Archive of Our Own

Minho knew. He had known forever. And probably they all did. How Jisung had held his hand while rapping for the first time. The happy tears in Jisung’s eyes had run mostly for Minho when they found out he and Felix would be a part of Stray Kids. Of course, without Felix, Stray Kids wouldn’t be anything, but Minho was his person. Minho knew that. He had seen it in many ways during the years.

But no. He didn’t feel the same.

Not that he didn’t love Jisung, he did very much. But in a different, a brotherly way. Jisung was his best friend, and he cared about him a lot.

The night they knew they would debut together; Minho had woken up at the doorms in the middle of the night. When getting some water to drink he found Jisung on the sofa, wide awake.

“Go to bed, Jisungie.”

“I can’t sleep,” the younger said, and Minho took that as a sign to sit down.

“You must be exhausted,” he said and leaned back.

Jisung looked at him, eyes glittering. “It has been worse for you.”

Minho looked down at his hands but shrugged.

“I’m just really happy to be back here again with you guys,” he said and smiled. “Everything is fine, so why can’t you sleep?”

“You are one to talk,” Jisung teased.

Minho nodded towards the kitchen. “Just needed some water. Now, back to you.”

Jisung sighed. “I was really afraid that we would go on without you two.”

“Me too,” Minho revealed.

“I don’t know if I would have been able to do that,” Jisung said while looking down. “To think about Stray Kids without Felix and you…”

Minho put his arm around the younger and pulled him closer. “We are here now, right?”

“I’m just afraid that we will wake up tomorrow and it’s not gonna be true,” he said. “Like it’s a bad dream or something.”

“Would I do this if this was a dream?” Minho said and smiled while pinching Jisung’s arm.

“Ey hyung,” he laughed and tried getting away. But Minho held him back.

“Let’s sleep, Jisungie,” he said and the other relaxed against his shoulder.

“Let me sleep here with you.” He pulled his knees against his chest while leaning closer to the older. “Don’t go anywhere.”

And Minho didn’t. It wasn’t the most comfortable night in his life, but if Jisung needed him he wouldn’t go anywhere.

Minho understood just how important he was to this young boy that night. The way Jisung cuddled up next to him on that couch, with his face pressed to Minho’s shoulder. And in the same way that he knew that Jisung was in love with him, Jisung knew that Minho was not. And during all these years, he never, in any form, asked him to reciprocate.

Chan found them like that the next morning. While Jisung hadn’t been disturbed Minho had woken up exchanging eyes with the leader. He knew that Chan also knew. But he didn’t say anything. No one ever said anything.

***

It had been almost five years since they debuted. Minho and Jisung were best friends. They even called each other soulmates, because that was what they were. Minho couldn’t imagine a life without Jisung. But he was still his little brother.

They spent a lot of time together. Stay had noticed their relationship and saw them as a good pairing. Minho didn’t mind. He loved Jisung, but just as a brother. Nothing had changed. He still knew. But still didn’t feel the same.

It was different now though. Jisung’s feelings had gone from something that resembled a crush, that Minho thought would pass in a few months, to something bigger. Something Minho had gotten used to. He always counted on those red cheeks, those a little too long looks, those sneak peeks when he thought Minho wasn’t watching.

***

Jisung was pretty. Minho had always thought that Jisung was pretty. But in the most innocent way. Sure, this past year Minho had caught himself thinking about it a bit more. Jisung had grown up and left those boyish teenage years behind him. Minho had, more often than before, found himself poking those cheeks every time Jisung hoarded food during their meals. And every time Jisung grinned at him, with his mouth full of whatever Minho had paid for that day.

Outside the cameras, Minho never said anything like that to the other. In front of the cameras and Stay he called Jisung pretty all the time and had all kinds of pet names for him. But when they were alone, he never talked like that. So, the first time it happened, Minho didn’t even notice it.

“Can you say three things you like about the person to your right,” the reporter asked.

It was interview day, and it was their third and last one before going back to dance rehearsals.

Minho looked to his right to meet Jisung’s eyes. It was so easy when it was him. Well, it was easy with any member, but there were so many more than three things he could think of.

“Lee Know,” Chan said and gave him the microphone.

“Ah, Hannie,” Minho said and smiled. “Today he is handsome, and always good at everything and…”

He dragged the last one out and pretended to think about it.

“Hyung,” Jisung said and slapped his arm, which made him chuckle. “It’s not that hard.”

Minho laughed and looked at the camera. “And cute.”

He winked at the camera; knowing that Stay would love it.

Afterwards, they thanked everyone before heading back to their cars. Minho, Jisung, and Chan shared.

“Should we get something to eat on our way back?” Chan asked and looked down at his phone.

“I can always eat,” Jisung said, and Minho elbowed him.

“Only because I’m always the one paying.”

After some discussion with other members over the phone they were split into two groups. Jisung wanted chicken and had convinced Minho that he, in fact, also wanted chicken. The two of them dropped Chan off with the rest while heading to one of their favorite places.

At the restaurant, Minho made sure that Jisung got everything he needed until he was full. He put some of everything on his plate and ushered him to eat.

“Take the last one,” he said at the last bite of fried chicken.

“No, hyung,” Jisung said with his cheeks stuffed. “You take it.”

It turned into a war. Minho placed it on Jisung's plate, while the other put it on his own. Back and forth, until Minho forced it into Jisung’s mouth.

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” He put his chopsticks down.

Jisung struggled for a minute before he was able to swallow everything.

“I’m not gonna be able to dance after this,” he said and patted his stomach. “And it’s gonna be your fault.”

Minho chuckled. “My fault?”

“Yep, and I’m telling Channie-hyung that,” he said and looked at him pointedly.

