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1 - The realization + a failed, brash confession (a ‘date’ with underlying meaning.)
Jooyeon did not know what happened. In the span of a very few two weeks, he’s realized there is something different about Junhan. Junhan was many things, quiet, secluded, but equally as friendly and caring as the other band members.
Really pretty too, might he add. Jooyeon had never thought about being interested in girls, nor boys up until this point. More focused on his band, friends, and family.
But he would have never guessed he would think Junhan was cute, among all things. It was a different feeling than the way he felt for the others however. Many times he would have to fight the urge to run his fingers through those soft, long brown locks.
It was like a phantom feeling on the tips of his fingers, how soft and silky they would be.
Jooyeon realized, shortly after those two weeks, that he always felt something different towards him than the others. Junhan was a touchy person, but shy to ask for comfort but tried to put this… big and tough personality on him.
The bassist saw through the facade most of the time, hugging him and holding on to him many nights before departing their ways when he was feeling down. Lately, there was an emptiness inside of his heart he felt every single time when they departed. Or maybe that was always there-
-Ah, fuck this.
He likes Junhan. He realized it one late night when looking at some photos taken from various comebacks and photoshoots.
Damn, Hyeongjun is pretty.
And then he thought more about it, and then talked to Jiseok about it. Jiseok helped Jooyeon realize that he liked him for a really long time, the older noting how he predicted this to happen. Damn again.
Jooyeon wasn’t so sure what to do with this information at first, thinking it over, he wanted to be Junhan’s boyfriend, if not, he would move on. Even if it broke his heart a little
They’re really close friends already, basically as close as Jooyeon is with Jiseok. Jooyeon knew a lot of things most people didn't know about him, like his silent and weird obsession with pretzels. The bassist spent many outings with him buying pretzels from his favorite bakery.
Or, how Junhan was secretly drawn to soft things like a moth to a lamp. That tough personality put on him? All shattered to pieces when few people were around and a stuffed animal was in a five mile radius from him.
That is just far too cute! Jooyeon was developing cuteness aggression with him, the urge to just pinch and squeeze his puffy cheeks was becoming far too much to handle. Or thread his fingers through his hair, imagining how soft and silky they would be.
Some more weeks pass and he can confirm nothing has changed. Jooyeon wants Junhan, wants to hug him and hold hands and pepper little kisses on his cute cheeks and do cute couple things - oh, he is so far gone.
Jooyeon isn’t so discreet though. Pretty much everyone caught the fleeting glances he gave Junhan during band practice, the little blush on his cheek and how his ears got red within a five-mile radius of the older, it wasn’t so fault he was cute!
Or how he stuck to him like glue more, Jooyeon hoped Junhan wouldn’t notice. Oh, and also how he spent a lot of nights cuddling him on the couch before they went to bed - way more than before.
Jooyeon liked Junhan because he was everything he was not. Quiet, and spoke when he really felt like it. As opposed to the maknae who sometimes never knew when to shut his mouth, and bounce around excitedly on the heels of his feet to the point it might have became a bit annoying.
Jungsu is the first one who asks him. It’s a Saturday morning, Jooyeon making coffee as Jungsu strolls by him like a sly cat. “Good morning, Jooyeon-ah.” The way he says it is weird; like there’s this coy mocking in his tone, something being held back.
“Morning.” The latter yawns as he waits for the loud-ass machine to finish making his legal coffee drug he gets cranky without. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?” Jungsu has his face very close to his cheek.
“I just wanted to assssssssssk you something, about-” He looks around making sure the target in question isn’t here. “Junhan.” And the maknae’s head rapidly flips around to look at him. Oh. Jungsu pressed a button with the way Jooyeon looked at him, near fuming.
“Don’t you dare.” The blush on his face tells all.
“When did you realize, you know, me and Gunillie were waiting for you to realize.” -”Anddd, also, you’re not very discreet the way you look at him!” Jungsu has a weird purr and mock in his voice, referring to Junhan.
“You’re looking too much into things.” Said looking like an offended and upset toddler.
Jooyeon can not take this today. He grumbles and takes his coffee somewhere else to escape Jungsu. He wiggled out of this one for sure, but he’s no way off the hook. Wait! Hold on, he had the perfect comeback for him- so he rapidly turned his body around.
Jungsu was now raiding the cabinets for food. The older one turns his head to look at him.
“Don’t tease me about Junhan when something is clearly going on with you and Gunil-hyung.”
Jungsu went totally silent after that, the emphasis on ‘clearly’ turned some gears in the older’s head which sent him into an instant flash of red.
Because something was going on with them. They weren’t so discreet about how they looked at each other, how they sometimes blush when their eyes met, or how they held hands sometimes. It had become somewhat obvious as of late. Not that Jooyeon was judging or anything, though he did feel a twinge of jealousy.
“I- shut-...” Now Jungsu is the one grumbling and walking away. Oof, now he feels bad, maybe that was an unnecessary missile launched his way, but, no. Nevermind. Jungsu deserved that.
It is nearing the end of band practice. Gunil lightly tapping his drums, Jungsu fiddling with the keyboard, both Jiseok and Junhan messing with their guitars - and, well Jooyeon was in the corner drinking a water bottle, eyes glancing at Junhan once more.
He wipes the sweat off his face.
Thinking back, Jooyeon has definitely liked Junhan for a long while now. And he’s already debating on telling him because, you never know. Jooyeon won’t mope around if he’s rejected. It is what it is.
Nope, he won’t mope around. He’d have an inside temper-tantrum, third-wheel on Gunsu even more and vent to them and THEN get over it.
Gunil gets up and calls the members that practice has ended, Jungsu strutting to his side and poking his cheek to be distracting and annoying.
In the passing weeks Jooyeon also realizes pretty much everyone was third-wheeling on both of them.
Junhan comes up to him. Shyly asks; “Can I have a drink of your water? I’m sweating so bad.” Aish. Junhan should stop being so cute right now.
Jooyeon had many reasons to love this band member and friend of his.
- Kind and caring, even if he doesn’t show it often.
- Junhan will never stop being adorable. Makeup or not, no matter what he wears.
- He’s like a gentle giant.
- Jooyeon still wants to squish his cheeks and play with his hair
Jooyeon always, for years, thought it was just admiration for him.
