Chapter Text
Elixir: (noun) (1) a substance held capable of prolonging life indefinitely; (2) cure all; a medicinal concoction
*****
Hershey, Pennsylvania
When Laura Bishop received the offer to be a part of her former mentor’s clinical research, she was excited to be chosen. Months were spent writing grant proposals and importing data into a spreadsheet. She poured hours of her life into going through personal files of individuals that they were considering to be a part of their treatment group. She placed her full faith and trust in her mentor, Doctor Matterson. She was attentive as she listened to the other specialists in her field, observing and analyzing how they moved through this process.
It was her first time, being given the chance to participate in clinical research. Her undergrad years were spent tirelessly bemoaning over Organic Chemistry, taking on the work of her lab partners, and on rarer occasions entertaining herself at a party or two. Med school was even more stressful. Post-med school was depressing.
Job offers were not filling her inbox. On the off chance she got an interview, it never went further than that. So when the call came from Dr. Matterson, she answered with zero hesitation.
Looking back, she wished she had hesitated.
Now she was standing outside the nursery, feeling every bit of guilt and regret for her part in this research. When she found out that they would be experimenting on a mother and her unborn child, she listed out countless reasons why they shouldn’t take those risks. Secretly, she explained the risks to the parents. She was aware it was not within her right to do that, but she couldn’t allow herself to let them enter a program at such a grievous risk.
She told Phillip and Margaret that there was a high risk for both mother and child, should they go through with this trial. They had looked at her with confounded disinterest. Of course she was aware that this was their last hope for their son, Daniel. However, they didn’t know the magnitude of this experiment.
There had not been any successful trials.
It was a highly unsafe and unethical process to subject a mother and her unborn child to their experiment. However, it didn't matter to them and Dr. Matterson fed off of their fear and hope.
Everyone else in Laura's team did not share her same frustrations or concerns.
So when it came time for Margaret to go into labor everyone - except her - fled to the delivery room excited to see if one of their experiments worked…or better yet lived. Dr. Matterson still referred to the baby as an experiment.
Staring at the baby swaddled in a blue and pink striped blanket, she knew that at least the baby was alive and well. Unlike the other cribs in the nursery, his was unmarked. There was no name printed out on his small crib.
She felt sad at that oversight or rather negligence of the parents and Dr. Matterson. If she knew what the baby's name was, she would have written it on that small name card. Unfortunately, it had to remain blank.
The least she could do for the baby was keep him company, while Dr. Matterson was still in the room with the Buckleys addressing the next steps for the trial.
What a sad way to enter the world, alone and already burdened with expectations. She drew closer to the glass window, separating herself from the newborn babies. Her eyes sharpened as she caught a small bandage on a tiny arm that managed to escape the tight cocoon it was wrapped in.
Surely, they couldn’t have tested his blood so soon. They were deliriously focused on a ground-breaking science that they couldn’t even take a second to comfort the baby. He had barely entered this world, before they were already trying to see if he…if it worked.
Wrapped up in her thoughts, she was unaware of the added company of a small child until she heard her name being called out.
“Dr. Bishop,” a frail voice whispered.
Turning her head down, she was shocked to see Daniel out of his room. If his parents knew he left his room, they were going to be terrified out of their minds.
“Daniel, what are you doing out here? Aren’t you supposed to be in your room?” she questioned, looking around for a nurse that might have accompanied him. “Where’s Maddie? Did you leave her in the room by herself? Come on, I’ll walk you back to your room.”
“Can we stay here for a little longer at least until my mom and dad come for him? I don’t want him to be alone,” he said, voice muffled by the mask he wore. “Besides, Maddie is sleeping. I didn’t want to wake her up.”
She knew she should have told him no, but she shared the same thoughts. She didn’t want the youngest Buckley to be by himself, even though he was sleeping and unaware of the new world he was just brought into.
“Okay, but only for a few minutes. Then we’re going back to your room,” she told him.
Daniel nodded his head, eyes glinting with a brightness that she had not seen in a while. Part of her time in this research had been spent getting to know the two Buckley children. Daniel with his warmth and affinity to make jokes was different from his sister who was more reserved and introspective.
The two of them remained silent as they observed the youngest Buckley. She only commented, when Daniel asked her what the nurses were doing as they checked on his brother. Daniel listened with all the careful attention a child his age could as she began to explain.
When the time came for them to leave, Laura turned to Daniel and prepared them to head back to his room. However, before she could say anything Daniel stopped her. He reached out and clutched the bottom of her shirt.
“Dr. Bishop,” he softly addressed.
“Yes, Daniel?”
“You have to promise me something,” Daniel said.
In her line of work, she knew never to promise anything. However, she was curious as to what he wanted.
“What is it?”
Daniel swallowed with a little difficulty and chased after the words he was trying to say.
“You have to promise me that you won’t let them hurt my baby brother,” he sadly urged, turning wide eyes full of tears toward her. “Mom and dad talk a lot, when they think I’m sleeping. They said it might hurt him. I don’t want it to hurt…not like it hurts me.”
