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Sousuke heaved a sigh as he entered his dorm room, having finally gotten rid of Kisumi. As much as he liked his friend, his only human friend, sometimes his energy was exhausting.
"You can come out now, Rin. Sorry for making you hide all day." He smiled as he watched the redhead materialize on his desk, sitting next to the little cake Kisumi had bought for him.
Rin simply smiled at him as he shrugged. "It's not a big deal. It helps me conserve energy, after all."
Sousuke walked over to Rin, reaching out to brush his hair behind his ear. As always, his hand phased through the hair as a chill settled in his fingers. His smile turned sad as he looked at Rin. "I must be stupid to keep trying that. I know I can never touch you."
"I'm sorry, Sou" Rin said, voice just above a whisper as he placed his hand on Sousuke's cheek.
The touch was barely there, as though an icy feather were caressing his cheek. Sousuke wished Rin's touches could be stronger, but it took too much energy to make him more tangible. They had tried once, just to see if Rin could do it. Sousuke still remembered how Rin's hand had felt on his arm; he also remembered the crippling loneliness that followed when Rin vanished for a full week. He had apologized profusely for disappearing, saying they could try again but Sousuke refused. He didn't know if he could handle another week without his friend.
"What're you thinking about, Sou?"
Rin's voice pulled Sousuke from his memories and he shook his head, smiling slightly. "Just thinking about how you've been in my life for ten years now,” he lied, not wanting Rin to be upset by what he had actually been thinking of. “We met on my eighth birthday, remember?"
"You thought I was some kind of angel because no one else could see me." At the memory, Rin broke out into a bright smile, laughing softly. "You seemed upset when I told you that I wasn't. And then you said you couldn't believe that someone so beautiful wasn't an angel." Snickering, Rin leaned forward, still grinning widely as he crowded into Sousuke’s personal space. “You were so cute.”
"Okay, okay! You remember! I shouldn't have brought that up." Sousuke groaned as he sat in his desk chair. It didn't help that despite being dead, Rin had one of the sharpest memories of anyone he knew. There was nothing Rin didn’t remember from their time together.
"Well, I thought it was cute." Rin laughed again, reaching out to ruffle Sousuke's hair. It felt more like a soft breeze than an actual touch but it was as good as they were going to get. "So," Rin continued, looking down at the little chocolate cake Kisumi had given him, "The birthday boy is finally older than me, huh?"
Sousuke frowned when he saw Rin’s previously happy smile replaced by one so sad he felt his heart break. “Rin…?”
“I’m so proud of you, Sou. You’re going to go so far, I know you are.” There was a slight tremor in Rin’s voice and he looked away quickly, though not before Sousuke caught those red eyes brim with tears.
“Hey, Rin, you know I – “ Sousuke started, only to find himself cut off when a pair of lips pressed desperately against his own. As soon as he tried to reciprocate, Rin was gone.
It took two weeks this time for Rin to reappear. Sousuke had to go looking for him, finally finding him sitting on the Matsuoka family grave, which sat on a cliff overlooking the ocean. He glanced briefly at the names carved into the stone – Toraichi and Rin – before fixing his gaze on Rin’s face. “Rin…”
“I would’ve been twenty-seven, y’know.” Rin didn’t look up as he spoke, voice almost drowned out by the sound of the sea.
Sousuke frowned as he stepped closer, trying to catch a glimpse of Rin’s expression. Before he could question him, Rin spoke up again.
“I would’ve gone pro, just like you are. I’d probably be nearing the end of my Olympic career. Maybe I’d even have a family. Instead, I’m stuck like this and I can’t even touch you without vanishing for who the fuck knows how long!” Rin’s voice broke on the last word as a weak sob passed his lips. “I thought I was over this…”
Stepping in front of him, Sousuke reached out to cup Rin’s cheeks, ignoring the icy air that threatened to freeze his fingers. “You don’t have to get over this. I can’t imagine what this must be like but… It might be selfish of me to say, but I’m glad you didn’t. Because then I wouldn’t have met you. You’ve always been supporting me and I just wish I could do something to help you in return.”
When Rin finally looked up, his defeated expression broke Sousuke’s heart. This was not the first time Sousuke wished that he could hold Rin close to comfort him and promise that everything would be okay.
“Rin, I love you,” he whispered, a sad smile working its way onto his face when Rin simply looked away.
“Idiot… I told you to stop that. You have so much ahead of you. I don’t want you to tie yourself to me,” Rin said, though the tears that slipped down his cheeks betrayed his real emotions.
“You’re a bad liar, Rin. Especially if you expect me to believe that after you kissed me.” Sighing, Sousuke stepped back to give Rin some space. “Come back to the dorms with me. No matter what you say, I intend to keep the promise I made last year. Even if I go pro and travel the world, I’ll always come back to you, Rin.”
