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For an aerial mage, one of the most important skills in your arsenal is having a good reaction time. If you waste too much time processing what’s happening in battle, you can’t expect to live long in this job. The simple fact is that you can have a bullet in your brain faster than it’d take for the idea of deflecting to cross it.
And having said that, it takes a pitiful, shameful sixty seconds for Lieutenant Warren Grantz to react to whatever it is that just happened to him.
It had only taken ten for Lieutenant Colonel Tanya von Degurechaff to disappear from the room and down the hall with a 180 degree turn and a swish of her ponytail… And he’s still lagging behind, stuck on the moment her lips touched his.
Did that even really happen?
“Hey, what was that?” Visha asks.
It may sound stupid, but ‘did that even really happen?’ really is an excellent question because she disappeared so quickly it’s like she hadn’t even been standing in front of him in the first place. When it comes to Lieutenant Colonel Degurechaff, his imagination has been known to act up, so it could very well be that he simply hallucinated that. After all, there’s no way his commander would actually do something as insane as kiss him… right?
Except Visha’s in the room, and she’s reacting like she definitely just witnessed something impossible.
“Grantz, what was that?” She says again, knocking him back into reality.
Reality. That really happened.
… Why?!
“I don’t… I don’t know…” is the only answer he can give.
Obviously it’s an unsatisfying answer because Visha is immediately trying to get him to elaborate, “What do you mean you don’t know? Wait… You guys went out today didn’t you? Don’t tell me… Are you dating?!”
“What? No, of course not! I mean, I don’t think so, she didn’t say—”
“Are you trying to hide it?”
“What?! Why would I do that?”
“Well— I don’t know! Everyone does give you a pretty hard time, so…”
“We’re not dating,” he says firmly.
And frankly, saying ‘everyone gives me a hard time’ barely scratches the surface of what those guys are like… I would call it harassment.
If you think about it, you can sort of see how the dynamic of the unit turned out like this. The 203rd Aerial Mage Battalion is a unit that’s been together for years now with very little personnel turnover. War is a stressful thing, so a little levity between coworkers helps keep everyone from falling apart. Therefore, there are a number of running inside jokes between the members of the battalion, and a lot are about each other.
For example, take the now-discharged Warrant Officer Teyanen, their beloved ‘fallen’ comrade whose name is still invoked to this day with respect. ‘I have to do this in honor of Officer Teyanen’s sacrifice!’ is the catch-all excuse for doing something that you definitely shouldn’t be doing. ‘He would’ve wanted this for me’ was usually the follow up statement. Ten times out of ten, this was invoked for the sake of something that absolutely did not need such dramatic proceedings.
Another good one was about Weiss. Everyone knows him to be the serious, level-headed second-in-command, but everyone also knows that the second you put alcohol into him, he’s a disaster. So much so that the morning after a big party, you can usually convince him to believe the most absurd lies about the things he got up to the previous night. It’s a challenge at this point to see who can get him to fall for the wildest story. (The current winner happens to be Lieutenant Colonel Degurechaff, purely because Weiss never expected she would join in on it.)
Even their commander is not exempt from the jokes, she generally plays along with them, so long as they aren’t too insubordinate. She tends to frown at jokes about her age and gender, but if you make a joke about how tiny she is, she’ll usually follow it up with something like, ‘I’m not short, I’m just a smaller target for the enemy,’ or ‘I’m optimized for evasive maneuvers.’
And finally, in poor Lieutenant Grantz’s case, because he’s one of the youngest members, he’s often someone who gets riffed on frequently.
There’s a lot he gets teased for, but, if you were to ask Grantz’s opinion, the least amusing thing they joke about is his long-standing one-sided crush on the unit commander. The crush that is apparently plainly obvious to anyone with functioning eyes, except Commander Degurechaff herself.
The jokes are so frequent and overplayed that it’s actually quite impressive, considering his one hard rule is that no one says anything where Tanya may be able to hear it. The fact that his nonexistent love life is a source of amusement for his coworkers does sting a little, though.
So, to get back on track, he has more incentive than anyone to reveal it if he were to actually be dating her.
Yes, even if doing that means resolving the ongoing bet about whether or not they’ll end up dating.
Sure, maybe someone else in this situation would keep it a secret out of spite, but nothing in this world could keep him from the absolute satisfaction of rubbing in everyone’s face the fact that Tanya von Degurechaff wants to be with someone as unworthy of her as himself.
Not even if it meant giving someone annoying a financial windfall.
Someone annoying…
“This has to be Koenig’s fault somehow,” Grantz declares.
“What?!”
“Think about it! There’s nothing in this world Koenig loves more than ‘giving me a hard time.’ He must’ve said something to her to make her do that!”
“Grantz, don’t be ridiculous! Wouldn’t the far more logical assumption be that she just wanted to kiss you?” Though Visha’s talking about being logical, she’s come up with an idea that’s completely crazy.
“Of course not. My luck isn’t that good,” comes his flat denial.
Visha lets out a deeply tired sigh.
What kind of reaction is that?
“I’ll go talk to her, alright?” Visha says.
“You don’t have to do that, I’m sure that if I go talk to Koenig, I’ll get the truth out of him,” Grantz says, and with that, he hurries out to find him.
In the now empty room, Visha mutters to herself, “...Yeah, I think I’ll go talk to her, anyway.”
♡
The bet. The source of all of Grantz’s miseries regarding his love life. All it is is a simple yes or no question: Do you think that, by the end of the year, Warren Grantz and Tanya von Degurechaff will start dating?
