Work Text:
With the soft click of his keys, Chiaki opened the door of his temporary apartment. He had been staying here ever since he had started all his television work after graduation.
"Hard work today! I'm glad to finally get some rest!" Chiaki exclaimed to himself, it had become a new normal for him to come home to a completely empty room.
No unit mates to visit him, and no other friends to drop by either. But it made sense, especially since he was always out anyway. After getting changed into something more comfortable, Chiaki slid into bed and let out a quiet sigh.
He stared at the ceiling and began to wonder to himself. When was the last time he had ever had a break like this? Too long, he assumed and he couldn't figure out why. Taking time to yourself is good for you from time to time, even someone as social as him knew that. Maybe it was because he was having so much fun at work, no, he shook his head to himself.
That couldn't be further from the truth, in fact he had voiced it a few times that he had grown weary from working so much in such a boring way. Filming action movies was not all he figured it would be... but he couldn't say he was ungrateful for the opportunity either.
After a while of sitting in silence, he felt a pain slowly creep into his chest.
Ah. That was why he hadn't taken a break in a while.
Whether conscious or not Chiaki knew the busier he kept himself, the more he tended to forget what was worrying him. He sighed again, he was never really that great at dealing with his own emotions when they were this intense. Helping others was one thing, and he at least thought he was pretty good at lifting others into higher spirits. But those words he meant so much to other people always rang empty when he told them to himself.
At that moment, everything seemed to crash down at once and Chiaki felt his chest tighten even more. When did it start feeling like he was on fire? He stifled a whimper, even if nobody was there to hear him, he felt a bit embarrassed to be crying over something he couldn't even figure out.
He sniffled as he turned over to his side and then it came to him. He missed them, all of them, so badly. He put his face into his pillow. The juniors were probably busy with their new solo work apart from Ryuseitai, so he didn't think it would be right to reach out to them. He had already made it a personal mission to leave them alone unless they really needed him, but it never really seemed that they did.
And Kanata...
Chiaki buried himself further into his self inflicted isolation, he definitely didn't want to bother him. Especially not with something as trivial as 'I just miss you'. It seemed pathetic and he really hated that he couldn't just reach out after he had told others they should always do the same if they needed him.
"But they don't need me." He murmured. But that was okay wasn't it? He didn't have to be needed to be important to them, to the people who cared so much about him. He knew this was true, but it was harder to accept sometimes than it seemed.
It felt as if just a year ago he had everything he ever really wanted, and now he was left with nothing.
Nothing except an empty room and an even emptier feeling in his chest. Missing people would make anyone feel bad, but to Chiaki it felt like the worst thing in the world. His throat ached as he let out quiet cries, every part of his body felt like it was screaming with the same grief in his heart. He wished, he hoped, they needed him the same way he needed them.
After a long while the pains filled into a softer ache and his eyes stopped crying. This was always the worst part, Chiaki knew, when he was just too tired to hurt anymore. And all there was to do was lay there for a long while before slowly drifting into a restless sleep.
Tommorrow will be better.