“Daniel…”
“I’m not going to live very long,” Daniel said, speaking with the growth and maturity of someone far older than someone of Laura’s own age. “I don’t want him hurting for the short time I’m here. He should always be happy.”
Laura’s breath caught in her chest and she had to blink away her tears at hearing a child’s easy acceptance of death in relation to themselves. It hurt with a debilitating agony that made her want to shout to the sky and ask why the world was so cruel as to harm a child so kind and joyful.
“Daniel, I know you don’t want your baby brother to get hurt. However, your parents are going to make that decision. I am sure they will do everything in their power to make sure your brother is safe and always happy,” she tried assuring him, but she must not have been successful in placating his worries.
“I don’t know if that’s true,” he murmured. “But I’m his big brother and I have to protect him…even if…even if it’s from mom and dad. Dad always says I’m a superhero, when I get my blood drawn or have to take medicine. That means I’m super strong.”
“You are super strong,” she praised.
“But he’s a baby. He’s not strong,” he said as his frown deepened on his face. “So I gotta save him so no one can ever hurt him. Can you promise to help me?”
“Daniel…”
“Can you promise to be his superhero, when I’m not here anymore?”
She rapidly blinked her eyes, trying and failing to stop herself from crying. Many times she found herself realizing that she was not well equipped to be in this line of work. This was one of those moments.
“Daniel, you are going to grow into a very healthy young boy and you’re going to be the best big brother ever. You’ll be able to protect him for a very long time,” she kindly said, reprimanding herself for making the hint of a promise.
“Okay, but if I don’t…can you be his superhero?” he asked.
She was about to steel herself to answer, when she heard the stressed voice of Phillip Buckley ring through the hallways.
“Daniel! I just ‘bout had a heart attack looking for you. Maddie woke up and said you were gone, when she woke up. Let’s get you back to the room,” Phillip said, hurrying over to grab Daniel. “Dr. Bishop.”
She ignored the look of consternation on his face as he acknowledged her presence. She smiled at him, in favor of keeping up appearances in front of Daniel. Phillip seemed to do the same and smiled brightly at his son, pulling his cap over his ears and further down his forehead.
“Can we stay and watch the baby a little longer?” Daniel implored, this time directing the question to his dad.
“Not right now, bud. It’s time for your medicine, so we have to head back. We can come visit him later, okay?”
Even still the newborn baby was unnamed. She wondered how long they would go without giving him a name.
Daniel pouted in disappointment, but nodded at the offer. The two of them walked away, leaving Laura to stand by herself once more. Her head turned back toward them, when Daniel called out for her. She walked over to him, when she saw him hold out something in his hands.
“Here, can you give this to him later? All the babies have bracelets except him,” Daniel said, removing the small beaded bracelet that she had caught him and Maddie making one night in the children’s playroom. “I don’t want him to be left out.”
“I’ll make sure to give it to him,” she kindly said.
“Good and make sure to remember our promise,” he said, holding out his pinkie finger.
However, before she could think of raising her hand up and linking her pinkie with his, Phillip gently pulled Daniel back down the hallway. As she watched them leave, she found herself wondering what she would have done if Phillip had waited only a second later to walk away.
Laura didn’t have to worry much longer over whether she would be able to fulfill that promise or not because four days later the choice was taken out of her hands.
Buck couldn’t say he was having the best day. However, he certainly wasn’t having the worst day either. It was an unfortunate problem he had been experiencing, since Gerrard took over as Captain of the 118. Most of his days were spent occupied in this dissociative state of limbo. Oftentimes, he went through the day begging for a moment that would snap himself out of the haze he succumbed to.
Calls he would otherwise enjoy became meaningless. It felt like he was moving through the world as a speck of dust, completely unnoticeable until someone either ran their fingers over a discarded piece of furniture or someone’s allergies began acting up.
Ever since he pushed — saved Gerrard — he found himself inching toward a war within his mind.
While he laid on the ground, the briefest thought came to him that he could leave him there. He could watch Gerrard’s head wound gradually grow worse the longer they didn’t attend to it. He had gotten up and stood over him, wondering for a second whether Gerrard was deserving of his help.
His nails bit into the palm of his skin, sharp enough to draw forth blood. However, he didn’t kneel back down and press his hand against the wound in efforts to heal him. Instead he stayed motionless, stuck in the same rigid posture Gerrard often commanded him to stand in.
Hen had taken charge and Chimney followed her instruction. Eddie followed them, only stopping to press his hand over Buck’s shoulder. Then he left with them as well. Buck didn’t follow them even as they got into the engine. He heard his name being called out, but he couldn’t move.
He had pushed…no he saved Gerrard. That’s all he needed to do. He didn’t need to heal his wound. He had done enough, but then he felt shame.
Who was he to decide who was undeserving or deserving of the gift planted inside him? Wasn’t it his purpose to not use his gift sparingly?
As the engine pulled out of the garage, he resolved to never answer those questions. It wouldn’t do him any good to ruminate on those thoughts that were quickly sending him into a dark place.