Technically, this is actually year two of this bet. The first year was much smaller, more like a joke at his expense between a few people, and of course the outcome of that bet was obviously ‘no.’
But after it ended, all it took was one New Year’s Eve party where everyone was shitfaced for it to be restarted with every possible person included in the betting pool. Of 48 battalion members, 46 are involved in it. It should be obvious who the only two excluded members are— the very people the bet is about.
Yes, even Visha betrayed him and got involved. She was designated responsible for recording all the bets and handling the money. Even worse, when Grantz tried to ask her how much money was in the pot, she wouldn’t tell him. Something about he’d probably be upset by the answer, so it was better to not know.
What he does know, though, is that not many people are betting on his success. Since he made it very clear he knows he doesn’t have a chance with their commander, not many people were willing to put their faith in him. As it turns out, not many people are willing to bet on a horse that won’t run.
Because of that, somehow, through the power of alcohol he agreed to one concession. At some point in the year, before the bet is over, he has to make at least one move on her.
No, he hasn’t done it yet. Yes, he is immensely aware that he’s nine months into the year at this point.
This is why this has to be Koenig’s fault somehow. Koenig is one of the ‘believers’ as they dubbed themselves, meaning he thinks Grantz has a chance. Or at least that’s what he says, but Grantz’s less charitable opinion is that he probably couldn’t resist a bet with such a huge payout if he won. Apparently he has a lot of money riding on this.
Visha very explicitly stated it was against the rules for anyone to intervene, but Grantz wouldn’t put it past him to get fed up with a lack of progress and step in.
Koenig should be working right now, but Grantz won’t let that stop him from getting to the bottom of this mess. Getting yelled at while you’re on duty is something everyone is used to anyway. In fact, it’s like half their job. And he’s probably not doing anything important anyway, the commander herself has admitted she’s recently been giving people busy work, so it should be fine.
Grantz finds him at his desk, nose buried in a stack of documents that look only half filled-out. The second he steps through the doorway, he doesn’t hesitate at all to voice his displeasure with him, shouting, “Koenig! What the hell did you do!?”
To which, the man’s head pops up to look at him blankly. “You’re gonna have to be more specific than that, Grantz,” he responds.
“Lieutenant Colonel Degurechaff! What did you tell her?”
“‘What did I tell her…?’ About what exactly?”
“Me! The bet! Anything related to either of those! What else could it be?”
“Oh, you mean your little crush on her? I didn’t tell her anything about it.”
“That’s impossible, you have to be lying!”
“I am not! C’mon, I take my gambling very seriously. I would never!”
Koenig is looking at him with a completely serious— if mildly confused— expression. There’s no sign of the usual smugness he gets when he messes with Grantz.
Did he really… not do anything? Is he actually innocent for once?
“Then, why would she…”
“Wait a minute, why are you freaking out like this? Did something happen?”
Shit.
“N-no, I just…”
Ah, there it is, there’s the smugness. It’s too late now. Like a shark smelling blood in the water, Koenig recognizes his weakness and pounces on it. “Oh, something definitely happened.”
On the list of Things Grantz Could Do in Reaction to the Fact Commander Degurechaff Kissed Him, the idea ‘telling someone that it happened’ is very near the bottom, only barely above the idea ‘going to find her immediately and kissing her back.’
Instantly, he jumps into denial. “No it didn’t!”
“You really think I’m going to believe that?”
“Yes! Because it’s definitely the truth!”
“Grantz, buddy, you suck at lying.”
Actually, he’s well aware of that, but still, he has to deny it on principle. “I do not!”
“You wanna know what I think?” Koenig says.
“Nope, I’m leaving!”
“I think Colonel Degurechaff said something to you. Something that made it clear she knows about your crush on her, and now you’re panicking about what to do. So the question is, what’d she say?”
“…You’re wrong.” If only technically because she didn’t so much as say it, but do it.
“What, you’re not gonna tell me?”
“No, because there’s nothing to tell! She didn’t say anything.”
“If you keep denying it, I can’t help you.”
“What makes you think I need your help?” Of all people, Koenig is close to the last person he’d go to for romantic advice. Grantz isn’t the kind of person to pry, but from his understanding, all of Koenig’s relationships have been exclusively one-night stands— which is not what he wants from Commander Degurechaff.
And yet Koenig’s reply is cutting, “The fact that it’s almost October and you haven’t made a single move.”
“I— I’m just trying to find the right moment!”
“Are you stupid? There will never be a right moment if you don’t do something. So tell me what happened!”
“No!”
“You’re ridiculous. Alright, fine. If you won’t tell me what she said, then just answer this, did she reject you? Is the bet over?”
“No.”
“Do you think you have a chance?”
That’s… a bit hard to say. It really depends. Why did she do that? What was her motivation?
If he’s to answer honestly… “I’m not sure.”
Unexpectedly Koenig’s face splits into a grin and he cheers, bringing Grantz out of his retrospection.
“What’s with that reaction?” he grumbles.
“The last time I asked you that, you said ‘Of course not.’ This is an improvement!”
Is it really? From having zero chance… to perhaps a fraction of a percentage.
He sighs. Maybe there is room for hope?
♡
It keeps him up at night. Every night for the past week, he’s been kept up, tossing and turning because of that ridiculous hope.
She kissed me. I don’t know why, but she did.
It happened.
… Why?
He’s come up with a number of theories, but none of them seem quite right.
His first theory was that there was outsider interference. Someone convinced her to do that, either to get the bet to move from a standstill, or just to mess with him. And the reason for why he thought that was simple. Kissing someone out of nowhere is just completely out of character for her. It is a well known fact to everyone in the army that she’s so uptight that people straighten up and quit messing around just by knowing she’s in the vicinity.
