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It’s a memory that Boboiboy happened to remember. Back then, when TAPOPS was never a thing for them and it’s their final exam of their final year in elementary school, something about Gopal having his nightmare where he got chased by a horde of math exams. After series of laughs and whinings (courtesy of Gopal being Gopal), it was Yaya who calmed them down and said,
“We just took our Math quiz and haven’t got the result yet, right? You were able to work on it this time because of all the lessons you took with us. Maybe you had a nightmare because you’re scared to fail? Nightmares usually come from something we’re scared of, after all.”
Boboiboy wonders why that particular memory stuck in his mind. It’s always in the back of his mind, almost forgotten because of his adventures slash mission as TAPOPS. He got reminded when the Loopbot thing happened, but quickly dismissed it as the dreams happened because of the time-loopings.
Then, the whole incident with Vargoba happened. Boboiboy remembered waking up to Cahaya—Solar, because he’s able to unlock his second tier—standing in front of him. From his distance, he shouldn’t be able to see the elemental’s expression—especially with the way his cap is tilted in a way to cover half of his face.
But Solar’s lips curled downwards, his fists trembled from the clenching. And something … something fell to his stomach with the need to do something , at least explains himself—
— but before any of it happens, Boboiboy awakes. For real, this time with Gopal wearing a make-shift beard and lying about skipping fifty years ahead of their time. Not a Solar standing in front of him. Then he remembered that particular memory once again.
Nightmares usually come from something people are scared of. So it was … a nightmare? He’s having a nightmare because he’s scared of … Solar? But that’s not—that’s not quite right.
Boboiboy never feared any of the elementals. This is something he always felt from the first time Ochobot gave the powers to him. Even despite the whole ordeal of amnesiac Halilintar, biscuit-poisoned Taufan, and Api being an arsonist, he’s never … scared. To him, the elementals are more like a new friend he wanted to get to know despite not being able to communicate with them directly.
( He wished he could talk to them, somehow. Not as one of the elementals who is in charge at the moment whenever he splits but as Boboiboy . Ochobot always gave him those weird looks whenever he asked about it, so he stopped. Something about his powers shouldn’t have his own sentience like he always believed, but is it really? When they’re so … full of life and emotion outside of the emotion they are supposed to bear and represent as him? )
So him being scared of Solar shouldn’t be a thing. Then, what is it that he’s scared of?
The answer came in the form of an alien introducing himself as the former elemental holder. The answer came in the form of a consequence due to his own recklessness. The answer came to Boboiboy watching in agony as Gempa saw Solar then Halilintar, Taufan, and Duri get absorbed and crumble into dust, vanishing into thin air.
That night after passing out from forcing himself using Blaze, he dreamed once again. He dreamed of Gempa, Blaze, and Ice standing in front of him. Again, he couldn’t see their faces and most of their expressions. Again, the urge to do something emerges from the pit of his entire being. But this time, Boboiboy is able to do what he wants to do.
He lowered his head, hands clenching on both of his sides. He wondered if he should kneel, but decided not to because afraid of losing his chances.
“I’m sorry,” he blurted out. He realized he was crying when the view was too blurry and what he tried to swallow down was his sobs. “I was reckless. I shouldn’t—I should’ve—Fang was right. If only I didn’t want to go to the headquarters, maybe we could find another way. Maybe—”
Maybe Fang, Ying, Yaya, and Koko Ci wouldn’t be left behind and Boboiboy wouldn’t blame himself for their unknown fate. Maybe they could still have a fighting chance if they retreated first. If Boboiboy is following the order from the start, then—
“—Maybe Solar, Halilintar, Taufan, and Duri wouldn’t be taken away from you. I promised I will do anything, so— I’m sorry.”
Then it clicked on him. It wasn’t the elementals that he feared. It was never the elementals that he was so proud of.
What Boboiboy’s scared of was—is—the failure he did as their holder. He’s afraid he failed them, but he did anyway.
“I’m sorry … I failed you.”
He remembered he finally knelt, with his forehead touching the ground.
It became some sort of norm after that. He dreamed of almost kneeling while holding Taufan—Beliung’s hands as he apologized for not being strong enough and letting him lose control. He also dreamed of facing Blaze and Ice once again, this time apologizing for separating them for so long to the point they’re almost at war due to not recognizing each other.
The dream—Boboiboy was reluctant to call it a nightmare—always came whenever he failed them yet he never minds it. He deserves it, actually. If the nightmares are his only method to properly convey his guilt and let him apologize to them, he’d rather have these nightmares. He failed them as their holder, after all.
( He doesn’t want them to think and view him as Retak’ka. That is another thing he’s scared of. )
Once again, as if several times before isn’t enough, Boboiboy failed them. Again.
If only he took a moment, even if just for a second, to collect his thoughts and assess the situation first. If only he didn’t follow the empress words’ blindly to change into Halilintar. If only he didn’t grab the sword.