Rin looked up at him, silent tears still slipping down his face as he stood up. “You’re an idiot,” he mumbled, wiping away the intangible tears. “I’ll keep my promise, too. I’ll always be here, waiting for you, even if I think you’re stupid.” A small smile broke his gloomy expression as he fell into step beside Sousuke.
Sousuke made good on his promise; between university and swimming for the national team and then the Olympics, he would always make time to come home to Sano. He would bring flowers for Rin’s grave, insisting on it even though Rin told him not to bother. He also brought his medals and the pride on Rin’s face when he showed him his first gold only caused his chest to ache with want.
Neither of them commented on Sousuke’s age and how his features matured and filled out as he entered his twenties. Sometimes Sousuke would catch Rin staring at him, his expression unreadable. It scared him, because on days like that Rin would be unresponsive and he was afraid he was losing him. But then the darkness would pass and Rin would be smiling once more and demanding that Sousuke tell him about his travels again.
They would try to kiss whenever Sousuke had to leave. The touch of lips was always too soft before Rin vanished, leaving Sousuke alone and aching for more.
It had been some time since Sousuke’s last visit, leaving Rin desperately wanting to see the other’s face again. He lurked around the dormitory of his school, hoping to hear someone gossiping about their Olympic medalist alumnus. As he passed the common room, he heard Sousuke’s name on the television and quickly ran into the room.
A group of boys were watching the news, whispering amongst themselves but Rin didn’t hear them. All he could hear was the reporter as she repeated her news.
“Olympic gold medalist Yamazaki Sousuke, age 27, was killed this morning in a tragic car accident. He was on his way to visit his family in Tottori prefecture.”
The world seemed to close in on Rin, muffling sound and blurring his sight as he fought to keep from screaming. He pictured his grave, squeezing his eyes shut as he felt the pull drag him back to his remains.
Slumping forward on the ground, Rin screamed, voice raw in his anguish. He watched his tears fall to the ground, vanishing before they hit the dirt and he hated himself for falling in love with Yamazaki Sousuke.
This wasn’t what he had been expecting when he had promised to wait for Sousuke. Rin had been expecting Sousuke to grow old, to live a long and fulfilling life but instead this is what happened. He couldn’t help but wonder if he had somehow cursed the human by having him interact with the dead so much. The living had no business with the dead, yet Rin had never been able to push Sousuke away. Now it might have cost Sousuke his life.
“Rin.”
The voice startled Rin out of his self-loathing and he looked around, confused. The only people who came up here to talk to his grave were his mother and sister… and Sousuke.
Whipping around, Rin found himself face to face with Sousuke and he felt another wave of tears wash over him. He ran forward, throwing himself at Sousuke as he wrapped his arms around him. When he felt strong arms wrap around him and hold him against a solid frame, Rin lost any composure he might have had, burying his face in Sousuke’s shoulder and sobbing.
“Th-This isn’t what I wanted when I said I’d wait for you, stupid!” Rin weakly slapped his hand against Sousuke’s arm, torn between being upset and marveling at the fact that they could finally touch.
“I know, Rin…” Sousuke smiled softly as he cupped Rin’s face. “I can’t believe I can finally touch you.” The awe in Sousuke’s voice would have made Rin blush if he was still alive.
Instead, he shoved Sousuke gently before pulling him down for a real, proper kiss. It was soft and gentle where Rin had been expecting desperation but he wasn’t about to complain. Not after so many years of wanting this.
When they pulled away, Sousuke gently brushed his thumbs over Rin’s cheeks, wiping away any remaining tears. “I never wanted to make you cry like this,” he murmured, smiling sadly.
“Stupid… I would have cried even if you had been old and gray when you passed.” Rin leaned up to steal a quick kiss. “I think… I think I can actually move on. I stopped being tied to my regrets a long time ago. You were my new reason for staying. And before you apologize,” Rin said, cutting Sousuke off the second he opened his mouth, “I don’t regret it. I wanted to stay with you, even if we couldn’t touch. I think I wanted to move on with you.”
Sousuke stared at him for a moment, brows creased as he frowned before sighing. “You romantic idiot,” he said, finally smiling properly. “I’d be more than happy to move on with you.”
“Who knows, maybe the gods will be kind and we’ll be reborn together.” Rin grinned as he spoke, fighting back a laugh as Sousuke rolled his eyes.
“Like I said, romantic idiot,” Sousuke grumbled, though his smile never faded.
Still grinning, Rin pulled Sousuke down into another kiss as a soft, white light enveloped both of them.