Chapter Text
Yoongi was aware of what age regression was, he'd come across it while scrolling various different social medias. Of course he didn't put any mind to it as it really had nothing to do with him and would most likely never be anywhere involved in the community…except recently the black haired rapper had caught himself red handed or rather with his hand in his mouth. Waking up to the sensation of drool dripping around his thumb everyday was frustrating to say the least, curled up like a kid trying to hide from the monsters under their bed. The fuzzy feeling he would suppress on a daily basis became heavier and harder to ignore.
So sometimes, though rare, he would let himself fall into the childish headspace. The cute gray kitten plush that Jimin had gifted him turned into a comfort object immediately. Hugging it tightly to his chest whenever he slipped.
Recently everything continued to mercilessly drag down on him, he felt a bit held back like a dog attached to a rope. But he didn't wanna pull, fearful that the rope would strangle him if he pulled hard enough. The depression he had struggled with since a teen slowly began to make itself known again. But why now? Nothing bad was happening, it's just as busy as it always has been. So why now did the mind numbing feelings appear again.
Sometimes Yoongi wished he could just disappear as an idol and be a normal person for a day. Not having to hide his face in public in fear of fans crowding him. Just one day where his responsibilities were far away from his mind and all he could think about were the small insignificant things around him. But Yoongi had never been good at letting himself relax, tirelessly overworking until his neck and shoulders ached from hunching over a desk. So as he layed in bed and felt the warm fuzziness attempt to engulf him like it had nearly everyday recently, he forced it off and fell asleep.
Waking up to one of your bandmates shoving a pancake filled plate into your face might seem nice if you ignore the waking up part.
“Hyung! We have to leave soon” The deep, eager voice of Taehyung rang loudly throughout the room.
Yoongi opened his eyes to see Taehyung in all his morning glory, boxy smile, perfect skin and somehow perfectly put together hair and then shoved his face back into the pillow to hide the blood rushing to his face.
“It's already 7 hyung” His voice got closer until it was vibrating against the other’s face.
“Hyunggg, Jin-hyung made pancakes” Tae whispered as if it was a secret even though the plate had already been in front of the older’s face.
“Alright I get it” Yoongi replied, voice raspy from sleep and lazy at the same time.
The older man would groan if he had the energy. Tae left happy that he didn't get yelled at for waking him up, everyone else had refused to come get him so Taehyung had “risked his life for the sake of the photoshoot.” Even though they all knew the rapper was not likely to actually do anything other than maybe scold them. Walking downstairs was like playing one of those really shitty pc horror games, it's panic inducing but not enough so for you to care. He has completely forgotten about the photoshoot. It was scheduled to be 2 hours which was energy depleting to even think about. On top of that they had dance practice directly afterwards. As soon as his mind caught up with his body that morning he knew that today was going to tit suck the last bits of life out of him.
“Good morning hyung” The sun itself was shining bright and sat at the table, scarfing down the remains of slaughtered pancake bits.
“Mmm” A hum was gonna be one of the only responses leaving the oldest mouth today. Yoongi would probably be able to keep it together…probably.
“Hyung you okay?” Great now everyone was looking at him. Namjoon with his blue contacts that were equally parts as creepy as they were pretty.
“I’m fine namjoon-ah”
Apparently his face wasn't as blank as he had been trying to make it because now two different people had asked if he was okay, his members all woke up in cheery moods. Which was just great as now they all put their attention on the one person with a scowl. The members have been together for so many years it was easy for them to read each other, which made each of them have to up their game when it came to acting. Yoongi, Tae, and Jungkook had adapted well and with each passing month were getting better at hiding their emotions.
⇋
Though the attention from the photographers was merciless Yoongi found himself not minding it as much as he had anticipated. Their constant praises and claims of “You look so cute!” were enough to at least slightly brighten his mood. One of them was a girl with light pink hair that reminded him of his mom, making his heart convulse in both happiness and sadness. He missed his Mom but at the same time he didn't…he didn't want to think about that right now.
The dance room reeked of body odor and negative energy, Yoongi is man enough to admit the energy was emitting off in clouds from his very soul. Even the dance instructor gave him a few too many worried glances his way, surprising as the instructor was usually a hard-ass. Every move in the routine felt fabricated but rest assured he never missed a step, his body was moving but it was like he was watching from a tv screen inside his own head. The dance room looked empty and dull just like his mind felt. Putting on a mask was easy. He did it for 90% of his life but today even the mask was too hard to put on. Emotions dwelled underneath his flesh waiting for a safe moment to show themselves, he was sure some of them had been stuck in there for years now.
He made his way to the correct position in the dance and did the moves that would normally have meaning behind them but not today, not him. It felt like it was everyone but him, the other’s seemed blurry and preoccupied. It's like he was completely separate from them, alone even though if he reached out he could touch them. At Least the car ride home was peaceful, the silence filled with lofi beats that eased the ache in the back of yoongi's brain.
⇋
“Yoongi-hyung wanna watch a movie with us?! Its cars 3” Jungkook exclaimed loudly even though he was directly next to him.
Despite all his judgments and inhibitions Yoongi replied “Sure”
Sitting down between the two youngest members. The movie's intro started and Yoongi was not expecting the wave of excitement when he saw lighting mcqueen racing on screen. He’s never even watched the first two movies but the bright colors and loud cars kept his attention. They were already 15 minutes into the movie when Seokjin brought out snacks for everyone. Again Yoongi felt another wave of happiness rush through him when he saw his favorite snacks being carried by jin. Without thinking Yoongi let out a gasp and made grabby hands for the chips.
