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1971, that was the first year in which Remus John Lupin went to Hogwarts, school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. How curious he was at that time, after all, he was separated from the wizarding world the day his mother left, after his father’s death. Everything was new for him, and he felt like a fish out of water, thirsty to discover everything. But how painful it was going to be, because since he was four, the young boy got bitten by a werewolf, making his life a nightmare. No one except Dumbledore, Mrs Pomfresh and his house teacher should know about his condition. That was the plan for all his years in Hogwarts. But 1971 was also the year where Remus’ life changed for the first time due to Hogwarts; he made his first ever friends. Peter Oliver Pettigrew, James Fleamont Potter and Sirius Orion Black. Remus would have never guessed how much those boys would matter to him.
Rapidly, Remus found himself being fond of those boys, they were a group and not like any group : they were the marauders. Planning mischief everywhere they could, really and he loved them. Peter was a nice boy even though he was shy, the young boy needed more confidence and he used a lot to seek the sun’s shine. James was the most extravagant of the group, he was full of life always bringing his friends with him anywhere especially to quidditch practices even though as they were first years, they couldn’t play yet. And there was Sirius, him and Remus were worlds apart. Sirius comes from a pureblood family, Remus was orphan. One grew up with magic, the other grew apart from it. But there was something alluring about Sirius for Remus, maybe it was how the black haired boy was so carefree even though he seemed to hide a part of darkness within him? But it was no wonder, Sirius was from the Noble House of Black, and behind his back James made it clear that it wasn’t a warm and joyful family.
Throughout the years, the boys eventually discovered Remus' conditions and he really thought that his world could end but it didn’t. They helped him through it, helping him with excuses for class, excuses for their classmates or defending him as some used to make fun of Remus by calling him Loony Lupin. After all, the marauders always had each other’s backs. It was them, and only them : Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. The bond was even stronger with all the pranks they made and their map that no one but them could use, the marauders’ map which was never wrong as it was extremely useful.
1974 was the year in which Remus started to feel weird about Sirius. But he couldn’t place a finger on it. He was drawn to the black haired boy and everything felt light and magic with him but what was that? Remus couldn’t understand and he wouldn’t search any further. After all, he was the moon, and the moon wasn’t the star’s best friend, the sun was. Because the star and the sun could shine in a way that moon couldn’t. Even though Remus was content with his friendship with Sirius, the boy felt that something was missing. But it was in 1975, where that strange feeling was broken for Remus. He no longer felt any kind of attraction nor friendship towards Sirius as this one betrayed his secret. He had told Severus Snape about his werewolf condition, the greasy haired boy could have died that night. Remus hated him but he also hated himself because deep down, he still was fond of the black haired boy. How complicated it was, really, Sirius was his friend but this one couldn’t keep his secret. Werewolves weren’t well seen for the muggles, and even though the wizarding society can see the magic in this world, it didn’t mean that they also accepted Remus’ kind. It felt like his world had just begun and was already destroyed because of the heir of the Black family and his unshutting stupid mouth. Remus could see himself leaving Hogwarts because no one would accept to attend a school if there was a werewolf in it. Maybe his orphanage would accept him back?
But that was not how the Hogwarts’ spirit was and for some reason, Dumbledore wanted Remus to stay at Hogwarts. So he stayed. That year wasn’t easy for the marauders. During the full moons, everyone was here for Remus, everyone but Sirius. He wasn’t allowed to come, Remus couldn’t bear the sight of his stupid yet curiously gorgeous face. And the marauders could have just ended then if it wasn’t because of James, he was like that gold powder used to fix broken things. James Fleamont Potter truly was magic, just like the sun, he could reunite people and bring back the beauty of a day after a disastrous storm. Eventually, after a coldness as hard as a blizzard from Remus’ part, Sirius gained back his place in the moon’s heart. That special and unknown place. Sirius knew he messed up, and he was genuinely depressed for his friend, he knew how much he hurted Remus and how he broke his trust.
It was in 1976, at the end of their sixth year that Remus thought that his life was going to change again. He knew he liked his friends very much, they were his reasons to live in a way, without them, he was nothing. But Sirius ? Oh, Sirius was his whole world. A whole constellation wasn’t as pretty as Sirius for Remus’ eyes. He wasn’t just that rebellious little boy who Remus once met back in 1971. No, Sirius was so much more than that; he was complex, smart, incredible and, blimey, how beautiful he was. It was when their lips met for the first time, during a party in the common room that Remus knew how much a star and the moon could shine together in harmony.