“Hyung knows you well enough to realize that you put yourself in this situation,” Minho said and drank the last of his water.

“You force-fed me just now,” Jisung said, pointing towards the empty plates.

Minho looked at Jisung to the plates and then back again. His mouth had turned into a pout, the one that occurred even if he didn’t try.

“You are so pretty,” Minho said softly while looking at the younger.

And there it was. The first time Minho had uttered something like that to Jisung without the cameras around. He didn’t notice it himself. Jisung on the other hand, watched how Minho went back to scraping his plate clean and stared for a few seconds before he pretended nothing had happened.

***

There was a moment. A moment that changed everything for Minho, and it took him by surprise. It wasn’t big. Nothing like the dramas where the boy caught the girl falling, or standing under the same umbrella in the rain, staring into each other’s eyes.

It was during a shooting for one of their variety shows. A sequel to Finding SKZ, where they were supposed to do missions about love. In one mission they had their heart rate monitored, and the goal was to keep it as low as possible while the members were throwing all kinds of compliments at them.

When it was Minho’s turn he thought he did pretty well. That was until Jisung had an idea.

“I’ll give you a kiss.”

At first, he didn’t think anything of it. It was obvious Jisung would think of something like that, as Stay would go crazy for it. Minho looked at him with a smile when he stepped forward, making kissing sounds with a pouty mouth. Whatever Jisung was about to do, he didn’t think it would be a real kiss.

Jisung kneeled behind him and a few seconds later the younger arms wrapped around his waist. Minho didn’t realize what happened at first. He could feel it, a pair of soft lips pressed against his neck. And it was nice, very nice, so nice that a few seconds went past without Minho realizing. And when he finally did, it was for two reasons: first being the cameras. Of course, he and Jisung had flirted in every way when the cameras were around but kissing for real had never been a part of that. And second; it was a surprise that he didn’t, in fact, react to it right away.

He moved away from Jisung, still on his knees. He placed a hand over the skin where Jisung left an invisible mark. He looked back at the younger who just smiled. No one seemed to notice anything out of the ordinary. But Minho’s heart was racing. It took a lot of concentration to go back to what they were doing. And push all those confusing thoughts to the back of his mind. It wasn’t time for that now. It would have to wait.

***

And it did wait. Until that night when Minho had gone to bed. The darkness and quiet of the room made his brain do a straight line right into the memory box from the day. Never had anything with him and Jisung taken this much space in his head before.

Not only did he catch himself thinking about it that night, but he also found himself wanting to think about it. And not about how he was feeling, but about the kiss. About how his stomach turned that comfortable way when he placed his hand over his neck again.

If Minho was nervous about how he or Jisung would be acting around each other in the next few days he wouldn’t have to be. Everything was as usual. And Minho couldn’t say that he had some big realization when he saw Jisung. He looked at the younger the same way as always. His feelings weren’t in any way altered. Which made him believe that this kiss was just an isolated incident that his brain had decided to believe was something more.

It wasn’t until a few days later when they were at rehearsal that Minho noticed it again.

He was sitting on the stage, minding his own business during a break.

“Water?” Jisung sat down next to him with a bottle in his hand.

Minho took it and drank while the younger fell on his back, lying spread out on the ground.

“Tired?” Minho asked.

“Yep.”

“Remember to eat,” he reminded.

Jisung lifted his head to look at him. “If you pay.”

Minho slapped his leg. “Shut up.”

Jisung laughed and sat up. They stayed quiet for a minute, no one felt the need to say anything. When the bottle was emptied, by both of them taking turns, Minho finally looked at him. He tried to find something there that he hadn’t seen before. But it was still the same Jisung.

“You know I’ll pay,” he said after staring for what would be considered too long.

The younger smiled. “I know.”

“Not even a thanks, huh?” Minho shook his head and looked away.

At that moment Chan called them back from break, and Minho didn’t even have time to react before Jisung jumped on his feet. Then he bent down behind Minho and wrapped his arms around his waist, helping him up.

Minho heard the giggle in his ear. How the breath stained his neck, how it tickled his hairline. And as a flash, he was back to a few days ago with that kiss. The feeling of those lips.

He wanted it. He wanted Jisung to kiss him on his neck. Right then and there. Or a reason for him to do it. For a second, he thought it would happen when feeling Jisung’s head move closer.

“Thanks, hyung.”

The words landed on his neck, right underneath his ear. A storm grew in the pit of Minho’s stomach as he wanted to fall back into those arms around his waist. And for a moment he was about to, before he straightened up and composed himself. The younger let go and turned to Chan as if nothing had happened. As if he hadn’t just turned Minho’s whole inside into mush. It almost felt rude how quick he was to leave his side. As if Minho didn’t want him there. As if he didn’t want Jisung’s arm around him, and his lips back on his neck.

***

He needed it to happen again. Minho had spent every night thinking about Jisung, and all he wanted was that little kiss. Nothing more. Just a backhug with a pair of lips.

He contemplated how he would go about it. And waiting for the opportunity for it to happen again, where Jisung just happened to kiss him seemed too unlikely. And he had no idea how he would try to put them in that situation. Then there was the thing with Jisung already being in love with him. He didn’t want it to become a big deal if he, in fact, didn’t feel like the second kiss was as magical as the first one. The possibility that this incident was only a one-time thing still seemed pretty much likely, according to Minho himself.

So, he concluded that the fairest way to do this was simply just to ask for it. But how he would do that he had no idea.

The opportunities came and went. He and Jisung spent a lot of time only the two of them, so he wouldn’t have a problem with privacy. But it was nerve-wracking. When a week went by without him daring to ask the question, he started to have trouble concentrating on anything else. Every time he was in Jisung’s company he tried looking for an opportunity. They came from time to time, and he blew it again and again.