But then it turned out that his prime suspect, Koenig, was innocent of all charges, and he has no other leads. Somehow convincing her to do something like that would be difficult and, frankly, stupid— and there really is a limited pool of people out there that are either brave enough or dumb enough to mess with the colonel like that. So basically his theory is dead in the water.
The fact is that, most likely (as Visha predicted), she did that because she wanted to.
But that raises a new question. Why did she want to?
There’s a saying that goes, ‘The simplest explanation is usually the correct one.’ In this case, the simplest explanation is that she also has feelings for him, but to Grantz, he can’t even conceptualize the possibility of that being the truth.
He’s a mage. He’s good with numbers. It’s his job. He has to be. But calculating that chance is virtually impossible. The likelihood has to be close to zero, something like 0.0000000004%. Something with so many decimal places that it becomes statistically insignificant. There’s just no way.
She’s made no indication she likes him more than a coworker would. Ever. She acts as casually with him as she does with everyone else. There has to be an alternative reason.
What comes to mind first is patently ridiculous, but he’s hard-pressed to come up with anything else.
Lieutenant Colonel Degurechaff has made it clear she’s not a very sociable person. Everyone knows this. And so, while Grantz isn’t privy to every detail of her personal life, what he does know, by her own casual admission, is that she’s basically never dated anyone.
So maybe, just maybe, what she wanted was simply the experience of a kiss— to know what it was like. It sounds ridiculous, but he can at the very least understand her plight. That’s a natural desire, isn’t it? To be curious about romance? Just because someone is unsociable, that doesn’t necessarily mean they can’t be curious about it as a concept.
But, then again, considering it’s her, it sounds too far-fetched. It just doesn’t sound like something she’d ever care about.
And there’s also the problem of what she said right before she did it.
‘There is one thing I want. Something I can only get from you.’
There are ways to creatively reinterpret this sentence that still fit with his theory. Maybe what she actually meant was that she considered Grantz to be the only person safe enough to practice with. And if that’s the case, it is sort of flattering to know she trusts him, but he really does wish for more than that from her. But, putting his own desires aside, that’s not what it felt like she was saying.
The phrasing of it is driving him into a spiral. Something I can only get from you. She didn’t say ‘Something I can only try with you,’ she said get. ‘Get’ seems to imply the kiss itself was what she wanted, not the experience, the knowledge, of what kissing is like.
Or maybe I’m overthinking it. Maybe there is no deeper meaning. Maybe she was just careless with her phrasing. Maybe it means nothing at all to her.
Dammit.
His only other theory: she knows about his feelings for him and was messing with him.
This one feels like it’s closest to reality. Especially since he has just a bit of evidence to back this one up. When they were at that café together, she toyed with him just a little— the smile on her face gave it away.
‘You two make for a very cute couple,’ the woman at the counter had said. And instead of correcting her, Commander Degurechaff smiled and said ‘Thank you,’ and then towards Grantz, she followed it up with ‘We’re a couple of friends, are we not?’
It was a joke. He was able to barely play it off in the moment. Sure, he was internally panicking, but she turned away quick enough he managed to calm down and recover. Maybe that kiss and what she said moments before it was also like that. A not-so-subtle dig at his feelings she really meant nothing by.
If that’s the case… that was just unbearably cruel. Sometimes, when it comes to his feelings for her, he feels like he’s drowning. For her to tease him with the possibility of accepting his feelings like that…
It just can’t be right.
Even though he’s in love with her, Grantz will be the first to admit her faults. She is a sadist, but she’s not an emotional sadist. Sure, she’ll laugh through training so torturous it’s inhumane, but messing with people’s feelings like this has never been a part of her playbook.
Maybe she is aware, but she doesn’t think it’s quite that serious? Maybe she thought it would be something safe to joke about?
Perhaps that’s what happened. Perhaps she overheard one of the guys making a joke and assumed it’d be fine if she made some too. It’s one thing coming from them, but… coming from her it hurts.
…That has to be wrong. She has more sense than that.
She’s made jokes at Grantz’s expense before— like he’s said before, he gets teased a lot, and she’s not immune to joining in, but she knows where the lines are and she doesn’t cross them. She has the delicacy to notice the things that are genuine insecurities, the things that should never be handled carelessly, and avoid picking at them. For example, the lessons he learned by force from her in Arene never came up again. The one time someone thoughtlessly brought it up, she shut it down forcefully.
She just can’t be acting needlessly cruel like that. She can’t.
…So then what is it?!
He groans into his pillow and rolls over. This circular thinking isn’t getting him anywhere.
The fact that the kiss even happened is absurd, but he needs to consider it as more than just an isolated event, it throws the whole rest of the day into sharp relief too.
When she invited him out in the morning, he wasn’t quite sure about her motivation for it. Of course he was thrilled to be able to spend time with her, but he couldn’t quite figure out the reason why she’d ask him of all people. Especially because (even if he only found this out after the fact) it was her birthday of all days. Wouldn’t she want to spend it with someone special? Or— perhaps more likely, considering her personality— alone?
But instead she wanted him around.
When he was walking with her in the street that day, as they were running errands on behalf of Ursula, a dangerous thought occurred to him. Isn’t this like a date?
He tried to dismiss the idea as a legitimate possibility then, his perception of the situation was very likely influenced by his feelings. There were probably plenty of unsaid reasons as to why his commander would drag him out with her that were unrelated to romantic interest.
