Chapter Text
A silent breath of a sigh leaves Shizuku’s lips as she sits down, the warmth of the latte in her hands spreading down her arms in a push back against the cold air outside. She’d been recognised by the girl that took her order, Shizuku now running through the interaction in her head. She could’ve handled it better, like the more experienced members of Cheerful*Days do while walking home after practice. She tried to be more like them, the casual air to the recognition and laughing along as they shake hands, but this moment caught her completely off-guard. She stumbled her way through it. But this time, there wasn’t another member of the group there to save her as she said the wrong things. She wasn’t supposed to say anything about the show they’re about to go on, and had to ask her to not say anything after it slipped out. At least she was understanding about it. Shizuku shakes her head, lifting the cup to her lips as the TV in the corner of the dining room returns to the program after commercials. A variety show; didn’t Airi say she’d be on one the other day? She can’t remember the title of the show, though…
“Shizuku? Is that really you?” a voice calls out to pull her away from the coffee, quickly turning her head toward the source of it as warm familiarity rises through her body. She thought she recognised the voice, but couldn’t place a name; it was Tsukasa. She smiles back at him, the confirmation of her own identity bringing a smile to her old friend. Shizuku motions to the chair opposite her, a wordless request for him to join her that he takes as she speaks, “Tsukasa-kun! It’s wonderful to run into you like this. What brought you out here?”
“I’m on my way back from visiting Saki. Her hospital is just a few streets away, and I overheard some of the nurses talking about this place on my way out. Thought to come take a look; maybe I'll bring her something from here next time I go see her.”
“That’s really sweet of you,” Shizuku says with a small laugh between her words, “I hope Saki-chan is doing alright, despite everything.”
“From what she said, today’s a good day. She was looking forward to a certain idol’s appearance on one of the shows she watches; I wish I could’ve stayed there to watch with her, but I have to get back home before it gets too late, and if I miss the next train it’ll get dark before I’m back.”
The server girl from before walks up again to take Tsukasa’s order, and Shizuku’s eyes drift up to the TV once again. She still can’t quite place the name of the show Airi was going to be on, which hits a particular point of pain in Shizuku’s chest. She was going to watch it, she said she’d support all of Airi’s work in QT, but if she can’t even remember the shows she says she’ll be on, how is she meant to do that? A disappointed breath leaves her lips, her eyes drifting down from the screen as an interview with a director plays overhead. Even if she knows Airi wouldn’t mind her missing a single broadcast—she’d probably just say that she can watch it later—Shizuku can’t just let it go. She promised, and this time there isn’t the excuse of having something scheduled for that time slot. She is free, and yet she forgot about the name of the show.
Tsukasa’s voice cuts into her thoughts, she can see on his face that he’s concerned. She was too obvious about something bothering her. Hopefully the fan that recognised her didn’t catch on. She shakes her head, “I’m okay, was just trying to remember something.” He doesn’t need to know. He’s an old friend, but even one more person seeing through the mask she needs to wear is too many. It’ll be more authentic a following if everyone just believes this is who she is. Tsukasa doesn’t seem satisfied with the answer, but it looks like he’s dropping it. A wave of silent relief washes over her as he starts talking again.
“How is Shiho doing? I haven’t heard much about her from Saki lately, I hope things are okay.”
“Oh, Shii-chan seems to be doing okay. We don’t talk as often anymore, with me working, but she’s been as cute as ever!” Shizuku flicks her eyes back down to the cup in her hands, worry splashing her. “Though, now that you mention that, I haven’t seen much of her friends, either… Do you know if something happened?”
Tsukasa looks down, his face getting tighter with worry of his own. “That’s what I’m concerned about. I haven’t seen the girls since Saki was moved to the new hospital. It’s too far for them to travel on their own, from what Saki’s told me. I hear about Ichika on occasion, but nothing about Honami and Shiho.”
A hum leaves Shizuku, her fingers worriedly picking at the cup in her hands. Should she try to talk to Shiho about what’s going on? She’s asked how the girls are before, but it’s always just blown off before she dips into her room. But now there's something to be concerned about, maybe she should be more pushy about it. But that could just make Shiho lock up even more. Middle school has clearly been hard on her, she doesn’t want to add more problems if something did happen between the girls. But if she’s lost their support…
“I am glad, though,” Tsukasa’s words once again interrupt Shizuku’s cycle of thought, a hopeful sound behind his voice taking over the once-building worry, “that Saki’s found this idol. I think it’ll be good for her.” A laugh climbs from deep in his chest, held behind a closed smile. “Momoi-san has already helped Saki discover she likes girls.”
Momoi? Does he mean Airi? Is that the idol Saki discovered? A wave of questions crashed into Shizuku’s mind just from that one mention of a name, but even that can’t get the chance to come out before another voice catches her attention. From the TV this time, quickly flicking Shizuku’s gaze over to the screen. She recognised the voice from the instant it hit her ears, it alone having managed to lift the cloud of doubt and worry that she wouldn’t be able to catch Airi’s appearance. The sight that met her on the screen only continued to shine a light on her, seeing Airi performing in a sketch alongside other actors and comedians, as the central character at that! Pride and joy quickly welled in Shizuku’s chest, and clearly it showed on her face, as Tsukasa spoke again, an amused laugh in his voice.
“You almost look like Saki there.” Shizuku looks away from the screen, her words catching in her throat as embarrassment bubbles across her face. She did get caught up in the moment, didn’t she? “Were you waiting for her to show up?”
Taking a second to recollect her words, so as to not say something wrong like she’s prone to, Shizuku gives a nod. “I didn’t know this was the show she’d be on, but I was hoping to catch her acts. Airi-chan works so hard, it’s incredible that she gets to be on such a big program.”
