Chapter Text
Naviidi had spent the whole evening hiding behind his mother's legs. The party his family's House was hosting was far too loud, crowded with too many people, and the shy boy had been quietly upset for most of the night. Still, he clung to his mother’s dress silently, not yet been given permission to go back to his room.
“He's a clingy one, isn't he?” The woman his mother was talking to laughed, nodding down at Naviidi. He tucked closer to his mother's leg as the woman acknowledged him.
His mother laughed and sighed, “Unfortunately so, though he's usually hanging off of his Father. I wanted to show him off tonight.”
“Ah, a Daddy's boy, hm?”
“Yes, and for a reason. The boy wouldn't be alive if Alszar hadn't begged me to keep him. He's got Alszar wrapped around his little finger.”
Naviidi's breath caught in his throat as he processed his mother's words. Wouldn't… be alive? Did she… Did she want him gone?
“Oh yes. You know, “ The other woman leaned in, whispering conspiratorially, “I did the same thing with my ‘first’, so my daughter could be my real first.”
“I didn't know you had a boy.”
“Exactly, I don’t anymore. My eldest is my daughter, as it should be.”
“I wish I'd stuck to what I wanted, so my poor girl could have the spot in the House she deserved. No matter though, Naviidi will be my only boy, Alszar is well aware I won't tolerate more than one son, it was part of our deal when I let him keep Naviidi.”
“Ah, at least he's pretty. He’ll make some beautiful daughters when he's a bit older.”
“I hope so, and Alszar says he thinks he's got a touch of sorcery in him. At least his dowry has a chance to make having a male firstborn worth it.”
“We'll have to see, maybe he'll be worth enough to marry off with my daughter.” Both women laughed.
A feeling that the boy was too young to name filled him, something akin to sickness swirling in Naviidi's stomach as the two older women discussed his worth in terms of attractiveness and babies and being married off. The other woman’s confession that she’d gotten rid of her own son, and his mother admitting to wanting Naviidi gone as well filled him with dread, and tears suddenly pricked at his eyes. Naviidi swallowed back his tears as the women moved on to a different topic, refusing to cry like a baby at a grown-up party. But the tears didn't stop, and he hid his face in the folds of his mother’s dress as he tried to discreetly wipe his tears away.
“Momma,” Naviidi said softly, tugging gently on her dress to get her attention.
She sighed, annoyance in her tone as she looked down at him, “You're interrupting, and you haven't been given permission to speak.”
“I'm sorry,” Naviidi started, his voice growing quieter as he spoke, the rest of his sentence lost to the noise of the party.
“At least speak up if you're going to disobey me, I can't hear you when you mumble.”
“I'm going to go find Dad,” Naviidi said louder, barely able to keep the wobble out of his voice.
“Why are you crying?” His mother asked.
“I'm not,” Naviidi insisted, sniffling.
His mother shook her head and sighed, waving him off, with a teasing “Boys” comment to her friend.
Naviidi wandered off, scanning the partygoers for his father. There were so many people, towering over him as tried to move through the crowd, all talking and laughing and being loud and the music was too loud and everything was blurring together and making his ears hurt and his head swim and he couldn't find his father and the words his mother had said repeated over and over in his head, mixing with every other unkind thing she'd ever said about him in front of him as if he wasn't there; Tears began to stream freely down his face as the beat picked up and people began to dance and he found himself lost and drowning in a sea of bodies and legs and he just wanted his father.
Naviidi found himself tucked into a small stairwell, somewhere deeper in the House compound, away from the loud noises and scary people. He sat on a stair and cried, his knees tucked up against his chest and his face buried in them. He didn’t hear the click of his father's heels against the polished floor as he rounded the corner, sighing in relief as he found his son.
“Naviidi, what's wrong?” The older drow sat on the step next to him, a hand gently placed on his arm, “Was the party too loud again?”
Naviidi sniffled, looking up at his father through tear-blurred eyes, “Does Momma want me?”
Alszar was taken aback by the sudden question, scrambling to answer, “Of course she does, she just… shows it in a different way.”
“She said she doesn't want me to be alive.”
“When did she say that?”
“She was-” Naviidi stopped for a moment as he choked on a sob, “She was talking to a lady and Momma told her that she didn't want a boy and that she didn't want me and that she shouldn’t have kept me,” Naviidi sobbed, his words running together.
“Naviidi, I-” Alszar fought for words, not knowing how to comfort his son without lying to him, “I'm sorry she said that. Come here.” He reached out, hauling his son into his lap and gently rocking him. Naviidi clung to his shirt, crying into his chest as Alszar smoothed through his hair and rubbed circles into his back.
There was a long few silent moments between them, punctured only by Naviidi's muffled sobs, as Alszar pondered on what to say.
“There's… there's a difference between drow women and men, right? You've been taught that before,” Alszar started, “Women are… holy to us, they're born in the image of our goddess, and as men we look up to our women, and we worship them. There's a lot of… prestige- that means respect- in a noble house, like ours, having a daughter be born first. Some mothers, like yours, can be… disappointed if their first child is a son. And there are some mothers who are… very traditional, and will…”
Alszar trailed off, his own voice wobbling as he relived his own son's first few days of life in his head.
“And they might… give up their son to our goddess, Lolth-”
“Kill them?” Naviidi supplied, always too smart for his own good.
“I- yes, they might sacrifice their son to ask for a daughter. Your mother was very… emotional when you were born. But I knew you were too special to give up, I wouldn't let her.”
Naviidi stared up at his father with the same watery maroon eyes he'd gotten from him, wordlessly begging for answers.
“I'm sorry, Naviidi, it doesn't make it right that she said that in front of you,” Alszar leaned down, pressing his lips to his son's forehead, whispering softly now, “I love you, I hope you know that. I wanted a son, very badly, I was so happy when you were born. It hurts my heart to see your mother treat you the way that she does.”
“I love you too,” Naviidi mumbled, burying his face in the crook of his father's neck.
“You're going to do great things, Naviidi, I just know it. You'll show everyone that you deserve your place in this family, this city. You'll grow up to be a great man someday.”