Chapter Text
The downside of not having told his parents about TK and him breaking up was that it meant he had nowhere to go at night. During the day he could keep himself busy – go to work, the gym, run errands, but once it got dark, he couldn’t very well park his car in a Walmart lot and go to sleep. He couldn’t afford for one of his coworkers to arrest him for loitering. The logical thing to do would be to tell his parents that he and TK were done, but they’d been so accepting of everything and, for the first time in his life, he didn’t feel like he was disappointing them. So, instead of sleeping in a warm, familiar bed, Carlos went to a rundown motel off 6th Avenue with questionable linens and rotating neighbors.
He'd been going to his parents' as little as possible to keep the questioning to a minimum about TK and why he was suddenly coming to them more when he needed to drop when he hadn’t done that in a long time. But Carlos simply couldn’t afford to be going to Center’s frequently with the nightly expense of living in a motel. Not to mention he was eating a lot of take-out and non-perishables because the room he was in didn’t even have a mini-fridge let alone a microwave or oven. It was just one room, a twin bed, and a tiny stall of a shower. It was fine though, he was doing fine.
It didn’t matter that outside of work he barely talked to anyone and when he did, it was to his parents on the phone or when he asked to come be little with them for a night. Since TK had broken up with him over the idea of Carlos offering to buy the loft, Carlos hadn’t seen any of their shared friend group. Why would he? They were TK’s friends first and they’d be his in the breakup because that’s how things worked. Carlos hadn’t brought much into their relationship at all beside himself and he missed how open TK had made him feel. But he’d been stupid in suggesting buying the loft. Once upon a time, he’d bought a car he was just barely able to afford on his own and that’s what would have happened again if he bought the loft so, instead, he let it go.
Most nights were hard, but tonight was harder and he wished that he had managed to get the confidence to tell his parents that he’d been feeling a little on edge, but at the same time, he had work in the morning. It was better for everyone if he came back tonight so his commute wouldn’t be as bad in the morning. Or, it would have been until he had to pull over on the side of the road when he realized that he was in no condition to be driving right now. Carlos just sighed and quietly gathered the important things from the car – wallet, keys, phone – and locked it up. He didn’t much care for leaving his Camaro on the side of a dusty road just on the outskirts of town, but it was better than the alternative.
He should call someone. No one was going to pick up a dropped little on an abandoned road – they should, but they won’t and Carlos knows that. His parents are nearly forty-five minutes away and Carlos is only about an hour’s walk away from the hotel; he could get himself there and inside and it would be fine. There was no one else to call to come and get him. With that decided, Carlos quietly started to trudge in the direction of the hotel.
The cold hadn’t quite come to Texas yet, but Carlos still wished he had worn a sweater or thought to grab a jacket when he’d left for work that morning because walking under the moon alone like this made him shake with vulnerability and maybe with a sweater, he’d feel more together. Instead, he settled for tucking his bag tighter to him, his hands balled into fists inside of his pockets. He tried not to think about the gun he had tucked into the waistband of his pants. Once he got back to the motel, it would be okay. He’d get inside and lock it up. If he had to, he could take a day off tomorrow. He hadn’t had food poisoning in awhile, surely he could get away with that?
“Carlos?”
Carlos jumped and turned his head, squinting to see who had stopped next to him on the street. He relaxed only when he realized that it was Grace Ryder and not someone looking to kill him.
“Hello, Grace,” Carlos said quietly.
“What’re you doing out here?” Grace asked. “Are you okay?”
“I’m ‘kay,” Carlos said.
“Are you sure about that, sweetheart?”
Carlos’s face flushed and he looked down at himself, knowing how it must look to Grace, but really he was fine. Sure he’d taken off his right shoe because the laces had come undone and he couldn’t tie it which had caused him to trip. And yeah, tripping like that meant that his palms got a little scraped up and there was now a tear in the jeans of his right knee which opened up to show a cut, but he was fine. Everything was okay.
“Uh-huh,” Carlos said.
“What’re you doing out here? It’s late. Are you hurt?”
“Just walkin’,” Carlos said. “Gotta get to motel.”
“Oh, I see. You’re at a motel?”
“Jus’ for a little bit,” Carlos said quickly.
“Yeah. That makes sense. Well, listen, sweetheart, do you think maybe I could give you a ride to the motel? It’s just dark and I could really use some company for a little bit.”
“Oh,” Carlos said and he took a slight step backward. “Is ‘kay. I’m almost there.”
“Are you?” Grace asked. “Which one are you staying at?”
“Super 8,” Carlos said. “6th Street ‘cross from the Waffle House.”
“Okay, yeah, that’s close, but I can get you there a little bit quicker and I really would love the company. Please won’t you ride with me?”
Carlos studied Grace and slowly he nodded, figuring she really was just trying to be nice. And it wasn’t like Carlos would steal her away from TK – she was married to Judd and he would stay by his pseudo-little brother. He clambered into the front seat despite feeling like he should probably be in the back and Grace didn’t say anything about it.
