Work Text:
Randy, who was British, woke up from a nightmare concerning the unfortunate incident of using a ruler to launch a rubber into his primary school teacher's eye, after which his mum had him repeat year three.
He got dressed into his work shirt and trousers and went outside. He climbed into the right-hand side of the car and proceeded to drive to work on the left side of the road, because he was British.
Randy had many British thoughts on his way to work, like how he had never experienced Thanksgiving or 4th of July celebrations, while the radio blasted British songs like God Save the Queen. When he arrived at Crumpets Crumpets Crumpets where he worked, he went inside and greeted his similarly British coworker, Benson.
"Awrite, mate," said Randy in a British accent before he went to hang up his coat from Superdry.
Later, every geezer that worked at Crumpets Crumpets Crumpets gathered in the sodding break room, where Hardy, who was also British, assigned all of his British employees their roles for the day.
"I say!" exclaimed Hardy. "Chris, you're always faffing about!"
"Shut it, you tosspot," said Chris.
Eventually, Benson had enough of the hullabaloo, and went to get his gun so he could kill everyone for doing his head in. Unfortunately, he could not, because he was British and had no guns.
"Bloody hell!" yelled Benson, who was British, as he lit up a fag and smoked it.
Benson went back inside and stole all the tenners out the till in front of everyone.
"Crikey!" squealed Jess Britishly as Benson pocketed at least two hundred quid.
Randy, who was SO very British, said, "That was a bit dodgy, Benson."
"I've lost the plot," said Benson, grabbing Randy by his British collar, running out into the car park and driving away, again on the left side of the road, because he was British.
"Your car's proper minging," said Randy as they drove around.
"Sod off," said Benson, who was sitting on the right side of the car because he was driving.
Benson and Randy went to get some nosh for breakfast, drove to a petrol station, a shopping centre and then a primary school. Then Benson got into a kerfuffle with the coppers and died in a very British way.
Randy sat on the British pavement as he watched the grim scene unfold.
"Blimey," whispered Randy.