Chapter Text
Since graduating high school Brittany’s life has been great. Sure, it’s not what she expected her life to be a couple of years back, but she can’t complain. After graduation Sam started helping Coach Beiste with the football team, so Brittany decided to stay as well, picking up a job as a cashier at the local grocery store. With their combined incomes they got an apartment close by. Neither of them have ever really known what they wanted to do with their lives, so they’re just content seeing where things go for now. Beiste has been hinting that Sam may be able to take over the football team for a while, and he’s been talking about maybe going to school to get his teaching license so that he can become a gym teacher as well. Of course there are plans of a white picket fence and perfect little blonde haired blue eyed children, but Brittany isn’t in any rush.
It’s a simple life really. Easy. Routine. Work is easy, the relationship is easy, it’s all scheduled and laid out. They have family dinners at the Evan’s house every Friday and spend Sunday at Brittany’s parents. There’s nothing to worry about. But that also means there really isn’t anything to look forward to either. Sam and Brittany have a silent agreement that money is too tight for spontaneous things like dates. Sure, they have enough to get by, but spending money on going out is a waste when they get to see each other at home every night anyway. They get each other a present on holidays, usually something requested of the other, and reserve dinner at a nice restaurant for Valentine’s Day.
Today just happened to be a Wednesday, the day Brittany does the weekly shopping after work. She’s currently pushing a cart along reading the list of things that Sam made for her to get. Her shopping is always relatively quick, considering there’s never much to buy, between the frozen pizzas and potato chips that have a permanent fixture in the Evans-Pierce household, and the fact that Brittany knows these aisles like the back of her hand between shopping and working them. She lifts her head from the list to turn a corner and is stopped dead in her tracks.
Her breathe is caught in her throat and she is frozen mid step, because there in front of her is the one person she didn’t think she would ever see again. She’s facing away from Brittany, choosing between two brands of cheese. Brittany blinks a couple of times, because honestly, there is almost a glow about her, like she’s radiating her beauty in rays like the sun. It seems as though time has stopped and hours have passed before Brittany finally realizes she’s staring like a deer caught in the headlights at the girl she left behind (or was it the other way around?) and sucks in the breath she had lost in her spell.
And just like that, the world turns itself back on, causing three things to happen simultaneously. The first, is that Brittany jerks her cart too far into her right turn, effectively knocking over the various cans that were stacked there previously. The second, is the girl turns around, most likely curious as to the cause of the sudden commotion. The third, is that Brittany, ever so fast thinking, drops to the floor, dodging the wandering brown eyes of the cause of it all. And Brittany stays like that, squeezing her eyes closed, praying to whoever is out there that the Latina doesn’t come over to investigate. It doesn’t sound like something she would do, she’s always been the type to point and laugh from a distance, becoming bored all too quickly, but Brittany hasn’t seen the women in, gosh, about 5 years now, so who knows what could’ve changed in that time?
An embarrassingly long amount of minutes pass, with shoppers having to maneuver around the blonde girl tucked into herself on the ground, before one of them taps Brittany on the shoulder. Cautiously, she opens her eyes, to see a burly man with bushy brows furrowed hovering over her.
“Excuse me miss, are you alright? Do you need help getting up?” Brittany glances around, the woman nowhere in sight.
“Uhh, yea, I’m sorry” the man offers his hand, which Brittany takes, hoisting herself up with his help.
“Thank you” Brittany is on her way to the door, uncaring about the man’s response. She’s still dazed from the encounter, and manages to leave her cart forgotten. All she’s worried about is getting home.
In the car she barely even sees where she’s going. There are so many things racing through her mind that driving is the least of her concerns. Was that really her? Why would she be here? Why didn’t I hear anything about this? Why does my heart still feel like the Energizer bunny on steroids? By the time Brittany pulls into her complex parking lot she has ran three lights and almost hit an old lady crossing the street. She sits in the parked car, fists gripping the steering wheel, trying to figure out if what she saw was even real or not.
She can’t figure out why she would simply imagine the woman standing in front of her. It had never happened. No, she shakes her head, it must’ve been her. Brittany had never had this reaction to her either. It had always been a safe, warm feeling in her tummy when they had been dating and even prior to, but now it still feels like she’s on fire, like every one of her senses are tingling and on high alert. Brittany can’t say she has ever felt this way with anyone ever.
As she ascends the stairs the image from the store won’t go away. Brittany didn’t get to see much, but from what she did see the woman had found a way to keep her shape from high school. Standing in front of the mirror Brittany frowns. She most definitely did the opposite of that. Not that she was obese by any means, it’s just been a while since she has danced, or really done any physical activity. Sucking in her belly she furrows her eyebrows. When did this happen? Why is she just now noticing this?
