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Satine stands outside of Nini’s apartment building and takes a deep breath, looking up and studying the windows that still have lights on inside, wondering which one might be Nini’s, wondering if she’s even home. Satine hadn’t thought that far ahead, hadn’t planned for what she’ll do if Nini isn’t here or doesn’t want to see her. Her primary goal had been sneaking out of the apartment she had been living in and making it here; this is as far as her planning goes.
Even years after she’s moved to the states to pursue a career in acting, there are only two people on this continent Satine feels as if she actually knows: the man she’s currently trying to get away from, and the ex-best friend who also came here to act. The last time Satine had seen Nini had been their last fight. Nini had discovered a string of bruises along Satine’s arm and insisted she break up with Andre. Satine had refused, certain it was only an accident, believing Andre when he promised not to do it again.
Nini had left, saying she couldn’t be friends with someone that would allow herself to be treated in such a fashion, insisting it would drive her mad to always wonder whether or not Satine was actually alright, or just continuing to lie to her.
‘You can’t ask me to stand by and watch him destroy you,’ Nini had shouted.
‘I’m not asking you to do anything except stay out of this,’ Satine had responded, irritated.
The door shut, and that was that.
Satine doesn’t know what to expect when she knocks on Nini’s door. She doesn’t know if it’ll change things that she’s finally ready to leave Andre, or if her current situation— coupled with how damaged she is—will make Nini want nothing to do with her. If Nini didn’t want Satine as a friend after Andre hit her once, how will she react knowing it was hundreds of times, years worth of beatings?
Not that Satine is going to outright tell her as such, but Nini’s smart enough. She can do the math. She can notice the way Satine flinches, the way she’s always alert and scanning her surroundings, watching and waiting to be hurt again. Satine runs a hand over her belly, attempting to soothe the babies inside, who are currently just as agitated as Satine herself feels. Her girls. Twins. They’ve been awake most of the day, like they knew Satine was planning to run and couldn’t rest either until they know they’re safe.
Satine’s already failing so horribly at this motherhood thing it isn’t even funny. She shouldn’t be a mom, except Andre had wanted them until yesterday when he learned Satine was carrying girls—throwing some huge, violent tantrum, as if they were alive hundreds of years ago and Andre needed sons to carry on the family name—and by now it’s too late to do anything other than carry them to term. And now that they exist, they’re going to be Satine’s whether she wanted them or not. She can’t give them up, because she knows the moment she signs away her rights to them Andre will swoop in and snatch them up.
Satine may be a horrible mother, but she’ll go to the ends of the earth to keep that man away from her babies. She had a hand in making them, and she’ll be damned if that means they’ll grow up in the sort of environment Satine had: cold and violent. Andre hitting her while she’s pregnant was the last straw; she’s leaving him, and so long as she can find somewhere to go she won’t be back.
If it were just her, she wouldn’t be here, wouldn’t be taking this chance. She’d be letting the beatings continue for as long as they lasted, knowing Nini doesn’t want to be bothered by Satine’s problems, by a situation she got herself into as a result of her own stupidity. But it isn’t just Satine any longer, and it won’t be for a very, very long time. The thought that she has a family to take care of now makes her feel more than a little ill.
Out of all her friends and ex-friends, Nini is the last person Satine would go to for help in a crisis, except she doesn’t know anyone else here and Andre has everything she’d need to purchase a plane ticket home. Satine doesn’t even know if she’s able to fly in her current condition.
She doesn’t want to be here, begging for Nini’s assistance, her compassion, but here she stands. She has no one else to turn to, and for her daughters she will move mountains. If she can flee Andre for them, she can swallow her pride and face the ‘I told you so,’ from one mean ex-best friend.
As if sensing she’s being thought about, there’s movement on a third floor window that catches Satine’s eye. She looks up, and a woman with blonde hair piled atop her head looks down at almost the same moment. Satine can’t see much other than a bun and the sharp lines of the woman’s face, but that’s enough.
Recognition dawns, sending a little jolt down Satine’s spine and she nearly smiles in spite of herself, not realizing until this moment exactly how much she’s missed her friend. One of her daughters gives a kick, and Satine absentmindedly rubs her hand over the swell of her belly. She imagines it will be impossible to miss, even from such a distance.
Satine is wearing her sunglasses even though it’s dark, ashamed of the current state of her face and not wanting anyone to see it. Even so, she pushes them atop her head, tilting her face upward to catch the illumination of a nearby streetlamp. Here I am, she thinks. Every broken piece of me. Satine wants Nini to see the full extent of the damage before she makes a decision as to whether she’s going to let Satine in, or if she’s going to shut the blinds and wash her hands of Satine’s predicament.
Nini’s mouth moves in a way that makes Satine think she’s cursing under her breath. Then she steps away from the window, with no indication as to what she’ll do next. Satine rests her hands on her belly and watches the front door of Nini’s apartment, and waits.