It was far more likely she brought him along as a bodyguard, to scare off weird men who’d bother her. She’s the kind of person who shows zero interest in people and interpersonal relationships outside of the ones formed through work— a true introvert through and through. If anyone were to bother her on her day off, she’d probably be pissed.
The thing is, there probably wasn’t a single guy out there who could see her looking so cute and not fall in love with her. She’s just that charming. Admittedly, Grantz was already weak to her, but when he saw her dressed up, it had taken everything in his power to politely say, ‘It looks nice on you,’ instead of an incoherent confession of love.
So, having said that, she was probably aware that if she were to go out, there was a chance some random person would try to make a pass at her. Grantz was likely meant to be her deterrent.
He thinks he did his job pretty well. He saw some people’s eyes following her closely a few times, but when his gaze met theirs, they backed off without making a scene. Commander Degurechaff didn’t even seem to indicate she noticed, which was perfect. Not a single disturbance to her enjoying her time, at all.
…But in the back of his mind, the whole time, the idea was banging in his head, he wasn’t able to get rid of it. It’s just like a date. In the privacy of his internal thoughts, it came to him. If he wants to pretend what’s happening is actually that impossible scenario, then isn’t it fine as long as it stays within the confines of his own mind?
That was a bad move. He got too comfortable with the idea and slipped right at the end. Sitting with her, asking her to spend more time together; suddenly breaking all boundaries and picking her up, carrying her around just a bit too tightly.
Obvious. That’s the only word for it. He was way too obvious with his intentions, with how he thought of her.
Despite that, she never shut him down. When he offered to put her down, she refused it. When they got home, she stayed around him.
There’s too much conflicting evidence, I don’t understand!
None of his theories make sense in conjunction with each other, the rest of the day, and just what he generally knows about her. And that’s not even taking into account what he heard from Visha.
I don’t even know what to make of that in and of itself.
When he got back after talking to Koenig, he turned to Visha for help, but insight from her was… well, inconclusive at best and downright awful at worst. She did talk to Lieutenant Colonel Degurechaff apparently. Or at least she tried to, but she was firmly shut down— akin to talking to a brick wall.
Visha said she’d walked in on the commander taking apart and cleaning her gun, piece-by-piece painstakingly performing maintenance as she tried to speak to her. Visha likes to proclaim this habit to be the commander’s method of self-soothing when she’s anxious, but from Grantz’s perspective, it looks like a threat.
Something like, ‘Look here. Look at this weapon I’m servicing to make sure it’s in the top condition, ready to be used at a moment’s notice. Are you certain you want to piss me off?’
The conversation— if it could even be called that— that Visha rehashed to him really solidified the interpretation he came up with. She denied it happened. Outright refused to acknowledge it.
“You’re speaking nonsense, Lieutenant,” she had said, “I don’t know what you think you saw, but it definitely didn’t happen. Don’t bring this up to me ever again. Do you understand?”
This sentiment was reinforced much more subtly when he ran into her the next day. For a long moment she stared up at him, meeting his gaze without so much as twitching. He thought maybe she was about to bring it up, or maybe he should say something first, but then she suddenly started talking about what orders she had for him.
She didn’t mention what she did at all. Grantz didn’t mention it either.
She still hasn’t. Again, neither has he.
No, he doesn’t know what this means for them.
‘Maybe there’s room for hope?’ That’s ridiculous. It’s so over for me, isn’t it?
♡
In the end, time marches on as it always does. Even if he’s tortured by this weird vow of silence between them, even if he’s tortured by this return to stagnation in his love-life, he has to keep taking each day as it comes. The tension settles soon enough under a layer of dust, and so long as he doesn’t disturb it, he manages just fine. A week turns into two, and then three, and now it’s the latter half of October— meaning it’s time for him to be distracted by his own birthday.
Since they’re still in the capital, that means the whole gang is excited they have the chance to celebrate. Perhaps part of that enthusiasm is just that the battalion is always eager for an excuse to party, but he’s still flattered.
With work done early for the day, Weiss, Koenig, Neumann, and Visha have designated themselves as the party planning committee, and Grantz is supervising. They’ve already managed to nail down the time and location— in the evening at a bar, of course— and now Neumann is grilling him on cake preferences.
…Only for their commanding officer to suddenly appear.
Tanya von Degurechaff walks into the office, and the first thing out of her mouth is, “What are you all doing in here? This doesn’t look like work.”
Grantz always startles a little when he sees her now— more than he used to, at least. The phantom feeling of her lips on his comes back at the most inopportune times.
“You would be correct, ma’am,” Neumann says, “It is not work because we got all of it done already.”
“Oh really?” she responds, “Then you wouldn’t mind if I took a look at it, right?”
“Of course not, it’s all right over there on Weiss’ desk,” he declares, grandly gesturing to the stack of papers.
She snorts, and without bothering to check it, she accedes, “Alright, I believe you, but you haven’t answered my question, what’s this mess about?”
“We’re in the process of planning Grantz’s birthday party,” Weiss says.
And now she turns her attention to him, “It’s your birthday? When?”
“In a few days, the 25th.”
“The party is going to be that night, at the usual bar we always go to. You’re gonna come, right?” Visha says.
“I don’t think I’m doing anything else, but if I am, I’ll make time for it.”
Thank god for Visha. If she hadn’t asked, Grantz isn’t quite sure he’d be able to do it himself. When he went out with the colonel on her birthday, they promised to spend more time together. Since then, he hasn’t worked up the courage to bring it up.