Besides, Gerrard was back and healthy like he had never been injured. He didn’t need Buck’s healing. He was fine. If anything, Gerrard seemed to relish in his near death experience. For others, that moment might have led them to take another look at how they moved in the world and how they treated those around them. Unfortunately, Gerrard viewed that experience as though he was invincible. He had envisioned himself as above man — impenetrable and invincible.
Buck stopped himself from wanting to test Gerrard’s newfound power. He couldn’t allow his thoughts to vibrantly illustrate moments that disproved that Gerrard was invincible. He shouldn’t listen to the sound of metal whip through the air like a charged electric force and bite into the rough contours of Gerrard’s body.
If he had meant to save him, those thoughts wouldn’t be dominating his mind. His head hurt every time those thoughts swirled in his mind like a raging storm. It was a painful throb that thumped in tandem with how his heart beat loudly against his chest, when he first stood over Gerrad’s body.
He wondered if his mind quickly course corrected his thoughts to protect him because he couldn’t have meant to harm Gerrard. His innate goodness had not been eroded by Gerrad’s influence. He had not wavered under Gerrad’s pressure. He did not surrender to vengeful temptations that relentlessly urged him to push.
Push.
Push.
Push.
He thought he didn’t succumb to those vengeful temptations, but maybe he had. Had he removed himself away from his body and granted vengeance complete control? Did he submit all his agency and authority over into vengeance’s hand?
No, he saved him.
Gerrard was safe because of him.
He had pushed vengeance away. He didn’t push Gerrard. He meant to save him and he had.
Save.
Save.
Save.
And yet the lines were too blurry for him to decipher what four letter word could be attributed to that moment. He had one that oddly enough, encompassed both of them at the same time.
Liar.
Even Gerrard didn’t thank him for getting him out of harm’s way. If there was one thing Buck would be grateful toward Gerrard for, it would be that. He’d rather never receive his sincere thanks, especially given that Buck reenacted that moment in his dreams. And in those dreams Buck had been a second too late in pushing Gerrard to the ground. He woke up from his dreams with a smile on his face. Then he frowned, when the deep-seated guilt took over the joy from that dream.
He needed to push those thoughts aside. It took up too much space in his mind, but it was hard to do so every time Gerrard made his appearance known.
Buck wanted to scream every time he saw Chimney hold back a scathing word because Gerrard said he was getting a headache from how dirty the floors were.
He wanted to force him down, grab a tweezer, and pluck every single strand of Gerrard's mustache with a painstaking slowness whenever Gerrard would tell Hen it was her turn to make lunch…because lately it was always her turn.
And he wanted to pour the cleaning solvent they used for the engine down Gerrard’s throat, when he so much as looked in Eddie’s direction.
Yet he held those thoughts back. He chose to separate himself from what was going on around him because if he continued to be present he might have found a way to actually get himself fired.
So now he was sitting in the loft, listening to everyone recount what they did on their 48 hours off. Buck had been content to listen to them. He found a simple, but soothing sort of peace as he listened to his friends talk about what they did.
He tried reading a book, while they talked but gave up when he began reading the same sentence for the sixth time.
He looked down at his palms, while Hen talked about her family going to the zoo with Chimney’s family. Eddie told her it’d be fun, if they could make a trip with all of the kids, once Christopher came home.
Buck smiled loosely at that, glad that Eddie was becoming hopeful that Christopher would return home soon. It had taken Eddie some time to express hopeful anticipation for Christopher’s arrival, in fear that somehow the world would hear it and make sure that desire was never fulfilled because he didn’t deserve such happiness.
Buck had quickly told him that Christopher would return home soon. He also hoped that Christopher would at least send some sign to Eddie that he was thinking of returning. Because that call on his birthday was heartbreaking for Buck and he could only imagine how hard it was for Eddie. However, the heartbreak was abated, when Christopher called that next day and told them all about the presents he received from his friends and family. It was an improvement from having no calls a week.
He broke himself from his thoughts in order to meet Eddie’s gaze, grinning as he nodded in agreement. It would be nice to find something all the kids enjoyed and let them have fun together. Despite knowing each other for years, they never planned anything outside of dinners or celebrations for birthdays and the sort.
“What about you Buck?” Hen questioned, interrupting his silent observations.
“Me?”
“Yeah, what did you do on your day off?” Chimney questioned, taking a bite out of his apple. “You must have been pretty busy because Maddie said you weren’t able to watch Jee yesterday. But she didn’t tell me what you were up to. Have any fun plans?”
His eyes immediately cut to Eddie, who was staring down at the phone in his hands even though it was turned off. He bit the inside of his cheek, moving his head to the side.
“I was out with Tommy. He had a few days off and we haven’t been able to spend time together,” Buck explained.
“I thought that you've been hanging out a lot with him and Eddie. Didn’t you do something together last weekend?” Chimney asked, biting off a piece of his apple and dipping it into the peanut butter jar.
Buck scrunched up his nose. Okay, that’s where Jee learned how to make her apple and peanut butter snack. He tried cutting up apples for her and putting a spoonful of peanut butter on her plate. One could only imagine his horror when he turned around to see his niece biting off a huge chunk of her apple and dipping her tiny hands, that held the apple, into the peanut butter jar. It had been adorable and mildly unsanitary with Jee. Chimney doing the same thing was not adorable in the slightest.