One evening Minho stayed in the dance studio after rehearsal, working a bit on a new choreography. Dancing always saved him from this sort of stuff, not that asking for kisses from your best friend was anything near stuff he usually had a problem with.

“I should have figured.”

The voice made him turn to the door. He already knew who it was, recognizing that voice from anywhere.

“Coming from the one who spends all their free time in the studio,” Minho snapped back.

Jisung closed the door behind him and dropped his bag on the floor. “That’s not true.”

It wasn’t. Both knew that most of their free time was spent with each other. But none of them said that.

“You’re here to join me?” Minho asked and looked at Jisung through the mirror.

He already knew the answer, and the plan to get his mind off everything that had to do with this man was falling apart.

They tried to focus for a while, but sooner rather than later their rehearsal turned into them putting on funny songs and ugly dancing to them. Their laughs echoed through the studio, and soon they were spread out on the floor, catching their breaths.

“I’ll need a minute,” Minho said, shoulders shaking with laughter.

He watched Jisung get on his feet to grab his phone, turning the music off. Minho sat up, letting the silence drive away the laughter. He ran his hand through his hair, noticing the dampness from the sweat. But it wasn’t only from dancing. Now was the time to finally do it. He knew if he didn’t ask him now, he never would.

Minho let himself feel what he had been feeling the last few weeks. While Jisung had his back to him, looking at his phone, he could really take his time to see him. How Jisung’s shoulder and back were hunched just a bit forward, looking down at the phone. How he could see muscles moving underneath the t-shirt when shifting slightly where he stood. What a stupid thought, thinking he hadn’t seen this man any differently. To believe that Jisung was the same Jisung he had always been. Stupid.

“Sungie,” Minho said with a low voice.

Jisung hummed, not looking up. Minho was glad that he didn’t.

“Do you remember that show we were shooting a few weeks ago?”

“We’ve been shooting a lot of shows, hyung,” Jisung said and glanced at him. “Give me more than that.”

“You know the one where we tried raising each other’s pulses,” Minho explained.

Jisung chuckled and nodded. “Yeah, I remember, what about it?”

Minho folded his knees in front of him, looking at a spot right over Jisung’s head.

“Do you remember what you did to me?”

Jisung looked up at the ceiling, thinking.

“Uhm, yeah,” he laughed. “I remember.”

All Minho’s courage ran out. He didn’t say anything else as his eyes dropped. Jisung looked over at him. Phone still in his hand.

“Hyung?”

Minho swallowed, not daring to meet his eyes.

“What is it?” Jisung turned fully to him, putting his phone away.

“I-“ Minho started. “I was wondering if you could maybe do that again?”

If a needle were to fall to the ground, it would have sounded like an explosion in the silence that fell in the room. Minho was very focused on the floor as the seconds dragged by as if they were hours.

Then a chuckle.

“I don’t know if you are messing with me?”

Jisung’s voice was careful. Minho felt the response stung him in the middle of the chest. He forgot about his nerves and wanted Jisung to understand that he wasn’t messing with him.

He met his eyes. “I’m not.”

Now it was Jisung’s turn to look away.

“Why?” Jisung’s words were sharper than expected.

“Because I want you to.”

The younger furrowed his eyebrows. “Yeah, but why?”

Minho sighed and looked away for a few seconds before meeting his eyes again.

“If you don’t want to, that’s okay.”

Minho was an idiot. The thought of Jisung denying the request hadn’t crossed his mind. Had he been so selfish to think just because the younger was in love with him he would gladly accept the chance to be close to him like that? To think he would even suggest this just because he wanted to know how he was feeling.

“You know what,” Minho said. “Forget this. It’s stupid. I’m sorry.”

“No, I-“ Jisung still looked as confused as before but smiled half a smile. “I’ll do it.”

Minho’s heart beat hard in his chest. “Sungie, you don’t have to.”

The younger ignored him.

“Now?” Jisung asked, cheeks a bit red.

Minho lost his ability to breathe for a few seconds. “Yeah, I mean- if you want…”

The younger stayed where he was for a few moments as if to contemplate if he was doing it or not. But soon he stepped forward and rounded Minho, crouching behind him. His arms slowly found their way around Minho’s waist, giving him the back hug he so desperately wanted. Jisung didn’t hold back, and Minho was glad this felt as natural as anything else between them.

Soft lips appeared on his neck. Even before he could fully feel them, he knew he would want them there again and again. Minho leaned back into Jisung’s arms. It was even better than last time, as he could embrace it fully. He wanted to stay like that, with Jisung pressed to his back.

But it would end. The lips disappeared and Minho could feel Jisung’s arms slowly release. He grabbed them.

“Wait.”

It was a whisper, but he wasn’t ready to let him go yet. He wanted to stay like that for a minute more.

“No.”

The word surprised him, and the younger pulled back to get up on his feet. Minho stared at him while he went back to the place where they had dropped their bags.

“Sungie?” Minho said, waiting for a response while getting to his feet.

Jisung stood with his back towards him. Minho felt sick. Afraid he had gone too far.

“You know how I feel,” Jisung’s voice was low, and he still had his back to him.

“Sung-” Minho started.

“Don’t you?” the younger’s voice was harder as he turned his face just a bit, looking at him in the corner of his eyes.

There it was. The point of no return.

“Yes,” Minho’s voice was firm but low.

It took a few seconds before Jisung raised his arm, drying his eyes. Then he turned to the other. A small smile on his face, but his eyes glittered.

“It was just a matter of time before we would have to stop pretending that I’m not in love with you,” he said with such ease that it even took Minho by surprise.

Their eyes met. After five years it was out in the open.

“Haven’t you told anyone?” Minho asked.

