Chapter Text
Tale as old as time… people hear the same story over and over. In the dim recesses of their minds, aspiring music artists and idols find themselves entangled in the echoes of relentless expectations, drowning beneath the weight of countless narratives that haunt their every step. Each tale, steeped in anguish, speaks of those who succumbed to despair, enticed by a morbid tango with death in search of liberation from their torment. In this tapestry of longing and heartache, shadows envelop their spirits, whispering seductively of an escape that lingers beyond reach. Yet, a flicker of defiance emerges, kindling the fire to transform pain into haunting melodies, defying the shadows that seek to claim them. (yikes)
Han was next to take part in this infamous dance. he walked toward the door of the company, all eyes on him, cameras flashing in his eyes, never seeming to, "LAY OFF!" he wanted to yell. he could feel the stress bubbling up, the anxiety coursing through his veins. the walk felt like centuries. and to Han it was, but once he got into the company, he still felt as if he couldn't breathe. people all around him were talking and asking things, he knew they all meant well, but they were just making things worse.....
he held his chest as if that would magically fix the torture his body was putting him through. Han felt like he was stuck in a never-ending loop of panic. His heart raced so fast that it felt like it was trying to escape his chest, and his mind was swirling with all these crazy thoughts that made it even worse. It was like he was drowning underwater, desperately trying to surface but just not able to catch a breath. He remembered times before when he had felt this way, but each time seemed far worse than the last. Han wanted to scream for help, but the words would not come out. It was like he was trapped in his head, and he couldn't find the way out. tears started to stream down his face from the overwhelming feeling, and his knees collapsed beneath him, making the paparazzi at the glass door take even more photos of Han.
The bodyguards and staff shielded Han from their view, but it didn't make him feel safer. two of the staff picked Han up and made their way to one of the practice rooms where the rest of the members were. once inside, everyone dancing turned their heads towards him faces changing from happy to concerned. by that time Han was still shaking and crying. Chan was the first to speak, "Han, what's wrong? Did something happen?" he walked over to han, the staff let go of han, stepping away from him so that the rest of the members could see him. He looked like a total mess. His hair was all over the place, his face was red and swollen from crying, and his hands were shaking. he couldn't even speak, and everyone swarming him wasn't making it better. it made it worse. "give him some space guys, han do you want one of us to stay with you?" Chan continued. han nodded and slowly raised his shakey hand to point to Minho. everyone filed out of the room, leaving the two boys alone. the room was quiet for a moment
"H-Hey, calm down man, what happened?" Minho finally broke the silence, he bent down to Han's level trying to meet his eyes, but the boy was looking at the floor, still crying. "hey, look at me, please?" Minho said softly. but han stayed looking at the floor. Minho, now slightly frustrated grabbed Han's face gently and tilted it up towards him making han look at him. han tried looking anywhere but where Minho was, making Minho follow Han's eyes every time, making them both smile. "there's that smile I love, now tell me.. what happened exactly?" the boy was quiet for a moment. he sniffled a bit and wiped the rest of his tears before talking. "I fucking hate crowds,"
Han explained the whole thing to Minho, he cried a few more times, and Minho comforted him. soon practice carried on, everyone keeping a close eye on Han... the next few weeks were hell. More panic attacks started piling up like an infestation of a disgusting parasitic bug. sleepless night of crying, he hated life. he started bringing back old bad habits, a new set of red lines plastering his arms messily, cigarette burns on his legs, ashtrays all around his room... he was in more of a mess as the days passed he had a calendar, the days went up till February 5th. the rest of the day was ripped out. Han didn't know why he picked February 5th. maybe because February was their least busy month, or the number 5 was his favourite number, but that day was today. he had everything planned out. and it was perfect. he even woke up early today, made breakfast for everyone, and posted on Instagram, and bubble for stays.
"oh wow, hey han, you're up early. what are you making?" Chan said, leaning on the counter, and rubbing his tired eyes. han smiled sadly, knowing it would be the last time he would ever be able to do this. "I'm making Tteokbokki and rice. you can sit it will be done in a bit." soon all the members started filing in and sitting at the table, and han brought the food over to them. "sorry if it's not as good, this is the only thing I know how to make." Han said, sitting next to Minho. they all thanked han and dug in, han waited till everyone was served before getting himself food, (which was not a lot) han felt bad for wanting to leave them, but it was for the best right? han checked the time.. 6:66 ap... that's not right, han thought. han brushed it off, maybe his watch was just broken.. right? Han spent the whole day with the members, joking around like his normal self. until night hit.