She hears the door unlock and panics, suddenly remembering that she didn’t get the groceries like she always did. Scrambling, she meets Sam at the door.
“Hey!” he greets, giving her a peck on the cheek and sitting himself down on the couch.
“Uhh, hey” Brittany goes to the fridge to grab Sam’s nightly beer and settles down next to him.
“How was your day?” Brittany whips around, suddenly feeling like she’s been caught doing something wrong.
“Fine, just fine” she squeaks, causing Sam to look at her curiously. “Yours?” she manages to calm her voice down a little in order to get the question out.
“Uhh, it was fine. Beiste thinks we got a good shot on Saturday” Sam turns his attention back to the television set. Brittany gestures absently. They sit in silence until it’s time for dinner.
“Chinese?” Sam suggests. “Sure” she shrugs.
He orders and Brittany makes sure to get the drinks so that Sam doesn’t see the lack of groceries in the fridge. Dinner is served at the dining table in silence. And just like that it’s time for bed. Brittany climbs in and is perplexed by the lonely feeling in her gut. She snuggles into Sam’s side, but the feeling just won’t subside.
The rest of the week passes by as normally as possible with the exception of Brittany quickly grabbing the groceries when her shift ends the next day. By the Evan’s family dinner on Friday the incident is all but forgotten aside from the nagging feeling Brittany has that something isn’t quite right. It’s only during a particularly hardy meal of burgers, mashed potatoes and gravy, green bean casserole, and corn that it makes itself known once again.
“I think I want to get a gym membership” Brittany blurts, causing all five Evan’s to direct their attention to her.
“Uhh, that’s nice dear” Sam’s mother awkwardly lets out. Brittany turns to see Sam’s reaction. His face is sort of scrunched up and his ginormous lips are slightly pouted.
“Why babe?” good question, why Brittany? She hurries to think of a response that’s not the name of the girl she saw in the supermarket a couple of days ago.
“I just want to get back into shape. Is that bad?” she feigns innocence, feeling guilty all the while, even though she doesn’t technically have a reason to, but Sam doesn’t notice either way.
“Well, that’s great. Just make sure it doesn’t cost too much” he turns his attention back to his plate and just like that Brittany feels a little better. The evening goes by without anything else out of the ordinary, except when the couple returns home Brittany starts looking up local gyms rather than retiring to bed with Sam.
So the routine is changed the following week. Brittany figures that she can squeeze in the gym every day before her shift, considering they don’t start until 10. Wake up at 6, breakfast, gym from 7 to 8, home by 9, ready for work by 9:45. She used to do a lot more in high school, how hard could it be?
Actually it’s pretty hard. Monday morning rolls around and Brittany swears she’s going to kill the person that invented alarm clocks. After practically dragging herself out of bed due to Sam’s excessive whining, Brittany realizes they don’t have any breakfast foods, let alone anything remotely healthy at all. Making a note to get healthier food she runs and grabs a smoothie.
Some brief stretching later, Brittany situates herself onto a treadmill, figuring she’ll run a couple of miles, then move onto some weight work. Five minutes into the run and she realizes that might not be such a good idea, because she’s currently huffing and puffing harder than the wolf who blew that house down. Slowing down to a walk, she catches her breathe while rethinking her work out. 45 minutes of a light jog and 15 minutes of even lighter weight work and she feels like she may just fall over.
At work later her legs burn from having to stand the whole time. It may as well be jello she’s standing on from all the wobbling she’s doing. Finally she’s off and gets to go home. Stumbling into the apartment she dives face first into the couch, where Sam finds her hours later.
“I take it you had a good day today” he chuckles, disappearing into the kitchen to retrieve his beer. Reemerging he prods Brittany to scoot over and relaxing next to her, turns on the television. For dinner Brittany insists they do something healthier than pizza as to not offset all the work she had just done this morning, so they agree on Jimmy Johns, which allows Brittany to get a lettuce wrap and pat herself on the back while getting ready for bed.
Wednesday rolls around and Brittany forgoes the usual shopping list for her own, making sure that all of the healthy stuff she gets costs roughly the same amount as the junk they had been getting. She loads up the cart with dinner options so that they don’t have to order out as much. This causes a rift at home, as Sam is upset that he is getting “dragged into this health kick” (he had strayed from his avoidance of carbs pretty soon once they had moved into the apartment, claiming he didn’t have to impress anyone anymore) but Brittany figures she wins because she did the math and with all the healthy options they will save money not only because it was cheaper at the grocery store, but also from all the money they were spending every week on take out.