Jisung shrugged. “Everyone already knows.”

“Yeah, but haven’t you had anyone to talk to about it?”

Jisung continued to wipe the tears. “If I talk to people then I couldn’t pretend that you didn’t know. And I needed to pretend that you didn’t know.”

“But you could have pretended I was really dense about it,” Minho said, smiling a bit.

Jisung laughed. “But I know you aren’t. And talking about it would have made it real, you know.”

Minho nodded. “I’m just sorry that you had to go through it alone.”

“Haven’t you talked to anyone about it?” Jisung asked.

“No, it didn’t feel fair to you.”

“Then you have been alone in it too,” Jisung said and shook his head.

Minho chuckled. “But it has been easy for me because I can pretend I don’t know and it doesn’t affect me. And knowing you are in love with me is really really really flattering because you are the best person I know.”

Jisung grimaced. “Don’t say that, hyung.”

“Sorry,” Minho said. “And I am sorry if I have ever treated you badly. I don’t think I have had your feelings in consideration all the time.”

“No, you’re good,” Jisung said, shaking his head. “It’s been clear in how you have behaved, depending on if the cameras are around or not.”

Minho nodded thoughtfully. It was quiet for a few seconds, reality catching up to them.

“So…” Jisung started. “Can I ask what’s this all about?”

Minho sighed and scratched his neck.

“Uhm, I’ve had some confusing feelings the last few weeks,” he said and Jisung nodded, trying to look serious.

“You liked it when I kissed you?” he asked, failing to hide a smile. “Honestly I’m not too surprised.”

Minho raised his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

Jisung rolled his eyes. “You’ve stepped up your game this last year.”

“I have?”

He nodded.

“You called me pretty a few weeks ago.”

Minho shook his head. “I have called you pretty thousand times.”

“Yeah, but it was just the two of us,” Jisung explained. “When we were eating chicken after those interviews.”

Minho furrowed his eyebrows, thinking back on it.

Then he remembered. “Holy shit, I did.”

Jisung smiled. “See, you have upped your game. And it’s been times when I have wondered.”

Minho ran his hand through his hair, thinking about the last year. He hadn’t noticed anything different, except that he had spent a little more time thinking about Jisung. About how much he appreciated him. Apparently, that had been showing in his behavior. It went quiet while Minho thought back on the last year. But a minute later Jisung cleared his throat.

“So, hyung,” he said while looking down at the ground. “This time, did you like it?”

The younger fiddled with his sweater. When he finally looked up Minho nodded.

“I liked it.”

Jisung tried to hide a smile, and Minho wanted to grab and hold on to those cheeks. But Jisung composed himself as he straightened up. With mischievous eyes, he looked at Minho.

“Close your eyes,” he said.

Minho watched him before Jisung nudged his elbow to do as he was told. When he did Jisung stepped closer, their t-shirts brushing lightly against each other. His heart danced as if on fire when Jisung’s hair tickled Minho’s chin. A pair of lips was pressed against his skin for a second time that day. On the spot over his collarbone.

Jisung lingered for a second after the kiss, his breath tickled the spot before he backed away. Minho hadn’t prepared for this. It took all his strength to keep his legs straight, knowing one small push would send him crashing to the ground.

When he opened his eyes Jisung smiled at him, a bit closer than before.

“Did you like that?”

Minho nodded again. “Yeah.”

Jisung’s eyes wandered over his face.

“That is all I can give you right now,” he said with a low voice.

“Okay,” Minho whispered.

The younger smiled. “You gonna have to figure the rest out by yourself.”

“Okay.” Another whisper. He understood that he probably asked more from Jisung than what was fair to him.

The younger bent down to pick up his bag from the floor. “I’m here when you’re ready.”

He turned to go, but Minho grabbed his wrist, stopping him.

“Have I hurt you?” The question was both from what just happened, but also the years prior.

Jisung grinned while throwing his bag over his shoulder. “Not yet.”

***

Minho was happy. And when he saw Jisung again the next day, he got even happier. The younger greeted him with the same type of happiness that Minho felt. They made sure they weren’t left alone together during the day. But they kept close when the other members were there, just like they usually did. Right next to each other, making sure a shoulder bumped into another shoulder while walking between appointments.

They ended their day in the recording studio, working on a new song. It was Minho’s turn in the booth. Outside was Chan directing him, and Jisung was listening from the couch. When almost all Minho’s lines were done Jisung got up and walked over to the other. He bent down towards the microphone so Minho could hear him.

“I’m leaving. See you tomorrow, hyung,” he said. “Good work.”

Minho saw him through the window walking towards the exit. Practically throwing the headphones off he rushed to the door to push it open.

“You’re going home?” Minho asked and Jisung turned to him.

He chuckled. It was a ridiculous question.

“Uhm, yeah,” he said.

Minho nodded and smiled half a smile. “Just wanted to say bye.”

Jisung nodded and dropped his gaze to the floor. His cheeks turned the faintest of red.

“Okay, uhm… bye then.”

Minho rubbed his neck.

“Yeah, bye.”

Jisung opened the door and walked out, then looked back to meet Minho’s eyes again.

“Bye.” They said it at the same time, both with red cheeks. When the door closed Minho stared at it a moment before turning to the studio again.

“What the hell was that?” Chan looked pointedly at Minho.

Minho fell onto the sofa and looked up at the ceiling.

“What do you mean?” he asked, knowing very well what Chan meant.

“Come on,” the older sighed. “You almost crashed the booth on your way out just to say bye. That’s new.”

Minho looked at him. “Jisung told me.”

Chan leaned back in his chair.

“Told you what?”

“That he is in love with me.”

Chan looked down at his hands. “Right. So, it finally happened?”

Minho nodded.

“He just decided to tell you out of the blue?”