Everyone walks down the hallways, trailing behind the leader like lost ducklings ( though the real ‘duckling’ will always be Jiseok.) After everyone is done putting their instruments away, they all end up home. Gunil hops in the shower, grumbling about needing one. Jungsu slyly follows him and looks tempted to join him (interesting…) and the others go somewhere else to do their own things.
Junhan and Jooyeon are left, Junhan stepping in the threshold first and seems drawn to the kitchen to grab some snacks from the counter but Jooyeon stops him. It was a bold decision, because the bassist had just been thinking about confessing to Jooyeon as Jungsu’s words marinated in his brain.
“Hm?” the older looks at him. Looking rather lethargic and tired from practice, it wasn’t even that late in the afternoon when they got home as practice had been cut off early. No one else is around, and Jooyeon just stands there holding his wrist and looking at him dumbly.
“You need something?” Questioned sweetly. Blinking his lashes at him and waiting.
“Erm… I just wanted to say that you-” Abort! Abort mission!
“I like you a lot and I think it would be really cool if we could date and do cute boyfriend things together and I’ve liked you for a long time now if you’re okay with that and feel the same-!”
Goes unsaid.
“I- uh, you don’t have any plans tomorrow right…?” As if they don’t have practice- “I mean like- maybe after we do our… things, we could watch a movie together? Just you and me?”
Aha! Asking him on a date, discreetly, I like that. A voice cheers inside him.
“Sure!” Junhan smiles at him. “Why not tonight, though?”
Oops. He didn’t think that one out. He’s obviously not as sneaky as he thought, he looks like a dumb school boy giggling like a little girl because she saw her crush in the hallway.
“I’m busy…?” Jooyeon lets go of Junhan’s wrist and rubs the back of his neck.
“Okay, whatever you say” He sends a lazy grin his way. Not questioning anything further.
And the maknae’s stomach churns.
Damn, there goes his first, missed chance.
Needless to say, they did end up watching a movie that one night. Just the two of them. Jooyeon was pretty distracted to say the least, being so close to your crush you realized after literal ages Oh, that’s not the juicy part. Jooyeon could NOT ignore the way Junhan cuddled close to him - but this time trailed his hands down his ribcage and thighs. Jooyeon was so flushed there might have been steam coming out his damn ears.
Ah, he’s just being friendly with you…
2 - Notes are simply too formal.
The next thing Jooyeon wanted to try was writing a note. Maybe that would be easier, as he has realized the idea of verbally confessing his love is too nerve-wracking. Something like this would be easier, all he would have to do is write a note, hand it to him, and run away and worry about the confrontation later.
Jooyeon is frustrated as fuck. No, actually. He can’t believe he is up at twelve in the morning - or at night? Does it even matter? He’s tired! Holding a notebook and pen in hand, writing this shit.
‘Dear Junhan, sorry, that's very formal. I’m writing this at 12 at night, haha. I thought about our friendship, and have a lot in the past month. Like, since we’ve been working on our new album and stuff like that. Speaking of that, I really like your new hairstyle. The stylists did a good job.
Oops, wait, oh yeah as I was saying I thought about our friendship and realized that I like you quite a bit. Like in a romantic way, sometimes all I wanna do is run my fingers through your hair and cuddle all the time. You’re really talented too.
I always thought it was admiration but I’ve liked you for a really long time. Do what you wi-’
He wrote for more minutes before deciding;
Nevermind. Abort this mission too. Jooyeon is too tired and his handwriting is sloppy and that of a kindergartener’s. The only light next to him is the dimly lit lamp. Also, Gunil is a bed away from him. Luckily he’s a heavy sleeper. This is too risky and dangerous.
So he folds the unfinished note and slips it under the lamp. Almost instantly falling asleep as his head hits the pillow.
The day Jooyeon wrote the note was only three days after the interesting and distracting movie-watching ‘date’ with Junhan. That morning when he woke up, he got it out from under the lamp and snuck it in his pocket after getting dressed. Planning to throw it away as soon as possible, but he couldn’t right now since the leader was scrambling to find a hairbrush and Jooyeon did not want to cause any attention to the note.
Jooyeon is smart. Or at least, he likes to believe he is. As if he isn’t currently forgetting about the note in his pocket. Damn, he just wanted to plug in his bass at practice.
That, he succeeds. What he doesn’t happen to succeed in is remembering the note just as it falls out from his pocket (that did not happen for convenience created by the ‘universe’ whatsoever). They play their hearts out, or whatever band kids do.
As they are finished and sweating, pumped-up from their practice.
“Good job, thank god this is the last practice session we will have for a little bit, we are getting a break after this.” The leader announces, and the other members cheer. And then Gunil getting up and oh-so-conveniently slipping on the note. “Ack!” He says as he stumbles over.
“Have a nice trip?” Jungsu stalks up next to him. Jiseok follows suit.
“Are you okay?!”
“Yeah, I’m fine, what did I slip on?” He got up with steady feet. “A slip of paper?” He picks it up but shrugs it off.
Jooyeon felt his pocket. Empty. Oh fuck! The note! “Wait-!” Jooyeon scrambles to his side, wrangles the surprised leader’s hand free of the note and yoinks it. “Oops, uh, I guess that fell out-”
Holy shit this is so embarrassing-
Junhan walks up next to him, resting his chin on his shoulder and looking up at him. Jooyeon’s face flushes red. The other four members seem to shrug it off and pass it off as Jooyeon just being weird again. Junhan looks at him. Knowingly.
“You just get stranger and stranger everyday.” Gunil muttered. Giving a strange look that basically read; normal Jooyeon activities.
“That’s pretty suspicious,” Jungsu said quietly with a raised brow. “You know, I’m always here if you need to-”
Jooyeon quickly runs over and crumbles the paper up into the trash can. “Shh! I meant to throw that away earlier.”
“You know; I thought I heard writing noises last night.” Gunil says softly as he stretches.
“I’m sorry- writing noises?” quips Jungsu.
“I mean like, pen on paper, this isn’t really important anymore.” Gunil back peddles his words, maybe he shouldn’t have mentioned that by the way Jiseok is now staring at the bassist maknae.
That only fuel the confusion, and considering Jooyeon’s beet-red face, Jungsu gave him a somewhat knowing glare.
“Let’s not tease him,” Junhan said. Resting his head on his shoulder. Fuck. The universe is making him a laughing stock right now.
Everything was dropped after that. They go home, no one mentions a thing. Besides Jiseok who catches on the way his face burns on fire when Junhan sticks close to him.
