Work Text:
"I love you, Dad."
Those strings of words usually invoke warmer, softer feelings for the receiver. It’s a vulnerable phrase that takes root in the recipient’s heart. It’s a gift for both parties. This was usually true for Wade and Ellie, a pair that often traded “I love you’s,”. Though, this time, it felt different. The phrase was bitter. It’s a sudden, cold, chilling breeze in a heat-conditioned room. It even froze Wade, for a mere second.
For only a second, though. In his mind, there’s no time to waste.
Wade continues rummaging through the room Ellie took refuge in while staying with him, looking for her things. He hurriedly stuffed all her belongings in a bag, since she absolutely refused to do it herself. Ellie silently stood in the corner with her arms crossed. Wade could feel her gaze pierce through his back.
He doesn’t look towards her or stop what he’s doing, but he finally decides to respond.
“You can’t guilt-trip me, so you might as well drop the attitude. Your teenage angst can’t phase me.” He says, succinctly. “You’re going back to the Prestons. This was a mistake on my end.” He shakes his head as he barely manages to zip her bag up. The bag is overfilled and there are still some things sticking out of it. He turns around and suddenly relinquishes his hold, tossing the bag to her. Ellie instinctually catches the bag and now Wade can feel the full force of the scowl she’s giving him.
“I should’ve sent you back the moment you fell out of the sky.”
Wade swallows.
“And I’m sorry.”
As if she had lost all tolerance, she instantly dropped her bag on the floor and crossed her arms a second time. Wade childishly groaned in response.
“I can heal now,” She says. “Just like you.”
Wade picked up her bag from the ground and threw it over his shoulder. “Yeah, that’s one of the reasons you have to go. Healing factors are a trendy item these days. Anybody will do anything to get their hands on one. I would know. Try waking up with missing organs. It’s violating – and not in a fun way.” He grabbed Ellie’s wrist and began to forcefully pull her out the door — but it proved to be more difficult than it used to be. Courtesy of her newly acquired powers.
“I’ll find you again.” She bites.
Those words so stubbornly tug on his consciousness. His heart aches, aches, and aches.
“I’ll make sure that you don’t.” He bites back.
With that remark, Ellie snatches her wrist from Wade’s grasp and looks up into the whites of his mask. “So you’re just leaving again? And that’s it?”
Her tone is fierce and demanding. Wade gets why she’s acting out, but there are things out there that are larger than her. Larger than the both of them. Deadpool was never cut out for this parenting business, but the Prestons are. He loves Ellie more than anything in this life, but he’s just playing house. He’s never going to be the father of the year. A ruthless, violent, mercenary’s hands could never be nurturing.
He really is sorry. She didn’t ask to be born or have such a mess of a father. She deserves a lot better than whatever this is. His heart aches some more.
“It’s for the best, Elz,” Wade smiles wanly under the mask. “You’ll get it when you’re older. Just trust me.”
“How am I supposed to trust you?!” Ellie snaps, raising her voice. “How do you know what’s best for me?!”
Wade is taken aback by her sudden outburst. A suitable parent would de-escalate the situation, and not say something stupid like,
“I’m trying to keep you safe, and this is the thanks I get! Because I’m your father, duh! Or did you conveniently forget that?” He says, way way louder than he wanted to. He’s never talked to her like that before. Whatever comes next, he figures he deserves it.
“Well, you don’t act like one! You always leave me and I never hear from you for years! It’s not that I “conveniently” forget! It’s that you only wanna be my father when it’s “convenient” for you!” Ellie retorts. It’s in the same tone and volume, but it’s not angry in the same way Wade’s outburst was. It sounds more like a plea. Like she’s begging to be heard.
The breeze returns, and it stays. The room goes cold. Silent. Intense. It’s reminiscent of one of Deadpool’s stealth missions. They don’t break eye contact until Wade catches a small glimpse of what might’ve been tears forming in his daughter’s eyes. That’s when Ellie sharply looks away and throws herself onto the bed. She slumps, putting her elbows on her knees, and looks to the floor.