“No,” Minho straightened up. “He said it after I asked him to kiss me.”

Chan’s mouth fell open, clearly prepared for a lot but not this.

“Wait wait wait wait wait,” he repeated. “You asked him what?”

“To kiss me,” Minho said and waved his hand. “On the neck, like he did that time when we recorded our pulses and stuff-“

“Yeah, okay okay, I remember,” Chan said as he tried to move on with the subject. “Why-what-why did you… what?”

Minho sighed again. “I liked it when he kissed me the first time, and I just wanted him to do it again, so I asked.”

“You don’t beat around the bush I guess,” Chan said, shaking his head.

“I needed to know.”

Chan hummed. “Did he do it?”

“Yes.”

“Did you like it?”

“Yes.”

“Do you like him?”

“Yes.”

“Like are you in love with him?”

The younger hummed and smiled. “Yes.”

Then he raised his eyebrows. “That’s the first time I have acknowledged that out loud.”

Chan smiled. “Congratulations.”

Minho crossed his arms and looked up at the ceiling again.

“What is the problem?” Chan asked. “It seemed like everything is good to go for the two of you.”

“I know,” Minho said. “But yesterday when he kissed me, twice. He said that was all he could do because I needed to figure the rest out myself.”

“He’s smart,” Chan said, getting up from the chair to sit beside Minho. “Probably a way for him to protect himself before he knows how you feel, or even before you know how you feel.”

“Yeah,” Minho ran his hand through his hair.

“But it does seem like you already have it figured out,” the older said after a while.

Minho straightened up again, now looking at Chan with furrowed eyebrows.

“Hyung,” he started. “It’s just that, everything will change. And we are a part of a group. And it will be different.”

Chan shook his head. “Is that what you are scared of?”

“Shouldn’t I be?”

The other smiled and placed a hand on Minho’s arm. “Look, everyone already knows about Jisung. And I don’t think they would be surprised if you were to tell them how you feel either.”

“Seems nobody would.”

Chan laughed. “I just mean that everybody sees you two as one already. And we have discussed you two between ourselves before.”

Minho glared at him. “You have?”

“Yeah,” Chan said. “Everybody is kind of just waiting for something to happen. And everyone is on the clear that we would prefer this rather than a heartbroken Jisung.”

Minho snorted. “As if I could ever break his heart.”

“Exactly. Go for it.” Chan patted his back. “I think it’s gonna hurt the group more if you decide against choosing him.”

Minho smiled. “Thanks.”

“No worries, but I will get tired of you two if you're always gonna behave like you did today,” Chan said and sighed. “We actually need to get some work done sometimes.”

“I will blame you though for talking me into this,” Minho said and pointed a finger at him.

“What do you mean ‘talked into’?” he asked. “I feel like this was a done deal before you even spoke to me about it.”

“Still, I got your blessing.”

“And please don’t let me regret it.”

***

The day after they went live for Stay on the afternoon. Minho deliberately wanted to keep away from Jisung because all he could focus on was to stop himself from being too obvious about his feelings. Stay would definitively notice a difference if they were sitting together.

But as luck had it, when sitting down for the live, he and Jisung automatically happened to be seated next to each other. Either they were drawn together like magnets, or the rest of the members ensured they were together because they always were.

Minho sat with Jisung to his right. Their knees were pressed together, and Minho couldn’t help looking where they touched. Jisung skin felt warm, with his jeans ripped open to reveal his knee. It took him all his power not to place his hands on the other’s leg, which wouldn’t be that weird because they touched each other’s legs all the time. All the members did. But he didn’t want to overstep.

But as soon as the live started, he knew he had a reason to casually touch the other, as they always did in front of the cameras. But Jisung, being clingy, was the first one to initiate it. His hands grabbed Minho’s knee while they were talking about something, and eventually lying in his lap laughing about their current conversation. Minho couldn’t do anything else than look at him and smile. Oh, what he wanted him to stay like that even after the cameras were gone.

Minho ended up not saying much. He thought that when he opened his mouth his voice would give up on him. And when they finally turned the cameras off, he fell against the back of the sofa with a groan.

“You going to be the death of me, Jisungie.”

He may have uttered it louder than he was planning to. Everybody went quiet and turned their heads to Minho, even Jisung whose eyes grew big as golf balls.

“That’s our cue,” Chan was quick on his feet. “Come on, kids, let’s go.”

Everybody stood up, even Jisung in confusion.

“Not you, stupid,” the leader pushed him back on the sofa.

Minho chuckled, his eyes never leaving the younger.

Jisung followed everybody with his eyes as they left, looking both afraid and curious. When the door closed he looked down at his hands.

“Sungie,” Minho said with a low voice, getting his attention.

Jisung glanced at him. Then back on his hands again.

“Don’t you want to talk to me?” Minho asked, still leaning back on the sofa.

“I do,” the younger said. “And I know what this is about.”

Minho sighed. “Yeah, I’ve been doing some thinking. Or not thinking. It hasn’t been much to think about really. The decision wasn’t very hard.”

Jisung smiled and looked at him.

“So, hyung,” he said. “Are you here to break my heart or not?”

Minho raised his eyebrows. “Do you think I would break your heart? Haven’t you noticed at all how I have been acting these last few days?”

Jisung looked down at his hands again. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure what you are feeling. But I’m not sure what you are thinking?”

He’s smart. Minho shook his head. Of course, Jisung would wonder. Because that’s what Minho did, he always thought too much.

“I talked to Chan about it,” he said.

Jisung nodded. “What did he say?”

“He said that the kids have talked about us,” he said. “And he thinks we should go for it, and so do the members.”

Jisung smiled down at his knees. “I’m not surprised they talked about us.”