“Hey, Colonel,” Koenig says suddenly. Looking over at the man’s expression, Grantz suddenly feels like the situation may go sour. That grin he’s wearing never means good things. “Since you’re coming to the party, I actually have an idea for it I want you to give me your opinion on.”
“I’m not much of a party planner, you know.”
“That’s fine, I just want you to tell me what you think.”
“Alright,” she sighs, “Go ahead.”
He’s out of his seat immediately and proceeds to make a big show of presenting his idea. He leans down and throws an arm around her shoulder as though conspiring with her, and begins to stage-whisper at her, “Okay, so envision this. What I think we should do is get one of those really big fake cakes—”
“A fake one? Why not a real big cake?”
“Stay with me now. It’s fake because it contains a surprise.”
“Hold on, if it’s supposed to be a surprise, should you really be talking about it in front of Grantz?”
“It’s fine. Grantz, cover your ears,” he says, which Grantz does not do. Koenig continues anyway, “Right, so the surprise inside is actually a very scantily dressed woman, who’ll jump out holding the real cake. The one Neumann’s gonna make.”
“That sounds indecent.”
“Agreed, I don’t want that,” Grantz adds.
“Come on, let me finish,” he says to them, “Colonel Degurechaff, what I am proposing is that you should be the one inside the cake. I think Grantz’ll love it.”
Koenig’s fundamental mistake in this instance is willingly putting himself within reach of Colonel Degurechaff while trying to mess with her. The very instant she processes the sentence, her hands are on his throat, trying to choke him.
“What the hell is wrong with you?! Do you take me for some kind of prostitute?! I should have you shot for—”
“Hold on, Colonel, don’t kill him!” Visha cuts in as Weiss jumps out of his chair to try to separate them.
“Why shouldn’t I!?”
“He’s just an idiot! Obviously it was a joke!” Her hands loosen for half a second.
“Well, it’s certainly a bad one!” Tanya snaps back in the same moment Koenig says with a shit-eating grin (and a bit of a cough), “Oh, you thought I was joking?”
Immediately her attention turns back to him and her grip tightens anew.
“Are you stupid? Don’t make it worse!” Weiss yells at him.
Weiss’ valiant effort to preserve Koenig’s life does bear some fruit. He manages to get both her hands off that idiot’s throat, and secure one behind her back, but then her other hand slips from his grasp and snatches the collar of Koenig’s shirt, preventing him from escaping.
With his windpipe no longer under pressure, he’s able to throw out an excuse, “I’m not trying to! I’m just trying to be a good friend and get Grantz a good present!”
“I don’t want that kind of present!”
“Well, what do you want?!” Koenig snaps back.
In the heat of the moment, something flashes to mind. There will never be a right moment if you don’t do something.
And then the words blurt out of his mouth before he can stop himself. “Colonel, do you remember what I got you for your birthday?”
Tanya von Degurechaff freezes.
The hand she had on Koenig’s collar loosens, and in response he immediately straightens and backs away from her several paces, but she doesn’t react to this movement at all, her eyes fixate onto Grantz and don’t stray. She’s not saying a word, but he can see it in her eyes that she’s asking, ‘What are you doing bringing that up?’
He’s breaking the unspoken agreement between them. For weeks now, neither of them have talked about it. Both have pretended like it never happened.
In lieu of her silence, he continues, “Well, umm, for my birthday… I want the same thing.”
She’s making the expression that he knows means she’s trying to think, but notably her face seems kind of blank, as though she’s struggling very hard to figure out a response.
The silence is so deafening and painful, he almost wants to cut in again and walk it back. Say ‘It’s just a joke!’ or something like that, but…
She clarifies, “You mean… you want me to pay for breakfast this time?”
There, she’s giving you an opportunity to back out. Say yes.
Yet stupidly, he doesn’t. “No. I mean the other thing.”
A beat of silence as she processes… And then, without another word, she flees the room.
… Fuck.
“… What was that about?” Koenig asks.
Why did I say that? Am I stupid?
Grantz groans and puts his head in his hands. “Visha, how badly have I screwed up?”
“Why would you think you screwed up? It’s not like she got mad—”
“She literally just ran away!?”
“Hey, are you two going to clue us in? What did you get her for her birthday that would make her react like that?”
“Well, it’s not that I gave it to her, it’s more like she took it from me, so…” he trails off awkwardly. How is he even supposed to explain it? It needs a mountain of context that barely makes sense— or rather it doesn’t make sense at all. “…I don’t think I wanna talk about it.”
“What does that mean?”
I can’t. There’s no way.
He doesn’t want to hear the responses. The basic facts as they are: The girl he’s had a crush on for years now suddenly kissed him out of the blue… and instead of seizing that opportunity, he got stuck overthinking what she meant. Almost a month later, he finally tries to broach the subject with her, and she runs from the conversation.
If I explain that, I’ll never hear the end of it. It’ll become another joke at my expense.
“Grantz…” Visha begins to say.
He cuts her off, “Don’t.” Whatever it is she has to say, he doesn’t want to hear it at the moment. All he wants is to be alone with his thoughts.
♡
Despite how dramatically he left that meeting, the party planning was still completed successfully, and of course, as it always does, time marches on.
…She’s not here.
It was a little difficult to get himself to show up tonight, honestly. He’s willing to admit that he had thoughts about not attending his own birthday party. He’s sure he would’ve been missed, but everyone would still have fun regardless. The only thing that made him go was the idea that maybe he could forget about his grave mistake and have fun anyway.
At the moment, he’s thinking that it’s not gonna happen.