Okay. So that is two lessons learned,
- Think about your confession thoroughly.
- Don’t be stupid and overly romantic and formal by writing a half-assed half-finished note.
- The others have to be at least a wee bit suspicious of him (minus Jungsu) - (Perhaps Gunil and Junsgu could become his scapegoat for how absolutely over the moon he is about Junhan - but is that really a lesson? no,)
3 - The near-fatal birthday incident (so close, yet so far)
It’s Junhan’s birthday today. Which means all sorts of things are set up, like a birthday livestream and the other members showering him with love and praise for his twenty-second birthday.
They’re all cluttered around the table, balloons everywhere. Junhan at the very end of the table with a simple vanilla cake in front of him that he requested.
Jooyeon just so happens to be next to him, he was just thinking. It’s Junhan’s birthday, maybe Jooyeon could tell him he loves him today.
…But not right now, it’s far too chaotic around the table. Jiseok is loudly cackling with Seungmin as they’re letting off some party blowers, sprinkling confetti around Junahn’s face as he stares, looking unimpressed.
There was a smile on his lips fighting to be seen. There’s Gunil and Jungsu on the other side, who are more calm but still cheering along with him.
There’s also a camera a bit away from the table, since it was being recorded as a livestream. So no, no way was the maknae going to grab Junhan by his hands and confess to him like they were in a disney movie. No way in hell. Maybe he would wait until later, in the afternoon or evening when it would be smarter.
Junhan looked eager to dig into the cake, he tried not to act like he had a major sweet tooth, when in fact he oh-so-much did.
Jooyeon had a lot of time to think of things. If directly confessing to him didn’t work because he was too much of a pussy, or writing a note which seemed too personal. It’s not like Junhan is Jooyeon’s soulmate, and they’re bound in chains of fate.
Junhan is Jooyeon’s silly crush, it’d be cute if they could get together and try dating. He has his doubts about the older liking him, but it never hurts to try.
So no, a note was too formal, too romantic, too personal.
What if he just kissed him? Like, give him a peck on the lips and tell him he likes him? It was much more brash and bold, but it was a solid plan.
But he was still scared of directly confronting him - maybe kissing him first would give him the adrenaline of confessing. Yeah, that would work.
So, Jooyeon will let the birthday live roll out for the time being. And then when he gets some alone time, he’ll kiss Junhan. Perfect plan!
There is a record scratch halting Jooyeon from his thoughts.
“Uh, Earth to Jooyeonie?” Says Seungmin. Who’s snapping his nimble fingers in front of his space.
“Huh?” Wait- did he space out-?
“You spaced out there, buddy. C’mon, we gotta sing happy birthday for Junhan!” The way the older says it is neutral, but there’s that hint of excitement. Probably because he gets to piss him off in a more friendly way, because Junhan is always cringing whenever he is singing or receiving the happy birthday song.
Jooyeon relates to the cringing part. It’s a stupid song.
“Ah, right.”
Seungmin is the loudest when they sing. Gunil is shy and more quiet, Jungsu tries to mimic Jiseoks energy and Jooyeon doesn’t sing at all, mimicking Junhan. Junhan has the most disimpressed look on his face, ever. Like a sassy teenager. Jooyeon can resonate, but it’s clear some of the members are getting a major gig out of this.
“Please save me.” Junhan sighs as they sing. Jungsu cackles and smacks his shoulder. Junhan looks like he might be holding back a laugh, however.
“Okay, NOW we’re legally allowed to eat the cake. Cheers!” He says.
And so Junhan does, he’s modest, taking a slice and with his fork, slumped down and eating it. He gives the brightest and warmest smile to the others to show he appreciates it, as he passes it around for each of them to take their own slices.
The smile melts Jooyeons heart to pieces. Oh god, he’s staring again. It must look creepy or weird. But damn.
He has such nice, brown and long hair that covers his face. It’s been such a long time since he has seen Junhan with short hair, and secretly he likes him better with long hair anyway. There’s also his face, his natural resting face typically makes him look like he is extremely pissed off. That’s scary but also attractive.
“Dude, seriously, you good?” Now it’s Gunil’s turn to quietly ask with a raised brow. He forgot they were on camera, which is why the leader is being quiet when he speaks. Junhan is silent as he eats his cake, but they know that’s just how he is. Quiet, a very powerful voice when he sings, but oftentimes doesn’t feel the need to talk to express his love and gratitude for them.
“Thank you for the birthday party, guys.” Junhan quietly says, ducking his head low.
Seungmin and Jungsu are also answering some questions on the screen given by the Korean viewers, Junhan occasionally piping in to answer ones directed at him.
“...Yeah, just thinking.” Says the maknae, who finally turns his head away.
There’s some surprise shock of recognition in the leader. “Ah. I see how it is,” why does he say it like that?
And then, he has his face turned away from the camera, eyes fleeting between Jooyeon and Junhan while eyebrow wiggling. “You know, he probably feels the-” Gunil is abruptly cut off.
Jooyeon missed the last few words though, they were a bit muddled as Jiseok loudly started cackling over something Jungsu said.
Jooyeon didn’t catch what Gunil said, but really he doesn’t care right now. Rather, he decides to direct his attention to the screen in front of them. He had been rather tired during the stream and quiet, and there’s no use in that.
So he puts on his best facade he possibly can so the viewers and other members stop being suspicious.
The livestream ended after an hour. They all smushed themselves together to wave goodbye and the mess was left for a lot of the staff to clean up once they left.
The van ride home is quiet, as they are split into two separate vans. Three of them in each, Jooyeon is smushed in the van with Junhan and Gunil, so he got the quieter end as opposed to the other van following behind them with Seungmin, Jungsu, and Jiseok.
Gunil quietly drives. Jooyeon looks over to Junhan in the backseat. There’s still a bit icing from the cake on the left side of his face, hidden behind a stray lock of brown hair.
“What?” The older gives Jooyeon a look as the latter has been caught staring once again at Junhan.
“You have a bit of icing on your cheek-” He coughs. A blossom of red roses for blush painting the tips of his cheek.
“I do- Where?” The maknae takes his thumb to swipe it off. Maybe getting a little too close in the process since their noses are now touching.
“Ah, thank you.”
“Of course, happy birthday, by the way, again probably.” Jooyeon breaks away, hoping some of the tension would snap and break in half like a twig.