Minho chuckled. “Me neither.”

At this, the younger looked up at him with a calm expression on his face.

“So you told me what Chan thinks, and how the kids think-“ Jisung turned to him with his knees folded in front of him on the sofa. “-but I don’t know how you think.”

Minho looked at him, his eyes wandered from the younger’s hair, hands, face and eyes. “I like you.”

Jisung grinned. “You like me, huh? Think you need to be a little more specific.”

Minho shook his head. “I like like you.”

“Oh a double like, that means that-“

“I want to be with you.”

Jisung froze for a second before smiling. Cheeks red. “Something like that.”

Minho rolled his eyes and Jisung jumped closer on the sofa. “I like like you too.”

Minho looked at him, his face was much closer now. His gaze dropped to Jisung’s lips. So soft they were and wondered if they were as soft on his lips as they had been on his neck.

“You want to kiss me?” Jisung whispered, smiling.

Minho swallowed but nodded.

Jisung leaned a bit closer.

“Well, sucks to be you then.” With those words, he got up on his feet.

Minho looked up at him, surprised. But Jisung was laughing.

“What was that?” the older asked.

“Ah, patience hyung,” Jisung said and grabbed his bag. “I waited five years for you. You can wait for a couple of days… or weeks.”

“Weeks?” Minho uttered, standing up.

“Well, I haven’t decided yet,” Jisung said while holding a laugh.

“Han Jisung, you are such a tease,” Minho yelled as Jisung ran towards the door. He hurried to slam it in Minho’s face as the older heard him giggling on the other side.

Minho chuckled when opening the door. Outside stood the younger, red in the face but with a happy expression.

“I’m going to allow you to walk me home though,” he said through his laughter.

Minho shook his head but smiled. “Of course, I always do.”

Jisung grinned with round cheeks. Minho couldn’t resist putting a finger on one of them.

“Cute.”

***

Jisung made him wait. Not that long but it was more than a couple of days. But Minho didn’t mind, he could wait. But at the same time, every time he looked at the other, knowing how they both felt, it was an urge to just sweep Jisung off his feet and hold him. Nothing more, just hold him close. He didn’t though, for obvious reasons.

Jisung usually ended his days in the studio. Sometimes Chan was there with him, sometimes Changbin, and sometimes both. Minho started going there in the evening. Not to do anything special, he just sat down on the sofa, waiting for Jisung to leave so he could walk him home. When Chan and Changbin were there too, they hung out together, but when it was only Jisung Minho let him work in peace.

One of the first night he had asked what he thought about Minho coming there.

“Do you mind me being here? Do you want me to go?”

Jisung had looked at him and smiled. “No, I don’t mind.”

Every night when Jisung was done, he turned off his computer, packed his bag, and waited by the door for Minho to come. Then they walked home together, Minho dropping Jisung off on his way.

The rest of the time they would almost behave as normal. But the rest of the members noticed something different, as they were touchier than before. But they never crossed a line. It was still the same affection, but more of it. Minho didn’t pressure Jisung for anything. The control lay with the younger, as he was the one to decide when they would take the next step. Minho did have a hard time waiting, but he knew that for whatever reason Jisung had to wait, he needed it. And that was okay.

But one time Minho couldn’t stop himself. It was during a rehearsal for a new choreography, and the cameras were there to shoot some videos. Minho had occupied the very uncomfortable bench in the dance studio to take a nap during a break.

“Lee Know is sleeping,” he heard the younger kids talking about him. “We need to wake him up soon.”

“I don’t dare,” Felix said as he and Hyunjin fought about who was losing their arm trying to wake him. Jisung came up to them, laughing about the situation. Minho could hear them whispering.

“Just yell in his ear, that will do the trick,” he heard Jisung say.

He heard someone stepping closer, taking that as his cue to look up.

“I will hit you,” he said with a serious tone.

Jisung looked down at him with Felix and Hyunjin watching over his shoulder.

“What do you mean?” Jisung said pushing him to the side. “I’m just here to join you hyung. I’m sleepy too.”

It wasn’t believable in the slightest, but Minho didn’t protest when he lay down next to him. The other two turned their mischiefs elsewhere, leaving them alone.

“I’m gonna fall,” Jisung said and grabbed Minho’s waist. The older wrapped an arm around him to hold him in place.

“What was the plan?” Minho asked and chuckled at how clumsy Jisung was, trying to find a somewhat comfortable position. This would include some limbs over Minho’s chest and legs.

“This works,” Jisung said and closed his eyes when he found a position where his face was hidden into Minho’s shoulder.

“It does not,” Minho said and shook his head. “If you fall asleep like this, I believe it’s the best-hidden talent you’ve got.”

Jisung glanced up at him. “Maybe the plan wasn’t to fall asleep.”

“No?”

He shook his head. “Maybe I had another excuse.”

They whispered, not letting the cameras pick up any of their words.

“Okay then,” Minho said smiling. “Good plan, I approve.”

He closed his eyes leaning his head to his side, so it just happened to keep his face close to the top of Jisung’s head.

Minho could smell the fresh shampoo and closed his eyes.

“Ah Jisungie,” he whispered. ”How long are you keeping me waiting?”

He couldn’t stop himself. Lying there with Jisung wrapped around him, but still out of reach.

***

Many days after Minho had told Jisung he wanted to be with him, they were at the studio at the end of the day as usual. Minho had shown up when he was done with his schedule for the day. Chan was there too, working with Jisung on a new song they would release for the next album. Minho found his way to the sofa, sitting down while picking up his phone. That was usually the thing that kept him occupied while waiting for the other. Sometimes he would help with a song or hang out with the others, but when it was only him and Jisung he would go back to looking at his phone.

