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She had asked: ”Why me?” and had been answered: “Why not?” Daring, mysterious and infuriating, the answer was Natsuki defined. The defiant, suspicious and cross question characterised Yuuko.
Aggravating as such an answer had been, Yuuko hadn’t been able to doubt Natsuki’s honesty. Who knows, who cares, why not? Natsuki didn’t question why she was doing something until she was halfway through. She didn’t ask herself why she joined the band until she had already bought her instrument. She didn’t ask herself why she was falling in love with someone until she was head over heels.
Why band? Why Yuuko? Why was hers so big?
Why not; why not; why not?
Yuuko had demanded answers she knew hadn’t yet been realised. Natsuki had shrugged the responsibility by giving straightforward and uncertain replies.
Love through harassment; simply because; do you really want to know? Each answer had only added another layer of secrecy to the confusing confession. The more Yuuko had probed, the less she had learnt. Their undefined relationship remained unclarified and uncertain.
Why her? “Why me?” Why Yuuko?
Because of her boldness? Because of her passion? Because of her guts? Because she was actually very cute when furious? “Something like that,” maybe?
Natsuki had tried to figure it out at the repeated request, but each answer had sounded like an accusation to Yuuko’s ears. Not as lies, but as words which could easily be misconstrued as flaws.
And Yuuko didn’t need the unacceptable reasons, she didn’t need to understand them, and she didn’t need to try to understand her own feelings on the matter, either. At least, that was what she had told herself, hesitantly, without speaking.
Why did her heart beat faster at the possibility of it all being true? Why couldn’t she simply ignore her presence? Why did she still seek her out? Why did she have to deal with it all? Why did it fall on her to do such a thing?
Why now?
Natsuki had taken her teasing too far. She had said that it was all due to her love with too much intensity in her gaze and too much affection in her voice. And Yuuko had known it must have been said by accident before the meaning of it had dawned upon Natsuki, and she had known that it hadn’t been merely a joke this time. It had allowed for only one question, phrased differently and repeated ad nauseam.
“Why not?” wouldn’t do for an answer, and deep down Natsuki must have known that Yuuko wouldn’t settle for it. She had tired of the frustration of dealing with forced affections from Natsuki and funny looks from their fellow band members. She had tired of not knowing what to take seriously and what she could take to heart. She had tired of letting Natsuki get away with fooling around at the expense of both of their feelings. She had gotten fed up with wondering what made her special, all on her own.
Because she didn’t shy away from facing authority? Because she didn’t shy away from speaking her mind? Because she didn’t really shy away from Natsuki, either? Because sometimes she would blush shyly? “Because of something like that,” then?
Yuuko hadn’t been satisfied until Natsuki’s vocabulary had been drained, yet by the end of it, the answer she finally got was as inane and genuine as the first one. It was as pure and significant as the spontaneous answer which had started it all, because, like all the others, it had been synonymous with it.
Yuuko had huffed herself up, glared in defiance of the world, stared into Natsuki’s eyes without cowering despite the short distance between their lips.
She had asked: “Why do you like me?” and had been answered: “Because I can’t think of a reason why I wouldn’t.” Wondering, private and understated, this meeting of lips described their love.