Though he’s putting on a happy face for everyone else, it’s hard to suppress that feeling of lingering disappointment. An hour into it, and he’s not seen a single sign of Colonel Degurechaff. He had a delusional hope that maybe, just maybe, she may actually show up for it, but…
I really did screw up, didn’t I?
It should’ve been obvious she wouldn’t come. She’s been avoiding him all week.
In the barracks, the office, and on the training grounds, while off duty and at work— she’s kept her distance everywhere. It’s amazing how well she can dodge him, considering they work together and live in the same building, but perhaps since she’s in charge, it’s easy. While at work, all she has to do is reorganize the schedule to keep him away and pass every order down through Weiss. While at home all she has to do is stay in her private room, and it’s as easy as that.
A voice and a hand on his shoulder appear knocking him out of his own head, “Hey cheer up, birthday boy! There’s still time for her to show.”
It’s Koenig. In the end, despite his many annoying personality quirks, Koenig is a good friend. He didn’t pry any further, and he’s still trying to cheer him up.
“Am I that obvious?”
“To me, yes, but don’t worry. I don’t think anyone else has caught on.”
Grantz sighs, “Sorry, I just figured… Well, you know how punctual she is. If she were going to show up, she’d be here by now.”
“C’mon, she’ll probably turn up eventually. Just give her a chance to surprise you.”
“…You didn’t actually convince her to jump out of a cake, right?”
“She made it pretty clear she wasn’t going to do that. I’m not suicidal enough to ask again,” Koenig laughs. “Seriously, don’t ruin your own party thinking about it. If she doesn’t show, you can worry about her tomorrow.”
“Right…”
“Grantz! There you are!” The unexpected voice of Visha makes him turn around.
“Me? Shouldn’t I be asking you that? Where’ve you been?” Though he’d seen her running around a bit earlier, Visha had disappeared after a while. He’d realized it when he wanted to ask her about Colonel Degurechaff, but was unable to find her.
“I was getting your birthday present,” she explains.
“You were?”
“Did you forget it somewhere?” Koenig teases, seeing as she’s definitely not carrying anything.
“It’s outside,” she says. “I wasn’t able to drag it in.” She makes a very irritated face at this remark. It’s very clear she’s leaving something unsaid, but Grantz isn’t sure he wants to ask.
Trying to lighten the mood, he asks instead, “Jeez, what did you get that’s so big you couldn’t get it inside?”
“Well, it’s actually not from me, I’m just the one who had to go get it.”
“Oh? Who’s it from?”
“It would really just be better if you went to look for yourself rather than have me explain it. In fact, you should just go now; that’s what I ran over here to tell you.”
“Well, isn’t this a fun mystery?” Koenig says, a cheeky grin on his face, “Let’s go then!”
“Ah no, not you Koenig. You have to help me get the cake ready.”
“What? But I’m curious!”
“Too bad. I was told it’s for his eyes only, so you’re coming with me.” She grabs his arm to drag him away, a string of curses and complaints coming out of his mouth as they go.
...I guess I should go look then?
As he makes his way through the crowd of people, his mind is suddenly far from its previous worries, all he can think about is how confused he is. That was a sudden conversation that provided far more questions than answers.
What the hell is it? She didn’t even say who it was from…
When he steps out the door, he shivers slightly in the cold and looks around. He’s expecting to see something absurdly too big to fit through the doorway, but instead it’s the tiny figure of Colonel Degurechaff pacing back and forth.
Wait a minute.
The moment she notices he’s exited the door, she abruptly stops pacing to stare at him. She glances down to her watch for a second, frowns, then looks back up at him.
“Um. Am I late for something...?” he asks.
“No, you’re here too quickly. I was supposed to have more time to talk myself out of this.”
What does that mean?
Her tone comes off hostile and defensive, which he’s going to try to not take personally. Instead, he’ll blame it on the fact that she looks incredibly uncomfortable. She looks like she’s a few wrong words away from turning around and leaving.
“Um… sorry?” he tries.
She just clicks her tongue and otherwise ignores the apology he’s not even sure he needs to give.
Second attempt, change the subject— or perhaps get to the matter at hand. “So, uh, Visha said there was some present out here for me? Do you know—?”
She cuts him off, “Are you seriously asking that?”
“Um. Yes…?” Of course he is. Because the explanation he’s come up with in his head for her presence instead of a present has to be incorrect.
A pause.
“…I can’t tell if you’re just dense or you’re saying that to make fun of me. Do you not know what’s happening here?”
Why do I even like her again? She can be so snippety sometimes. In a way, she’s like the dark chocolate she loves so much. Her bitterness is part of her charm, a contrast for the times she acts sweetly.
“I have an idea, but I get the feeling I’m wrong.”
“Why don’t you share this idea?”
“Well, I was thinking that perhaps you’re here to give me the gift I asked for… But that can’t be it. You ran away from me when I brought it up last time.”
“Ah… That wasn’t… I didn’t mean…” She starts and stops her sentences multiple times, trying to figure out the correct way to put it, to no avail. She doesn’t seem to be able to come up with a good way to say it, and unfortunately, he has no idea what she means. Like at all.
“So… I’m wrong, then?” he tries.
A heavy sigh escapes her throat. “No… You’re right.”
“… I’m what?” There’s no fucking way.
“I said you’re right, don’t make me repeat myself. Now hurry up and lean down. Let’s get this over with.”
Let’s get this over with? Seriously?
“No.” If that’s what this is going to be like, he doesn’t want it.
“…What do you mean, ‘no’? You asked for this!” She seems genuinely upset at his refusal. Not just angry, but hurt by it.
“I did, but this isn’t what I meant!”
“Then what did you mean?!”