It didn’t take long before Chan said his goodbyes and left. He hadn’t mentioned anything since their talk, and Minho understood that the leader let them handle it the way they saw fit. Minho was grateful for this.

He and Jisung didn’t talk for almost an hour, both focused on their own thing. Well, Minho paused from time to time to watch Jisung's work. He liked watching him. And sometimes the younger could feel him looking and raising his head to meet his eyes. Then they smiled before going back to what they were doing.

It was weird how this routine hadn’t existed for long, but how comfortable it was. It was Minho’s best part of the day coming here. But this night didn’t end as it usually did, with Jisung gathering his stuff and waiting for Minho by the door. When Jisung was done with his work, he turned his computer off. But instead of getting up to leave, he leaned back on the chair and watched Minho.

The older noticed the silence and looked up at Jisung. Their eyes met for a few seconds but not a word was spoken. The younger got up from his chair and walked to the couch to sit at the other end. Minho was following him with his eyes, tension rising in the air.

When Jisung turned to the older he didn’t even look at him, just at the space between them. Minho didn’t know what to do. He didn’t dare say anything as he was afraid it would scare the other. Whatever Jisung was getting at he had to let him get there by himself. That’s why he had gone back to looking at his phone. He figured that the last thing the younger needed was a pair of eyes staring at him. In the corner of his eyes, he saw that the younger raised his head to watch him again. Minho didn’t move, unlike his heart which jumped around in his chest.

After some time Jisung put his feet on the couch, stretching his legs towards Minho. Feet playing with the other’s thigh. Minho chuckled and looked down. Without being able to resist, he reached out a hand and tickled him.

“Ay,” Jisung grimaced and pulled back.

Minho smirked and went back to his phone while Jisung scooted closer. He glanced at him while the younger made himself comfortable, hiding his toes underneath Minho’s thigh, bending his legs knees pressed to his chest.

Oh, he was close now. His hair covered part of his eyes. Because Minho knew Jisung so well, he could see that the younger was nervous. While Minho was brave enough to sneak glances at the other now, Jisung seemed determined to avoid eye contact as he played with Minho’s leg. He playfully pinched the spot above Minho’s knees, tickling him. Unfortunately, it hurt more than tickled because of a bruise from earlier that day.

“Ow,” Minho instinctively slapped away Jisung’s hand.

Jisung laughed and stopped. “I’m sorry.”

It was the first time he looked up to meet Minho’s eyes since he had moved so close. It felt like a privilege to look at him, to see his cheeks reddening just slightly under his gaze.

“It’s okay.”

The words were low and soft, as if Minho had forgotten all about it staring at the other. But when the silence rang in the studio, the tension grew stronger. Minho cleared his throat.

“Just a bruise,” he mumbled, looking back at his knee. His hand rubbed the place over his pants. Jisung reached out and played with Minho’s fingers. Tapping on each of the knuckles. His skin burned with every touch. He had held Jisung’s hand many times, but never with this intention. And he couldn’t wait to intertwine their fingers.

“Yeah?” Jisung’s voice sounded a bit distant as if his thought went high-wired just as Minho’s.

Both looked at their hands as if no one was brave enough to do anything more. Minho wanted to, but he had promised himself that Jisung would have to take all the steps. He sneaked a look at the younger’s side profile while the other stared down at their fingers. How elegant he was, with a small smile on his lips, big round eyes, and cheeks tinted with red. Jisung was perfect. Absolutely, without a doubt, mind-blowingly perfect.

So the question he had asked before slipped out again.

“How long are you keeping me waiting?” he whispered, watching for a reaction.

The younger looked up at him, their faces only inches apart. He raised his shoulder. “I was thinking five years.”

Minho smiled. “Yeah?”

Jisung nodded and let himself fall into the other’s side; his knees still pressed to his chest. Minho followed him with his eyes, seeing how he leaned his head on his shoulder.

Jisung looked down at their hands again. Now fiddling until he had grabbed two of them and stroked their knuckles with his thumb.

When he looked up at Minho, with his head still on his shoulder, Minho was certain that he couldn’t wait much longer. They were so close now that Minho could have counted the eyelashes. He probably would have had time to do that, with how long they were staring at each other.

Jisung’s gaze dropped to his lips. After shifting slightly, he raised his head and kissed him. It was soft and quick, so much so that Minho hadn’t even had time to close his eyes. And it was over.

But the smile on Jisung’s face proved it happened. It was a new smile, a smile that Minho hadn’t seen before.

“What happened to five years?” Minho asked.

The younger looked away, chewing on his bottom lip. “Screw that.”

And while Jisung had been the one to take the lead up to this point, now it seemed as if his courage gave in. His cheeks flushed and when he finally looked up at Minho again, it took a few seconds before Jisung nudged his chin with his nose.

Minho knew what that meant. He knew Jisung so well, and now he was glad they could communicate without using their words. So many times it had happened before. Nudging Minho with an arm or leg when he wanted Minho to take over. It mostly happened in private, and it had never been a nose to a chin-nudge before. But Minho knew the signs, the look on Jisung’s face. Telling him it was his turn.

Minho didn’t need to hold back anymore. With Jisung’s permission, he could finally show the younger what he had been feeling.

He shifted with his eyes on Jisung’s lips. He wrapped his arms around Jisung’s waist. The younger’s feet were quickly moved over to his other side, so his legs rested on Minho’s lap. Bringing him closer.

Minho kissed him. This time with a bit more force. It was the kiss where they learned about each other. How they felt, how their lips worked together. All the things they didn’t know, because this was new territory. This was a new part of Jisung that Minho had the privilege to get to know.

The best part was that Jisung was not even surprised by the change. As much as Minho was into it, Jisung was too. Minho stroked the other’s back and grabbed his waist, while Jisung’s hands found their way to his neck, brushing his thumbs on Minho’s jawline.