“Sorry,” She begins, but she seems to hesitate. Wade intercepts her.
“You’re pissed off, and that’s fine. I get it.”
“You don’t, though,” Ellie continues. “Dad, all I want is to be closer to you. I want to understand you. I barely know anything about you, and you barely know me.” She redirects her gaze towards her father once more. “I thought that – we were finally doing something about that. I guess not.”
Her tone is so bitter. It cuts Wade deeper than any blade he’s been stabbed with.
“You know... I’ve been keeping tabs on you, even when I wasn’t there. I know like, everything about you.” He says, in a futile attempt to salvage the mood.
“What’s my favorite color?”
“Urm.” Wade scratches the leather mask on his head with his finger. “Red.” He confidently answers, but he’s immediately shot down.
“It’s pink.”
“Close enough. They’re practically the same color, anyway.” He walks over to her and sits next to her on the bed. “But, I see your point.”
He thinks back to what Nathan said to him. He’s been avoiding this for so long, but he supposes it’s finally time to take responsibility. He shivers at the thought of the word. Hopefully this isn’t turning into a Spider-Man story. It’s like his frontal lobe is developing. Only a couple decades late.
“Alright, kid. Well, here’s the chance you’ve been waiting for. What do you wanna know?”
Ellie tilted her head in question and raised her eyebrows.
“You can ask me anything.”
“Anything?” Her eyes widened.
“Anything.”
Ellie clasps her hands and lets out a hearty sigh with a small smile. This will be an aberration of sorts for Wade – this will probably open doors that he doesn’t want to open. But he owes this to her. And maybe they’ll come out as father and daughter by the end of it.
“My mom,” She starts, and Wade instantly regrets everything. He knew that was coming and yet his blood still ran cold. If she knew the full extent of what happened, she probably wouldn’t even want to know him any further. But he can’t go back now. That would probably be for the best anyway, he decides. With that, his panic settles.
“I’ve come to know my mom through stories from my abuela, but she never mentions you. How did you and my mom meet? How did you decide to have.. me.”
Wade slides his hand down his mask. It’s a weird, nothing-burger of a story and he hates that. But he’ll be as authentic as possible.
“Err – do you know what a hookup is?”
Ellie blinks. “Yeah Dad,” She says, flatly. “I’m fourteen.”
He exhales in relief. “Okay! Good! No “talks”. This doesn’t have to be any more awkward than it needs to be.”
He proceeds. “The truth is I didn’t really know her all too well. It was a hostage situation. Your mother thought her life was over, so she wanted to spend those last moments loving. And your mother was very beautiful and alluring. How could I possibly refuse?”
Ellie makes a face. “You’re weird.”
Wade laughs fondly. “You knew that already. Anyway, now you’re here! My lovely daughter!”
Ellie smiles and taps her thumbs together. “So, what happened after that?”
“We were rescued, she saw my face, it scared her, and she ran off screaming.”
Ellie covers her mouth, obviously trying not to laugh. “She didn’t see your face while you were–”
“Nope,” Wade interrupts. “Kept the mask on. I figured something like that might happen. I’m not exactly winning in the looks department. Obviously, the ladies love me for my charming personality.” He says, clearly grinning through the mask.
Ellie giggled and leaned towards him, resting her head on his arm. “Well, she’s dead. Who cares what she thought?” She shrugged.
Wade gasped and covered his mouth area. “Ellie!” He hissed in disbelief.
“What?” She states innocently. “It’s true!”
They both shared a laugh before Ellie collected herself to ask another question. “Okay, here’s another one that’s been plaguing me. How did.. my mom.. die?”
The heartaches are back. Wade is certain he’ll have some sort of heart attack. Maybe he will. He'll die for a short period of time, and then he’ll have a way of getting out of this.
The heart attack never comes.
“It was my fault,” He forces out after a long silence. He slumps as he puts his head in his hands. “I honestly don’t even know how to begin explaining that story. Basically, these bad guys were after me. They were trying to get to me through her. That’s how you ended up with that old guy, he was the brother of the guy organizing the whole thing.”