“You told me that a lot, but I appreciate it. I really don’t get why we celebrate so intensely for a day out of the year, but thank you.” said in a self-deprecating and sagely way.
Jooyeon doesn’t like that.
“-I mean, what am I saying, sorry- I just mean-”
The youngest flicks his forehead, scolding in his tone. “Yeah, no. It’s the day that you were born, why not celebrate it?”
Junhan laughs and nods his head. Slumping his head slotted nicely into his shoulder.
Gunil didn’t look like he was paying attention in the front seat. But his eye was discreetly fleeting between the road and the rear-view mirror.
“It’s cold outside.” Says Junhan, taking that as his excuse to hold on to Jooyeon’s hand even if it’s August, the A/C is on. Maybe that is why, but he’s not cold himself.
There was also the inside joke of a stereotype that Junhan was a cold-blooded lizard, always finding ways to complain about being cold. Which is also probably why his hands are actually a wee bit cold right now.
Yeah, that’s why. Makes perfect sense.
Only god knows how long it’s been of them in the van. But it’s weird, content, and quiet. Jooyeon liked the quiet. That’s why he liked Junhan. Gunil was pretty quiet too, but in a more therapist-friend way, Jooyeon could enjoy his time with Junhan like there was a silent understanding between them.
But then, he does something brash. Completely forgetting the fact that they are in a van, and it’s not just the two of them between the intimate moment.
For whatever reason, Jooyeon decides to not think about his actions before doing them, leans in to kiss him-
“We’re here.” Gunil announces.
Oh.
OH!
Wait a second, did Junhan fall asleep? Now that he looks at him, his eyes look peacefully closed.
Jesus, he was gonna fucking kiss him while he was asleep, not even realizing. Like Junhan was his snow white.
“I think Hyeongjunnie’s asleep.”
He was SO close to kissing him. In the back of the van, even if Gunil would never judge - while asleep. Dear god. Someone, save him.
But now he has to wake him up.
Jooyeon pokes the guitarist’s shoulder. “Hey, wake up.”
The latter’s eyes opened a little too quickly for him to be fully asleep, Jooyeon doesn’t think much of it. Other than the fact that he missed his chance, again.
This time it’s for a good enough cause, right? Right.
Jooyeon can only step out of the car, a flustered mess. Tugging onto Junahn’s arm as Gunil leads them and the others inside back to their dorms.
Gunil must’ve not realized what almost happened.
3.5 - This calls for an interlude! The conversation between Jungsu and Jooyeon.
So now, weeks have passed. Only a few, but that’s few enough for August to turn into september. That’s when the warm air lingers, but leaves steadily change their colors.
It makes Jooyeon slightly sad. It's only September, but the days are getting shorter and shorter with nightfall coming quicker and quicker.
Today is a moderately warm sunday, he and Jungsu taking a walk to clear their minds.
The older had been able to sense that a lot was on his mind, lately. And thought of a nice walk outside in the fresh air and a temporary break from band life.
“I feel like there’s an ulterior motive to this.” Jooyeon says, kicking a stray rock on the sidewalk .
“What? Your hyung can do something nice for you?” it’s replied in a likely unintentional, patronizing way. Or mocking a fake innocence. “Okay, fine.” He suddenly shoots his head back with an exasperated sigh.
“Go on?” He isn’t even sure where they are going anymore, other than the loud Google Maps on Jungsu-hyung’s phone screaming the directions occasionally.
“You and Junha-”
“On your next right,”
“Can you turn that down for Christ’s sake?!” Jooyeon grumbles, if it weren’t for the fact that he was having a hard time withholding his laugh while he said it.
“I think we’re almost there-” Says Jungsu scrambling to turn the volume down on his phone. A few strangers by them give weird looks.
They were in a secluded enough area that it would be unlikely for people to recognize them as Xdinary hero’s bassist and keyboardist wandering around. They weren’t exactly the most well-known band, either.
“Anyways, as I was saying. Actually- we can wait until we get there.”
That makes Jooyeon nervous, for whatever reason.
I swear to god, if it’s about Junhan.
It doesn’t take long for them to actually get there, the secluded park spot with very few strangers and some nice, stoney walkways on the ground with the vibrant green leaves turning slightly yellow as a backdrop.
“Okay, now that we’re here, we can just wander around. Unless you want to sit down, in that case that's alright.”
The bassist shrugs, hands shoved into his pockets.
“I think it’d be nice if we just walked, I need to stretch my legs.” replies the maknae. “Anyways, what were you saying? Oh-”
“Yeah. So, how’s progress with Junhan going?” Jungsu struts high with some sort of authority when he says that. A little smirk plastered on his face.
Jesus, Jungsu might know me too well.
“Excuse you, progress?” Jooyeon looks at Jungsu, a bit annoyed.
“Yes! It’s obvious you like him, and Gunillie told me you tried to kiss him in the van on his birthday- Oops, wait, I wasn’t supposed to say that out loud.” said sheepishly.
And Jooyeon halts in his steps. A furious blush on his face. Fuck, he can’t deny it.
“It’s not like I actually did, he interrupted us..”
“Well, you could have kissed him anyway. I don’t know why you’re thinking so hard about telling him you like him, or doing something like that.” Jungsu is weird. It’s weird because he has eyes at the back of his head. How would he know that?
Or was he that obvious the entire time?
“What- I can’t just kiss someone in front of-”
“I guess you’re right, but I mean, no homo, right?” Jungsu says.
Jooyeon was silent.
“What? You think we’re homophobic or something? Nah, I guess the topic was never brought up.”
Right. He might as well loosen up, this is Jungsu he’s talking about. Jungsu seems like he would be the least homophobic person on planet Earth.
“That's true but I’m more concerned about like, how do you know?”
They round a corner, empty benches lining the sides and pretty flowers still sprung up from spring and summer. There’s a fountain in the center, ceramic and light-gray lining to hold the water inside.
Jungsu and Jooyeon are still speaking quietly, even if the park is desolate minding the birds that chirp in the trees.
“You’re not so subtle about liking him,” Jungsu stops to tap on his chest. “The closet is glass, for you.”
“Oh.” What does he say to that?
Because what it implies… Did Junhan catch on?
“No one has told Junhan yet - I mean, me and Gunil know, probably Seungmin too. The others, I can’t say for sure.” - “If that’s what you’re worried about.”
Jungsu is mysterious in his ways. How did he know what he was thinking? Will never be known.
