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"Now, feel free to come to me with any problems you have here. I want you to think of me not as a 600lb killing machine with the power to fire you, but as your friend."
***
“You used to be so sweet when you were little.”
“You take that back.”
***
“Good morning, neighbor! I just wanted to stop by with these scones. Tsukushi made too much as usual, so I thought your family would enjoy them.”
<<You sneaky bastard.>> “Thank you so much. They smell delicious.”
***
“Cheer up. I think this is going to be hilarious.”
“What in the world are you basing that on?”
“Oh, I didn’t mean for you.”
***
“Look, I know this asshole is running his mouth, but you get into a fight here and I'm going to have to explain it to your wife, and she scares me a lot more than any Villain ever did."
“That's right, old man. Take that blonde bitch back to your other blonde bitch."
“What did you say about my dog, ass-wipe?"
“Oh it's going to be a long night…"
***
"In this agency, there are three inviolable rules: everyone gets a fair shake, everyone comes home safe, and absolutely nobody neglects their skin-care regimen. Take the moisturizer.”
***
“Dad…why is Insomniac mowing the lawn?”
"Your mother's mad at him. She's also mad at me, but we're going to put that aside for now."
***
“Look, he might not be top of our class for test scores, but he’s always been really good at problem-solving type smarts.”
“Yeah, the only one he can’t solve is his personality.”
***
“What’s wrong? You look like you’re thinking really hard about something.”
“I wish Todoroki wasn’t super-loaded and living in a mansion with Yaomomo, so that he could live around here with the rest of us.”
“I didn’t know you missed him that much, babe.”
“Because then he could be My Neighbor Todoro.”
“...get out of my house.”
***
“Are you ready for your first day of Kindergarten?”
“Mom, how long do I need to go to school?”
“Until you’re 18.”
“Urgh… that long.”
“You can meet me after school. You can do it, sweetie!”
“You have to come pick me up after 18 years!”
***
“Hello friend! I would like to remind you how much you love us!”
“And– and how boring your life would be without us!”
“What did you DO?!”
***
“Mama, when are you and Papa going to die?”
“I want you to remember the talk we had about Papa’s work, but other than that, probably not for a long time, we all hope.”
“Because if you die, I need new parents.”
“You would need new parents?”
“Oniichan still has to go to school, and I’m not allowed to use the stove by myself yet.”
***
“Well, well, well… look at you studying so intently. Don’t you know that stress is the enemy of beauty?”
“Oh? I’d like to know what’s stressing you so much then.”
*enraged shrieking*
***
“Stop struggling, and turn back already! I don’t care if you forgot your homework or messed up your uniform or whatever. You’re going to class.”
“What’s going on?”
“I found Puppy wandering around naked on my way back from an errand. He’s trying to give me the silent treatment because I won’t let him play hooky.”
“...That’s not Inuzaki.”
“...What.”
“I… may have stolen someone’s dog.”
***
“Look, I recognize all that he’s accomplished and all the good he’s done, but I just can’t get awestruck by Deku’s inspirational speeches because… that’s just Midoriya’s dad .”
“Yeah, when you’ve seen the guy get ragdolled around the backyard by his wife, it takes some of the shine off.”
***
“I wanna do something special for you for Father’s Day.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. How about we go to the water park and then get ice cream after?”
***
"Never, not once, have I ever regretted meeting you. Have I wanted to punch you? HUNDREDS OF TIMES. But no regrets."
***
“I want to be a brave Hero like my Daddy!”
“I want to be the wo-manliest Hero!”
“I want to be a Hero so scary that even Heroes like All Might and Deku would start trembling down to their legs if they don't work harder!”
***
“Of course I’ve got a lot of pent-up rage! I’ve been the same size since I was 12!”
***
“Of course I’ve got a bunch of kids. Have you seen my husband?”
“Yes, but I’ve also had to listen to him.”
***
“What did you learn in school today?”
“I learned about dinosaurs.”
“That’s very exciting! Did everyone have fun?”
“ I was reading about dinosaurs. I don’t know what everyone else did.”
***
“You okay? You look a little frazzled.”
“I’ve just… kind of realized that a friend of mine is a girl.”
“...”
“I mean, YES, I knew she was a girl, but it’s different now! I wasn’t really registering her as one before.”
“Well what the heck did you register her as before?!”
“A threat!”
***
“I just wanted to say… thank you.”
“Oh, you’re welcome. For what?”
“For being you.”
“...Well, I don’t know how to be anyone else.”
***
“Faking your death is a great prank.”
“We are very far apart on this.”
***
“My sister loves saving people. She loves it the way a fire loves kindling.”