“Oh, that’s Momoi-san!” He watches the sketch for a few seconds, quietly laughing before saying, “It’s quite the coincidence that they’d put on the exact show Saki wanted me to watch. And now, I have a face to the name.”
That answers the previous questions. Saki found Airi. Meaning Airi has a fan, one she knows! Even if she doesn’t get the chance to talk to Saki anymore, joy bubbles up through her body that she’s found another person willing to follow her path to success. And, knowing the Tenmas like she does, Saki isn’t likely to just move on from Airi. Shizuku can’t stop the giggle that escapes her lips.
“I’m so glad Saki-chan got to find Airi-chan. She’s a wonderful idol, and even if things get harder for her, I’m certain Airi-chan will be there for her.” Her face softens, looking back up at Airi on the screen. It’s just a comedic sketch, yet she can see so much of the brilliant kindness in the way Airi interacts with the others on set. “She’s already done so much for me, and it doesn’t look like that will stop anytime soon.”
“You care about her a lot, don’t you?”
Shizuku nods slowly, unable to look away from the girl on the screen. “I just want her to accomplish her dreams. She works so hard, harder than anyone else I know in the industry. And of anyone out there, she deserves that success. She’s so bright, so cute, so kind. Even in just our first moment meeting each other, I could tell that she was something special. Even just seeing her acting like this, I can see it.” The sketch ends, Airi leaving the screen. But the warmth the sight of her left in Shizuku’s chest remains as she looks back at Tsukasa. Even his face has softened. She has such a powerful influence, doesn’t she? “It makes me really happy that Saki-chan could see that, too.”
“You sound so much like Saki, telling me about her,” Tsukasa’s expression and tone speak of something more that he’s caught on to, the gentle smile filled with this knowing glint in his eyes as he meets Shizuku’s, “But there’s more to this than that, isn’t there?” She blinks, her head cocking to the side with a flurry of confusion and curiosity rising through her body. With it bringing worry. Did she say something weird? Something wrong? What is he referring to, was there something she said that wasn’t supposed to come out? She didn’t say anything about her own work in Cheerful*Days, or anything that could get her in trouble with QT’s management. Did she? It seems like Tsukasa caught on to her line of thinking, leaning in over the table between them, dropping to a lowered voice to keep talking. “Saki discovered that she likes girls because of Momoi-san. By her own words, it was a ‘lesbian awakening’. You telling me all this sounds like that, but… more. This isn’t just a celebrity crush like it is for Saki, is it?”
Shizuku looks down at the cup in her hands. Is that what she feels? Is that why Airi shines so bright in her eyes? Is she allowed to feel this? They’re both idols, their work would so easily get in the way of anything coming out of it. Doubly so that they’re in different groups—rival groups. They’re supposed to compete with one another, and that’s something Airi alludes to so regularly. She’s never liked the thought of needing to compete with someone like Airi, but is this why? Does she… love her?
Airi’s voice fills her head again, bringing Shizuku’s attention back up to the TV screen as Airi argues with the host of the show. Everyone else is laughing along. It’s funny to them. She can hear in their laughs that they don’t see the same person she does. The person on that screen isn’t just an idol there to make everyone laugh. That’s the person who saw her crying, without knowing who she is, and offered her a towel to clean herself up. Who, time after time, mistake after mistake, has picked Shizuku back up to her feet so she can keep moving forward, keep growing and chasing the success of Cheerful*Days. The person who, despite the mountain of struggles she has to face on her own, makes the time to be a light for Shizuku to follow. That’s not just an idol . Airi is everything an idol is meant to be, everything Shizuku wants to be for her own fans, for her . A smile that she can’t look away from, a voice she wouldn’t ever want to unhear, a hand she doesn’t want to let go of.
Maybe, one day, she’ll get to return that favour. Give back to Airi everything she’s given to her. As she is now, that doesn’t seem possible. She’s too clumsy, too careless. She gets lost when walking home from the studio, takes too long to learn the dances for her performances, and needs everyone else to cover for her when she talks. She’s not good enough for Airi. Not yet. But giving up and accepting that would be a disgrace to everything Airi’s told her, helped her with since they started. She can already hear Airi’s voice, feel her hand pull her off the ground. “If you want something,” she’d say, “you have to get up and chase it. Even if it’s far away, even if it seems impossible. The fact you can keep moving means you’ll get there. Isn’t that what being an idol’s about? What we’re supposed to teach our fans?” She’s right. She always is, even in Shizuku’s imagination. She may not be what Airi needs now , but one day… She can be worthy of standing next to her. Holding her hand. Calling her…
“You’re right,” Shizuku says in a quiet voice, finally breaking a smile as she looks back up at Tsukasa. He smiles back. “She was like that for me, too. Maybe, one day, I can give back to her. As her fan, as her friend, as her…” That’s out of her reach. But that wouldn’t stop Airi, so it won’t stop her. One day, she will be worthy of that. Tsukasa, just from his expression, can see that determination in her. The will to climb up alongside the person she wants to be beside. He nods, leaning back into the chair again as his own order is delivered.
“Don’t tell Saki I said this,” he says after a sip of the drink, “but I think you have a good chance at this. Probably better than Saki’s little crush.” The two of them laugh a little, Shizuku drinking from her own. He thinks she can do it. Airi would believe in her, too. Even if Airi had no idea what it was for, she’d support her. She’s just that kind.
“Thank you, Tsukasa-kun. Don’t worry, I won’t tell her a word.” She giggles. “But I’m gonna be letting her win this little competition.”
Airi would be proud. Shizuku found something to fight for. To be worthy of.
Her.