They end up sitting down on a bench next to one of the fountains. Jooyeon staring off into the distance.
“Fine, fine.” The maknae raises his hands up defensively. “You got me, I like Junhan. And I want to tell him, but I don’t know how, and I suck at communication, mind you.”
The other has an unreadable look on his face, and his tone. “Why are you in such a rush? I think you’re overthinking it too-”
Maybe he is, just a little bit.
“-It’s simple, just tell him you like him.”
“But that’s hard.”
“Why?”
Jooyeon sighs. Picking at the skin around his nails, the other swats his hand lightly, so he stops. Now he’s restlessly bouncing his foot.
“I guess I just don’t want to be a loser about it. Telling him I like him feels so simple, I want to do something special about it.”
Jungsu nods and hums his head. Finger on his chin and now mimicking Jooyeon’s look into the distance.
“Well, I’ll never be able to change your mind. Or force you to do anything, but I still think you’re thinking way to much about it-”
That is true. Jooyeon finds himself agreeing with that. Junhan was a silly crush, a silly crush he wanted to give a shot at.
“-But, if you want something fancy, maybe take him out for dinner.”
“That’s too complicated.”
“Oh, you’re impossible.” Jungsu sighs, rubbing his forehead, Jooyeon hopes he isn’t actually irritating him, he’s just weird.
But as the maknae is looking off into the distant abyss of green and yellow leaves and grass for the backdrop of the densely-wooded park.
Flowers. That’s what he sees-
-And something clicks.
Flower’s.
“Wait! I know, I just got something. I’ll give him flowers, and then write a little note or something.”
Jungsu nods, giving a smile. “You’re right, that’s more simple, and probably better. It makes it sound like you’re courting him, however.”
“I think taking him out to dinner is worse in that field, but a plan is a plan.” Shrugs the younger.
“-Thank you, though. You’re like a weird relationship guru.” He laughs.
A brief moment of silence passes.
“It’s from my experience with Gunil.”
Wait, oh. Interesting, Jooyeon should have seen it coming a long time ago, the two were practically crawling over each other and it was obvious to everyone else.
Was it the same with him and Jooyeon?
“Ah. Good for you, I knew you had it in you.” Jooyeon ruffles Jungsu’s hair playfully.
“It took quite some time to knock some sense into him that I liked him, but once I did it was worth it. He didn’t believe me, that I liked him in an actual romantic way. It’s fine that I’m telling you this, Gunil doesn’t care. But keep quiet until he wants to talk about it, okay?”
Jooyeon nods silently, but doesn’t ask further questions.
“-And now, it’s my turn to bonk you and Junhan’s head together, so go get 'em’ tiger!”
It was not over at that point, in fact Jungsu took him to get some food at a restaurant.
Either way, he has a new plan this time. The older’s words marinating in his mind.
4 - Flowers might be too cliche
Flowers. There are hundreds upon thousands of times, coming from all different places and having their own unique characteristics.
Roses are the symbol of love, but as Jooyeon is at the flower shop, something else catches his eye.
Tulips.
For whatever reasons, tulips make Jooyeon think of Junhan.
They’re a pretty, orange, red, and yellow color. Which matches the upcoming season of fall.
Tulips are tall and stand prideful off the ground, succeeding in numbers. But closed off and shy, with vibrancy on the inside.
That sounds a lot like Junhan to him. Sweet, modest, but can be very lively on the inside. Roses were too demanding, the symbol and declaration of love, too cliche.
If Junhan were a flower, he’d be a tulip, that is settled.
Damn.
When did Jooyeon’s internal monologue become such poetry? Whatever, tulips it is then.
It was only days after the insightful conversation with Jungsu, Jungsu was mysterious in many ways. But maybe, if this plan fails somehow, he’ll take him to dinner. And then tell him he loves him.
That was only a last resort, flowers were simple enough.
So he picks the red, orange, and yellow bouquet of flowers out for a cheap price.
He managed to go undetected when coming back. Sneaking off into his room with the flowers in-hand, and shutting his door behind him.
His room was in a moderately messy state, but he’s spent the past few weeks thinking! An imaginary tin-foil hat on his head as his mind created scenarios to confess his silly crush to Junhan.
Jooyeon grabs a sticky note, and a neat pen. Thinking about what to write.
This was perfect, he wouldn’t have to directly confront Junhan, but it wouldn’t be as stupid and formal as a note.
Which is why the words; Hey, I like you in a crush way, here’s some flowers. Do what you will with that… maybe we could be boyfriends if you like me too? From - Jooyeon :D
Is absolute poetry and a work of art.
Now, all he has to do is swoop by Junhan’s room assuming he wasn’t there, drop them on his bed, and hide for the rest of the day.
-Until, there is a knock on his door.
“It’s Seungmin.”
Ah. He scrambles to put the flowers elsewhere, until the door swings open. Seungmin is chewing some gum loudly.
Okay, just who is he thinking he is to waltz in his room like that? That was reserved for Jiseok, or potentially even Jooyeon himself to do to the other members.
The maknae whips his head around, eyebrows knit together.
“Oops-” Seungmin’s eyes follow to the pretty bouquet of flowers on the table. “Oh, oh my god wait-”
Damn, there shatters the moment of tension.
Now Seungmin is giggling akin to a schoolgirl with a crush. You were always one at heart, Jooyeon.
“-Wait, wait, don’t tell me it’s for…”
Jooyeon’s mouth opens to say something. And then it closes, and then it opens again. “Don’t tell it’s you as well…” he sighs.
Seungmin lit up. Seemingly knowing exactly what he was referring to, a foxish grin spread across his face. “Me n’ Jungsu have been silently rooting for you.”
“Of course,” He’s sarcastic in the way he says it.
“Well, I’ll leave you to it. Whatever over-complex plan you have, know Junhan isn’t even here right now. He’s with Gunil, so really, it’s just you, me and Jiseok. But Jiseok is showering, so.”
“Yeah. Good to know.”
He doesn’t mean to be rude but… come on. That’s three people confirmed. Yikes.
“Bye then!” And the other leaves. Jooyeon waits a moment to finish writing the note and takes a fleeting moment to catch his breath. Good, Junhan wasn’t here at the moment so this would be a breeze.
Opening the door, he peeks his head out, the coast is clear. And he weasels his way into Junhan’s room.
It’s nice, and well-kept unlike the majority of his. His heart melts when he sees the stuffed animal Jooyeon gave him when they were trainees, a worn-out bunny with a little ribbon on its neck.