“I think he meant he hasn’t been able to spend alone time with him,” Hen whispered, being careful not to look in Eddie’s direction.
However, that didn’t mean Eddie couldn’t hear Hen. He shrugged his shoulders and smiled, making light of the situation.
“It’s good for any relationship to be able to spend some time alone. Wouldn’t want to infringe on their happiness…or for their chance to be something good. I mean not that I…would have the power to come between…I…wait — umm not to say my presence would cause any…” he trailed off, losing all of the confidence he had in his voice.
Buck set down the book he was reading, in order to try and make sense of what Eddie was trying to say.
“We get it, Eddie. We understand what you’re trying to say,” Hen kindly stated, moving over to sit beside him.
No, “we” do not understand, was what Buck wanted to say. He couldn’t make sense out of Eddie’s stuttered rambling.
How could he tell Eddie that he could care less about what him coming along to their hangouts meant to his and Tommy’s relationship? Although, a nagging thought in his brain pushed him to question why he continuously referred to them as hangouts. They were initially dates, but he couldn’t say he was bringing Eddie along to their dates. It didn’t sit right with him for some unfathomable reason.
They were all friends hanging out. Tommy understood, when Buck initially came to him asking if he wouldn’t mind Eddie coming along with them to the bar. Then he kept bringing Eddie along and Tommy slowly grew less understanding. However, he never complained more than saying he wished they had more time to themselves.
It was Eddie who hadn’t appeared to be fine. He quickly made excuses, whenever Buck wanted to make plans that included all of them. Then Eddie began making excuses, when Buck wanted it to just be the two of them, claiming that he was busy.
Eddie was not busy and he was well aware that Buck knew about his open availability. They shared a calendar. However, he allowed Eddie to pretend. He would talk to him later, if it continued to go on like this.
He turned away from Chimney and his odd way of consuming his healthy snack so that he could look at Eddie.
“You weren’t infringing on our time together. Tommy and I already have hard schedules to work around. But yeah, umm I spent those two days with Tommy,” Buck responded. “One of his friends opened up a restaurant in San Diego, so we made a trip out of it.”
“That sounds nice. Did you enjoy your time?” Hen asked.
Buck shrugged. He hadn’t enjoyed his time. There wasn’t anything necessarily enjoyable about doing the same thing they would usually do at home.
“It was alright. The weather was nice,” he commented. “What about you, Eddie? What’d you do?”
He wanted to redirect the conversation and also see whether Eddie remembered correctly the excuse he had originally given to Buck, when he asked him about his plans on his day off.
“Oh, you know. Just things,” he murmured.
“Just things?” Buck inquired, narrowing his eyes at him. “Gotta give us more than that because now I’m curious.”
“I cleaned around the house mostly. Took care of some bills. Didn’t have as much of an exciting time on my days off like you all did,” he dryly laughed.
Okay, he didn’t lie about his plans. Oddly, that made Buck feel disappointed. He would have stayed behind to help Eddie clean or sort through bills. That would have been more fun than his trip to San Diego.
While the others switched to talking about bills and the American economy, Buck tried giving the book he was reading one more chance to grab his attention. Finally, he was able to move on from that one sentence he was struggling to move past.
He flipped the page, wincing as the paper sharply slid into the space between his thumb and index finger. He pulled his hand up to his face, blowing on the small cut. He didn’t look up, until he felt Eddie grab his hand and smooth a band-aid down onto the infinitesimal cut.
“You have to stop turning the pages so fast. Relax, the pages aren’t going to get up and run away from you,” Eddie teased, crushing the band-aid wrapper in his hand and standing up to throw it away.
He closed the book, making sure to bookmark it on chapter six. He placed the book underneath his arm and stood up to follow Eddie.
“I’m a fast reader,” he responded, looking down at the bright pink band-aid Eddie placed on his hand. “I can’t help it.”
Eddie raised an eyebrow at him. “I know you can’t. That’s why I always keep these band-aids on me, whenever you’re reading.”
That’s why the band-aid was pink instead of the flesh colored ones they kept in stock at the station. Eddie made it a habit of buying colorful ones for Christopher and had never made the switch to flesh colored ones, even when he became older.
He stared at the band-aid, almost missing Eddie’s concerned voice asking, “Are you okay? You’ve been looking lost this whole shift.”
He was about to say something, but was interrupted by Gerrard’s croaking. He sighed, turning around to see Gerrard walk up the steps.
“When I offered to extend lunch by ten minutes, I didn’t expect you all to use this time to lollygag. If you are all done running your mouths like little girls on the schoolyard, you can head back to your chores. Han, make sure you mop the floors three times. It’s only during the second clean that the floors begin to shine,” Gerrard demanded, stepping past Buck on his way to grab a water bottle out of the refrigerator.
“Yes, Captain,” Chimney curtly responded, sharing a glance with all of them before heading down to the garage.
Gerrard looked back toward all of them. “Is there any reason you all are still standing here?”
