Chapter Text
It didn't looked like a good day, Mahiru thought.
head low by the lack of her will to make it still, her feelings had a strong grip on her heart, smashing her chest and making everything around closed and hurting. But the weird pressure inside her just made her feel numb.
She was tired, and her heart ache was there again, but she somehow couldn't feel it very well. It was uncomfortable.
She hardly truly complained for having to clean the room by herself at times unless it was to scold her roomates. Even if she didn't mind, she should put back some sense into their minds, because it was a bit concerning for them to live alone or even together whithout the habits Mahiru reinforced, such as putting things in place. But this time, the reason she cleaned, it was totally different. She thought occupying her mind for a bit would do good, just like it did good every time she was nervous before a stage show. But those feelings, those thoughts, they just didn't go away. Thoughts that it felt impossible to stand in the same space as them. That it felt impossible to be on the same page, the same stage. It hurted.
Hikari looked stoic, but so gentle all the same. Someone like her wouldn't mind Mahiru there, nor would Karen. Actually, both pull her to the stage as if each one of their hands belonged to push her together with them.The thought warmed her cheeks, but it was a selfish wish to have.
She was just as over with her crush as with the possibility of a future with Karen. With Hikari. With any of them, with anyone of seisho.
While no one noticed how airy Mahiru was, Nana probably noticed it in a glance, because of course she would notice it. She's our Banana, after all.
When a shadow was casted over her, Mahiru knew someone was towering over her, but she didn't had the trouble to look up.
"Mahiru-chan, you should go to your bedroom. It isn't good to stay here so late, you might get a cold."
It just could be heard the smile in Nana's voice. What was so good now? Such violently worded thoughts made mahiru's eye twitch. She's not supposed to be like this... She's not supposed to have these overly natural feelings again. It only caused sadness to her and the others.
"I don't want to go there now." Mahiru accidentally replied so briefly, with no room to add any extra information, that left Nana wondering.
"Hmm, i see." She wasn't startled by Mahiru's demeanor at all. Instead, she sat closely beside her, which made Mahiru feel a little more at ease. She wasn't sure about what exactly made her at ease, actually. — not being looked at weird for being sad, or Nana there. — It didn't look like the latter.
"It's fine, you’re fine, Mahiru-chan. You did a lot today, didn't you? It's natural to feel tired." The blonde said slowly with a smile, now coming closer enough so their shoulders touched to pat the other's back.
"You can look and feel troubled here, Mahiru-chan."
With those words, the stage girl's eyes widened.
That's right, she Was a stage girl. That's the root of her feelings of loss, of her lack of confidence, of her joy.
But even if that was what gave joy in her life, it hurted. Leaving that place, and coming to be a "new me" on the national stage, it was painful. Being reborn is a process every stage girl has and it occurs constantly, but this transition in her life was so abrupt, it felt harder to deal with.
She was just anxious, that's all.
Apprehensively shutting her lips together to not escape any wimper, she began to slowly let this anxiety fade way by crying. The force to not let any of these feelings slide was visible in the tension of her shoulders, so Nana began to stroke her back in order to sooth her.
Smiling, she closed her eyes in satisfaction that Mahiru was opening up. "You don't need to stop yourself from feeling anything, Mahiru-chan. We are a family here, you know?"
"I know." She replied in a shaky voice, hiding her eyes between frail fists she made to wipe off the tears.
"Being a big sister comes with responsibilities, but you don't need to take it all alone."
"I... Know.." her voice just became lower, as if the unconfident words were trailing off. Sniffing, she turned to Nana and hugged her, hiding her face in the taller one's shoulders.
"Thank you, Banana-chan."
That took her off guard, instead of seeing Mahiru sad, surprisingly. Slowly, she got her hands off the air and returned the hug.
"No problem, Mahiru-chan. I am your precious banana, so it's only natural i will understand and hear you~"
Mahiru's hug tightened. "No, it isn't. Thank you."
Nana's expression relaxed into a neutral one, and Mahiru could only know it by how she felt her cheeks softening to allow the smile to fade away.
"You're welcome."
.
.
.
.
Mahiru's head was fuzzy again. Probably out of stress. Nana noticed it, because of course she would. She hugged Mahiru's unmoving body on the couch, too tired to return the act.
"It's warm...", Mahiru thought.
This time, she knew for sure that it wasn't a good day. She knew that because otherwise, Nana wouldn't be here.
So, she closed her eyes and hugged her back, enjoying the warmth and closure she wouldn't get to have everytime.
Mahiru couldn't see Nana's expression, but it was fine.
She knew she wasn't smiling, but she knew she wasn't sad either. Because that warmth that Mahiru was there for, she felt it too.
She hopes she does.