But after a minute Jisung leaned back, looking at Minho for a few seconds. Then he pulled back, throwing himself backward on the sofa, hands covering his face.

“I need a minute,” he said, chest raising with deep breaths.

Minho raised his eyebrows, confused. Until his eyes grew bigger and he unwillingly dropped them to the place a few inches below Jisung’s belly.

Jisung looked at him between his fingers and noticed how Minho had read the situation.

“No, hyung,” he groaned and pulled his knees up to his chest. “Not that.”

Minho blinked a few times and looked up again. “Oh.”

It was maybe a small disappointment in his voice, that he hoped that Jisung didn’t notice. Even if he wasn’t planning on doing anything like that tonight. But never the less, it would have been flattering as hell.

“What is it then?” he asked as Jisung glared at him, sitting up.

“It’s stupid,” the younger said and looked down.

“Probably,” Minho teased and Jisung threw a pillow at him so he added; “I’m just kidding.”

Jisung laughed. “It’s- it’s a lot of emotions right now.”

Minho furrowed his eyebrows. “Good or bad ones?”

“Good ones,” Jisung said. “Only good ones.”

Minho smiled. “So what’s the problem?”

Jisung shook his head.

“It’s not really a problem,” he said and fiddled with the end of his pants-leg. “But this right now, it is the first time that I’ve actually let myself believe that you like me-“

“I’m in love with you,” Minho corrected. “I’m not just liking you, it’s so much more than that.”

Jisung flushed. “Yeah, okay, that you…that. But it’s scary.”

He glanced up at Minho who stayed quiet, letting Jisung say what he needed to say.

“Scary in a good way,” he continued. “But I’ve been waiting five years. I just feel a lot of things and if we would have kept going I was afraid I would start crying.”

He said it so quickly, looking down at his hands again, clearly embarrassed.

“I get it,” Minho said because he did. “You waited a long time. And I’m sorry for being stupid for five years.”

“Well, you’re not stupid anymore,” Jisung smirked. “I just really didn’t want to start crying during our first… this.”

Minho chuckled and patted Jisung’s foot. “It’s okay if you had done that too. But if you need a minute, go ahead.”

And that is exactly what Jisung took. For a minute they sat there in silence. Minho was playing with his feet while the other looked.

Then Jisung took a deep breath and met Minho’s eyes.

“All done?” Minho asked and smiled.

“Yeah, thanks.”

Minho didn’t waste a second. He straightened up on the couch, grabbed Jisung’s feet, and pulled him closer.

“Wah,” Jisung yelled, clearly shocked. “What are-?”

He ended up with one leg over Minho’s thighs and the other behind his back. From there Minho grabbed his waist and heaved him up so he straddled him. Minho didn’t want anything but to hold him. So that was what he was doing now. With his arms around Jisung’s waist, he pulled him close, hiding his face in the crook of his neck.

“What’s happening?” Jisung asked, chuckling.

“You got your minute, now I need mine,” Minho mumbled into his neck.

Jisung laughed but didn’t protest, instead, he patted on the back of Minho’s head.

Minho leaned back on the couch after a while, making Jisung squirm on top of him. Minho didn’t release though.

“Ow, hyung,” he laughed and shifted. “It’s uncomfortable.”

“Shut up,” Minho mumbled and pressed him even harder against his chest.

Jisung sighed but eventually relaxed and let himself be held.

When Minho’s way much longer than Jisung’s minute had passed, he released the younger’s waist and helped him straighten up on top of him.

“Next time warn me before manhandling me like that,” Jisung said and rolled his shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” Minho said and pinched his side.

Jisung squirmed and slapped Minho’s forehead so his head fell back on the backrest again. Minho looked at him while the younger got up on his feet.

“Let’s go,” he said and went to gather his stuff.

Minho sighed. “Should we tell the others tomorrow?”

“Aw, hyung,” Jisung said and walked over to ruffle his hair. “I think they already know.”

“Yeah, but should we confirm it?”

Jisung nodded. “Yeah, I think it’s best.”

Minho thought so too. The quicker the better. A lot of things would be different, but at the same time, the only difference would be that they could add some activities when hanging out. At least for now.

Jisung took Minho’s hand and dragged him to his feet.

“Do you want to walk me home?” he asked and smiled at him.

“I always do,” Minho said and couldn’t resist tickling the younger underneath his chin.

Jisung looked thoughtful and pouted. “Yeah, but now you can add a goodbye kiss as something you always do too.”

Minho raised his eyebrows. “Oh, yes please.”

“Starting tomorrow,” Jisung said and turned to the door.

Minho grabbed his hand and pulled him back. Very quickly he pressed his lips against the other’s.

“Don’t tease me, Sungie,” he said.

Jisung smiled up at him. “Okay, starting today.”

Minho nodded and let go of his hand. But Jisung stayed there looking up at him.

“Ready?” Minho asked and Jisung nodded.

But he didn’t go. They both knew that outside these walls, they needed to pretend this hadn’t happened. There would be no kisses or loving eyes. So maybe, they stayed for a couple of minutes, and maybe, while leaning on the closed door they kissed for a while. You know, just to get it all out.

***

Minho had always known Jisung was in love with him. Always knew that Jisung would be a part of his life. What he didn’t know was the way he would start to feel. That Jisung’s love for him would be the very thing that made him fall in love too. Because it was beyond him how it could have taken him five years to see what he had been missing before now. But at the same time, he had experienced Jisung as a true friend, and now something more. He has had the privilege to have him in every way.

And whatever Jisung would say when telling their story in years to come, how much he had waited, and how much he loved him, Minho knew that even if Jisung fell first, Minho fell harder.