Halilintar came into his dream that night with his form that took on a resemblance of his element more than the human form. Perhaps it’s because of the stark difference than any other elementals that appear in his dream, Boboiboy found himself moved to hug the figure.
He would like to believe Halilintar never hurt him with his thunder and not because his figure slowly slipped away from his touch. He would like to believe that nothing is wrong, it’s just him that is more exhausted than usual.
“It hurts…!” the voice sounded so raw and desperate it brought tears almost instantly to his eyes. The hands on his back clenched so tight yet Boboiboy and perhaps Halilintar could feel it start to slip away, any moment all of this could end and Boboiboy tried.
He hugged him, pulling him and burying his head to his shoulder. His hands trying to cover everything he can as if trying to hide Halilintar away from him. “Not again … please !”
“I’m sorry…” He choked on his sobs. As if he never cried when he heard Halilintar’s plea for help.
Halilintar never asked for help. His most trusted and reliable Halilintar. Even at the hands of Retak’ka back then, he never pleaded for help. Yet when he needed it most … What can he do aside from spitting apologizes?
Boboiboy never felt more ashamed than he is right now. He failed them. He failed Halilintar.
He even failed them once again despite having Gempa and Ice fusing as Glacier to help them. Seriously, what is it that he can do aside from being a failure? Can he really consider himself as an elemental holder?
Perhaps the elementals also had enough of him when once again he dreamed of facing them. He didn’t have any ounce of bravery to even raise his head. What kind of face did they make? Sad? Disappointed? Angry? Disgust?
Whatever it is, it’s something that Boboiboy never expected from them. So it came as a shock when someone tackled him to the ground in the form of … a hug.
Huh?
“Stop! Stop whatever it is you want to say!”
“LIKE HELL I would let you say anything now!”
He … blinked; completely lost for words. He could finally make out the figures as Duri and Blaze. They are hugging him. Just like what Halilintar did a few nights ago.
They shouldn’t— What—
“Tuanku.” Boboiboy looked up to find himself with the golden orbs, gazing at him with a mix of hurt but also understanding.
Gempa kneeled in front of him, golem gloves on his hands felt so warm to the point it brought him to tears once again. He tried to open his mouth again, “I’m sor—”
“Didn’t you hear what Duri and Blaze said, Tuanku? You used up all of your turns,” Taufan stood beside him with a hand on his shoulder, sapphire eyes glistening with tears despite the cheery tone he made. “It’s our turn now.”
Perhaps it’s because of how overwhelming the situation is happening, he couldn’t find it in himself to make a protest. That did satisfy the wind manipulator if his chuckle is a sort of indication.
“I thought Hang Kasa already mentioned it to you, but to be able to hold onto seven elemental powers without any significant drawback is a feat in itself.” Another voice followed with two figures approaching them. Boboiboy moved his gaze to find Solar staring at him in his eyes. “If we put aside your low self-esteem, that is.”
He could hear a faint ‘smartass’ from beside him, but before looking for whoever it was, Ice is already standing beside him to pull Blaze away in one swift motion. “What Solar wants to say is Tuanku doesn’t need to doubt yourself.”
The smile on Ice’s face reminded him of an ice chocolate in the middle of summer. “You already proved yourself enough.”
Boboiboy opened and closed his mouth several times, his eyes moving to each and one of the elementals. As he realized who was absent among them, he finally found his voice again. “But I failed you. Because of me, Halilintar—”
“Halilintar would never think you failed him.” Gempa dismissed his words so easily, so sure of himself. As if it was Halilintar himself who told Gempa to relay on his words to him.
“Tuanku,” Gempa softly called upon him. If this was under normal circumstances, Boboiboy would comment on the way they referred to him—he’s certainly not a royalty like Kuputeri, so why that title—but there’s something with the way they can finally exchange words that rendered him speechless once again. “You need to believe in yourself.”
Can Boboiboy, really? Believe in them? Believing his pathetic, always doomed-to-fail of an elemental holder?
Duri slowly moves from his place, slowly sitting with his hands still busy wiping his tears. His eyes burned with determination though, staring right through his face. “If Tuanku doesn’t believe in himself, then believe in us!”
“Please believe in us who believe in you!”
Boboiboy abruptly woke up from the sound of rumbling thunder in the distance. It grounds him, as if leading him to gather his thoughts from the abrupt awakening. He never felt so safe hearing the sound of thunder … but at the same time, the situation is still dire. He forced himself up.
The plan is, on the contrary to what everyone initially believed, consists of Oakuat being splitted to parts instead of only himself who would consume it. He swirled the remaining juice inside the tumbler from Qually before gulping it down in one go.
If he wants to believe in himself, he needs to make an effort for it, no? Moreover, he believes in his elementals.
His elementals who believe in himself.
A door is pushed open, and Boboiboy lets himself muster up a grin.
He wondered if Duri would love the new name. Balak doesn’t sound really cool, now that he thinks about it. Rimba sounds better, no?
End.