Remus really thought about it, thought about how nice life could be after Hogwarts. He didn’t even worry about his condition because he knew that with Sirius, he could go through anything.
They were all excited for the 80s. James had gotten married to the most brightest witch of their age : Lily Jade Evans. They even had a baby on the route. Peter was assuring everyone that he could live nicely after Hogwarts, that he would be okay. Remus and Sirius were planning to go see their favourite artists' concerts : Bowie, Queen, The Cure… They even got their own flat, their own little heaven on earth. But their heaven was mostly their way to escape from the war and their plan became dreams and hopes. It was a dark time for the wizarding world and then, a little sunshine appeared in their time of darkness.
Before, Remus’ favourite voices were Sirius’ and Bowie’s, but now what he loved the most was the sound of James and Lily’s son’s giggles. It brought back some life to their lives, and Merlin knew how much life was hard, how many losses they had to go through… Harry James Potter, that was a name Remus promised himself he will never forget, because that baby wasn’t only the Potter’s kid but the Marauders’ heir too. Sirius was already teaching him how to cause mischief and James was already feeling sorry for Minnie due to all the things he put her through, but how proud he was of his son. Sadly, Remus wouldn’t get to see Harry anymore. The Order of the Phoenix needed to hide the Potters and only one knew where.
If it was in 1976 that Remus thought that his life had changed, then 1981 would be the end of it. And it was. That was when he had lost everything that let him keep going; his friends. He already had gone through too many losses, but them? The marauders were supposed to be immortal, legends were supposed to never die. But James Potter did, and so did Peter. They were dead and moving on was going to be hard for Remus, but what he knew would be unforgettable is how Sirius betrayed them. Remus felt disgusted, Sirius wasn’t better than his family and maybe he was planning this from the beginning. Since Hogwarts, it was all a lie. Their friendship, their conversations… Their intimate moments, their kisses… None of it was real. Sirius Orion Black was the one who sold the Potters, was the one to murder twelve muggles and their friend, Peter. Nothing was left, nothing but Harry who got sent away right after the 31st October by Dumbledore, but Remus didn’t even realise it. He was too drowned in shock to learn about his friends’ death. Remus could still hear James’ laughter and could still see Lily’s kind gaze over any souls. At least, the couple had bodies to bury. Peter had none. Only a finger left. That cruel bastard of Black. Remus hated Sirius, but he mostly hated himself for falling in love with him.
After 1981, Remus John Lupin was utterly alone, the moon no longer had its star to shine with, and the sun was nowhere in sight. No more friendship, no more love, no more magic. His existence was only about pain and memories.
Yet, here he was again, Remus John Lupin went to Hogwarts, school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, travelling inside the Hogwarts Express. But this time, Remus didn’t come here as a student but as a teacher. Who could really have thought about it? Loony Lupin a teacher? Remus knew that it was going to be painful to come back here but Dumbledore asked him to. Because what Dumbledore said was what everyone had to follow. And following was what Remus needed to do since Black got out of Azkaban. Just the thought of it was enough to give him nausea, not only because Black was the one who ended Remus’ life, but also because he was mostly the one who gave it a meaning. As the Hogwarts Express moved, Remus soothes himself but he swore to have seen him with him, in the same train’s compartment. That was impossible, James Potter was dead. No, this messy and wild black hair and those bright green eyes, it was no one else but Harry. The boy that Remus promised himself thirteen years ago to never forget.
Remus was right, 1993 was a painful year. Not only because Hogwarts was where Remus felt the most at home during his teenage years, but because Harry was a constant reminder of what happened. The poor boy was oblivious of it, and Remus' heart sank each time he saw him. Remus wasn’t his uncle Moony anymore, he was only his teacher, a simple stranger. As painful as it was to be near Harry, Remus loved that kid as much as he did back then, and this time, he would be there and would sacrifice his life for the boy if he had to. Harry needed protection from Black. It was funny though, to see how similar Harry was to his father especially when Remus saved Harry at night from getting detention by Snape and his heart warmed even more to see him with the marauders’ map. What Remus ignored is how that night would have a bittersweet taste. Harry saw a name on the map and not any name ; Peter’s. Harry doubted the map, of course he did because it made no sense, Peter Pettigrew was dead a decade ago. But Remus knew better. The map was never wrong.