“Where were you coming from?”
“Mami and Papi’s,” Carlos said immediately.
“Oh,” Grace said. She thought about what she knew about Carlos. “Don’t they live out on some land?”
“Uh-huh,” Carlos said.
“You walked all the way from there?”
“Oh, no ma’am. I drived but stopped on account of not feel too, too big. So I walk to motel from the car.”
“That’s real good, baby,” Grace praised. “Why didn’t you call someone?”
“Who?” Carlos asked sounding genuinely confused.
“Anyone? One of your friends? Me?”
“No one to call,” Carlos said. “Is okay, Miss Grace. I could get to motel and then time for sleep.”
“I’m not sure if you should be alone tonight, sweetheart. Do you think after we get to the hotel we can pack some things for you and then you can come home with me?”
“Oh,” Carlos said. He shook his head, shifting as he saw the hotel come up in the distance. “No, tha’s ‘kay Miss Grace.”
“I would really feel more comfortable,” Grace said. “Just for tonight? And you can tell Judd where your car is and he’ll go get it and bring it over. That way in the morning, you can leave when you’re ready.”
Convincing Grace to leave him alone at the motel was a fruitless endeavor and, the most Carlos got from her was the ability to go into the motel room alone to pack a small bag of his things for the overnight. He’d been adamant she not come in and Grace hadn’t pushed the issue. The motel room was small and dirty and Carlos shifted through the pile of clothes for his pajamas, grabbing them and shoving them in the bag he left the room without adding anything else.
The Ryder’s home was warm and welcoming, like walking into a hug, but Carlos shivered almost immediately. Grace had a hand on his arm and he let her lead him into the nursery. He’d seen the nursery before, but only in passing on nights when TK insisted he intrude on their dinners. It was a nice nursery, nicer than Carlos had ever been in, though admittedly, he hadn’t been in many. His condo hadn’t had one and at his parents he slept in his childhood bedroom, forever immortalized as who he was at nineteen when he moved out.
There was a twin bed in the corner of the room with a brightly colored comforter on top and a dresser pressed against the wall across from it. The other side of the room hosted an oversized rocking glider that Carlos could imagine falling asleep in as someone read a story from one of the books on the shelf next to it. A toy box was nearby and Carlos was certain that it was filled to near bursting and more toys littered around the room, though none that Carlos felt held his interest immediately, nor should they, he thought with a jolt. Carlos wasn’t here to play or to stay longer than the one night.
“Are you hungry?” Grace asked. “I was going to put something on the stove for me and Judd.”
“No thank you, Miss Grace,” Carlos said.
“Okay, sweetie. Do you need any help getting into jammies?”
Grace left him alone to change and Carlos took a moment to stand there and soak in the room without her watching him. He had known that the pair of them fostered little’s through conversations he’d had with Michelle and, at one time, they’d been fostering Mateo, but Carlos wasn’t prepared for just how good at it they were. Any little would be lucky to be placed with them. Not him, though. This was too nice and Carlos would never have been able to afford staying with them.
He was quick to strip out of his clothes, throwing them into his bag before putting on his pajamas and a pull-up, the latter being most important because he did not want to risk an accident in their nice home. Once he was dressed, he stood nervously next to the bed, holding his bag and quietly pulled his gun out of it. He knew he wasn’t supposed to have been holding the gun the way he had been that evening or at all now, but he didn’t know what to do with it now. A knock burst through his thoughts and Carlos jumped, nearly dropping the gun on the floor in his surprise.
“Carlos?” Judd asked. “Can I come in?”
“Uh-huh,” Carlos said, finding it odd that Judd would ask. It was his house.
Judd pushed the door open and his eyes widened immediately at the gun in Carlos’s hand. The officer had never dropped around them before, so he wasn’t exactly sure of his drop age, but a gun around any little was not something that Judd, even in all his Texan glory, could get behind.
“Hey, Carlos,” Judd said carefully. “How about you give me that gun, sweetheart?”
Carlos frowned. “’S for work, Mr. Judd.”
“I know that,” Judd said. “But you’re not at work right now, so you don’t need it, right? I can take it and put it in my safe for you.”
Carlos’s brows furrowed slightly. “I need it ‘morrow mornin’.”
“I promise you’ll get it back once you’re bigger,” Judd said. “But I really do need you to give it to me now. Guns aren’t for little boys.”
“Yeah,” Carlos said, nodding.
He handed the gun over to Judd who took it quickly, double checking the safety was on before heading to his bedroom to lock it up immediately. For a man who walked into burning buildings for a living, including two that day alone, he had scarcely ever been as scared as he’d been to see Carlos loosely holding the gun, any safety he’d learned in regards to them clearly not having been retained.
