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In some megaverses, characters have hots for each other due to some pseudoscientific traits and whatnot, mostly unimportant stuff. However in this megaverse, everything is wildly different, and for the better!!
Severus is a true Chad, and always has been. He was born with that chiseled physique of a Greek God and a jawline that would make everyone wet themselves out of sheer excitement, be they men or women, animals or plants.
Eileen Prince was practically a Goddess herself. Her beauty and charm were envied by entirety of wizardkind. Tobias was a wealthy billionaire and a gentleman who loved his wife dearly, despite him being a muggle and being slightly skeptical about magic and the wizarding world. It was a surprise how they ended up living close to Cokesworth, but they were living in the wealthier part and their mansion was the envy of the working class or the not so working class too.
Severus was adored by his parents, and he had lived a completely normal and healthy childhood. He became a friend to Lily out of pity, who was envious of his fabulous lifestyle. She was a bit coo coo in the head, but Severus was quite generous to ignore her little misfortunate condition.
During the first ever confrontation of Severus with Potter and Black on the Hogwarts Express, he had slammed both boys into the wall once they had disparaged his desire to sort into Slytherin house. The boys had suffered broken noses, arms, egos and likely other things but those aren't important. This led to the boys having a irrational hatred of him and they would attempt to harass him on multiple occasions, which was futile because they were just so pathetic.
Somewhere around fourth or fifth year at Hogwarts, Severus was just chilling and contemplating about some muggle slang words and writing in a diary. Potter and his cronies snuck up on him and snatched his diary while Severus glared at the foolish boys. Severus had beaten them up regularly with the help of his Slytherin friends, but they never seemed to learn and kept pestering Severus.
James began to read the diary and came across the words "Ligma" and "Sugondese" and asked in a confused voice, "What the hell is Ligma?"
Severus smirked and replied "Ligma balls", as the crowd began to laugh at Potter and his cronies.
James was gobsmacked and Sirius was practically frothing at his mouth. Remus was feeling embarassed and Peter was looking at the crowd and feeling like the rat he was.
Severus was rather unbothered by this event, and he whispered "Sugondese", which made James even more confused while Sirius thought that he had casted some dark spell at them.
"Sugon what?" James couldn't help but ask.
Severus had a manic grin and yelled "Sugondese nuts!" and punched Potter right on the face. Potter crumpled on the ground while screaming in pain as the crowd jeered and laughed. Some had even pissed themselves out of hilarity of it all.
Sirius felt outraged and screamed "You'll pay for this, Snape" before lunging towards Severus, but Severus' Slytherin friends had arrived not long before. Mulciber was looking at the situation and he felt somewhat confused, not to mention his underpants had been jinxed earlier with an itching charm by some cheeky Gryffindor.
"My balls itch!", Mulciber said after trying to scratch his groin but tackled Sirius before he could attack Severus. During all this nonsense, some students had gone to fetch the teachers about this confrontation. The headmaster had arrived not long after this and called out to everyone.
"I am rather disappointed by what's happening here. Is this how all of you behave?"
This had brought the much-needed peace and quietness while the students were busy looking at each other. However, someone amongst the crowd was snickering and this turned out to be none other than Severus himself.
Severus had wordlessly casted 'Levicorpus' on Dumbledore who felt himself being lifted by his ankles, and his robes came all the way over his face. Dumbledore felt rather ashamed of the moment because he wasn't wearing anything underneath. Over the years due to his age, Dumbledore used to go commando underneath his robes because it made the trips to lavatory much easier. He was regretting not wearing any undergarments.
The crowd that was silent due to Dumbledore now began to laugh even with more intensity, as the shriveled dong of his was on full display to everyone gathered. Someone spotted Professor McGonagall coming over and warned everyone about it, resulting in everyone skedaddling out of there.
Minerva had arrived soon, and she screamed "What the hell are you doing, Albus. Have you no shame?" while Albus was fumbling over his robes trying to summon his wand, wandlessly, which he had left it in his office.