A couple of weeks of healthy eating and working out and Brittany is practically back to her old self. Ok, that’s not quite true, she still probably has a long way to go until she can even come close to the fit goddess she was in high school, but she hadn’t realized how stagnant and sluggish she had felt. It’s almost like there are more hours in the day now, and not just because she’s waking up earlier in order to experience more of them. But with all this motivation is a lack of direction. Brittany doesn’t know what to do with her extra energy and time.
She does know that she is practically losing her mind in her routine now. It’s boring. There’s no excitement. The only time of her day she enjoys is going to the gym, which honestly is still kind of terrible, but it makes her feel powerful, like she can do anything. Her job and relationship are starting to make her feel trapped and small rather than safe and comfortable like they had previously.
With the extra money she saved them with her “health kick” she decides to take up a dance class in the evenings on Tuesday and Thursday, which is probably the best decision she’s ever made in her life to be honest. Dancing was always so important to her and she seriously can’t understand how she let herself just stop doing it like it never mattered. But she can’t think about that because it makes her think about other things she has given up so easily that were once important to her.
Speaking of which, that thing she hasn’t allowed herself to think about makes another appearance in her life. This time Brittany and Sam are out getting some ice cream as a compromise made in order to get Sam to stop complaining constantly about their lack of junk food in the house. On the walk back to the apartment Brittany just so happens to glance up and nearly drops her cone in the process because there, across the street, is the Latina, walking a strange dog that Brittany has never seen.
Sam makes it a couple of strides out before he notices that Brittany isn’t next to him. He turns, calling out to Brittany, wondering what she is doing. This catches the attention of the girl across the street, her eyes locking with the ones gaping at her. For a split second Brittany swears she has stopped breathing, choosing in favor to subconsciously will her body to stay entirely still in hopes that time will follow her lead to prolong this moment for as long as possible.
But all too soon, it’s over, the woman, clad in a pink sports bra and mid-calf grey jogging pants, bolts, along with the dog, causing Brittany to blink owlishly until Sam makes his way back over to her.
“What’s wrong, you look like you’ve seen a ghost” he jokes, effectively snapping Brittany out of her daze.
“I thought I did” she whispers, shaking her head and continuing on down the street towards their apartment. Sam follows silently, having long ago become used to Brittany’s odd antics and learning to just allow them to pass without protest or question.
The encounters are more frequent then, although not by either woman’s choosing, because whenever one sees the other they turn and run, attempting to avoid the severely awkward encounter that would follow the two meeting face to face and being forced into conversation. However, Brittany finds herself practically drawn to the girl she once knew, memories of what used to be invading her thoughts whenever she finds herself idle.
The woman Brittany never thought she would see again is, you guessed it, none other than Santana Lopez. She hadn’t seen the other woman since the “Bram” fiasco. Even though they had agreed to stay friends, it was just too difficult. Santana still couldn’t stand the idea of Brittany with Sam and had made herself scarce, eventually going so far as to delete her Facebook and ignore the texts from any of the former Glee members. No one knew what she was doing aside from the fact that she had made it to New York and had found somewhere to live for the first month she was there, then after that it was like she had dropped off the face of the planet.
Brittany had been sad that she had lost her best friend and all the progress they had made over the years, but she had eventually come to terms with the fact that the Latina did not want to be found and Brittany went on to make a life for herself with Santana as nothing but a fleeting thought. That is until now, where it seemed like the only thing occupying the women’s thoughts was Santana. She just has so many questions, like where has she been and what’s she doing back. She keeps telling herself it’s harmless, they were close for a long time and she has a right to be curious, but she knows it’s something more.
One more month of cumbersome avoidance for all their worth and they finally can no longer do so, because they are nearly nose to nose, one on top of the other, having just, quite literally, ran into each other. The darker haired girl quickly and clumsily pushes herself up while silently offering her hand for Brittany to pull herself up with.
“Sorry” Santana tries, sounding like an angel even though she is quite obviously flustered.
“Wow” is all Brittany can get out. Seeing Santana from a distance was no comparison to seeing her up close. Even with her hair out of place and her cheeks all flushed she looked perfect, literally flawless, like she was meant to look like this.
“Uhh…” Brittany is staring, mouth agape, and she knows it, but she can’t bring herself to stop. Santana glances around, clearly uncomfortable with the situation.
“Well, as long as you’re ok I’m gonna go…” she starts to move away, and before she knows it, Brittany is reaching out to grab her arm.