Fuck, he’s getting distracted, he places the bouquet of flowers on his bed - but forgets one crucial detail.
The note on it.
He scrambles to get it by fleeting out the room. But before he goes back and places it on the flowers, Gunil and Junhan arrive home.
Oh. my. God.
“We’re home,” Says the leader. Shy guitarist behind him, Jooyeon flees into his room, his heart pounding.
Just tell him you’re the one who gave the flowers, it’s not that hard.
Well, it’s hard for Jooyeon. And he can be petty all he wants.
What if he thinks I’m stupid? For giving him flowers, what if he doesn’t like me back?
All he can do is sit back down at his desk, slump his face down and sulk in a petty way.
Oh woe is me.
4.5 - This calls for another interlude! Junhan and the flowers,
When Junhan finally retired to his room for the night, sleep weighed heavy on his mind and oh he just couldn’t wait to sleep again.
The day with Gunil was fun, but tiring. His social battery is drained from frolicking around in a shopping mall with the leader and his pep-in-his-step.
He was even thinking about going into Jooyeon’s room, Jooyeon was a bit more quiet lately.
Junhan was waiting.
Waiting for Jooyeon to tell him he liked him.
First, so he could poke fun at how much of an idiot he was, how obvious he was.
And secondly, how Junhan liked him too.
Jooyeon was many things to Junhan, very funny, loud, and sweet, but could be a bit quiet and closed off like him.
Jooyeon had a great personality on him, and holy fuck he was hot.
Junhan has always loved Jooyeon. He was waiting for Jooyeon to realize that, or that he liked him as well.
Jungsu noted to him one day that he was making crazy efforts now to ask him out, when he could just say he likes him. Junhan would want nothing more.
But it’s cute. And makes him feel special.
When he opens his door, his heart flutters when he sees a bouquet of tulips. Pretty and autumn colors to match the season. That was his favorite season
He knows damn well it’s the youngest who did this. And his heart melted into a gooey puddle.
Flowers.
Junhan loved flowers, and tulips were his favorite. How did he know that?
If Jooyeon was a flower, he’s sure he’d be a snapdragon, because not only is the name cool as hell, it’s also like Jooyeon in EVERY aspect.
Snapdragons were violent and loud in colors, like Jooyeon’s personality. They were more open, like Jooyeon.
The warmest blush braced his face, and the brightest smile Junhan might have ever had on his lips.
With that in mind, he secures the flowers in a safe place. A vase, and puts a little bit of his bottled water in it so it doesn’t die off.
He wants to wait, wait for Jooyeon to pass this hurdle. Unless it becomes too much and he gets irritated with how long he’s taking to just tell him.
But at the same time, he understands. Jooyeon is afraid of what he might say, change, and confront people about personal things. He was more of a psychical touch guy, then a talking one when it came to those things.
That’s why so much of their friendship relied on touch and physical comfort.
Either way, Junhan was willing to wait. He’s been doing it for so long.
Or maybe, deep down, Junhan was afraid to confess too.
Yeah, that was it.
5 - A damn restaurant date can’t even go right?!
Nothing has been said since the night of the tulips. It’s only a few days after. Everything is normal, practice a breeze and the band is lively as ever.
Jooyeon doesn’t know what to think… Did Junhan notice the flowers? Did he just not say anything?
Right now, it’s just the two of them. Driving in their car, Junhan in the passenger seat listening and even bopping his head to a song on the radio. It’s cute, so cute. Out of all of them, Junhan probably listens to the music they produce the most. His favorite was AGAIN? AGAIN!
Jooyeon loved that one. But every time he heard it, or it popped in his brain, or they practiced it, it always made the maknae think of the older.
“So, where are we going again?” Junhan says. A weird, expectant look in his eyes, he gave him a lot of that look recently. Was he trying to hint something?
Right, right. That is besides the point. “It’s a surprise,” Jooyeon is really taking him to an extremely expensive restaurant with all sorts of American cuisine.
The older gives a pouty look, crossing his arms and huffing sadly.
“What’s that look for?”
“It’s my impression of you.”
Jooyeon playfully scoffed and rolled his eyes.
He had been pissed off lately. At all of his feeble attempts to express his love, failing.
Just talk to him, right now.
No! I’m taking him on a date, he just doesn’t know it, and then I will.
Junhan looked at him with a weird look, a smile on his lips. Face slightly red. “Are you taking me on a date…?”
Why did he say it like that? Is he trying to tell him something without saying it-?
“Well, I don’t know… I’m taking you to a restaurant, but ‘date’ wasn’t the intention, in that way…” Lies. Jooyeon is an absolute coward.
“That’s romantic, whether you meant it or not.” Now the older is wiggling his eyebrows at him. “Not complaining, though.”
Jooyeon’s cheeks should not be on fire right now. Wait- was he flirting?
They get to the extremely expensive restaurant that sells American cuisine. They are greeted by a nice lady, and get a table for two.
The table they sit at is round, and has a nicely-lit candle in the middle underneath a fancy red table cloth.
“So, why did you decide to take me here?” Junhan fiddles and clinks some silverware he has together quietly as a means of fidgeting.
Cute.
When would Junhan ever stop being so cute?
“I just saw it was a new place, and thought it would be nice if we could have a little ‘date’ to ourselves. I feel like we don’t get to spend time together as often.”
A cheesy and slow romantic-sounding song plays over the radio, some Korean girl singing, and honestly Jooyeon tunes it all out as he waits for the other’s response.
“I thank you for this.” Junhan smiles cutely at him.
Now’s your chance.
I want to wait until we get our food.
Speaking of food, another waiter comes and passes their menus.
Jooyeon is so fucking scared and nervous right now, why? It’s just a silly crush. But Jooyeon is guarded by thick walls of insecurities. He realized that the day the flower plan failed. It would have been easy enough to confront him about it, but he didn’t.
He wanted to treat Junhan right, and wanted to show just how much he loved and cared for him. If a almost birthday-kiss before being interrupted didn’t work, flowers he gave him but forgot the damn note put in it and then interrupted again by him and Gunil coming home- or even all the way back when he wanted to give him a note but decided not to didn’t work, this would have to, right?
4.9 - Interlude, the flashback.
“I’m just scared to tell him, I think that is why.” Says Jooyeon, the night after the flower incident as he is speaking to Jiseok.