“I mean I don’t want a kiss from you that doesn’t actually mean anything!”
She freezes, and all the heat in her voice disappears at once, “Huh? What do you— Hold on. Lieutenant, are you… really in love with me?”
“Isn’t that obvious? Of course I am! Why else would I ask you for something like that?”
“I don’t know, to play with my feelings?”
“You… really didn’t think that did you?”
“Of course I did! After it happened you didn’t say anything about it, so I assumed you wanted to forget about it. But then the very first time you brought it up was right after Koenig said something disgusting, and you did it in front of a bunch of people! I thought you were trying to mess with me!”
Really? Is she serious?
“I can’t believe it,” he mumbles, “I thought the same thing.”
“…Really?”
“I couldn’t figure out why you would do that, this whole time. That’s why I didn’t bring it up. For a brief moment I even thought, well… Considering everyone else knows I’ve had a thing for you for forever now, I figured you knew too, and just did that as a joke.”
“I wouldn’t make that kind of— Wait. What do you mean everyone knows?”
“It’s common knowledge. Apparently I’m obvious about it. Well, to everyone except you, I suppose, but y’know.”
“And they don’t care?”
Why is she stuck on what they think? Does it really bother her?
“I don’t see why they would.”
“Because the possibility of you dating me could lead to problems for them and you? Like me potentially giving you special treatment they don’t get, or me taking advantage of you based on rank?”
What?
“… Ma’am, no one thinks like that.”
Maybe some of them would be a bit pouty about losing money in the bet, but he seriously doubts anyone would have a serious gripe with them dating. The 203rd is like a tightly knit family. Maybe it’s bad to admit this, but at this point their loyalty is to each other, not their organization.
The reality is that the worst thing he would hear from one of them is probably something like, ‘Remember to use protection,’ which is only really bad because it’s mortifying.
… And if they did have a problem, wouldn’t it be seriously hypocritical? He knows for a fact there have been some illicit affairs between members already. Most of them being Koenig’s fault, as per usual.
“Then if we were to date… it’d be fine?” She’s not looking at him anymore, she’s definitely talking to herself. Her gaze is on him, sure, but he can tell her mind is somewhere else completely. She’s making the thinking face, after all.
Dating? She’s thinking about dating me? Seriously?
Yes, there was just a mutual(?) confession of feelings just now, but he didn’t think it’d go anywhere. With every step he’s taken, it felt like he immediately hit a wall just after. But she’s really considering it?
She comes out of her head a moment later, a determined look on her face. She’s made up her mind about something.
“Grantz,” she says to get his attention.
He tries not to immediately fumble his response, “Yes, ma’am?”
“I have feelings for you. I want to date you.”
“You do?”
“Yes. Is that okay with you?”
“Yes, it’s okay— It’s more than okay! I want to date you too!”
She smiles. “Good. I was hoping you’d say that.”
There. It’s that easy. Just like that, Tanya von Degurechaff is his girlfriend. I should’ve said something long before this. But rather than get caught up in regretting that, he focuses on her. On the way she’s stepped in a little closer, the way she’s looking up at him now.
“So, the birthday gift I offered you…” she begins, “You’ll accept it now, won’t you?”
“Yes, please.”
“Then come take it.”
At her command, he reaches out to her, and for just a moment, he panics about where he should be putting his hands, but they fall into place naturally. One ends up on her waist and the other underneath her chin, gently tilting her face up. When he leans down to her, he can tell she’s holding her breath.
He presses his lips to hers so softly and gently, he almost barely feels it. The kiss has all the presence of a tiny breeze against his skin— a ghost of a feeling— and just about as much staying power.
This tiny delicate brush against him is enough to make his head swirl with anxiety. In the next moment, self-consciousness gets the better of him, and he pulls away.
Only to see that Tanya is looking up at him in confusion when his eyes open.
“That’s really all you want?”
“No… I just don’t want to be too greedy…”
“It’s your birthday. You’re allowed to be.”
She reaches up to wrap her arms around his neck, and pulls him back in. She’s better at this. In love and war, she leads well in everything she does. His other hand slips from her chin down to her waist and he pulls her body closer. She’s so warm and the air outside is far too cold.
When they break away, he feels like his breath has been stolen away.
With a self-satisfied look on her face, she smiles up at him, “That was much better, right?”
Rather than grace that with a response, he buries his face in her neck and holds her closer.
“H-hey, what’s wrong? You’re not crying on me are you?”
“No,” he mumbles against her neck. Not yet at least. “I’m just so happy.”
She chokes a bit, “That’s— I’m happy too…”
She lets him have his moment, quietly petting his head until he finally lets go of her.
“Why don’t we go inside,” she suggests, “It’s cold out here.”
He nods in agreement, and together they head for the door.
From inside the building, he can hear a bunch of noise— it’s definitely not the usual din of party conversations. It’s more like someone’s shouting, actually. The moment they step inside and look around, they discover where the commotion is coming from. Koenig has pulled out a chair and stood up on it, now calling for everyone’s attention. The bartender does not look thrilled.
Tanya doesn’t either. “What the hell is this about,” she mutters next to him.
“I have an announcement to make!” he shouts, far too loudly once everyone has quieted, “Believers! Guess what! We won! We fucking won! The birthday boy did it!”
Oh god damn him.
Immediately the room erupts into chaos with people’s reactions to this sudden news. Everyone knows what that means, without any extra context. The bet is over. A large majority are loudly expressing their disbelief, others are booing at Koenig, and the smallest number are cheering.
Grantz immediately turns to Tanya and grabs her hand, trying to drag her back outside.“Hey, why don’t we just leave?” he says.