His eyes traveled toward Buck and then down to the book under his arm. He knew Gerrard wanted to say something, the moment he caught a brief glimpse of the heroine on the cover with the title engraved in loose cursive. However, Gerrard silently turned away from him.
Part of Buck was disappointed. He was itching for a fight and he wanted a chance to finally answer the question whether he meant to push or save Gerrard.
Eddie grabbed his elbow and guided him away from Gerrard. “Come on, Buck."
“You two can’t do your work without being attached to the hip?” Gerrard mocked.
Buck clenched his jaw and tried turning around, but Eddie’s tight grip on his elbow prevented him from doing that. He wanted to wrap his hands around Gerrard’s neck and place pressure there until his face turned red.
He wondered if Gerrard wanted to do the same — if he wanted to challenge Buck and see for himself whether that was an attempt to save or to push him. However, neither got the chance to settle that question.
“Let it go,” Eddie whispered as he led them downstairs. “How about you tell me what we should start with?”
Buck let tension bleed out of his shoulders as he began thinking back to their list of chores. Fine, he could use his chores as a distraction. He could keep his focus centered and his hands busy.
He set his book aside in his locker and then went back into the garage, so he could start on his chores. He grabbed his clipboard that had a list of inventory that he needed to check. He went through the list with Eddie and time flew away for a few hours as they went through their everything. He didn’t stop for a single second, until he felt his phone vibrate.
He made sure Gerrard wasn’t around, before he checked to see who texted him.
“Who was that?” Eddie questioned, placing back the ice packs in their med-kit.
“Tommy wants to grab lunch tomorrow,” Buck said, putting his phone back into his pocket. “I’ll answer him later. I was already thinking about doing something else tomorrow. Plus we hung out with each other two days in a row. Surely, he doesn't want to see me again in that short time.”
“Aww, I miss the honeymoon phase when all you want to do is spend every single waking moment with each other,” Hen wistfully sighed.
“I don’t think you’d call what’s between me and Tommy a honeymoon phase,” Buck shortly laughed. “Can you grab me that bottle?”
“Yeah,” Eddie said, reaching over to hand him the bottle he needed.
It must have been slightly open because some of the cleaning solvent fell onto his hand. He hissed as his cut stung, from getting the cleaning solvent in it. He pulled back the band-aid that had begun to slip off sometime during his time checking inventory.
He frowned as he looked down to see his paper cut still there. Usually, a cut like that would have healed within a few seconds. It was highly unusual for it to still be there and for it to sting.
He brushed that concern aside as he heard the alarms go off. Quickly, all of them placed what they were working on to the side as Gerrard came running down the stairs. He ignored the whispered thought hoping that he would trip and tumble down the stairs.
All of them rushed to get in the truck as they headed to their call.
Buck’s heart shot to his throat, when he learned where they were heading.
“Hey, isn’t that where Bobby is filming today?” Buck questioned as they pulled out of the garage.
Bobby had kept them updated in their 118 group chat. They didn’t have him in their group message, when he was their captain. However, they decided to add him so they could get updated on what he was doing and vice versa because he was still their captain no matter what Gerrard and their chief said.
Besides, they would remove him from the group chat when he took his rightful place as Captain of the 118.
Hen frowned as she looked through the window. “Yes, it is. He said they were filming off location. He hates it when they’re not filming at Paramount Studios because his days are typically longer.”
“How crazy would it be for the real firefighters to be called out to a show about firefighters? Do you think I could get an autograph from that British actor? Maddie loves him,” Chimney noted.
“You do too,” Buck laughed.
“That’s one handsome man,” Chimney acknowledged. “Plus the accent —”
“Han. Do us a favor and stop your fangirling. I’m sure I don’t need to remind you to remain professional,” Gerrard groused.
“I wasn’t actually going to ask him for an autograph,” Chimney muttered, though everyone except Gerrard knew that was a lie. Chimney would definitely find the chance to get an autograph, if the opportunity was presented to him.
The mood went down and they drove silently to the place Hotshots was filming for the day. They got out of the engine and headed outside, walking to a crowd that had gathered in front of a warehouse.
Bobby was the first to meet them. He looked furious as he strode over to them, mouth caught in a straight line and shoulders taut with tension. Behind him the director followed, trying and failing to keep up with Bobby’s quick strides.
“What happened?” Gerrard questioned, searching for the one who could give him answers.
Buck noted that he looked dissatisfied that it was Bobby who he had to look to for information.
“The location scouter didn’t make sure this warehouse was up to code. The director didn’t check to make sure everything met code. This warehouse has multiple violations and I saw that the moment I stepped inside. I told the director, but he said…how did you phrase it,” Bobby snarked. “Oh, yeah it wasn’t the duty of a ‘technical advisor.’ That’s what you said.”
“I didn’t say it quite like that,” the director snidely commented.
Bobby ignored him, in favor of explaining what was happening.
“Second floor started caving in. Multiple people are up there, including the cast and crew. Can’t get them down without damaging the integrity of the ground holding them up,” Bobby stressed, cutting his eyes toward the director, who was flushed with either embarrassment or anger.
The director tilted his head back peering at the warehouse that from the outside appeared to be in good shape.
