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I saw my sister lay in bed
Chain-smoking cigarettes
Window open, November spilling in
I made a cross over my head
I dipped my fingertips into the calcified green holy water dish
Don hadn’t seen Charlie since the funeral, and he couldn’t help the pang of worry that hit when he returned to the synagogue and didn’t see Charlie anywhere. He tried to swallow it down as he sat down and stared up at the arched ceiling numbly. He still couldn’t believe their mom was actually gone.
I took pity on your battered soul
And never let you in
I feel like a lost winter coat
In a county church's basement
Where I wept
I can't believe that I'm here again
It felt strange to be back in LA knowing he wasn’t going to be leaving again any time soon. He’d put his transfer in as soon as humanly possible after hearing that she was gone. He hadn’t told Charlie or their dad yet, but he couldn’t stand the idea of being in another state while their mom was six feet deep and dad and Charlie were alone in the house.
Waited til everybody left
I sat at the organ
And played myself a slow and quiet hymn
And then you sat up from the bench
You scared me half to death
I hadn't seen you since you were a kid
I took pity on your battered soul
And never let you in
But if you feel like a lost winter coat
In a county church's basement
I get it, I get it
Don wasn’t sure how long he sat there staring blankly and lost in thought, but eventually the few people scattered throughout the sanctuary were gone and he was alone again. He sat there in silence for a few more minutes before making his way to the front of the room and sitting at the organ off to the right of the bimah. He let his fingers lightly caress the cool, smooth keys for a bit before beginning to play through the hymn that popped into his head.
As he reached the end of the song, Don caught movement out of the corner of his eye and nearly had a heart attack as Charlie popped up from a bench.
Christ you got tall
You've got your grandfather chin
I guess your mom's been pretty busy
Why don't you sit with me a bit
They sat in silence as Don took in his brother. Charlie’s eyes were red-rimmed and swollen, hair messier than usual, and there was a hint of a five o’clock shadow on his jaw. Put simply, he looked like a mess that hadn’t slept in days, and it broke Don’s heart.
He inclined his head, inviting Charlie to join him, and he slid over on the bench as his brother slowly shuffled over and slumped onto the seat.
If you like that song
Then I can teach you it
Come on over to the organ
It's easy I promise, I promise
Put your left hand here like that
Line up your right and then it's B to E, C Sharp Minor and back
And hey I'm sorry about your dad
I watched you during mass
He'd be so damn proud of how brave you've been
“You want to learn how to play it?” Don asked softly, and Charlie nodded.
It took a bit to get Charlie’s hands in the right position and then a couple tries to get the melody down, but soon enough they were able to play through it together without too much trouble. Don’s thoughts strayed once again to their mother and he couldn’t decide if he wanted to smile or cry. Piano lessons had been her idea, and he had taken to them much better than Charlie had. The idea that over a decade later they’d be sitting at an organ the day after her funeral playing a hymn together was… something.
After they played through the hymn a couple times, Don took his hands off the keys and he looked down at the organ as he spoke.
“I watched you during the funeral,” he began, “She’d be so damn proud of how brave you’ve been.”
Charlie tensed, clearly fighting back another wave of tears as he tried to figure out what to say in response. His hands gripped the bench so hard his knuckles whitened.
“I don’t-” he cut himself off as his voice cracked, “I don’t know what to do without her.”
Don leaned over until their shoulders were pressed together before he spoke again.
“You do what you’ve always done, Chuck. You keep makin’ her proud.”
You took pity on their battered souls
And never let them in
But if I'm just a lost winter coat
In a county church's basement
I could be of use
If you're cold I could shelter you
And maybe I could stick around a bit you know
If you want someone to talk to
Suddenly the dam broke and Charlie was crying again, heavy heart-broken sobs Don hadn’t heard since they were kids. He wrapped his arms around his brother protectively and simply cradled him as Charlie sobbed into his chest. He hid his face in Charlie’s mess of curls and let his own tears fall. Don wasn’t sure what he’d do without the glue that kept them together either, but he knew that he would do absolutely anything to keep the three of them together in the wake of it all. The only thing he knew for certain was that the Eppes boys drifting even further apart would break his mother’s heart, wherever she was.
As Charlie’s crying trailed off and he caught his breath, Don let him go and watched as he sat up and wiped his eyes. After he got himself back under control, Charlie put his hands back to the keys and played through the song one last time under Don's watchful gaze.
“I put in a transfer to LA.” Don said as the last note rang out in the empty room.
“What?”
“I’m transferring to LA. I’m sticking around, Charlie. Gotta make sure you and dad don’t fall apart without mom taking care of you.”
He had said the last part as a poor joke, but as silence fell again it was clear that they both realized it wasn’t really a joke. Charlie nodded slightly and stood to leave, but Don’s hand shot out and grabbed his arm before he could get far.
“Hey. I know we haven’t been all that close recently, but,” he made himself look into Charlie’s eyes, “if you need someone to talk to, I’m here. Seriously.”
Charlie stared back at him before eventually nodding.
"I'm... I'm glad you're back."