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Godric's Hollow was a jolly little village. It had seen some rare snow days, and it seemed as though the church was never silent, what with all the humans and Christmas songs. The whole village was in a good mood.
There was only one person in Godric's Hollow who wasn't feeling the seasonal spirit, and she wasn't a resident.
Mary Macdonald swept through the snowy streets, wrapping her coat tighter around her. She had walked the same streets many times, always to see the same people, and, in that sense, today was no different.
Except it was different, because instead of turning towards that familiar house that was now nothing but ruins, she turned to the graveyard.
Mary walked down the pathway through the graveyard, frosty leaves crunching under her feet.
She arrived at the newest graves in the village, and stopped.
James Potter.
27 March 1960 - 31 October 1981.
Lily Potter.
30 January 1960 - 31 October 1981.
It had been almost two months since they died, and a little less since Mary watched them be lowered into the ground, but it still hurt like a son of a bitch.
It had been one death after another for months. The Prewetts had gone first, then Edgar Bones, and it had kept on going, with news of more deaths each week.
Lily and Alice getting pregnant had helped with morale - it gave everyone something else to fight for. Then they heard the prophecy, and they'd all had to go into hiding. Mary had seen Lily a lot less, a stark difference from living together at Hogwarts, and she saw Alice even less.
The last time they'd all been together was Marlene and Dorcas' funeral a year ago, when they were killed in cold blood.
When they heard from Dumbledore's anonymous spy that Voldemort was planning an assault, it was terrifying. James and Lily tightened their security, as did Frank and Alice, both using Fidelius Charms.
Everyone had thought they would be safe from then on. The Fidelius charm couldn't be broken, and there was no way Sirius was a spy for the Death Eaters, surely?
They thought they were safe. They were meant to be safe. Oh God, why couldn't they be safe?
Why did you have to die, you fuckers?
"Hi Lily. Hi James," Mary said aloud, "This feels weird. I'm talking to you but you're not even here. God, I wish you were both here, it would be so much easier.”
She could practically hear them in her mind now. Mary would ask how Harry was doing, and Lily would beg her to talk about herself.
Harry has learned how to walk and he can climb the stairs, so we can literally never leave him alone. This is the most tired I've been since he was born. Please talk about yourself, Mary, I just need an hour of being Lily the friend instead of Lily the mum. How's Simon?
Then Mary would tell her how her relationship was going with Simon, a scriptwriter for the BBC. James would come in with Harry, and he'd ask her about Simon too and she'd tell the whole story again, and she might be a little annoyed but it'd be okay, because they were family. Not by blood, but in the way that mattered - family by choice.
This is getting ridiculous, Mary, they’re gone. Just say what you wanted to say and stop imagining a different fucking future, because it’s never going to happen.
"I went to Marlene's grave the other day. It's such a shame she couldn't be buried with Dorcas, but you know how the Meadowes are - cut their daughter off then pretend she never left once she can't deny it."
There was only silence of course, gravestones couldn't speak, but Mary still half expected to hear Lily and James' voices.
"I thought you might want to hear what's been happening since... you know. I doubt you've had many visitors. Harry went to your sister, Lily. Petunia took him in. I begged Dumbledore to let me have him, really, I begged and cried and pleaded, but he insisted on Petunia having him. He said it was something about a blood protection between Petunia and Harry, but I think it's bullshit. Dumbledore had to dump Harry on Pet's doorstep for her to take him."
Mary had been furious when she was speaking to Dumbledore. Mary was a skilled witch, she could protect Harry, and besides Voldemort was dead now.
"McGonagall checks on Harry when she can. She can't talk to him, Dumbledore insisted on no contact with the Wizarding World, but she makes sure Harry's okay. She tells me how he's doing. McGonagall said he seems fine, Petunia's feeding him properly and everything. Her husband doesn't seem happy, but he's mostly been focusing on their son anyway, he's around Harry's age. A little older, I think."
Mary crouched and sat on the damp earth in front of the gravestones.
"I can't stop thinking that there must be something I could've done to save you guys. To save Marls and Dorcas, save Pete. To stop Sirius."