It's almost time, han thought, he checked the time, 10:10 pm. 1 minute later he checked again, just to make sure it was time, 10:09 Pa. "huh?" han muttered to himself. han brushed it off again. he was nervous. scared even. but he had to do it, he needed to. for everyone's sake, everyone was better off without him. once everyone went to bed, he locked his room door and started writing the letters. first, it was Chan, then hyunjin, then Felix, changbin, seungmin, then Jeongin, then Minho... minho's was the hardest to write, tears stained the paper. he started sobbing as he wrote the last sentence.... ⁱ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ˢᵒ ᶠᵘᶜᵏⁱⁿᵍ ᵐᵘᶜʰ ᵐⁱⁿʰᵒ, ʸᵒᵘ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ⁿᵒ ⁱᵈᵉᵃ, ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ ʷᵃˢ ⁿᵒᵗʰⁱⁿᵍ ʸᵒᵘ ᶜᵒᵘˡᵈ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ᵈᵒⁿᵉ, ⁱᵗ'ˢ ⁿᵒᵗ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᶠᵃᵘˡᵗ, ᵈᵒⁿ'ᵗ ᵇˡᵃᵐᵉ ʸᵒᵘʳˢᵉˡᶠ. ᵐᵃʸᵇᵉ ⁱⁿ ᵃⁿᵒᵗʰᵉʳ ˡⁱᶠᵉ, ʷᵉ ᶜᵒᵘˡᵈ ᵇᵉ ᵗᵒᵍᵉᵗʰᵉʳ. ˢᵒ ˡᵉᵗˢ ᵐᵃᵏᵉ ᵃ ᵖʳᵒᵐⁱˢᵉ, ʸᵉᵃʰ? ⁱⁿ ᵒᵘʳ ⁿᵉˣᵗ ˡⁱᶠᵉ, ˡᵉᵗˢ ᵐᵉᵉᵗ. ⁱ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ᴶᵃᵍⁱʸᵃ.. ⁱˡˡ ʷᵃⁱᵗ ᶠᵒʳ ʸᵒᵘ ʰᵉʳᵉ.
he folded up the paper and wrote Minho's name on it, he put all the letters on his bed for all of them to see. then made his way to his bathroom. he pulled out a box under the sink labelled, February 5th. he opened a box and pulled out 3 things. a pocket knife, sleeping pills he slowly collected from Chan over time, and a fabric bag. he stuffed the bad in his pocket then opened the Ziploc bag with the pills and swallowed them one by one, he counted... 1,2,3...26 in total.. he opened the pocket knife with shakey hands and blurry eyes from the tears, he held it up to his wrists, he pressed down hard, seeing the blood already form. he slid it across, silently cursing from the pain, he replicated the same thing for his other wrist and his throat. blood covered the entire bathroom. he choked out for air, knowing this was the end. he crawled his way to the bathtub, grabbed the fabric bag, and put it over his head. this was it... he did it.... finally.. his mind slowly slipped into darkness, and the pain, faded....
"HAN, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO!" han heard a voice.. minho? in another life... meet me there...Minho.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
it was Hans alarm
han jolted awake, shaking. it was all just a dream? han started to cry, god... had he really wanted this? did he want to do this to everyone? to minho? "han? han what's wrong? Are you okay? han?" Minho, sat up, holding han gently letting the boy cry into his chest. " I'm sorry, I'm so sorry... I won't do it. i promise. I'm sorry..." han continued to apologise, but Minho didn't know what for, he started to worry, "For what han? What are you gonna do?" Minho tried making han look at him, but han stayed tucked in Minho's chest. he told Minho about the dream and all he had been planning. February 5th was just hours away. "you... you planned.. on killing... yourself?" minho was horrified, what would he do without han? minho felt himself tear up. they talked for a couple of hours, han showed Minho the box under the sink, and the letters. Before Han and minho went to bed, they went outside and burned all han prepared. "never again." han said. minho smiled. knowing that it was gonna say that way. no matter what.
..............
The end
(I'm sorry that it was so rushed and that it so bad!!!!!!!! i have really bad writers block and this is only my second story. T-T but stay tuned for chapter 2!!!)
-Ssungz