They were having tea-talk as besties, Jiseok liked to gossip about all kinds of things. They didn’t have actual tea, however, which was a bummer. But it left for a more real and raw atmosphere, rather than a silly rom-com. They are sitting on Jiseok’s bed.
“I know that’s why. I’m sure Junhan likes you already, too.”
“How do you know that?”
“I think you should just talk to him. A restaurant date-” Because Jooyeon told the older about the next plan, “-sounds sweet. Even if he doesn’t like you, everything is worth a try.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that I’m still scared.”
“The reason why is you’re a bit insecure, are you not?” Jiseok knew him too well. Everyone knew him too well. “You want to be perfect for him, you want to prove you’re worthy.” - “But I’m telling you, if you just talk to him raw and honest, that will be enough. You are already enough.”
Jiseok was right..
Even if he had a whole band, and a fandom that loved him, his worst fear was being insignificant.
“You’re quiet.” quips Junhan, peeking up from the edge of his menu.
“I was thinking.”
“Of what?”
“What I want.”
“Oh, I say, they have some interesting foods here…” Junhan eyes something particular.
Jooyeon shrugs, already deciding what he wants. He tries not to mind the other couples pooled around him. This is when Jooyeon also gets time to appreciate the outfit Junhan wore, nice black pants and a fancy-looking white-button up.
As fast as he can, he whips his head down to look back at the menu. And he mentally decides what he wants.
Someone comes up with their piping hot food on a plate some time later, and now they are casually conversing as they eat.
And what’s Jooyeon wearing on this date? Black sweatpants and a baggy old tee years old. Stretched out and worn thin. This is proof that Jooyeon really did not properly plan for this. Damn.
It’s pleasant, it smells warm and homey inside the restaurant with couples around other tables that make him slightly jealous. That is the only downside, other than that it feels very relaxed and comfortable here despite that.
The music has changed to something else, probably still romantic, however the maknae is still tuning it out.
“I just wanted to thank you for this, really. I think I needed a break to unwind from the others, you know?” the older breaks away from the conversation in a serious note.
Jooyeon blushed and nodded. “Of course.”
“You’ve been more quiet though, I will say. Is something on your mind…?”
Junhan was hinting at something, wasn’t he. Before Jooyeon can answer, a waiter strolls by with their food.
They’ve eaten most of their food, silverware clinking together. Jooyeon supposes this is the best time he has to admit to Junhan, to tell him he likes him.
“Hey Junhan…?”
“Yeah?”
“I want to tell you something, um, I really like y-”
Someone was walking by them, a tray of drinks in their hand. However they must have slipped on something, sending the drinks flying and spilling all over Jooyeons shirt.
Oh. my. God.
The ‘they’ becomes a ‘she’ when her squeaky voice frantically apologizes. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!”
It happens so fast Jooyeon sits there for a moment. All of those serious feelings inside him dissipate. Now he’s just irritated again. He’s so close to shouting at Junhan that he loves him, but that is not appropriate right now.
“It’s fine….” he mumbled. Junhan looked a bit shocked himself. Already getting up.
“No, no!! I need to get you a towel, dear!” She rushes off. And then comes back, the cloth in hand, patting the table dry and moving some of the glass cups to an upright position. The water was void of their plates, but some did get on Jooyeon’s shirt.
She brought some towels back as well. Junhan was helping clean up the mess, it’s so incredibly lucky none of the glasses broke, and that it was just water.
“Oh my,” Junhan muttered as he tried to clean up the water. “Did you get any water on you?”
“Yeah, it’s just water, I will survive.”
The waitress sighs as she gets her things back together. The water on his shirt is cold and sticks to his skin, which is uncomfortable. But he’s not mad, just irritated. He tries not to let that show, however hard that may be at the moment.
Junhan looked worse than him. Tense, biting his lip so hard it might bleed. Jooyeon doesn’t say anything, however, he doesn’t want to embarrass him.
It was a good thing most of their food was eaten already. Or Jooyeon would have absolutely lost it. That doesn’t stop Jooyeon from griping and grumbling when he gets home. All inside of his head, of course of course.
Junhan himself looked distracted and bothered, but Jooyeon was so stuck up in his head he basically did not care.
Maybe now he would really have to gather the courage to just tell him himself again, no dates… no flowers, no nothing.
Fuck.
5.5 - Interlude, Junhan’s perspective.
Junhan knew Jooyeon liked him, and was desperately trying to swoon and court him.
From the first incident, he knew Junhan wanted to tell him. To ask him out, as his boyfriend.
What’s funny was, the entire time, everyone knew Junhan liked him back. Except the maknae himself.
It was a bit sad to be honest, but also amusing.
The second time was the note incident. Well, he will never truly know if that was for him. But it was a likely guess.
He had tried many flirting attempts, many silent gestures to try and get the point across in his thick and dense-skull.
Junhan has always loved Jooyeon, too.
Then there was the birthday incident, Junhan knew what was going to happen. His eyes had just barely been open in the back of the van, he felt the way the youngest grabbed his face - how soft his fingers were,
It only left Junhan’s heart aching, and aching. Over and over again as he thought about it.
Then there were the flowers, he knew those flowers were from Jooyeon. He wanted to say something, no, that was the real moment he wanted to confront Jooyeon, however he locked himself in his room at the time, and then was occupied with Junsgu.
His heart hurt, like a dull ache.
So when Jooyeon indirectly asked him out on the date - on the inside he was swooning and dancing over the moon. He knew that is what the maknae wanted to tell him, then and there. But the interruption happened.
It was no one's fault, but Junhan felt a bit of that irritated energy being shared with him when they got home.
Junhan talked to Gunil about it that night.
Gunil sighed.
“You know, I am not very keen on relationships. However Jungsu has showed me many things, the first is it shouldn’t be rushed.” The leader put a finger on his chin.
Junhan nodded, silently listening.
“-I should be telling Jooyeon that, but now that I think about it. He isn’t rushing it. I think - this is what Jungsu told me, he’s insecure.”
“Insecure?” Insecure? Was it really true?
“I mean, no one can know for sure. But I think Jooyeon needs a push, he wants to tell you, but he is scared.”
“Right, right, yeah.” He took a moment to breath in a sigh, messing with his fingers. Gunil took one of his hands and held his own, to soothe his nerves.
“Maybe you should go talk to him tonight. He needs a push.”