Remus understood that once again, everything was a lie. Nothing was real. He felt lost and betrayed again, but deep down, he felt relieved. It meant that something was real; Sirius was real and genuine. Even though Sirius was innocent, it couldn’t erase everything Remus had been through those last years, so he would not forget his main goal : protect Harry Potter. He knew something was up, so he followed the trio that night. If only Remus knew that his past was waiting for him, in that dark and shrieking shack. And yet, here he was. Remus helped him to get up and without thinking twice, hugged him, his forever soulmate. It felt like eternity and he felt the selfish wish to kiss him again, because he longed for those sensations he once knew and he didn’t feel scared anymore. But Harry and his friend were here, and most importantly, Peter was here. Explanations were needed, Harry deserved to know the truth and they caught Peter. Remus felt too many emotions at the sight of the true traitor ; anger, sadness, betrayal but there was something more inked in his mind : revenge. And someone was sharing this same feeling: Sirius wanted to be the one to avenge his late best friend by himself. Sirius and Remus all together were darkness, but through it was sunshine. Harry stood between them. Peter killed his parents but that man used to be friends with them, he just couldn’t let Peter die. They reunited again, if it wasn’t for the full moon that night.
When Remus woke up, Peter escaped, Sirius and Harry were safe but too many people knew about his condition. Dumbledore accepted him quitting, it didn’t matter as the position as DADA teacher was cursed anyway. Though, his heart couldn’t stop but flutter as it used to do, and he felt like a foolish teenage boy as if those wasted years could be spent again just because he had seen him again. So he chose to stay beside Sirius’ side when Dumbledore ordered him to stay at Grimmauld’s place. It was weird, just the sight of Sirius and the knowledge that he wasn’t the one who betrayed his friends acted as if it erased the last decade, as if Remus were never miserable. The moon had its star back, and for nothing in the world it would let it go again. They knew war began again, but for a time, Sirius and Remus couldn’t care less about it. They were finally back together after twelve years, Remus would never be alone again for any full moons.
It was nice and lovely, just the two of them when the order of the phoenix wouldn’t reunite in the house. They chatted, kissed, cuddled and Remus updated Sirius on Bowie music’s evolution. Grimmauld’s place wasn’t like their old flat, they were no longer in heaven but the two of them were still able to create their cocoon out of chaos. Remus missed the feeling of Sirius in his arms, missed how much that man could light up his whole world. It was nice until it lasted, because the war was at the door and they had a kid to protect. No, the moon and the star couldn’t take the sun’s place to help the earth to evolve, but they would shine as much as possible for it. And help they did, when Harry turned fourteen and got sorted for the Triwizard Tournament, when he and his friend Ronald got into a fight, Sirius even bought Harry a suit and gave it to Molly to stay hidden. The couple lived together like they dreamed to when they were sixteen and they had their routine : Sirius would wait for Remus to get home from his missions for the order and would try to be useful while Remus couldn’t wait to get home to his lover. He longed for those nights with him.
That night in 1995, Remus knew that he would always be longing for Sirius. Fate could be cruel against him when it wanted because this time, his star just stopped shining. He held Harry tight, the only person Remus had left. This kid must live. It was going to be hard. Oh, and how hard it was because Sirius was really dead and there was nothing left from him, nothing but memories and feelings. Alone again in bed, in life, in this gloomy house that was Grimmauld’s place and mostly, alone during full moons. Remus hated it just like he did when his friends died, but at least, he was alone without the thought of his lover being a traitor. He knew how real it was this time and he knew that he had to move on.
Everything happened fast, Remus was lost and only the shadow of himself. Lost in alcohol and reckless decisions before having a talk with Harry. Young but wise in his own way, Remus cried a lot as he felt closer to his old friend, Lily. Remus met someone though, a wife even. She was nice, smart, funny and he truly liked her but deep down, Remus wanted to give his life for the war. Which he did.
1998, that was the last year in which Remus John Lupin went to Hogwarts, school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He fought like a madman. He fought for the school and its students, for peace and freedom, for his memories, for his friend, for his son, for his wife… for his lost soulmate. Hogwarts was dear to him, he couldn’t let the dark force destroy everything he lived for and everything other wizards could live for. Hogwarts changed his life so many times… too many times but Remus was grateful for it. While lying on the ground, Remus’ dead eyes were staring at only one thing : a star shining in the night sky. How ironic and beautiful it was, Remus Lupin’s life began and ended here, at Hogwarts.
The moon thought all its life that it couldn’t shine as much as the star, but the truth was that the moon could only shine with it.