“We need to…” Bobby began to say, but was interrupted by Gerrard.
Gerrard grabbed his radio and started listing out commands. Bobby took a step back, blinking his eyes slowly as if he suddenly remembered he was no longer captain. Even Buck himself had to remember that he wasn’t their acting captain, despite the fact he was looking toward him for directions.
As they were given their directions, they began separating to the places they were called to.
They went inside the warehouse, immediately looking for people who had made their way safely downstairs. Some were unable to walk the remaining few steps to go outside. Hen and Chimney checked on them, while Eddie and Buck went upstairs.
Thankfully, there were only five people that they had to escort back downstairs. Buck winced as he heard the floor crack underneath him. His eyes went upward to the ceiling where a large crack began extending down the wall.
“I do not get paid enough to do this,” one person rasped as she kept her weight off of her ankle. “My job was to only take care of the background actors and make sure craft services knew where to set up.”
“I’m just biding my time, until I can get on another show. I’m this close to putting in my two-weeks notice, if our director has us working on another unsafe set. Don’t tell anyone I said that,” another murmured. “I’m not supposed to imply this has happened before.”
“I’m certain our captain…sorry Bobby is definitely going to ensure something like this doesn’t happen again,” Eddie explained as he walked around the space, checking to make sure they found everyone.
Some other firefighters had come upstairs, following behind Eddie and Buck so they would have extra hands and eyes to attend to those that needed help. They only began to leave, when they heard Gerrard issue out that all floors were clear and they were only waiting for Eddie and Buck to come down with the last remaining crew members.
Eddie stepped on the floor and slowly walked away, when his foot twisted underneath him.
“You okay?” he questioned, turning around to face him once his ear caught his pained wince.
“Yeah, I just landed on my ankle wrong,” he groaned as he continued walking downstairs.
“Okay, be safe heading down. It won’t be long, until this floor completely collapses. I’m surprised it hasn’t collapsed under all our weight,” he mused as he began to help someone who had tripped over themselves. “Here, I got you.”
“Thank you,” the girl, who was currently being held by Eddie, said. “Wait, where’s Clara? Did anyone see her come down?”
“Who’s Clara?” Buck questioned as stepped outside.
“Clara, she’s one of our child actors. She was in the warehouse office, while we were setting up. I didn’t see her leave,” she stressed, turning her head around. “I didn’t see her leave! What if she’s still up there?”
Buck turned to Eddie, eyes widening in panic. No one thought to check the office. It had been closed shut and they had mistakenly assumed no one was in there.
They explained the situation to Gerrard, who peered curiously at the warehouse and then toward Eddie.
“Eddie, you’re going back in.”
“I can go instead, Captain,” Buck exclaimed, observing the way Eddie was favoring one leg. “Eddie is…either let me go or send me with him.”
Gerrard angrily stared at him. “Diaz, is there a reason you’re unable to go in there alone?”
Eddie shared a glance with Buck. “No, sir.”
“But…”
“Buck, it’s fine,” Eddie placated, already heading inside.
“We don’t go in without a partner, Captain. It’s not safe. Anything can happen,” Buck continued to caution, while he watched Eddie run back into the warehouse.
“For…” Gerrard angrily sighed. “Fine, go. I’m tired of hearing your whining. You’d think the two of you were —”
Buck ran off to follow Eddie, completely uncaring to hear Gerrard finish his sentence. He easily caught up to Eddie, throwing a hand over his shoulder.
“Please tell me you wore him down and that you aren’t coming in here because you disobeyed orders,” Eddie sighed. “I don’t need you getting in trouble with him again. He’s been relatively easy on you, since you saved him.”
Saved him.
He needed people to stop saying he saved Gerrard, especially when that statement made him feel nauseous.
He was not Gerrard’s savior.
However, he held his tongue at Eddie’s praise. For some reason, he didn’t want to disrupt the image in Eddie’s mind that portrayed him as good, selfless, and altruistic. Perhaps it was also why he struggled with making the conscious decision to affirm whether he had pushed or saved Gerrard.
That revelation would come like a reckoning to him, once he set aside his need to be perceived as good. Everyone at the 118 had commended him, saying how he was a better person than they were. Even people in C-shift applauded his actions.
They didn’t know this was the first time he questioned whether to save someone. They didn’t know he had the ability to further heal Gerrard with the blood coursing through his veins. They didn’t know he replayed the accident in his mind over and over again, until he couldn’t decipher whether he was making up scenarios to fit what he wanted to happen.
So instead of saying anything in response to Eddie’s praise, he diverted his attention back to what they were doing.
“I don’t know how no one managed to not check the office,” Buck said as they began heading up the stairs. “I thought Captain would have made sure that everything was clear.”
“Probably an oversight — a very misfortunate one. Let’s be very thankful we got notified that we missed someone, before the rest of this warehouse came tumbling down,” Eddie griped, stepping over a piece of insulation that had fallen on the stairs.
Buck winced as his turnout coat got caught on something. He slowly exhaled through his nose as it caused his torso to twist uncomfortably, reminding him of the aching pain in his ribs.
“You okay?” Eddie questioned.