Wade stiffens.
“I killed her.”
Ellie tilts her body toward to look Wade in the face. “I don’t get it. How was it your fault? How is it your problem if people target you?”
She doesn’t hate him. He wants her to, but he’s simultaneously glad she doesn’t. Part of him wants to keep that admiration she has for him. But she should. Why doesn’t she hate him? He’s reckless, he’s a murderer, he’s a deadbeat. She should.
He weakly chokes out an answer. “I don’t know.”
“Exactly,” Ellie states so matter-of-factly. “Okay, next question.” Her voice sounded bleak, with a tinge of desperation.
“Dad, what’s the real reason you leave so often? You keep saying that you love me, but you’ve always shut me out. You even... erased me from your memories… why?” She asks, her voice cracking. It’s enough to tear through Wade’s sensitive skin.
“Is it because... I was forced upon you? You don’t want me around? You can be honest. I can take it.”
Wade’s ears catch faint sniffles and he looks down to see tears coming from Ellie’s eyes. This is exactly what he wanted to avoid. Hurting her. He’s made her cry way more times than a father ever should. But he’d be hurting her more by deflecting. Running away. Fathers need to be able to handle these uncomfortable conversations.
“Sorry– I don’t know why I’m– the tears just came out–” Ellie tries.
Wade turns his body towards her and takes off his mask, tossing it across the bed. He wipes the tears that fall from her face. Understanding is clicking into his head, piece by piece.
“Eleanor, I know this is a mantra all parents repeat, but I really mean it: You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You’re beautiful, you’re smart, you’re kind… You’re everything I’m not. When I first laid eyes on you, I thought Carm was trying to scam me. How can something so beautiful come from me? Sometimes, I still wonder if you’re actually mine. Then you show how stubborn and hard-headed you actually are and then there’s no room for doubt.”
Ellie giggles and the tears have let up a little. At last, tension is starting to leave the room.
“You were…. a surprise. That’s for sure. But I never cut you off because I didn’t want you around. I’m not a man you should want as your father. My life is dangerous. I was never really suited for fatherhood. Also, you’re a young mutant girl. The world isn’t kind to people like you. I would’ve brought unwanted company into your life. I wanted you to have a better shot at life than I did. I erased you because I thought that it’d do good by you. But I wound up hurting you more. I guess you can only run from your responsibilities for so long.”
Wade led Ellie into an embrace and squeezed her so, so tightly.
“I’m sorry, Ellie-belly. I really did want to stay with you. I tried to be better for you. But, no matter what I did, the results seemed disastrous. I guess I did give up on you. And I’m sorry.”
They continue on like that. Wade obediently answers all her questions. And in turn, Ellie shares some things about her. She was right, he really didn’t know her as well as he thought he did.
From now on, he wants to be better. Yes, he’s had that revelation a couple times, but this time, he’ll actually commit. He owes it to her. Maybe he wasn’t there for all the pivotal moments a parent should be. He didn’t see her take her first steps. He didn’t hear what her first words were. He didn’t see her off to her first days of school. He missed most of her birthdays.
But she still has plenty of growing up left to do. And he’ll be damned if he missed it.
He stood up and got his phone out.
“You’re not taking me back to the Prestons?”
“No,” Wade starts. “I think we can find a better way to do this.” He understands the risks of keeping her with him. But fatherhood unfortunately comes with risks and sacrifices. It’s his responsibility. And yes, he’s just as tired of that word as you are.
“I’m letting your other mom know you’re okay. I’m also calling up some friends.”
Ellie’s eyes light up. “Who? Cable? Spider-Man? Wolverine? Both of the Wolverines?”
Wade laughs lightly. “Maybe. We’ll see. But, we can’t stay here. We gotta move. Stick by me or Princess. Don’t do anything crazy.”
A wide smile splits across Ellie’s face. Wade loves seeing her smile.
He then hears a very familiar string of words. These words are warm and soft. A gift that takes root inside Wade’s chest. He'll cherish it forever.
“I love you, Dad.”