She paused, and swallowed the tears that were welling to the surface.
"He didn't even get a trial. Sirius, I mean," Mary clarified, "I know in my mind that it must've been Sirius, he was the Secret Keeper, he was seen killing Peter, but... I can't stop thinking that there must be some mistake. Sirius would never do anything to be like his family, and he was the most loyal person we knew. James, you were his brother in all but blood, and we were all best friends. But it had to have been him."
Mary wiped the tears from her eyes, then continued. "Remus isn't coping well, bless him. I mean, no one is, not really. None of the Order, anyway. Most of Wizarding Society is celebrating, praising little baby Harry for killing Voldemort. They don't know what it was like to fight, to kill, to watch our friends die knowing we could've stopped it. Half of the Order's seeing mind Healers to deal with the PTSD.
"Remus is doing the worst, though, I think. I was the one who told him, when it happened. I thought he already knew, then I had to tell him that all of our friends were dead, and the man he loved was responsible. He doesn't leave the house except to buy food and stuff. I'm the only person he speaks to nowadays. Sometimes, he goes days and days without answering my calls. I'm really worried about him, guys. He's always drunk or high, I'm so scared that he's going to fall asleep and never wake up, that he's just going to overdose someday," Mary cried, "I talked to one of his neighbours. She's a lovely woman, same age as Effie was, and she had a son our age who died, and she's agreed to check in on him for me."
Mary swallowed. "So, um, that brings me to the next thing I need to say to the two of you, Lils and James. We’re moving away. Me and Simon. He got a gig working for some American drama show, so we're moving to Los Angeles. I'll be gone before New Year's. I think Simon wants to propose, but he’s been avoiding it since Halloween for my sake. I don’t think I want to marry him, though."
Reaching into her coat pocket, Mary pulled out a pile of photos. Polaroids of the whole group - a couple from Hogwarts, some from after that. Polaroids of when they were happy, when they were together. James and Lily's wedding, Sirius with his motorbike, the whole group at their last Halloween party in Hogwarts. The good times.
"I don't want to say goodbye, but I know I have to. You know, I never got to say goodbye to my dad, either. He died in 5th year, and all I could think was that it would never stop hurting. Then you guys helped me. James, I remember you got your dad to make me blueberry muffins, because I mentioned once or twice that my dad used to send me them. And Marls, she learnt football so I could play with her like I did with Dad.
"Oh God, and Lily. You were amazing. I cried to you every night, and you came and slept in my bed so I wouldn't get nightmares. Whenever I had a panic attack about Dad, you sat with me until I was okay again. Some nights, you said you were upset about something, but I knew you were only saying that because you knew I needed you."
Mary put the Polaroids down at the gravesite, cast a charm so that they wouldn't get wrecked, then stood, tears dripping down her face.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I got to honour my dad through you guys, which is why grieving the two of you, and Marls, and Dorcas, and Pete, and even Frank and Alice in a different way, is going to be so much harder. I'll be grieving you alone. Sure, Remus is there, but I don't think he's going to bother writing to me all the way in America, and he's grieving in a very different way. I guess I have Simon too, but he only met you a handful of times, and besides, I'm not sure how long that relationship is going to last. I'll really be on my own, for the first time in my life."
"Except I won't be alone, not really. You'll all be there, every single one of you, if only in my mind. Lily, I'll see you in every flash of red hair, and in every girl going broke buying books and cardigans. James, you'll be in every dad, in every sports star, in every man with questionable taste in clothes and excellent taste in women. And the others will be there too, everywhere I look. In the record shops, the pubs, the crappy leather jackets, chess, plants. You'll always be with me in my heart."
Mary turned around and started walking down the snowy path to leave the graveyard.
When she reached the gate, she stopped and looked back. She could still see the photos, evidence that they had been happy. Evidence that they had lived. Mary would die eventually, as would Remus, and Sirius too in Azkaban, but their memories would always live on.
Her lip curved up in a small, sad smile.
"Merry Christmas, Lils and James. I'll never forget you, my loves."