When Judd came back to the nursery, Carlos hadn’t moved, standing by the edge of the twin bed and looking around like he was waiting for instruction. It was nearing half past eight and, as Carlos had been up since half five that morning, he was all but ready for bed, if he was telling the truth.
“I sorry,” Carlos said, looking up at Judd.
“What’re you sorry for?”
Carlos shrugged, wondering where to even begin. He rubbed at his eyes and then dropped his hand to his mouth, letting his fingers hover near his lips before dropping it down to his side and twisted a little, giving a sideways glance toward the bed. Before Grace had picked him up, the plan had been to get to the motel and sleep and now he still wanted to sleep, but Grace hadn’t given him any instructions for what to do after he got into his pajamas.
“Are you tired?” Judd asked.
“Uh-huh,” Carlos said.
“Do you want to be tucked into bed?” Judd asked.
Carlos blinked up at him and then back at the bed. He very much so did want to be tucked in, but he wasn’t sure if that was something that he was allowed to want or have from Judd.
“I can sleep?” Carlos asked, reaching out with a tentative hand to touch the comforter on the bed. He almost wanted to cry that’s how soft it was.
The motel bed that he’d been sleeping on was uncomfortable. The mattress was hard and lumpy; each one of its springs having made themselves known to Carlos’s body over the last month. The sheets were thin and papery and the blanket just as thin but scratchy against his skin and he hated sleeping under it, but Carlos had always needed a blanket when he slept. Even if it was a hundred and ten degrees, he’d be begging for a blanket to cover him so he’d get some good sleep.
“Yeah, kiddo,” Judd said. He moved closer, tugging down the blanket to expose the sheets and patted at them. “Come lie down.”
Carlos climbed into the bed and nearly cried at how nice the sheets felt against his skin. Most of him was covered, but that would matter in the night when he tossed and turned, twisting up inside of them. Warily, he stuck his thumb in his mouth, blinking up at Judd tiredly as the larger man brought the comforter up and over him.
“Do you want a story?” Judd asked.
This time, Carlos shook his head. He would’ve loved a story, either one told to him off the cuff or one read from inside one of the books adorning the shelves, but he wasn’t going to be difficult. Carlos knew that he was often difficult or too much. TK had said as much when he’d tried to by the loft and his parents had all but told him so when he’d come out and then again when he’d been classified – they hadn’t said this in so many words, but their silence spoke volumes. And now that he was intruding on the Ryder’s, he was going to take up as little of their space and time as possible.
“Well, if you’re sure,” Judd said. “If you need anything tonight, you come get Gracie or me, okay?”
“Kay, Mr. Judd,” Carlos mumbled. “Thank ‘ou.”
Judd smiled and flicked on a nightlight by the bed and turned out the lights on his way out of the room.
When Carlos woke up in the morning, he had no idea where he was, but he’d had possibly the best night sleep of his life. For the first time in weeks, he cozied up under the blanket, letting the soft comforter brush against his cheek, reveling in it for just a few seconds before he realized where he was and what had happened. His face flamed just thinking about Grace finding him on the side of the road and bringing him back here; of Judd getting him to tell him where he’d parked his car on the side of the road so he could go and pick it up and bring it here for him. He had burdened them too much.
Carlos made the bed when he got out of it despite knowing they would just immediately strip it for the wash once he left, letting his hands run over the soft fabric one last time before he pulled on the same clothes he’d been wearing the night before. Though Grace had told him to pack a bag, she hadn’t been specific and Carlos had only the foresight to put in pajamas and his toothbrush. It was fine though because he wasn’t going to work today, so he could get back to the hotel and clean up. Maybe the motel room had a sewing kit so he could patch the hole in his jeans. He came out of the bedroom quietly, stopping only for a quick brush of his teeth and a pee, tucking his used pull-up into the trash can before covering it up with a bunch of toilet paper so they wouldn’t have to look at it. As an afterthought, he just took the bathroom trash with him, taking out the bag and trying it at the top.
“Hey, Carlos,” Judd said when he finally came into the common area. “How’re you feeling?”
“Fine, thank you,” Carlos said. “Thank you for letting me stay here last night. I ‘preciate it.”
“Yeah, no problem. You scared Grace half to death last night walking around like that,” Judd said.
“Sorry,” Carlos said.
“Next time, call someone, yeah?” Judd said. “Do you want breakfast?”
“No,” Carlos said quickly. “I mean, no thank you. Work.”
“Right,” Judd said. “Let me go grab your gun.”
Judd came back holding the device and Carlos took it from him easily and thought about how he might have to spend more money on a secondary lock box to keep with him at all times.
“Seriously, next time call someone, okay?” Judd said. “Scared the crap out of me when I saw you holding that thing.”
“Yeah, I usually have a lock box for it,” Carlos said. “Thanks again, Judd.”
He let Judd give him a one-armed hug before he beat a hasty retreat out to his car where he took several deep breaths before he put the key in the ignition and drove back to the dingy motel that was now his home.