“Yeah, ribs are still sore and I twisted my body wrong,” he groaned, freeing his turnout from the place it was snagged on.
“Really? You might want to get that checked out, if your ribs are still giving you problems. I said that you needed to take more time off, after you bruised them,” Eddie stated. “I know that fall was hard. You didn’t have to come back to work as soon as you did.”
Buck remembered how he had landed halfway on top of Gerrard and the other on the ground. Unfortunately, the ground was unforgiving and he had bruised his ribs. Buck was accustomed to pain, so he hadn’t thought it was a big deal to return earlier than the doctor’s recommendation. Plus he had the added benefit of healing faster.
“I’m fine. Gerrard is here and he sustained worse injuries than me,” he mentioned.
“And his choice to return early was a stupid decision. He’s forgetting things such as radioing the all clear, before everyone has managed to get out of the building,” Eddie complained as they continued making their way up the stairs. “I just think you could’ve taken off more time. But I know you. You wouldn’t have wanted to take off more than two weeks. I’m surprised you at least took a week off.”
Had it been that long ago? No, it couldn’t have been because his ribs should have healed within that time frame. His ribs wouldn’t have this same aching pain that would have usually been gone by three days. It wasn’t a serious injury. He should’ve recovered quickly.
He frowned as he tried recalling the date. However, he was distracted when he looked down to see Eddie limping.
“Is your ankle still bothering you?”
Eddie looked down as if forgetting he had something wrong with his ankle. “Huh, I almost forgot I landed on it wrong. Doesn’t feel much like anything. Why’d you ask?”
“You were limping,” Buck observed, stopping to stare at the back of Eddie as he continued limping upstairs. “We’ll have to get Hen to look at it, when we get back down.”
Eddie shrugged. “I probably only need to ice it, once we get back. Hey, ummm…wait here for a second. I’m going to get Clara and then we’ll head back out.”
Buck tilted his head in confusion. “Why? We’re almost up there.”
“I know, but…it really doesn’t require two people to find one child. I already know where the office is, so it won’t take long. Also I don’t want to bombard Clara, especially when she might be feeling scared right now. Just wait right there and I’ll be back,” Eddie said, turning around to smile brightly at him.
Buck didn’t have a chance to further question him as he went racing up the last few remaining steps leading to the second floor. It made sense what he said, but it also didn’t when it came from Eddie — he always made it known that he’d rather have Buck with him.
Something in his tone was odd. He couldn’t place why it felt off. The only thing he knew was that the infliction in his voice unsettled him. Thankfully, he didn’t have to sit in his thoughts for long.
Eddie returned, carrying Clara on his hip. However, instead of coming down with her Eddie held her out to Buck. He took her in his arms, understanding what Eddie needed before he even said anything. It was only a short bit of distance, but the way he held her out was awkward. He didn’t even move down a single step, trusting Buck to reach out his long arms and safely tuck Clara into his side.
Buck began to walk down the stairs, but didn’t hear footsteps following him.
“Eddie?” he imploringly questioned, when he turned back and saw Eddie remaining where he had last seen him.
“It’s okay. Take Clara down and then you can come back, if Gerrard lets you. I’ll be fine. I want to do one final check on this floor. I don’t want anyone getting left behind, seeing as how we almost left this precious little one by herself,” Eddie soothed, smiling at the child who was gradually growing more comfortable where she lay in Buck’s arms.
Then he turned to look up at Buck, eyes hiding something that Buck didn’t have the time to decipher.
“That wasn’t very nice of us, was it? But this nice man is going to help bring you back to everyone who is waiting for you,” Eddie softly informed.
Shivers trickled into Buck’s body. Something felt wrong. Before he could place a name to it, he felt Carla’s hands tighten in his turnout. He looked down at her face pinched in worry. He turned back to look at Eddie whose face was turned downward to his feet.
“Buck,” he said, raising his face and placing seriousness into the way he stressed his name. “I need you to take Clara back down, while I do one last check.”
With that tone, Buck found it hard to not listen to his request. Eddie was right. He needed to get Clara down first, seeing as though she was their first priority. Since they had missed her on their first check, it made sense that they do one final check to make sure no one was left behind. He hated that it made sense because Buck had to leave him up there by himself, even if it was only for a few minutes.
“Okay, yeah. I’m going. I’ll take her down, but then I’m coming right back up to check with you. Two sets of eyes are better than one,” Buck said, wanting to remind him that he would shortly return.
“They most certainly are,” Eddie laughed, but it sounded forced like he was trying to make light of a situation that wasn’t funny.
“I’ll be right back,” Buck said, hurrying downstairs while also being mindful of the child in his arms.
When he went downstairs, one of the PAs was already waiting for him. She gratefully took Clara over to her parents, who were anxiously waiting for her. Once he saw them reunite, he went to head back inside but was stopped by Hen.
“Where’s Eddie?” Hen questioned, noticing he had come back down sans Eddie.
He was about to answer, when the director came striding over to them.
“There were two of them that went in, right? That means there’s still a firefighter in there. So can you ask him?” the director questioned.
