not a good person or someone that always put everyone in front of himself. He just needed to put himself first for these scant few seconds.
Atsushi curled up in the stacks of the books of the library, cut off from the rest of the world and allowed his aching feet to rest. His aching legs to finally stop moving. His aching body to finally stop breathing to a rhythm needed for running around. His arms could finally stop swinging and feel the blood pulsing through his veins.
Atsushi stayed here, surrounded by the smell of books and not the smell of food that made him nauseous, and felt the pulse of his heart sending blood through his body, reminding himself that he was alive.
He was alive, they hadn't killed him yet. He had thought that maybe this was a very long way to kill him, by exhausting him to death.
But no, nothing of the sort.
They honestly seemed to want Atsushi to be alive. Despite the headmaster’s cruel words, despite how he smacked Atsushi around when he wasn't doing his assigned tasks and was taking a break, they wanted him alive. They fed him after all.
He was someone important after all. For some reason. No, he knew the reason. He knew the reasons why he was important very well. They were pounded into his head after all.
Atsushi's muscles tensed up as the words started to ring through his head again. His eyes going wide and his breath coming short.
"You can't eat until everyone is fed."
That's right. Atsushi can't eat until everyone has eaten. He needed to go make sure the rest of the kids that were under him in age were taken care of. He needed to go take care of them now. He started to push himself to his feet.
"You can't sleep until everyone is sleeping."
That's right. Atsushi needed to make sure everyone was sleeping. Everyone deserves the sweet rest of slumber, but Atsushi was needed to ensure that everyone was sleeping before he could. Even the Headmaster himself. Even if the man never seemed to sleep, Atsushi still had to go to bed after him.
"You can't sit until all the chores are done."
That's right. Why was he sitting around? There were chores to be done. He couldn't be resting right now, why on earth would he be so selfish as to rest before all the chores were done?
"Take care of everyone."
That's right. It was Atsushi's duty to take care of everyone. He was needed to take everyone, no one else was allowed this level of responsibility. The Headmaster was the only other person who was afforded this level of responsibility, and he was a very busy man. It was up to Atsushi most days, everyday, to take care of everyone while the Headmaster took care of everything else, like finances and stuff like that.
"You are crucial to the success of this place."
That's right. Atsushi's work, with the children, with the food, with the cleaning–
It was crucial. Atsushi was crucial. He was needed and he was responsible. How dare he be so selfish to try and take a few moments to breathe when there were things that needed to be done?
He pushed himself up on his aching arms and got onto his aching legs and feet and walked out of the library. There were chores to do and children to watch and food to make. He couldn't stop for a single second. How dare he try to stop for a single second?
Atsushi forced his body to keep moving and found the kids that he had been watching. They were just in the classroom on the other side of the hall from the library. Atsushi would have heard if something went wrong, he had good hearing.
But they could report to the Headmaster that he had left them alone for three minutes, when his time was supposed to be dedicated to them for these three hours. He would have to bribe them with making some of their favorite food tonight or tomorrow morning. Hopefully they'd accept such a tradeoff.
One of the good things about taking care of these kids is the fact that they all liked Atsushi. They liked him enough to follow his orders.
He'd hate to think of what they would be like if they didn't follow his orders and didn't like him. Probably horrible kids that would make things worse for him. Thank goodness they weren't like that, but it also meant that they crawled all over him and demanded his attention every second of the day and night.
His mind drifted back to the library. . . .
No! No, he needed to stop being selfish. Taking care of the kids is the least he can do, so he'll do so with relish.
~~~~~~~~~~
Byakko paced inside the mind of Atsushi, snarling softly as they flexed their power.
No, the seal on the power wasn't weakened. In fact, it had only strengthened in the weakness of the child's body.
The man in charge of this institution was a dastardly one, Byakko could acknowledge this. He curled around the slight mirage of a visage of the child that was present in their mental space and snarled. Just ever so softly snarled.
The man was doing his best to keep Byakko from breaking forth on the nights that their power was strongest by wearing the child thin. Taking care of the others constantly, cooking and cleaning, staying up later than everyone else–
Nothing more than a ploy to keep Byakko’s power caged and inside the child.
Byakko wanted nothing more than to break free from the confines of the fleshy prison and strike the man down, to eviscerate the person who was tiring his vessel out so much.
But in doing so, Byakko would have to break the seal that confined their power, the seal that had been put on this body to protect it from the undue stress that such power would create. It could usually only be weakened on the nights where the signification of their power was in its fullest peak, and yet–
The man was dastardly, wearing out his vessel to the point of sheer exhaustion every full moon night. The child would collapse every night once they had been allowed to, and Byakko could not bear to work the body more and wear it out to the point of even more exhaustion.
However–
His vessel had been gaining more and more resistance to the chores and the exhaustion that the people had been pressing upon him. His vessel had only been growing stronger, despite the harm they were putting his vessel through.
So Byakko would wait and bide his time, wait until it was time. Wait until it was time to run away from this horrid place, wait until it was time for action.
Byakko did not like waiting like this. Byakko was a god of righteousness, Byakko wished for nothing more than to enact their swift claws of righteousness upon these people.
But his vessel also held a sort of affection for this place, as twisted as it could be. So Byakko restricted his claws and hid them beneath his paws, licking at them in this shared space as the child slept through the full moon night, enchained in the basement.
Byakko was a patient god.
His vessel had only grown, both in strength and spirit.
It was nearly time.
Byakko flexed his claws and bared his fangs in a snarl.
Soon.
~~~~~~~~~~
Atsushi was panicking.
Full on, completely panicking.
His breath was coming in short, sharp gasps and he was tugging at his long hair, curled up in a ball.
He didn't know where he was.
Atsushi didn't know where the hell he was.
He didn't know where the hell he was, it was somewhere in the woods, that's all he knows from simply looking around. But with the sunlight streaming and the forest sound ambiance and the river he could hear–
It wasn't the forest that surrounded the Orphanage.
Oh God. Oh God, he was going to be hidden from the kids again. How could he be useful if he was hidden in the basement and was of no use to the kids and the cook and the library and the orphanage as a whole?
If he couldn't be of any use, then what was his point in life? What use could he be to anyone if he didn't help people!?
How could he help anyone if he was nothing and nobody!? There was no reason for him to exist if he didn't help anyone or do something that would help anyone.
He needed to find his way back. He needed to find his way back right this moment and maybe if he groveled enough at the Headmaster's feet, the man wouldn't make him less than worthless?
Byakko snarled in the shared space. They had just got him out, and he wants to go back!?
Atsushi needed to move.
But he couldn't. He was totally alone. He was totally alone and he had no directions to follow. How could he move his body without an order? He needed someone to tell him what to do, otherwise he won't know what to do.
He needed someone to need his help, or else he doesn't know what to do!
His limbs trembled and his breaths were coming in gasps faster and faster, and he was pretty sure he saw a gray haze trying to settle on the edges of his vision. His hands gripped at the forest floor, tugging at the moss and the dirt and the grass.
Oh God.
What was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to find his way back without a directive?
He's never been alone before, only for a few scant hours when he's in the basement. How is he supposed to exist when he has no one?
Atsushi is choking, coughing, trying to just draw the air in and keep himself alive as the panic eats at his veins and at his heart.
"Yosh yosh. It's okay! Here, squeeze my hands."
Hands are holding his now, and Atsushi holds them, squeezes down on them, and he can finally breathe with some instructions.
Atsushi lifted his head to look at his savior.