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We were sitting together on the piano chair, and all the presure that stayed with us since last night, kind of feels heavy and heavy, like it won't go away. I avoid meeting his eyes not really sure what he thinks of all this.
"hum, you said last night that you wanted this song to be different"
he looked at me after I said that and I felt the need to turn so I could finally notice him, his face looks haggard matching his hunched posture, I feel like this sinks even deeper than before.
Jack just lifts his head toward me and slightly opens his mouth, like he's getting ready to say something he's not even sure he wants to, or even should. "I feel like" he starts playing with his hands "I want to talk about love in this new song"
"why are you so anxious? you know we've done love songs before, it's okay"
"no, Elsie, this time it's - his voice dropped and he started gesturing and looking upset like he was expecting something from me "it's all different, this time I'm really feeling it" he sounds almost desperate.
"it's fine.. but it doesn't really change anything, we've made songs for other girls you liked, and talked about it before”
His head and torso are now turned and bowed towards me and I have no other option but to keep staring at him and his actions, the way he moves and the way he keeps looking at me like he was hurt. "Jack, I'm your friend, but I can't just write what you want me to if I don’t understand it."
We keep looking at each other, I don't know how much time has passed, and every second that passes is like a wave of feelings that keeps hitting me harder. I don't know how to forget the things I went through with him and how am I supposed to recover from it. I can't stand this moment, and I can't stand being here with Jack this time.
“stop looking at me with those eyes” he seems to be creating a shell, which separates him from the rest of us, or just from me. And even though realizing this hurts deeply, I feel like I'm doing the same to him.
Everything feels off with us, seems strange, I feel the discomfort reach and press towards us, and at the same time I can't ignore the feeling that keeps growing inside me, that forces me to be pushed towards him, that yearns for each scenario to be true, and wishes that I could do what I’m craving to do. I just want to leave this, I want to end this
Jack then exhales deeply and rests his forehead against mine, his hands cupping my face and neck. our eyes are now closed, and I can feel his chest and shoulders moving sharply, we are breathing heavily because there is no point in pretending this anymore
"I can't take this anymore Lissie, I really can't" he whispered to me and his head is still tilted towards mine, his lips keep moving as if he wants to say something but just can't let himself do it. I sigh leaning against him "talk to me, jack, please”
I can only hear a groan before I feel his lips being pushed against mine, I can only feel the satisfaction for something I've wanted for a long time. This kiss is desperate and painful, it brings a feeling of lust that I've never felt before, it's fast and slow at the same time. And I don't want it to end anymore.
We start to get loud, my hands are on his chest almost tearing his shirt and his hand starts to lean towards my hip and drag me towards him,
I'm between his legs, almost in his lap, and I can't stop panting, his lips move to my neck and his other hand hugs me tightly while he still holds my thigh now fully on top of him in the small seat on the piano