Bobby frowned. “This building is a second away from collapse and you want one of my guys to stay in there for something that can easily be replaced. I don’t think so. Gerrard, tell Eddie to come out now. No one else is in there. Everyone has been accounted for. Grant gave me the call-sheet and I personally made sure to check that everyone was here. Cast, crew, background, everyone is present and accounted for.”
“Bobby, lest I remind you I am the acting Captain. I decide whether to send my firefighters in or not,” Gerrard shortly reminded him and then he turned toward the director to ask him, “Do you remember where your script is?”
“Yes, it’s in the office. I kept all of my things inside of there. Oh, wait. I also left my laptop in the office and I definitely need that. Can you tell him to bring that as well?” the director questioned like he was asking a waiter, if he could make changes to his meal.
“Is that all?” Gerrard wryly questioned.
“Yes,” the man chirped, cheeks flushing in embarrassment.
“Captain, I’d advise against you keeping Eddie inside. He should be down here, before any further damages occur with him inside,” Bobby strictly advised. “Our priority is always making sure our firefighters return safely.”
“Firefighter Diaz, come in,” Gerrard defiantly called out into his radio. “Firefighter Diaz, come in.”
There was no response.
“Bobby,” Buck rasped, widening his eyes pleadingly that Bobby would step in. “I can go back in. You can send me back in, Captain. I want to go back in.”
Why wasn’t his side of the radio crackling to life?
“Not happening. I didn't want you going back in the first time,” Gerrard quickly shot him down, mistakenly thinking Buck had been referring to him when he said, “Captain.”
Buck held his breath as Gerrard tried to radio Eddie one more time.
“Firefighter Diaz, come in.”
Buck waited for the other side of the radio to come alive.
“Yes, sir.”
Buck breathed a sigh of relief, then felt like it was a wasted breath when Gerrard began to speak again.
“Everyone is present and accounted for, but I need you to check the office and see if you can find a script that has written notes on it…”
“In red ink,” the director emphasized with a level of urgency.
“In red ink,” Gerrard repeated.
“Sir…” Eddie began, but was abruptly cut off.
“Firefighter Diaz,” Gerrard exclaimed.
“Yes sir,” Eddie responded without needing Gerrard to say anything else. “Is that all or is there anything else?”
“No, that will be it. Thank you. Thank you so much!” the director shouted, leaning over Gerrard so he could call out into the radio.
“Yeah, sure. Of course,” Eddie said, his voice clipping on the second sentence.
“Something’s wrong,” Buck whispered to himself then repeated it louder for Gerrard to hear. “You have to pull him out. Eddie is going to stay in there, searching for something that can easily be replaced. Those walls were one second from going in the moment we arrived. It’s risky.”
“My notes and computer can not be…”
Buck narrowed his eyes at him, effectively stopping him from saying anything else. He waited a few minutes, before restlessness began to settle in. Hen and Chimney stood beside him with a mirrored expression of concern. Bobby peered up at the warehouse, scrutinizing all that he could not visibly see.
Meanwhile Buck flinched every time he heard something fall in the distance whether it be a tree branch or someone’s coffee cup.
He begged the wind not to blow strongly. He urged the walls to stand firm, long enough for Eddie to make it safely back outside.
“It’s been too long. You need to either radio him down or you need to let me go inside,” Buck seethed. “Ger…Captain, please. I am asking you to let me go back in or tell him to come down. It isn’t safe for anyone to be in there.”
“Diaz is fine. He’s strong and fully capable of doing this one little thing,” Gerrard scoffed, making this matter into something trivial. “He’d let us know, if he had any problems.”
“He really wouldn’t,” Hen softly admitted, staring back at Buck because between the two of them knew Eddie’s penchant to not notice, when he pushed things too far and was completely uncaring of himself and his safety.
“Goodness, no one told me I’d be running a youth camp where everyday I would have to hear reinforced lessons of not leaving anyone behind. Diaz is a grown man. He can handle himself and bring back the script,” Gerrard angrily snapped out.
“And my computer,” the director added, shrinking away from the looks of everyone besides Gerrard.
Buck was going to say something, but then heard a large thunderous crash. Instinctively, his eyes went upward to the sky. But the skies were a luminous blue with no sight of a storm headed their way.
A sinking realization nipped at his chest and then developed into a gaping wound as he saw dust expand from the windows as glass shattered and fell onto the ground.
He didn’t need to hear anything else, before his feet were sprinting ahead of him. Distantly, he could hear the voices of his team call out to him, warning for him to wait. Didn’t they understand Buck could never stand around and wait when any of them were in danger…especially when it was Eddie?
It would be unfair of them to expect that from him.
“Buck what are you doing?” Chimney shouted, as Buck whipped past him with enough speed to nearly send him to his knees.
“Firefighter Buckley! I said, turn back around. You will not disobey my orders!” Gerrard shouted.
“Right now I could care less about your orders. Write me up, fire me. I don't care. But you can do that after I bring Eddie back,” Buck angrily spat, before continuing to race toward the warehouse.
He ignored the shouts that lessened in volume the further he ran off.
No one was going to stop him from getting to Eddie.