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The butterflies in Taesan's stomach couldn't stop fluttering. The caress of their wings sent an electrifying wave of tingles all the way to the tips of his toes. The corners of his lips seemed to have a mind of their own, and kept curling upwards against his will as he recounted what had happened just a couple of hours ago.
The gelid fingers of terror had barely started curling around his ribcage when Lee Han's face broke into the most blinding of smiles as he echoed Taesan's (impulsive, accidental) confession and melted the fear away with its warmth.
"I love him."
The words had slipped and come tumbling out of his mouth before he had had a chance to collect his thoughts. Instinctive truth was always faster than pride, and he'd been on auto-pilot, his back against a wall and the edge of his members words trying to goad him into losing pressed to his neck.
Taesan's expression, schooled into one of absolute composure despite the panic spreading like wildfire through his veins, had shifted at once at Lee Han's reaction. The muscles of his face loosened into an easy grin, a perfect reflection of Lee Han's own.
The rest of the shoot Taesan couldn't recall much about. His brain had gone haywire, his focus out the window along with what he felt were the remains of his sanity. One thing he could say, though. It had felt endless.
During the drive home, the members had known better than to be snide, and push Taesan's buttons –a gesture he was very much thankful for. Despite that, they had yet to learn the art of subtlety, as their glances were far from discreet. Lee Han didn't act any different from his usual self, either, which soothed the embers of Taesan's anxiety.
There, in the backseat of the van, the piled up exhaustion of a long day and the gentle clatter of the vehicle, lured Taesan to a brief sleep.
Only a few minutes later, he was woken up by Jaehyun's own drowsy voice and a delicate hand on his shoulder.
When he got off the car, the rest of the members had already rushed into the dorms, and only Lee Han was waiting for him. The late night breeze had the strands of his fringe swaying softly to its rhythm, getting tangled with his long eyelashes. Specks of light danced in his tired eyes, as he offered Taesan a beautiful smile.
"Shall we talk?"
Taesan nodded dumbly, at a loss for words as the already appeased worry came back to gnaw at his insides.
Lee Han began walking, and Taesan followed, falling into step right beside him. The walk was silent, and Taesan willed his brain to help him collect his jumbled thoughts quickly enough.
Their hands brushed, just a shy graze of their knuckles, but Taesan felt his nerves spark to life at its wake. He wished he could muster the courage to lock their fingers together. But not yet. Not before they talked this out.
Their quiet stroll had the small green area located a few streets away from their apartment building as its final destination. The place was deserted –it was 12am on a weekday, after all– and only scarcely illuminated by the yellow glimmer of the streetlights.
They sat on the nearest bench. The wooden planks were cool against the thin fabric of their pants, and Taesan was glad for the fleeting shift of his attention. He didn't know where to start, or what to say, now that he was face to face with reality. Words flowed much more easily when he was in front of a screen, writing lyrics.
"I meant it," is what he managed to get out, barely above a whisper.
"I know," Lee Han sounded calm, and even his words were tinged with the sweet taste of a smile. His eyes were on Taesan's, tender and steady.
Taesan held his breath.
"I love you too, for the record."
The weight of the wave of emotions that washed over Taesan was almost crushing, the noise of it so loud in his ears. His face must have been a poem, because Lee Han laughed, endeared, and let him have a moment.
Taesan exhaled shakily, as he felt his anxiety trickle down the drain, drop by drop, until there wasn't any left. Laughter bubbled out of him in a spurt, pure exhilaration.
"Can I kiss you?" he finally asked.
"I thought you'd never ask."
When their lips met, it felt like finally coming home, to the cosy warmth of a crackling fireplace. Lee Han's mouth was soft and plush against his and tasted so distinctly of the gummy bears he had been eating on set earlier. Taesan wouldn't have minded drowning in it.
His hand timidly inched closer to where Lee Han's was resting on the bench, between their thighs. Nimble fingers laced together in a perfect lock, as if their hands had been made to fit in all the right places.
A content grin was plastered on Taesan's face after the kiss, and he swore he could feel every fiber in his body sing with joy.
"I love you," he said for the second time that day. This time, though, it was on his own terms, and with a conviction so firm it felt like stating a universal truth.