“You want to ditch your own birthday party? But we didn’t even get to have any cake?”
“I’ve changed my mind. I want to spend time alone with yo—”
Another shout from Koenig interrupts his excuse, “What, you guys don’t believe me? Then ask him yourself, he’s right over there!”
With a dramatic gesture from Koenig, the crowd turns and Grantz knows instantly that it’s too late for them to run off now.
Why? Why does he know? And why did he feel the need to announce it immediately?
In the distance, he can see Visha shoving her way through the crowd of people to get to Koenig, a cake forgotten on the bar behind her. He can make a guess as to what happened. Koenig must’ve slipped away from her and caught them outside. Unfortunately for him, it really looks like he’s going to get it now, considering how Visha seems to be fuming. As satisfying as that feels, it does nothing to help him escape from the eyes suddenly on him.
“There’s no way he actually…”
“Koenig has to be lying.”
“Look at them! They’re holding hands!”
“You’re kidding, right? Let me see!”
Koenig, I promise I’m going to hurt you for this.
Only one person close to him actually asks directly, “Well, Grantz, is it true?”
“Um…” For a split second he’s not sure how to answer. In any other case he would fess up immediately, but Tanya’s right next to him and she doesn’t seem happy about all of the attention. There’s only one option. “Koenig is definitely lying to you all. Sorry.”
“I am not! I saw you two making out outside!” he shouts, ignoring that Visha looks like she’s about to hit him.
Another upset. The bar descends into chaos again.
Tanya’s hand tightens around Grantz’s, and when his gaze shifts back to her, he can see her entire body language has stiffened. She stands straighter, her shoulders rigid, but most notably her eyes have gone from expressing distasteful confusion to danger. This is not his girlfriend Tanya, but Battalion Commander Degurechaff.
“Tell me. What exactly is going on?” she whispers to him. Her eyes are so cold and dissecting, she leaves no room to avoid the question.
“Um… There may have been a small bet about us?” Grantz whispers back. Small is not a good word to describe it, but that’s what came out.
“A bet regarding?”
“Whether we’d end up dating…”
“You weren’t involved in this bet, were you?”
“No! I mean, only to the extent that the bet was about me, so…”
“I see,” she says, and then her gaze shifts to the crowd, “So then, who’s fault is this exactly?”
As he sees Koenig cutting through the swathe of people to approach them, followed closely by Visha, and also Weiss and Neumann, Grantz wonders whether he should gesture at them to turn around. Too late.
“Congratulations are in order!” Koenig says with the dumbest grin on his face, “Not just for getting the girl but also winning me all that money. I knew you could do it, buddy!”
“Koenig, would you just listen to me for a moment!” Visha snaps at him, she turns away from him to the crowd of people, and raises her voice, “Everyone! I have a second announcement to make! You haven’t won or lost any money! I had to break the rules and intervene! That means the bet was unfair, so I’ll be returning everyone’s money.”
“Oh, no you will not. In fact, none of you will be getting your money back. I’m seizing the betting pool.”
“You’re what?!”
It’s a miracle they haven’t gotten kicked out yet. Sure the proprietor knows them and was aware this was going to be a party, but this is going beyond that. It’s not like they rented out the whole venue, they just called and reserved some tables. At this point they’re being active disturbances to other patrons now.
“Did you really think I’d let you all get away with something so blatantly disrespectful? It would be one thing if you’d shown some basic self-restraint and subtlety, but flagrantly displaying how insubordinate you are right in front of me can’t go unpunished.”
“Grantz! Do something about this!” someone in the group shouts.
“What do you want me to do?”
“She’s your girlfriend!”
“Our relationship is about 10 minutes old, I have no interest whatsoever in starting a fight with her this quickly… And if I’m being honest, you guys deserve it.”
“Smart boy you are, Grantz. Now then, Visha, if you’ll tell me where you’ve been keeping the money…”
“This is completely unfair!” another voice calls.
That was a bad move.
“Fair? You want me to be fair? I thought I was being merciful, but if you want me to be fair, then fine, I’ll give you a choice. Those of you who are willing to fess up to participating in this bet should step forward right now. You’ll get your money back, but as punishment you’ll be getting remedial training. Otherwise keep your mouth shut and be glad you’re only losing petty cash.”
With just one vague threat, the crowd reaches a sudden collective agreement: it’s time to shut up. In the grand scheme of things, a bit of money is an acceptable loss in the face of being beaten half to death during what their commander calls remedial training, but seems more like her venting sadistic urges.
Those guys’ only hope is in the form of Visha, who hesitantly speaks up for them, “Colonel… some of those bets weren’t just petty cash, they were pretty significant…”
“Oh, really? How much are we talking here?”
Nervously, Visha leans over and whispers the amount in Tanya’s ear. Visha had previously declared Grantz would likely be upset at the amount of money at stake, so he’s curious to see what his girlfriend’s reaction might be. For just a moment she looks pissed off, but then her expression immediately changes and her face lights up.
“Grantz!” she says, excitedly turning to him.
“Hm?”
“Let’s go get breakfast tomorrow! With that much, we can definitely try everything at that café!”
Yeah, those guys’ money is basically forfeit. She’s now made plans for spending it, if they ask for it back, she’ll be even less thrilled with them, and they seem to know that.
Maybe this is a little mean, but since the battalion has given him so much grief for so long, he can’t resist the impulse. He turns to them with the most annoying grin on his face.
“Thank you guys for paying for our first date, this is a wonderful birthday gift!”
It’s almost as good as the one he got from Tanya.