So that was what Junhan was going to do. Dinner passes, and he heads off to Jooyeons room with the vase of flowers Jooyeon gave him some time ago, still doing well enough.
+1 - the confrontation. Sometimes what we need is a little push.
“Jooyeon.” The older calls out from the door after knocking.
The door swings open after a few moments. The younger looked a bit shocked and surprised.
Especially when he saw the flowers in hand.
“Oh! Um-”
“Yeah, I know you’re one who gave me those, I want to talk to you.”
“Yeesh. It sounds like I am in trouble,” Jooyeon laughs it off, but they walk inside. Jooyeon closed the door behind them.
This leads to them sitting on the bed now, how does Junhan go about this?
Kiss him.
That’s what Junhan does, Jooyeon is silent as the latter places two hands on either side of his face, and kisses him on the lips. At first, the maknae is tense about it, but relaxes into it. Blush that spreads like wildfire along his cheek and neck.
Pretty. Jooyeon is too damn pretty.
“Oh.” Jooyeon gives him bug eyes when they pull away. Junhan is still holding his face between his hands, looking in his eyes.
“You’re so stupid, you know that?”
“What?”
“Joonie, I like you too. I have been waiting.” Said with a underlying sweetness in his tone.
“Oh- wait, Oh!” How does he react in this situation-?
The older lets go of his face. Smiling brightly at him. “Yeah, I have.”
“-How did you know the entire time?” The bassist tilts his head, like a cute puppy.
“Well,” - “It was more of a stronger feeling, but… what really sold it was when you tried to kiss me.”
Thinking back on it, it makes his heart fuzzy. He was so gentle, the way he tried to kiss him. Junhan was never bothered with the fact that he did it in the van, with Gunil in the front. But now it’s even better, since he gets to return the stolen kiss.
Jooyeon just grins lazily and kisses him again, gaining some confidence once more.
“I- I’m really damn glad you said something,” he sighs dreamily after the kiss. “I don’t think I ever would have gained the confidence,”
“That’s okay, I think. It’s happening now, so what’s there to stress about, you know?”
“I tried so many times to tell you I loved you… All in different ways, none of them worked but -” a murmur of a sigh. “I realized it was like, I don’t know how long ago. But I talked to Jiseok about it-”
Junhan nods his head, affirming he was listening and prompting the other to continue. They’re sitting on Jooyeon’s bed right now, his room is now more well-kept. He was in the midst of cleaning some things around until he was interrupted.
The bed is warm beneath them, a chilly Autumn night nipping outside.
“-And he helped me realize that… I guess five attempts isn’t that much but to me it was a lot, all in what - just hardly over a month?”
“I can’t say for sure, but that would likely be the best guess-” but the guitarist halts in his words. “-five times? I thought it was four…”
Was it four? Hell, it still really didn’t even matter, but he’s curious. “I guess it doesn’t matter but what was the fifth time? I only thought it was four…”
“Yeah, it was four. I almost wrote you a little love not but I decided not to.”
The older nods his head.
“Oh. I was curious about that. But also, the entire time I was trying to drop hints to you…” Junhan trails off, reeling in the memories. “I mean I was like, dropping them by being more touchy and stuff. I didn’t get that many opportunities.”
The latter hums, looking down. “I might have had a feeling you liked me too, I was just afraid to fully let myself believe that.”
Those… those words hit closer to home, Junhan has felt like that so many times in his life. Afraid, Afraid of believing in fear of being wrong. Maybe it was a worldwide human experience, or maybe not.
“Well… You were still stupid the entire time.” He giggles lowly. Jooyeon gives him an almost death glare, but a corner of his lips crack into a smile.
“I will admit that. So like are we…?”
“Are we what?” Junhan teases. The other pouts.
“Boyfriends?”
Boyfriends. Boyfriends, boyfriends. They were going to be boyfriends.
“I guess so.”
“Yeah.”
A stilled pause rolls through the air.
Junhan grabs for a strand of Jooyeon’s long, black hair. Rubbing it between his fingers. “What kind of shampoo do you use?” He questions.
A snort. And a muffled laughter. “We’ve just declared ourselves boyfriends, and that is the first thing you ask me?”
“Yes. I want my answer.”
Jooyeon can’t deny Junhan when he gave him that look and face. He had no choice, it was against his will and the power of Junhan’s cuteness! No one can blame him.
“Its the lavender stuff.”
“Lavender? Eugh, nevermind.”
“It’s shampoo, I’m pretty sure what scent it is doesn’t matter anyway.” He sighs and rolls his eyes.
“Kiss again?” Junhan asks, with pretty pouty lips.
And they kiss again, this time it’s Jooyeon who starts it. Being incredibly soft and gentle as he does it, cupping one side of Junhan’s face.
There were no fireworks outside signifying their love. There were no harmonious birds singing in the background, or cheering going on as they kissed like they were in a Disney movie. It’s just a kiss, and even if there is no cliche fireworks exploding, or intense romantic music playing as a background. It’s just a kiss between the two, short and sweet.
That night, it was already late. So they both huddled together under the sheets to cuddle and fall asleep peacefully. Junhan would learn just how loud of a snoring the maknae really was, the entire time he wrote the Jiseok-Seungmin-Jungsu-created conspiracy theory as false.
The next morning, they’re already all over each other in the kitchen. Good morning kisses at the asscrack of dawn five ‘o clock.
“Oh my god. That’s gross.” Says Jiseok, scrunching his nose up in fake disgust. Jungsu follows behind him, grinning like a cheshire cat.
Gunil and Seungmin are probably still sleeping like normal people, oh well.
Later that day, Gunil came up to him, clapping and cheering for him like he won a baseball game, of course his boyfriend Jungsu had to be glued to his side.
“Let’s go, you got some game!”
“Jungsu, that’s a bit of a rude way to say it, is it not?” Poor Gunil. Sometimes, the other members feel bad that he has to deal with the gremlin (and Jiseok, too, he’s not let off the hook the most.)
“Is it?”
Jooyeon sighed with a smile, of course all the news spread after he told his bestie Jiseok. That was okay.
And then there was Seungmin, Seungmin cheered him on as well.
“I knew you had it in you, it was agonizing watching the pining over each other but not doing anything.
Lastly, Jiseok.
“I’m proud of you, man. Congrats on your boyfriend.
Jiseok would always be there for him, rain or shine.
Boyfriend, Jooyeon finally had a boyfriend.