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The church was silent, but for one person, the light slanting through the windows starting to grow orange with the setting sun. With the small whispers, hitching occasionally, the whole place felt as if it was mourning. Leon grabbed a cushion. Making his way up the main aisle, he finally saw the altar, and Mathias off to the side in front of it, practically hunched over where he was kneeling.
They hadn't made it in time. They never would have been able to. With where they had been stationed, so far away, it was already difficult to get news and letters. With Elisabetha falling ill so suddenly, she had been unable to write the letters herself any longer. And then... well, Leon had no reasons for why someone else in the church would not have tried to notify Mathias, at least. But they hadn't. And so they hadn't known. And Mathias sat in the church, head bowed, hands clenched together, face contorted, after seeing the already dug and buried grave.
Leon couldn't do anything about that, about his own upset; Mathias had been her husband, and his needs were far greater, at the moment. Leon sat quietly beside him.
For a while, they didn't speak, didn't acknowledge each other. Leon should have knelt, and prayed, but... he didn't feel much like it. not now. Eventually, Mathias's hands started drifting down, relaxing. He cocked his head towards Leon, but his hair came loose, sliding over his shoulder to curtain his expression.
"Leon," he rasped. His voice was rough from his previous crying.
"Mathias," Leon said, keeping his voice down. It felt wrong not to, where the church could amplify and echo it. "I'm here."
Which was apparently all Mathias needed to hear. He slumped back, sitting on his heels, no longer kneeling to pray. He took in a shaking breath, turning just enough for Leon to see the anguish there.
"I miss her," Mathias said, so unlike his usual elegant self. "I missed her. She isn't here, and hasn't been for- for months. For months I have believed her well, awaiting my return. But she's been... been dead. Dead and buried."
Mathias let out another little sound, bringing one hand up to press the heel against one eye, his fingers grabbing at the closest strands of hair. Leon shuffled a little closer, but didn't say anything yet.
"I wasn't even here. They kept that from me. My own wife, and they hid what they had done with her." Mathias's face had twisted into a snarl, like his voice, but when Leon placed a hand to his shoulder, he crumpled again, looking so, so small. "And I didn't know. I couldn't be here, but I wasn't getting any letters, and I didn't think about it. Didn't wonder why- what might have happened. I didn't know about her illness, but I wasn't the least bit suspicious about not hearing from her until it was too late, and I-"
"No, no Mathias."
Leon brought his arm up more, reaching to cup the back of Mathias's neck, turning them to face each other, closer. He noticed the way Mathias's skin was turning red around the pressure of his hand, so he carefully brought it away from Mathias's eye, holding it as he spoke.
"It wasn't your fault. Look at me, Mathias." He waited until his friend did, looking right into eyes shadowed by his grief, his self-hate, stormy grey. Leon emphasized his next words carefully, not once looking away. "It is not your fault. Even if you had suspected about the lack of letters, we would have been a long time traveling. Elisabetha was in good health before. We had no reason to think anything would go wrong, and you didn't cause it. Her death is not your fault."
Mathias opened his mouth, and in a plaintive tone said, "But she was alone."
Which started Mathias crying again. Ugly, this time, unlike when he'd wept silently before her grave. So Leon pulled him closer, letting Mathias lean into him, head cushioned on his shoulder, and arms coming up to wrap around his back. Leon stayed steady, brought Mathias in close, allowed him to sit practically in his lap as he hiccuped and moaned out all his grief. He cried over and over about how he should have been there, about how much his missed Elisabetha, about the way he regretted not being there. Leon didn't say everything would be okay. Because Mathias didn't bear any responsibility for it, but he would carry the weight of her absence for a long time. Leon could, and would, be there, but he couldn't make Mathias's feelings leave him.
Eventually, as Mathias sobbed into his shoulder, he changed what he spoke of. between heaving breaths, he begged Leon.
"Don't leave me," he said. "I have no one else. Don't leave me, Leon. I couldn't- Couldn't stand it. Please, please, do not go... Don't leave me alone..."
That, too, Leon could not answer. He couldn't promise that. Like Elisabetha was called from illness, like many of their fellow knights were called by injury, no one could stop God from taking their soul, when the time came.
So Leon didn't speak. but he held Mathias tighter, memorizing the feeling in his arms, the smell of incense in his silky hair, and the way he pleaded, breathy, directly into the skin of Leon's neck.
Death was not something Leon could fix, not even for one of his most loved people. But he could be there, while they both lived. Feeling the ring around Mathias's finger, pressing into Leon's back, he promised himself to stay. He promised to keep Mathias company for the rest of their lives, so he might not be so lonely.