“Wait!” the touch is electric, causing the blonde to drop her hand almost as soon as it reaches the tan skin of the other woman. Santana is definitely surprised by the action to say the least.
“Why are you here?” Really Brittany, way to sound accusatory. Over five years pass and that’s what you say to the girl. Santana averts her gaze.
“Uhh, I don’t think that’s really any of your business” there’s a certain bite to it that she was not used to hearing aimed at her. The other girl tries to walk away again, except Brittany calls out to her once more.
“What do you mean, you can’t just show up here and not expect me to be curious as to why” it’s a little whiny, but the blonde can’t help it alright? She’s very emotional right now, she can’t even pin point exactly what she’s feeling, but it feels like everything at once.
“What do you even care Brittany, just leave me alone” and with that she’s gone. Brittany is stunned into silence. She wants to say that it doesn’t matter, I mean, she hasn’t talked to this girl in over 5 years, she has Sam, why would she care? But she does and it hurts that she was so blatantly rejected. Never had she been so at a loss for words at what to say to Santana Lopez. Even when they had first met Brittany felt they just clicked, but now it seemed like she was clicking and the other woman was clacking.
That Sunday at Brittany’s parent’s house she couldn’t take it anymore. Over and over all the different scenarios were going through her head and she couldn’t, for the life of her, make sense of anything. It was time to request assistance.
“Why is Santana back?” yet again Brittany has called upon the attention of everyone at a dinner table with her seemingly out of nowhere remark. Her parents share a worried, knowing look. Over the years they were friends the Pierce and Lopez clans became extremely close. Even after Santana left Brittany knew that their parents had stayed in touch. She had, of course, inquired about the girl, but her parents said they didn’t know any more than she did. Whether that was true or not she dropped it, until now.
“Wait, Santana is back?” poor oblivious Sam looks hurt in his confusion. Brittany doesn’t even spare him a second look, choosing instead to stare down the two people in the room that could provide her the information she is demanding. A silent conversation passes between Brittany’s parents before her dad turns to her.
“I don’t know if it’s really our place to tell you that sweetie” his soothing tone and well-meaning expression are done in an attempt to placate Brittany, which completely backfires.
“Why, what’s the big deal!?” everyone at the table cringes at her harsh tone. Sam’s wide eyes are glued to his plate, trying to make sense of everything going on around him, but he is ignored in favor of Brittany making a show of violently standing up from the table when her question is not answered in a timely fashion.
She storms outside, figuring that she should probably get some air. It’s surprising to her how frustrated this is making her. Why is it even a big deal? Aimlessly she wanders the neighborhood, keeping her gaze down and her feet moving at a consistent pace. By the time she feels as though she calmed down enough the sky is at least two shades blacker, forcing her to blink a few times in order to adjust her vision. When she is finally able to see where she ended up she almost barks out an unamused laugh, because of course her brain would take her to the one person she can’t stop thinking about.
Looking up at the house she can’t help but think about how long it has been since she has been there. In high school it was practically a home away from home, and it’s scary how relaxed and familiar her body feels there. Placing her hand over her eyes she tries to reign in the sudden bout of nostalgia that has flooded over her.
A couple of minutes later, a door clicking shut causes Brittany’s head to fly up. Standing on the steps with her hands holding a robe shut, is an exasperated looking Santana.
“What are you doing here?” it’s a whisper, but it still manages to hold the bite from the previous happenstance. Brittany looks around in disbelief, seriously reconsidering every single life choice that had brought her here right now. Of course the Latina doesn’t take kindly to the blonde ignoring her, searching for another person she must be talking to instead of her.
“Brittany!” the louder tone snaps said girl to attention, blue held to brown in shock. A few charged moments pass between the two, before Santana darts her eyes to the side, ending the moment. All at once she remembers what she was doing and repeats her question with marginally less conviction. Brittany sighs and shrugs her crossed arms.
“I don’t really know” it’s honest, and the brunette knows this too, because her shoulders slump and her head hangs towards her chest. Brittany takes this time to really take in how defeated her posture is.
“I’m sorry, I’ll just go” all at once Brittany is walking back in the direction she came. It was stupid of her to come here, she didn’t mean to disrupt Santana’s life, it’s obvious the other girl doesn’t want to see her so why is she trying so hard to defy that?
“Wait, wait” when she turns around it must be more abrupt than expected, as both girls jump back in order to avoid running into one another. Rattled, Brittany is once again, overcome with emotion. She doesn’t think she has felt as much in her entire life as she has since the Latina had come back into her life. It’s really starting to get to her. So much so there are tears threatening to fall as she chokes out a response.