“Looks like you're in a better mood” Jin chuckled, handing him a bag.
“He’s engrossed with this car's movie” Taeghyung said fondly.
Yoongi felt embarrassment bloom in his stomach as he realized the way he was acting, leaning backwards into the couch.
“This is the best movie out of the trilogy” Claimed Jungkook, also greedily grabbing for two chip bags.
For the next 5 minutes Yoongi let himself indulge in the snacks and movie before getting up to use the restroom. When he shut the door to the bathroom his own reflection gained his attention, he looked at himself for a few seconds 'Don't let yourself regress. Not in front of them. Never in front of them’ Logically he knew the members wouldn't judge him for his regression but the embarrassment of acting like a baby in front of them took over. They had all been through so much together and listened to each other's woes with earnestness and sympathy but he hadn't even accepted it himself. How would he tell them?
He made his way back to the couch right between Taehyung and Jungkook and without thinking much about it his head fell on Tae’s shoulder. V put his arm around him and interlocked their fingers. Yoongi inhaled his scent, cedar like cologne and sweat from the dance practice. He didn't mind though, closing his eyes and drifting off.
⇋
This morning unlike the last he was greeted with no noise and no one bothering him, although he was somewhere he wasn't used to waking up at. And he was little. Like fully little. And not able to even THINK about pushing himself out the headspace. The fuzziness engulfed his brain and made it easy to cuddle into the warm body behind him and shut his eyes again.
When he opened his eyes again the warmth was gone, he didn't like that, not at all. Pushing himself up with a whine, Yoongi rubbed his eyes and looked around the room to see where his cuddle buddy had gone off to. Loud squeaky laughter was heard from the direction of the kitchen. The ground was cold on his toes, goosebumps lifting on his skin as he stood up and started to walk on his wobbly legs. Why did Namjoon always have to keep the A.C on?? The scent of GyeranBap got stronger as he stepped closer and then inside.
“Good morning Hyung” Greeted Jimin.
“Mornin’ ” Yoongi mumbled sleepily and rubbed his eyes again.
Yoongi sat right next to Jimin even though most of the seats were unoccupied. Namjoon, Hoseok, and Jungkook at the studio today. Though the rapper put on a show about not letting others touch him, he secretly craved the touch, particularly when he was small. The late night crying session is because he felt lonely and admittedly growing old. They all had their own rooms in this new dorm and he hated it.
JIn placed the food in front of him and looked down at him waiting for him to try the food he had worked so hard on. Yoongi took a bite and was very happy with this choice of breakfast though he would have preferred something sweet.
“Mmm” He hummed, then took another mouthful, pupils growing wide with enjoyment.
“Don’t choke hyung!” Jimin laughed.
“Is goo’ “ Yoongi exclaimed, some food almost escaping.
“Yah! Don’t talk with your mouth full” Jin scolded lightly.
“Jin-hyung, I saw you almost choke to death last night because you kept making jokes while eating” Taehyung looked at him with a wide smile.
“It's not like you're any better. Might as well get you a bib” Laughed Jin.
Yoongi knew he wasn't supposed to let anyone know about his current headspace even though he didn't fully understand why. The rapper had created rules in his mind for when he slipped because he knew that little him was more than likely to seek comfort from the members if upset. But with rules he could suppress the urge easier. He was taught early on in life that breaking rules came with very unwanted consequences, he didn't ever wanna get in trouble again.
“Are any of you guys going out today?” Jimin really hoped they weren't, wanting to be around at least two of the members today.
“Does it look like I’m going anywhere? The only thing I’m doing today is eating and napping.” They all giggled at Jin's response.
“We should all spend the day together! When's the last time we’ve really spent time together outside of work?” Jimin smiled wide at the prospect of finally hanging out just for fun.
“If you guys wanna follow me around the house while I eat and nap then you can go ahead.”
“What about you Hyung? Will you spend the day with us?” Taehyung spoke up with a hopeful tilt to his voice.
At this point the small cat hybrid wasn't thinking about the fact that he’s supposed to be hiding at all and was only excited to have fun with the others all day. At the question his pupils slightly enlarged in interest, like they were expanding with ideas. “I wanna watch cartoons! And…and make cookies!”
At that both Jin and Taehyung shot their brows up in confusion and surprise. While Jimin whipped his head to them for answers. The lisping of his words and fast pace of speaking was definitely out of the ordinary. They all tried to school their facial expressions to not embarrass the cotton candy haired boy. Not that he would notice, chopsticks still in hand and food being played with.
Taehyung was the fastest to recover. “Sure! What kind of cookies?”
“Chocolate chip” Yoongi looked up to Tae for approval.
“We can do that”
⇋
Jin sent Yoongi off to the bathroom to brush his teeth so the three of them could talk in private.
“He’s never acted like that before” Jin seemed to be the most concerned.
“He could just be tired” Suggested V.
Jimin laughed slightly and rolled his eyes “I already know what’s happening with hyung”
The both of them looked at him waiting for him to explain. Jimin pulled out his phone and opened google. Once he was done finding the article he handed the phone to Jin.
“Why are you making me read on my day off?”
The second youngest didn't hesitate to grab the phone, interested to see what was happening.
“...” “What does this have to do with hyung though?”
Jimin groaned “He's age regressed!...I think”
“Oohhh”
“What does that mean? Let me read it”